Love isn't logical

Kurotsuchi Mayuri was not a coward. He wouldn't be where he stood if he had been afraid of something. It took a strong mind to dare and go wherever others were too chicken to go. He had to be fearless to maintain his position as taicho of the 12th. So far, he had managed without a problem.

However, no self-control worked when his mind was turned off and his body reacted on its own accord. His vocal cords stopped functioning, but a certain piece of anatomy was coming to life like the monster of Frankenstein. He had to thank his mask, since it didn't show the expression on his face. But at that moment he was more concerned about what Soi Fong tiacho would do if she noticed.

To think, the reactions caused by simple proximity! He never, ever experienced something like this. He had worked with women countless times, his daughter mostly, and he had never reacted to any of them the same way. And now that little captain sitting on his chest was making his blood boil, then run cold in his veins, then boil all over again. And to make things worse, he was getting one hell of a boner in the middle of a room full of people. Damn, he would've thought his hormones would have some consideration about his public status!

"Kurotsuchi-taicho, how did you get down there?" she asked, looking at him with more curiosity than anger. Well, at least she hadn't noticed what was happening underneath her.

"I'm….fine…" he spat through his teeth and got up, desperately trying to conceal his state. Most people in the room had other things to care about, like getting Rukia and Ichigo out of cupboard where Zaraki's reiatsu had somehow swept them. But sadly, there were people who didn't miss things like this. People who weren't much taller than his waist, per instance.

"Hey, Yuri!" Yachiro squeaked "What's this in your hakama?"

Really, of all the things to say. Mayuri wondered if his face had burned the mask off yet. Isane and Kiyone, who were the closest, gave him weird looks, and Soi Fong still heard them. The mad scientist found himself in a great peril, and like most men did in such tight situations, he said the first thing that came to his mind.

"Lollipops. For an experiment." He spat out and immediately realized his mistake.

Yachiro's eyes went as big as plates and she looked down again. Then her little hellion face twisted into a five-million bucks grin.

"Let me have some, please, please, please!!" she chipped and jumped on his shoulder, while trying to get her hands into his pockets.

"No. They're for an experiment!"

"Big deal, you can get more later! I didn't know they made them so big!"

"I told you, they're not for you…" his mind was racing.

"WHY?! Give me one good reason why I can't have some or I'll make Ken chan take them from you."

"Those lollipops are not fit for shinigami consumption…yet. I'm developing them."

Yachiro gave him a puzzled look.

"So what? I've eaten a living lizard once, it can't be as bad, right?"

OH, my gods, Mayuri thought, why did she have to say 'lizard'? Then the light bulb blinked.

"They're…caramel flavor." He said, knowing that was her least favorite. Yachiro winced and got off his shoulder.

"Yuck, you're right, that sucks big time…" he shuddered, but then she turned to him again "Say, when you make some strawberry flavor, you'll let me try it, right?"

That was most DEFINITELY NOT a request.

"Um, yeah, sure…" he said, making a mental note to create some giant lollipops when he had the time.

He felt eyes burning the back of his neck and turned to see Soi Fong, looking at him curiously. Mayuri gulped-his body had calmed down a little, but she still seemed suspicious. Then she just shrugged and turned away.

He breathed. There was a pretty high chance that she wouldn't be fooled, but compared to the public embarrassment, that didn't seem too hash. And talking about embarrassment…the bile with the potion was still in his pocket, but he hadn't been sure about the fool he would give it to. However, now he was. Mayuri's eyes turned to Zaraki, who was standing in the corner, looking as if he hadn't gotten him into the riskiest situation he had been in years. Now it was payback time.

Mayuri turned to his 3rd seat.

"Oi, baldy!" he called

"Who are you calling baldy, you pansy ass…Oh, Kurotsuchi-taicho, it's you." Ikkaku blinked "What is it?"

"You captain seems a little on the stressed side." Mayuri said in a sweet voice "He's not having enough fighting lately?"

"Um, yeah…" Ikkaku said "He tries a lot, you know, but with that stupid ass course, he's been thinking too much, and he says he can't stand it, and neither do I, and…yeah, he's stressed."

"That won't be good for anyone." Mayuri said in a syrupy voice "I had the same problems too, but I discovered a solution." He took the bile out oh-so-casually and shook it in front of the blank gaze of Ikkaku "This liquid here helped me get over the stress. It had….miraculous effects."

"Really?" Ikkaku blinked "Can I have some for my captain?" maybe he could have a sip or two himself.

"Sure, why not. I'm thinking about giving it to everybody, so that we can go through this peril easily." He lied shamelessly, but it served Zaraki right, it would teach him to blow up. It would be interesting if his subordinates became from violent idiots into lovesick and violent idiots. "Mix this with a jug of sake and give him a cupful before dinner…"

Mayuri swung it to Ikkaku, who thanked him and walked away. The mad scientist waited until nobody was watching, then he grinned manically.

Ichigo and Rukia had been caught into the whirl produced by Zaraki's reiatsu, spun around the room and finally got themselves locked in a cupboard. There was no way out and they had to depend on their friends, who were working on the locks.

"I swear…" Rukia hissed as she was panting for air "If you could just keep your damn reiatsu sealed for one lousy little hour, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

"Oh, yeah, sure, blame this on me."

"Of course I'm blaming this on you! Zaraki aimed for the reiatsu that was sticking out the most, and-news flash-that was YOURS!"

"So you admit that I was the strongest in the room!" Ichigo yelled triumphantly

"I did not! If Nii-sama and the other captains didn't keep their reiatsus down to spare us the unnecessary illness caused by spirit pressure, you'd be the last Zaraki would pick!"

"Oh, so what does that make you? Perhaps you were the one with the least power in the room and you were easy to lift!" Hearing Byakuya's impassive voice suggest that he should try break the cabinet open with Senbonzakura, Ichigo decided it was time for a change of tone. "However, this FRUITLESS DISPUTE won't get us out, so I suggest we…er…start helping them. Yeah! Rukia, can you try and push the front door open?"

"Damn it, Ichigo, what do you think I've been doing until now?!"

"Arguing with me?"

"That was among other things." She rolled her eyes

"Listen, forget about who's stronger…"

"Wow, coming from you, that almost sounded like a…"

"Compliment? P-L-E-A-S-E! I'd rather criticize Ishida for his sewing. I'm just saying that we should help them get us put of here, 'cause by the looks of things, we'd be grandparents before this old cupboard rusts enough to break."

For a moment Rukia imagined the cupboard being carried to the Kuchiki estate where they could be surrounded by their loving families, and not a bunch of ignorant students. She pictured the piece of furniture being placed into the center of her room, and heard Ichigo's future self's voice saying: "Oi, Byakuya, sorry to interrupt, but we thought you should know that you've got a nephew."

"HEEELP!" She screamed "NII-SAMA! MATSUMOTO! NANAO! SOMEBODY, GET US OUT OF HERE!"

The cupboard idyll was settled by a few precise strikes by Ukitake taicho, that undid the locks of the drawer and released Ichigo and Rukia. Unohana taicho gave them both a check before saying that they'll be alright. She advised Rukia to leave her windows open for a while and assured her that Byakuya definitely wouldn't have let them stay in that closet to have kids.

Kyoraku was looking for his lieutenant. After the little explosion, he hadn't stopped doing that, but she was nowhere in sight. Ukitake came to join him, after successfully freeing his subordinate, and found himself in the role of a counselor for his poor friend.

"She's killing me, Juu-kun!" he whined as they were tracing her spiritual signature throughout the academy "She's shunning me out. What can I do to win my Nanao-chan if she avoids me like that?!"

"Perhaps she's got a good reason." They had just come over a corner, and they ran into Nemu, who was standing in the middle of the corridor with her head turned to her left, as if she had just been talking to somebody.

"Ah, Nemu-san…" Shunsui smiled "Do you know what's happening in my Nanao-chan's head?"

Nemu gave them a blank look and considered the question.

"Well, a number of complicated processes pass into a person's brain, such as…"

"Oh, never mind. Juu-kun, I'll go on ahead and try to catch up with her. You're coming over tonight, right? I can't drink without my buddy!"

He waved before he sunpo-ed away. Ukitake sighed and looked at Nemu.

"Kurotsuchi-san, if you don't mind me asking, what are you still doing here? Classes have been long over."

"Indeed. Mayuri-sama was in a hurry to leave, but I had to stay behind and discuss the next classes with Ise-fukitaicho and Matsumoto-fukutaicho."

"Oh? Have you seen Ise-san?"

"Yes. She was just making sure I ask you about something before running away from her captain."

"Ask me something? Why didn't you tell Shunsui that you saw Nanao-san?"

"He didn't ask."

"Yes, he did."

"No, he asked me if I knew what happened into her head and I said…"

"Oh, yes, right…" Ukitake blushed at his stupidity-with Kurotsuchi-san, things had to be made simple and plain, otherwise, you risked hearing things you really didn't want to hear. "So…what does she want you to ask me?"

"She knows that today, you and Kyoraku-taicho gather for an…informal meeting…and she wanted me to ask you if you could persuade him to help with the next lesson. It is about dancing, and Kyoraku-taicho is the best dancer in Seiretei, or so she says."

"Oh, I see…you want him to demonstrate the proper etiquette for dancing?"

"No, we want to use dancing as an example, but none of us knows how to dance. Ise-fukutaicho wants her captain to teach the steps of a waltz to one man and one woman, so that they can demonstrate in the next class." Since their respective divisions were practically next door, they were walking together under the blazing summer sun.

"Well, I'm sure Shun-kun wouldn't mind doing this at all, but…why doesn't she ask him herself? It would be a lot easier than having you and me deliver messages."

"Ise-fukutaicho doesn't seem to want her captain to know that it's on her request that he's doing it. She asked me to ask you that you make your request seem like something that came to your mind, and she doesn't want him to realize that it's her lesson that's coming up next."

"That's all well and good, Kurotsuchi-san, but why? Nanao-san and Shun-kun are captain and lieutenant. They share the same office, they fight, work and spend most of their time together. I don't see why she should feel uncomfortable asking him to do her this small favor."

"I did not understand either, Ukitake-taicho. But she seems to be avoiding her captain for a while now, so I presume she's angry at him again. It does not seem logical…"

"Yes, well….love can sometimes do this to you." Nemu's eyebrows quired in a questioning manner and Jushiro tried to explain "Nanao-san's actions aren't very logical because she's in love and she doesn't know how to deal with it."

"If I were in love I wouldn't run away." Nemu's blunt statement caught Ukitake so off guard that he lost balance for a second. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I…um…Why do you say that? I mean…she doesn't look like she's running."

"Then she is hiding from reality…" Nemu thought about it "From what I hear, love is a wonderful thing and you should get the most of it, but I suppose that is when your partner matches your requirements."

"Requirements?"

"Ise-fukutaicho has often expressed her displeasure in her captain's ways, but he doesn't show a want to change them for her sake, so they don't fit each-other's requirements and therefore-are not in love."

Ukitake shook his head, but he couldn't find the right words. The poor girl was a loss when it came to loving.

"Sometimes, it doesn't matter if the other person isn't the one from your dreams. Sometimes, we fall in love in the least likely person."

"But how does that happen? There is no logic."

"Love is…" Ukitake sighed "Sadly, love isn't about logic."

A/N-Ok, this chapter was very, very sick...that does it, this fic is just one step away from going to the M section...but how can I help it, it's got a life of its own. Anyway, it's up to you guys. Lemons, or no lemons...that is the question.