Authors Note: Thank you to everyone for your support on this story, and I want to personally apologize for dropping this story for sometime. I've recently decided to get my foot in the door and start by writing at least three "chapters"/ excerpts for "To Save a Bella". I'm not sure how this chapter is, I have lots of ideas and have also reached out to others for help and would like to credit them too! I hope this chapter doesn't seem too rushed because I have a lot more ground to uncover about Beca and her father's "secret" and didn't want to fit it in in one chapter! So without further ado, here is a chapter to kick back off this story. I hope you enjoy it and please leave suggestions or reviews.
One more thing: I'd like to thank benannahollars47 for her creatively helpful suggestions and hope to use more in the future of this story! Thank you for your help, and follow her on instagram at the handle listed above: (benannahollars47) Thank you again, and please enjoy this story! Hopefully I'll be able to post regularly again!
Beca couldn't hear anything around her, not the noisy monitors, not her father's voice. She couldn't feel pain, not of the one of many nurses pushing on her stomach to make sure that everything was exiting her body as it should. Her mind, her thoughts, and her sight was fixed and only able to process one thing: Chloe holding her niece in the corner of the room, gently bouncing her up and down as she doted over her.
"Beca, you have a sister…" The same sentence rang, replaying through her fuzzy mind with detailed clarity.
Chloe hadn't acknowledged them, she was too busy falling head over heels with the three hour old infant, cooing at her and watching as she blew bubbles from her tiny pink lips. Aubrey would be there soon to visit, and would want a turn. But in that moment, Beca didn't want all that attention and presence in the room when she already felt like she was a boiling cauldron of postpartum hormones circling the drain.
At least that's what everyone would blame her reaction to the news on. Because apparently emotions weren't just emotions when you have a baby, but bubbling lava that could spew in any direction, and burn bridges and the ground beneath it in seconds. Beca had to be careful what she said next, analyzing her emotions, but she couldn't think clearly in the first place because she was feeling everything at once.
Beca's eyes began to tear with overwhelming sadness, her lips quivered in fear and anger simultaneously, and her clenched fists turned as white and flush as her face. She hadn't wanted to overreact, but she was going to.
"Dad…" She warned through clenched teeth before taking a breathe to calm the dramatics. "Giving birth was one of the most confusing and happy moments in my life and you're spending it trying to talk to me about an adoption that happened decades ago?"
Her father felt her words strike like a cobra and he instantly felt bad, realizing that what he thought was exciting news, news that he thought would bring peace to their family, actually upset her. Beca sounded like she had taken it the wrong way, like he was trying to talk about family adoption history to persuade her to give up Penelope. Like a piece of him wanted her to give the baby up. But why did it matter to him so much?
"Beca? Your friend is here to see you. Aubrey?" The nurse interrupts, sensing the tension.
The nurse looks to Beca for confirmation that they could come in, but when the room somehow got quieter, Beca's dad stepped out of the way, opting to give them their space.
"Beca, I'm not trying to persuade you. I just want you to feel peace and confidence in your decision."
"No, you want me to live out what you didn't have. You want me to feel your regrets as if my life is gonna just happen to mimic what yours was. I'm eighteen, dad. And I'm not you and mom. I didn't just jump into this, I thought about and I know I have the means and support from my friends, so I'm not looking for or needing yours."
Beca's words were cold and bitter, and she knew that she might regret it later. Maybe it was postpartum hormones or maybe a sick, deep part of her really meant it, but she didn't know what else to say. She didn't know how to feel, or how to comprehend that the last nine months she had met her sister without knowing, and if she had rejected Chloe's offer, she wouldn't be where she was right now. Life moved in a full circle, spinning so fast she didn't have time to blink before something new smacked her in the face.
"Beca," Chloe interjected, though she hadn't heard any of the commotion.
'Does Chloe know anything? Oh Gosh, what do I say? Do I say anything? What if she doesn't know or doesn't want to know? Well, I guess that makes the whole shower thing less awkward.'
Beca's mind spun out of control with images of the last nine months flashing before her, and sudden fear instilled in her body. Suddenly a lecture that her dad had given played in her mind, something about in life you made choices that affected your life. And Beca wondered if she had chosen to go left instead of right. Or what if she had gone right, had chose to make things work with Jesse, or didn't go with Chloe. It was the butterfly effect.
"This doesn't concern you, dad." Beca warned, a scowl on her face.
"It's okay, I'll catch up with you later. I've seemed to overstay my welcome." Dr. Mitchell turned to leave, brushing past Aubrey who was now standing in the door frame.
Beca was in tears, turning over on her side to face away from the door so Aubrey couldn't see her cry. She was pretty sure Aubrey hated her already, and she didn't want her to have something to hold over her head. But she wondered if Aubrey really hated her that much when she had opened her home to Beca (even though it was technically Chloe), and when she had literally had jumped in and offered to take Beca's hand through the C-Section when Chloe couldn't be there.
"Beca, it's gonna be okay. Postpartum hormones are totally normal and neither one of us are gonna look at you differently because of them. Being a mom means change, and you'll have to accept that not only your body went through a big change, but your life as well."
Chloe hands Penelope to Beca to cradle before scooting in beside her on the bed, pushing Beca's hair from her face and wiping Beca's tears away with her thumb. She hadn't intended to sound dismissive of Beca's actual feelings by blaming everything on her hormones, but she was now worried that Beca took it that way.
"Oh Honey, it's gonna be okay. We'll get through this together, whatever it is that you need to get you there."
In that moment, Beca tried to find comfort in her words, she tried to believe her. But she couldn't really concentrate on anything but the underlying problem of feeling different towards her. Not cold or distant like she was when they first met, but a different kind of uncomfortable, like meeting her all over again but this time with all the pieces of the puzzle together.
It was like she had sought out to find Chloe all over again without knowing why she was drawn to her, like a magnetic force. And when she finally met her, she felt like something clicked. Like when you meet someone and you feel like you already know them, like deja-vu. She didn't understand why she had felt a pull towards Chloe when all she wanted to do is follow her instincts and shut her out at first. But for whatever reason, Chloe had that personality that made anyone feel like they knew her like they already were family.
All this time it was God pushing them together, and the two sibling didn't know that they needed each other until then .
*June 7, 1990*
David and his girlfriend Julie hurried into the bathroom of his parent's bedroom, praying no one was going to come home early. Julie had managed to hide her pregnancy and keep in concealed under large clothing for months now, thankfully a smaller framed teen. She didn't know anything, the world was a scary place and she was barely sixteen, in no position to be a parent. So she and David agreed to figure it out for themselves, and after the baby's birth, would bring her to 'Safe Haven' at the hospital in downtown Atlanta.
It was crazy that she had managed to even make it to the nine month mark, surviving with only prenatals and no appointments. They couldn't afford it and they both knew their parents would disown them both because they came from poor families. David knew he couldn't go to college and Julie couldn't raise a baby on her own. So they decided together to give their child up for adoption, but without all the strings attached. They would drop the baby off, no questions asked.
"Daaaavvvid!" She screamed, hovering over the bathtub and feeling pressure intensify.
"We should really call someone, we need to get you help!"
"No!" She gasps in between words." We can't tell anyone because they'll take us to the hospital and what are we gonna tell my parents when they get the bill?"
"Julie, C'mon! We could be charged with murder if this child doesn't make it!" He rationalized, trying to reason with the distressed girl.
She wasn't thinking clearly, none of this was well thought out. They thought that if she went into labor on her own that they could give birth somewhere outside of the hospital and still be okay. Women did it all the time, she told him. Teen girls were giving birth in high school bathrooms and leaving the babies in their. They were at least bringing the baby somewhere safe. They at least had the sense to protect the child and not necessarily abandon it. It wasn't exactly thought out wisely, but at least they had a plan.
Julie had spent months going to the library and checking out books about home births or emergency birthing, educating David on everything despite his persistent pleas to get help. But they weren't ready to survive on their own, and their parents would certainly never trust them again.
"Dav-iiiiid!" She screamed as the baby finally made its entrance into his cupped hands.
They glared at each other as blood flowed and the child alarmingly began wailing in his hands, and tension was thick. They froze, unsure what happened next because they knew something about 'after birth', but the didn't know how that would all work. They knew that they had to cut the baby from its lifeline, that they had to separate her from her mother and suck the gunk from her nose, but they didn't know how.
"Do we call an ambulance?" David asks in alarm and Julie frantically shakes her head, "C'mon Jules, you're bleeding a lot, shouldn't we at least…"
"No!" She interjects frantically, "Take us to your car. Pick me up, and carry us to the car!" She demands firmly and he shakes his head.
"Julie…" He plead.
"Take me. To your. Car!" She demands, taking the little girl from him and gesturing for him to pick her up as she continues breathing heavily.
She looks at the innocent little girl, a downy coat of strawberry blonde hair on top of her soft head. It broke their hearts that everything happened this way, two scared teens fell in love, made mistakes and now they had a child. It wasn't supposed to happen that way, or at least they hadn't wanted it to. She didn't deserve two immature parents who couldn't even have the guts to tell their parents, and did something that could have gotten them in a lot of trouble. They had no cover story, so hopefully no questions would be asked.
"Can I help you?" The desk lady, Rosie, had asked.
They had wrapped the baby in a bath towel and carried her on Julie's lap to the hospital. They weren't sure what they were going to do, but they knew they had to drop her off and flee. They weren't sure if they were going to go home or start a life together elsewhere. They were juniors in high school, they had no jobs, and no means to start fresh.
"Yeah, we found this baby outside, behind the dumpster." Julie replied and the desk lady raised a brow, instincts telling her to call social services.
"You're bleeding, Sweetie." She cooed and Julie only shook her head. "What's your name?"
"Julie Elizabeth." She replied coldly, not wanting to give her last name.
The nurse took her word for it and escorted them to a private room, where a social worker was called as well as a psychologist. They were assured that it was going to be okay, that they had done the right thing bringing the baby there, even if the steps leading up to it were quite unethical.
"We need you to tell the truth. You're not in trouble, but we want to understand why you did this. And whatever you say, stays between us."
Julie knew that there was patient-doctor confidentiality, but even so, what would her parents say when they got a bill from the hospital. She didn't know it yet, but she would tell them that she went on a bike ride with David and flipped over the handlebars and hit her privates on the handles. They prescribed her antibiotics because the delivery had been un-sterile, but she'd tell them it was for something related to the "accident". They would figure it all out.
"You guys can totally leave the baby here, no names on the birth certificate. That is completely up to you. But think about long term. You can try to forget this, but it might bring guilt later on if you decide this wasn't right. But wouldn't it bring you peace to leave here knowing that there's potential that you could see her again?"
The social worker sat across the room, in the plastic chair along the wall. She watched Julie pick at her nails, unsure that she really wanted anything to do with this baby. They had already done the baby wrong by not taking better care of Julie and the baby inside for nine months. But she also didn't want the baby to ever search for her and find her, to only find out that she wasn't wanted.
"I don't want her to find me, or us. She'll hate us." Julie protested firmly.
"I don't think so; She'll be thankful to you guys that you stuck around to see that she got adopted, instead of trusting that she'd get adopted but instead end up in an orphanage. You guys can pick the parents, feel good about your decision so that you'll feel less guilty." The psychologist added, agreeing.
The social worker sees hesitance on the teens' faces, and Julie's biggest concern went from getting caught by their parents' to the baby. They hadn't thought of the future, they had hoped the original plan would work and they could leave it behind without a trace. But they hadn't considered the feelings of everyone, and how everyone's life would be different no matter what.
"It's totally up to you. Do what you feel is best, we'll give you time to think about it." The social worker shuffles through her files to find what she was looking for. "She might not want to meet you, but it'll bring a lot a peace to everyone." Barb the social worker added.
"Really, because it sounds like you're trying to talk us into what you want." Julie snaps out of a place of fear. She didn't know it, but years down the line her daughter, Beca, would inherit that sass.
"She'll also benefit from knowing your name in case she decides to be screened for genetic diseases. She'll feel like she hasn't lost a piece of herself when she can explore a family tree and learn about you. And maybe she won't have a desire to meet you when she's older, or maybe she will. But you have no idea where you'll be in life at that point and no matter what you decide, hopefully it will be forgiveness." The psychologist reassured them.
Just then the nurse came back, pushing the baby in a plastic bassinet, and she was now wrapped in a hospital blanket, washed from all the blood. She pushed her to Julie who ignored her, waving her off with one hand and the nurse knew she should've just taken her to the nursery like regulations said.
"Why don't we give them some space?" The nurse who had just walked in with the baby from her tests, suggested as she began to take the baby back out.
They hadn't realized how big this decision was, and wouldn't until it would possibly happen, so when David Mitchell finally met his adopted daughter, it wasn't in circumstances that he'd see coming. He would feel angry, not towards Chloe, but himself and Beca for winding up in the same situation. Sadness, that he couldn't be that good father to her, but her sister, in which she had unknowing and wittingly met. And he was baffled at how God made life turn in a full circle.
Penelope had only been home for a few weeks, but Beca grew frustrated that she couldn't seem to nail a routine with her down. She hadn't spoken to her father in weeks, adding unneeded stress in her life, and she didn't know how to resume life as normal around Chloe. She tried to play it off like things didn't feel different, but she didn't know how long she could keep this facade. In about nine short months, Beca had made friends and gotten close to someone she hadn't known was actually her sister, and it it was unusually easy for Beca to open up to her. Every feeling was starting to both make sense and simultaneously put the last several months of Beca's life into question. But graciously she accepted Chloe and Aubrey's help.
Postpartum Depression hit Beca like a trainwreck and she needed Chloe in her life more than ever. It didn't matter if things were awkward, she had to eventually tell Chloe because this pent up guilt was no good, and it also didn't help that she was feeling it not only towards not telling Chloe, but also for no reason. She had days when she would get down on herself emotionally, and Chloe didn't know how to help other than to talk, but Beca was closed off.
Beca hated to say that she felt a little less guilty when Chloe was doing all things Bella's related, she felt uneasy. She wanted to shout it out to get it off her chest and would anxiously wait for her to get home, at the same time she would be dying for her to leave so that she could temporarily forget her troubles. But Chloe wasn't really the problem, she would never blame her for something that was out of her control, it was Beca's own contemplation on whether or not to tell her. Or should she leave that to her father?
One morning Beca shuffled to the kitchen, bouncing Penny on her shoulder as she screamed. Beca was waiting for her milk to defrost in the warm sink water, and was growing impatient as Penny only wailed in hunger harder and louder. Aubrey was grumpy because she had finals coming up for her senior exams, and Chloe was stressing over getting things prepared for the next season for the Bella's since she was not graduating.
"We're gonna try to get ahead of the game and start auditions early so we can get a practice schedule and start a Bella's training "bootcamp" over the summer." Chloe informed her as she shuffled through all the profiles of the girls expected to audition later that day.
"Who's gonna want to practice over the summer? Most kids go home for the summer." Beca reminds her.
"It's easy; We'll use incentive that the girls who attend my camp during the summer will have more solo's."
"So if a Bass, Vocal Percussionist, or beat boxer attend the most, you're gonna have them solo? Does that make sense?" Beca deadpans, trying to get her to contemplate her ideas more thoroughly.
"So maybe not everyone…" Chloe reconsiders, "But if we can get girls who can do both that would be ideal."
Chloe continues to shuffle through the files of the girls, reading their information and seeing what they were auditioning for in order to be more efficient and organized that year. The last year had been a flop, and Chloe worried that if they couldn't get enough that year, they'd be done with as an organization. She had to overall say in who joined and what parts they did, but she couldn't be picky.
"Would it really be a bad thing if you couldn't be a Bella this year? I mean, we have a lot on our plates already, and you should be worried about actually being able to graduate next year? You'll have less credits to worry about and will actually be able to focus."
Beca didn't understand why she didn't want to graduate, after all, it seemed like everyone was excited to get on with the next chapters of their lives. Chloe claimed that she didn't want to leave Beca alone, but Beca insisted that she would be fine. She couldn't continuing living there since she wasn't a student, but when Chloe finally did graduate, Beca could move in with her. She contradicted herself, but at the end of the day, Beca knew it was because her whole life seemed orientated around the Bella's.
"Aca-scuse me?!" Chloe snapped incredulously, sounding a bit like Aubrey.
"The Bella's will go to the ICCA's this year! This has been my life year after year and I'm determined to get a great group of girls that sing and get along well together! It's my dream, Beca, to be apart of something that is like family!"
Beca reached her hand in the sink with one hand, pulling the milk out and setting Penny in her swing so that she could make a bottle. Chloe reached down and pulled the swing closer so that she could help keep an eye on her while Beca prepared the bottle.
"We are your family, Chloe. Some more than others." Beca muttered the last part to herself and Chloe awed, not expecting something so gushy from an alt girl like Beca.
"You could always join the Bella's you know. You have great mixes Beca, you have just what we need to make the Bella's a fresh new, modern day, singing group. We need change, and you're just the one." Chloe encourages and Beca shakes her head.
It was midday, and Beca was shamelessly still in her blue flannel pajamas and wore her hair in a floppy, half-efforted done bun. It was sloppily thrown up in effort to hide the puke that Beca was too lazy to wash out of her hair for the third time that day. Being a mother meant something as simple as a shower went from being a chore to becoming a luxury. She didn't have time for extracurriculars like the Bella's, and besides, she wasn't even a student.
Beca couldn't join the Bella's, she just didn't have the time. Her priorities have changed since she had gotten pregnant, and now that Penny was there, she really had all her focus redirected on what felt more important. Being a mother was a challenge in itself, and she didn't realize how much it would change her or take a toll in her life. And now with the added stress of figuring out what her father had been hiding and why without actually talking to her dad was proving difficult. She had to open up eventually.
"You know I can't do that Chlo. The Bella's just aren't me." Beca insists, hoping she'll drop it.
"Please, come to the auditions with me. We don't start until September, and Penelope will be four months by then! You'll be able to join us and if you feel up to it, join in. But for now, you can just organize the numbers and make mash-ups."
"Chloe, I don't have the time-" Beca began to protest.
"Sure you do! You can bring Penny with you, and make mixes while she naps. It's be nothing. Just make mixes like you used to, then see where you want to go from there. We'd be more than happy to have you! Please Beca?"
Chloe's eyes beaded like a doe, the vibrant blues doing their puppy dog thing. Beca hated the pouty lip and shiny eyes because it was hard to say no. Chloe had that certain sunshiny disposition and enthusiastic spirit that Beca hated to crush, because even she had a heart. She couldn't say no, and wasn't sure anyone could because it would be like slapping a sweet puppy in the face.
"I don't know…" Beca mussed, pondering if she could, since she had been feeling extremely uneasy and her emotions were unpredictable.
"Just come to auditions, you don't have to decide anything today." Chloe reasoned and Beca finally caved.
"One time; But I don't want you breathing down my neck to make a decision, because then I'll for sure say no."
Chloe squealed, side hugging Beca as she bent down to give Penelope her bottle, picking her up and rocking her in her arms. The blue eyed, brown haired baby cooed softly in between gulps, her sweet little pursed lips looking as if she was smacking them with satisfaction.
Auditions started at four, because most of the college kids were at finals, however, there was a round of auditions for the incoming freshmen who wanted to come. Orientation wasn't until August, but she had talked the Dean into sending an informative letter promoting the auditions for a small fee. And those who couldn't make it could audition that fall, since the camp was optional. Maybe they'd want to attend and could audition there, but Chloe was desperate to get the best girls they could and make the most of the summer before the season official started that she could.
"Should we get you changed, little Missy?" Chloe finally asked when she was done eating, taking her from Beca's arms.
Chloe was so good with responsibilities that came with having a baby in the house. She took to Penelope like she was experiencing motherhood for the first time, and to be fair, Chloe was an amazing help, stepping up immediately to the plate. Beca had no doubt in her mind that keeping Penny was the best thing to happen to her, but she knew without the other girls, she couldn't do it on her own.
Chloe had insisted on helping her make it work it that was really what Beca had wanted or decided, and Beca took a leap of faith, trusting that they could do it. Chloe never pressured her to keep Penny, but was passionate about Beca carefully contemplating so.
She was an adoption advocate, as Beca would say, all because it was revealed to her when Beca was six months pregnant that Chloe's siblings were adopted, though she never talked about herself, and whether she was adopted or not. Did Chloe think she was the biological child, or just didn't feel like talking about her own past? Would it be better if Beca knew the information about her and told her it, or did she already know? What did Chloe know? She knew Chloe knew nothing about the adoption because she couldn't keep a secret, and would be ecstatic to be Beca's sibling.
Chloe was definitely oblivious, Beca's the ginger couldn't keep her excitement concealed over anything. She was more transparent than air, at least that's what Beca would joke. Her love for wanting to be a part of something like a family was in concealable, everyone knew that Chloe had love to share. Beca adored Chloe's openness and love for everyone, but worried about how easily Chloe gave parts of herself to others away, because she was afraid Chloe let herself get stepped on too easily.
"Ready to go, Chlo?" Beca anticipated, slinging the diaper bag over her shoulder, and setting down the carrier.
Chloe took off Penny's diaper to reveal a slippery mess poop running all the way up to the crease of the little infants neck. She gagged, slipping her nose into her shirt and reaching blindly for the wipes by brushing her hand across the carpet to feel for them.
"OOF…" Beca grunted inappropriately and Chloe shot her a look. "I've got this Chlo, if you want to go." Beca finally interjected, a sudden overwhelming sadness washing over her.
She didn't understand why tiny thing like looking at her daughter caused her to feel overwhelmed with guilt and sadness. She felt scared because now this little tiny being that God placed in her care was all dependent on her and whenever Beca felt like she had let her down, made Beca afraid. She feared that her daughter was gonna turned out messed up, or disciplined incorrectly.
What if she wasn't good enough, or what if she made a mistake that could screw up her daughter for life? She lived with the constant guilt that she wasn't good enough, yet she managed to look back and see that she had kept her child healthy and hopefully happy for almost a month now. Chloe would assure her that no matter how much you tried to do everything right, you could never be perfect. Motherhood was full of making mistakes and learning from them. It was bettering yourself for your children in order to make sure they were happy at the end of the day.
"Chloe, I've got this." She repeated, setting down the diaper bag and jumping in.
Chloe was startled by her sudden change of heart, but she didn't push Beca, knowing she was going through enough.
"Okay, call me if you need anything. I'll be at the lecture hall right at the square, and will try to make it home by eight at the latest."
"Go…" Beca insisted, wiping Penny and getting her ready for a bath in the sink.
She hadn't known what was going on with her fluctuating emotions, but she knew that she was too tired to actually give Penny a bath. Instead, she would prop herself up against the couch arm, Penny on her chest with a baby blanket over them, and would try to get a nap in whenever she could.
The best advice she was given was to sleep when the baby slept, because they had a long night ahead of them, and it wasn't fair to distract Chloe from studying. She needed to pass the finals, so she didn't fall behind. Little did she know Chloe had already taken a test and intentionally failed, so she could stay in the Bella's. Beca had thought that she was just taking on more credits and extending her degree. It was a stupid thing to do, and she would probably fall behind, but to Chloe, it was everything.
"Oh Peanut," Beca fussed over Penny who was now sleeping, "I wish everything was as simple as you had it." She felt her throat tighten and closed her eyes before tears could escape.