Chapter 10 – The next step

„Damn it, I'm gonna be late!" Kate swore as she checked her watch. It was 7.30 am and her flight was scheduled for 9 o'clock. She silently cursed herself for oversleeping and a part of her wished she hadn't had gone for drinks last night. She hadn't wanted to go at first but Claire had insisted she came since it was so difficult to get a babysitter for Aaron and due to the fact that Kate was about to go on holiday for 3 weeks. "I just can't miss that damn flight!" she firmly said to herself and searched her handbag for her keys."They gotta be…..damn it…..at last!" Kate exclaimed when she finally found them and hastily grabbed her coat and her suitcase and left the house. The taxi she had called was already waiting outside and the driver helped her with her suitcase. When she sat down on the backseat after what had seemed like an eternity of inconveniences she took a deep breath. She really needed a vacation. The last weeks had been a mere haze of to-dos. She'd had to get some papers from the registry, had gone to get her new passport, had worked long hours almost every day and additionally she'd been arranging her move to another part of town.

But Kate was trying to stuff all the stress into a far corner of her mind. She was going on holiday, for God's sake. She smiled at the memory of packing her suitcase. Claire and Aaron had been over and while Aaron had been sitting in front of the TV watching some cartoons Kate and Claire had been in the bedroom standing next to a bed with a huge pile of clothes on it. "I'm not gonna need this, Claire!" Kate had said determinedly and had hold up a lacey black shirt. Claire had smiled back at her mischievously and had took the item in question from Kate's hands and had stuffed it into the suitcase. Now Kate was fully grinning at the memory and noticed the taxi driver's eyes on her. "Where are you going, sweetheart?" the elderly and friendly looking man asked kindly. Kate smiled at him and answered: "Tuscany" Kate said gently. The taxi driver smiled back at her and nodded: "Italy, always wanted to go". They left it at that because they were already close to the airport and Kate was getting a little nervous. This was going to be her very first holiday in years, the first since she had come back from the island. Kate remembered the day they had been rescued. After a few hours of turmoil she'd found herself on a freighter to Fidji fearing what was coming. She'd been sure she would have to go to jail as soon as she set foot on American soil.

But they had been quite lenient with her. There had been a hearing but due to the fact that her mother wasn't coherent and since the judges had thought the traumatic island experience should be seen as some sort of punishment they had let her go. Kate had gotten a second chance and she'd done everything to make use of it. She'd gone back to college to get a degree in marketing and now she was working at an advertising agency and just loved her job. She finally belonged somewhere and had people around her to support her. Claire had moved to the US as well and seeing Aaron grow up made Kate smile every time she thought about how she had played midwife that one day in the jungle. Kate suddenly found herself wanting things she'd never thought possible. Having a family, having kids, being married, having a house with a garden and a white picket fence. And a holiday was yet another step towards the life a little 12 year old Kate had always been dreaming about.

When Sawyer woke up he found Kate gone. He remembered holding her in his arms the night before and realized the cold that her absence caused. Where the hell is she, he asked himself and sat up. Sawyer ran his hand through his hair and looked around. Nothing around him reminded him of Kate's presence and this fact somehow made Sawyer sad. He knew he wanted her, he even knew that he loved her even if he didn't really get how and why and when that had happened but he'd never thought he would miss the feel of her around. A few clothes of her, maybe the stupid toy plane she was always looking at, her shoes, simple things, but Sawyer knew if only one of these items was around, he would feel better. He knew he would feel home. He couldn't fathom why he had wanted to leave her. He still thought that he would hurt her probably sooner than later but he simply wasn't ready to let the feelings she caused go. She made him whole. For years his life had been a vendetta, a desperate journey towards irrevocable damnation. Sawyer remembered his life a torment. When his parents had died he moved from one foster home to the next and he grew up to be a cynic and cold man that conned people and didn't give a shit about how they felt. His only aim in life was to find the real Sawyer and eliminate him. All his life he'd been sure it would make him feel better and take the weight from his shoulders.

But ever since he had met Kate the thoughts of revenge and anger had subsided. They had gradually disappeared and thinking about it now he realized they had gone altogether. He didn't care if he ever got his revenge if only Kate was there. The realization of these feelings made him somewhat uneasy though. Back when he was 8 years old he had been dependant on his parents, on their love and all of a sudden it had ceased to be, they had ceased to be. He could clearly recall the emptiness he had felt back then, the pain that had been his constant companion. Sawyer sighed. Was he ready for this? Was he ready for relying on someone again, ready for loving someone again only knowing one day it would be over for whatever reason? Sawyer clenched his jaw and closed his eyes. He didn't know. He wanted Kate close but he didn't know if he could not even regarding the fact that he was most probably bound to destroy her life sooner or later. He needed to think. He needed time to think and find out what mattered more so he got up, grabbed a bottle of water and his backpack and headed for a remote part of the beach.

When Kate had woken up Sawyer had still been sound asleep. He'd had his arm around her and had her back close to his chest. His head had rested on top of hers and his hand had been on her flat stomach. She had gently freed herself from his touch, had gotten up and had left the tent. She needed to think about it. About Sawyer, about what had happened, about their future, if they had one. So she had walked over to her tent to get something to drink and her backpack and had headed for the jungle. She was now sitting on the damp ground, her head rested against a heavy tree trunk, her eyes closed. She knew the picture might look peaceful, soothing even, but inside everything was stirring. She hadn't told him she loved him the night before but she was damn sure he knew. And even though he hadn't said it clearly either and had avoided to answer her direct questions he had said it in his own way. Kate didn't know what to make out of it, though. She knew she loved him but she also knew that if they ever got rescued her real life wouldn't allow her to lead the white picket-fence life every girl was dreaming about.

Her real life. Kate sighed at the thought. Back in the real world she was a wanted fugitive. She was on the run and if it hadn't been for the crash she would probably be in a prison cell right now. What could she offer Sawyer except for writing letters and monthly visits at the state pen? He'd think it would be too difficult and he would turn his back and walk away. She would be a burden to him and being a burden was the last thing she wanted to be. But what exactly did she want? She wanted him to hold her at night, to kiss her good morning, she wanted him to tease her when she was deliberately being difficult, she wanted him to fuck her senseless every night and every morning and every moment in between, she wanted to marry him, wanted little blond blue eyed kids with him and wanted him to grow old with her. But how much of this could she actually have? How much of it was even remotely likely to happen? She shouldn't have called him back in Australia, she should've left it at what had happened before they boarded the flight and on it. Maybe then they would not have ended up on the same damn plane and everything would be a hell of a lot easier right now. But easier didn't necessarily mean better.

Around midday Kate decided to head back to the beach. She was getting quite hungry and she hadn't really found a solution to her little plight so she thought maybe a little diversion might help her clear her head. She wasn't afraid of meeting Sawyer on the beach since he either would still be asleep or chopping wood like mad. She knew him a lot better than sitting around and brooding over something, he just wasn't the type. He was a doer not a thinker. When she got back to the beach she found Sun in the makeshift kitchen slicing some fruit. "Hey, Sun" Kate said friendly and the little Korean woman instantly smiled back affectionately. "Hello Kate, where have you been? I haven't seen you in a while, we were getting worried!" Kate tried to avoid her inquisitive gaze but found herself unable to do so. Sun had always been kind and helpful and she was one of the few people she now counted as friends. "I was….you know….away, had to think about something" Kate stammered and found Sun grin knowingly.

"And what have you decided, Kate?" Sun wanted to know. Kate looked at her, her dark brown eyes all kindness and care and she sighed and shook her head. "I don't know Sun, I have a real life off the island, you all know that I'm going to jail the minute I get off the island. What good is it for making promises that I can't keep?" Sun heard the desperation in Kate's voice and understood her situation only too well. "You know, Kate, there was a time when I was about to give Jin up. I had already planned everything to leave him and at the time it seemed the best thing I could choose to do. But I didn't go, I didn't leave Jin and now we're here and I'm so happy that I didn't do it!" Sun shot Kate a wide and happy smile and Kate dared to ask what she already knew the answer for. "Why didn't you leave him?" she asked softly yet a bit shaky. Sun smiled at her again. "Because I love him, Kate. And when you truly love someone, you forget your fears and insecurities and fight for only 1 minute of happiness with the person you love." Kate suddenly realized that Sun was right. She loved Sawyer and damn it if that wasn't enough.

After several hours of sitting under a palm tree on the empty beach, after two boring swims in the ocean and a whole bottle of water later Sawyer still couldn't figure it out. He was lost on an island in the South Pacific with the most beautiful yet unbearable headstrong woman he'd ever laid eyes on and couldn't figure it out? They should be having lots of sex and babies and live in a tree house like the family Robinson. What kind of cosmic joke was that exactly, huh? He had even tried a pro and contra list. The pros were most evident, she was beautiful, sensitive and sensual, she could turn his brain to mush, the heat of her body was almost always too much to take and she made him happy as hell. The cons however couldn't be denied, either. She was a fugitive and would most likely go to jail, she was headstrong and a tomboy, she was belligerent and mischievous. He loved her. Sawyer found himself unable to determine whether that was a pro or a con. It would only do harm, to both of them. But. The "but" always came up. Whatever solution Sawyer reached there was always a "but I do love her". Damn it, talking about brain turning to mush here.

Around midday Locke came Sawyer's way. The bald hunter was up to one of his mysterious missions, maybe talking to the island or something, but Sawyer didn't really care. Locke however stopped when he reached Sawyer and handed him a mango. "Thought you might be hungry, James" he said dryly and smiled at the Southerner. Sawyer just looked up at him and had his full mocking self on in no second. "The hell you care about my nutrition Mr. Clean?" Locke understood Sawyer's way of saying thanks and sat down beside him. "Seems to be the day for big thinking, am I right?" Locke said. Sawyer turned to him, a questioning look on his face. "Saw someone else head into the jungle this morning with a stern look and a creased brow" Locke answered matter-of-factly. Sawyer instantly knew that the older guy was referring to Kate. Maybe he could get something out of Baldie. "She looked angry?" he wanted to know. Locke's grin just grew wider. "Let me tell you something, Sawyer. A few years ago I was in love with a woman called Helen. She was beautiful and funny and back then I couldn't believe someone like her would like to be with someone like me. She moved in with me and I even wanted to ask her to marry me but when the time came and I had to make the decision between her and the one thing that has been driving me for years, the one person that had destroyed who I was and had exploited me like I wasn't of any further value, when I had to make that decision, I made the wrong one. When she asked me to believe in us and to forget my past, when she asked me to choose her over him I didn't do it. I wanted closure and answers and I drove her away." When Locke finished Sawyer was looking very stern and serious. The older man got up, patted Sawyer on his shoulder and made his way towards the further end of the island. After a few feet however, he stopped, turned around and said: "You want my advice, Sawyer? Never choose your past over your future" and with these words he finally left.

"Jungle Wonderland not worth staying the night, Freckles?" Sawyer said with a grin as he walked into his tent. Kate was sitting on his makeshift bed her knees tugged to her chest and smiled up at him as he came in. "Heard they had changed the Southern Pervert show to another venue, wouldn't wanna miss that for the world!" she said with a smile on her face. Sawyer ran his hand through his hair and stepped a few inches closer. He looked into her green eyes and never looked away as she got up. Kate stood as close as possible to him so that their noses were mere inches apart. For a few brief moments neither said anything, they just looked into each other's eyes hoping to see what the other was thinking.

"I love you, Sawyer" Kate said softly never breaking the look they were sharing. "Hell, Freckles, love you, too" Sawyer finally admitted. This is truth time, Kate thought and began to speak again. "I'm a fugitive, when we get rescued I'll most probably got to jail, Sawyer". Sawyer only nodded, if he ever was going to talk about it all truthfully, this was the moment he should force his sorry ass to speak. "I don't know if I can do this, Kate, I'm a freaking con man, I lie and cheat as a profession and I have a vendetta going for the man who killed my parents". It was Kate's turn to nod. "I run every time I'm scared or have the feeling someone gets on to me" she said and Sawyer grabbed the small of her back and held her close. "Don't run from me, Freckles" "Don't lie to me, Sawyer". And with these last words Sawyer finally lowered his head and kissed her. At first it was soft and tender but as the seconds passed the kiss became more demanding and more passionate. Sawyer wanted to show her how much he loved her. He wasn't really the type for valentine cards and stuffed bears and flowers but he understood body language. Kate enjoyed the warm feel of his body so close to hers again. She pressed her hips against his as Sawyer ran his hand softly under her tank and teased the naked skin of her back.

Sawyer broke the kiss and began to kiss a trail from Kate's lips over her cheeks, towards her ears and down her neck. "God, I love you Freckles…" Sawyer moaned against her ear and he smiled inwardly. Once out he had the feeling he needed to say it all the time. He loved her like mad and at last he wasn't afraid of telling her anymore. Kate finally started to move and moved her hands to the top button of his shirt and started to unbutton it. Sawyer lifted his head again and looked at her while she was doing it. She was so damn beautiful he was awed and a part of him never wanted to look away again. Kate noticed his stare and smiled at him seductively. "Can you do me a favor, Sawyer? Make love to me…"

Kate's simple and yet meaningful words undid him. He quickly wriggled out of his shirt and pulled her tank above her head. In no time he had her bra unhooked and her pants unzipped. Kate in the meantime unbuckled his belt and unzipped his denims. Since his pants were always a tad to big they easily fell down his legs and Sawyer moved to do the same to Kate's. Both stepped out of their pairs and moved lower and on to the makeshift bed. Sawyer gently positioned himself on top of Kate and let his hand run over her cheek. Again he looked at her intensely and hoped she could see all he couldn't say in his eyes. Kate understood and simply nodded. He hastily resumed kissing a path down her body but this time he didn't stop at her neck. He moved lower over her collarbone and grazed the sensitive skin between her two perfect breasts. Kate let out a little moan at the sensation which encouraged Sawyer only further. He let his hands retrace the path he had just kissed and let his thumbs gently rub her nipples until they were hard. Kate writhed beneath him and Sawyer could feel himself get harder with every part of her skin that he touched.

In response Kate let her hands softly run over his back and lower until she reached the hem of his boxers. She let one of her hands slip inside and squeezed his ass a bit. Sawyer groaned at the sensation and ground his erection against her core. Kate was already wet and ready for him and every inch of cloth that was still between them seemed like a tremendous torture. Sawyer noticed her frantic movements and moved his hands to her hips to steady her. "Easy, sweetheart, no need to rush, I'm not goin' anywhere…" he said with a raspy voice. Kate angled her legs so that he was now lying between them and Sawyer knew he couldn't take much more. He looked up at her and softly kissed her nose. They were mere inches apart yet again and Kate let her free hand run through his hair and smiled at him. With her other hand that was still firmly on his naked ass she increased the pressure and pressed him closer to her core. Sawyer lowered one of his hands between their bodies and into her panties. With gentle fingers he caressed her curls and slowly let one finger slide inside of her. "God, Kate, you're so wet, you drive me crazy, Freckles" he got out between clenched teeth.

He let his thumb caress her clit and felt her writhe more and more. "Sawyer…..please…." Kate was beyond reason and couldn't think straight anymore. She couldn't move or say anything intriguing or pull any sexy tricks she just lay there enjoying his touch craving for more. When Kate's moaning became heavier Sawyer moved his second hand down as well and expertly shoved her panties away and then lowered his boxers over his throbbing cock. With one quick and smooth but gentle move he entered her completely. Kate inhaled sharply and held her breath. The feel of him inside her made her body burn and for a second she was scared she might burn alive. Ever so slowly Sawyer started to move inside of her. He almost pulled out fully only to enter her again. Kate wound her legs around his waist to enhance their angle and then Sawyer lost it completely. All thinking and worrying ceased and all that was left was the feel of their bodies moving in unison, moving as one.

Soon Sawyer accelerated his pace and Kate matched his desire and speed in no time. Her incoherent moans became louder with every stroke he made and soon Sawyer felt her walls contract around his shaft. He fucked her harder and deeper but with a strange passion and feel of belonging that hadn't been there before. He was hard yet passionate and it was an exquisite mixture. Only a few seconds later Kate came and her orgasm took Sawyer with her. He pushed into her a few more frantic times and finally emptied himself into her.

For a few moments they just lay there spent but happy and looked into each other's eyes. Their breathing was ragged and little sweat drops were on their foreheads. Kate stroke his hair out of his eyes and smiled at him. "You think we have a chance, Sawyer?" Her eyes were full of a million other questions to which Sawyer didn't think he knew the answers to but he was willing to try for the first time. "Dunno, Freckles, guess we just gonna have to fuck the odds, don't ya think?" Sawyer's grin grew wider and he kissed her passionately. The kiss was soft, gentle and a million other things and for the first time both believed that maybe, maybe it could work. Maybe….

Kate sat down on her seat. 21 F. She looked at her watch and shifted in her seat nervously. The plane was gonna leave soon but still quite a few passengers were missing. Even the seat next to her was still empty. Maybe the person sitting there had overslept just like herself. Maybe he or she got stuck in the traffic. She leaned back and looked outside the small window. She couldn't see much, only parts of the terminal and the sunny Californian sky. Kate sighed. The last time she'd been on a plane was when they had been flown from Fidji to Los Angeles. Back then she hadn't been looking forward to the flight or the destination but back then everything had been different. Suddenly she felt the passenger next to her sit down. It was a tall and very handsome man in his late thirties and Kate smiled at him widely. He eyed her suspiciously and said: "What ya smilin' at sweetcheeks?" Kate's grin widened as she answered. "Nothing. I've just been wondering if you have overslept just like I have" The blonde man suddenly smiled back at her. "Yeah, well, had a few beers with a damn spinal surgeon last night. Told me everything about his girlfriend Juliet and how she was having his baby an' all, turns out he's crappin' his pants 'cause he's scared. He just needed someone to have a few quiet beers with, you know."

Kate nodded and giggled. "So, what brings you here? What are you doing in Italy?" she eyed him and tried to seem casual and composed. The man next to her slowly took her hand in his, raised them both and kissed the back of hers. He smiled at her, his dimples fully on display. "God, Freckles, I really can't wait to marry you!" he exclaimed happily. Kate smiled back at him and moved closer to him. Sawyer used his other hand to trace his thumb over her lips. "I love you, James Ford, and I can't wait for that little Italian church." Sawyer sighed. "Love you, too, Freckles……" and with these words he kissed her gently. After everything that had happened she was here with him. On a plane to Italy to marry him. The boxes at her house were already packed and soon she would move in with him. It all seemed surreal and a bit ridiculous but she was here. They had made it through the time on the island without killing each other and they had successfully managed to get back into the real life. They both had decent jobs now, a place to live, friends and most importantly, each other.

Somehow it worked and sometimes Sawyer found himself afraid of waking up from a dream. But Kate, his Freckles, she was real and she was his. And maybe if he was lucky, she would be for a very long time. Maybe even forever. Sawyer broke the kiss and grinned at Kate again. "Ever done it in the plane bathroom, Freckles?"

The End