In case you somehow happened to forget since the last update, angst is ahead.
Hotch | Reid | Rossi | Morgan
Monday, November 15th
(Mon 7:14 am)
I think it's passed. I'm not going to work today, just in case, but I definitely feel better.
(Mon 8:07 am)
I was beginning to worry. Have you seen anyone about this?
(Mon 8:08 am)
A few doctors. They've said the symptoms are psychosomatic.
(Mon 8:09 am)
They're wrong. I know something is causing them.
(Mon 8:10 am)
How many do you consider a few?
(Mon 8:11 am)
...twelve?
(Mon 8:11 am)
Hotch, I'm not crazy.
(Mon 8:12 am)
I never said you were. I'm sure there is an explanation, as well as a treatment.
(Mon 8:13 am)
The last doctor told me I could try posting on this site, and if anyone was interested, I could request for him to send them my scans.
(Mon 8:14 am)
I'd do it. It's possible someone's seen this before.
(Mon 8:15 am)
I think I'm going to. They're occurring more and more frequently.
(Mon 8:16 am)
Don't *think*. Do it.
(Mon 8:17 am)
Is that an order?
(Mon 8:18 am)
If I say yes, will you do it?
(Mon 8:18 am)
Maybe.
(Mon 8:19 am)
Yes, it's an order. And don't be cheeky.
(Mon 8:20 am)
Shouldn't you be working?
(Mon 8:22 am)
We have round table at nine, and there haven't been any new files put on my desk like I'd expected, so I have at least half an hour to spare.
(Mon 8:23 am)
I'm not sure I have anything more eventful to discuss, and my head is still a bit fuzzy.
(Mon 8:25 am)
I had an odd interaction at the park this morning after I finished my run.
(Mon 8:26 am)
Really? What happened?
(Mon 8:28 am)
Some woman named Beth came up to me and asked if I could help her train for an MS Triathlon in January.
(Mon 8:29 am)
You can't go anywhere, can you? And that doesn't sound odd to me.
(Mon 8:31 am)
She knew I was an agent, and she's apparently seen me swimming. She also somehow saw me in a suit, though I can't recall when I would have worn one before a run or swim.
(Mon 8:32 am)
I take my initial response back. That's a little concerning.
(Mon 8:34 am)
I told her I would call and let her know, and she gave me her card. That's how I know her name.
(Mon 8:35 am)
Hotch, you can't seriously be thinking about helping her train.
(Mon 8:36 am)
She seems harmless enough, and we'd be in a public place.
(Mon 8:39 am)
Yeah, all right, and then when nothing happens, and you start to get comfortable, you'll probably go on a date. That date will lead to more, and then you'll end up at either her place or your place *alone* with her, and *that* is when you'll have lowered your guard, and she'll strike. How does it not worry you that she knew so much?
(Mon 8:40 am)
Most people would probably say the same thing about us.
(Mon 8:41 am)
[Incoming Call]
"I don't have much longer."
"What I have to say won't take long. Hotch, one of my best friends works with you now! I've met Dave, and I'm the TA for Gideon, whom you also worked with at one point. We haven't even met yet, and it's not like I hunted you down to talk to you. I honestly don't think that anyone can say these two situations are the same!"
"Spencer—"
"I'm not finished. If you really want to meet up with Beth, then go ahead. I know I can't say anything to stop you, and all I'll do is tell you to be careful. But don't compare me to her because I honestly can't think of a reason we'd ever be alone together. Not because we won't ever meet each other, but because I'm the one you want to hang out with, which means most likely we'll have Jack with us or one of our friends, and if they happen to not be with us, we'll probably be out in public places. But Beth... Beth—well, she's the one you want to date."
"..."
"Let me know when your case is over."
[Call Disconnected.
Duration: 0:00:56]
xxx
(Mon 10:22 am)
What's up with Hotch?
(Mon 10:23 am)
I'm not sure. He's been like this since I got to work this morning.
(Mon 10:24 am)
You think he's worried about Reid?
(Mon 10:25 am)
He might've forgotten to text Hotch that he was better.
(Mon 10:26 am)
I definitely think it's worth asking the kid.
xxx
(Mon 10:27 am)
Did you tell Hotch you were feeling better?
(Mon 10:28 am)
Aren't you on a case?
(Mon 10:29 am)
We're headed there, and Hotch's mood is making things pretty tense.
(Mon 10:30 am)
Yes, I told him. We talked.
(Mon 10:31 am)
Did he say anything that might explain why he's acting so weird?
(Mon 10:32 am)
I really don't want to discuss this right now.
(Mon 10:33 am)
Reid.
(Mon 10:33 am)
I'm sorry, Morgan. I honestly can't.
(Mon 10:34 am)
Are you all right?
(Mon 10:39 am)
Reid?
(Mon 10:39 am)
No.
xxx
(Mon 10:40 am)
Shit. Something happened, but Reid won't talk.
(Mon 10:41 am)
Let me see.
(Mon 10:43 am)
Damn it. I told Aaron to be careful with him.
(Mon 10:44 am)
You think he said something?
(Mon 10:45 am)
I don't think. I know.
(Mon 10:46 am)
Prepare yourself for a very long day.
(Mon 10:47 am)
I'll try to do some damage control and see if I can't find out some information this evening.
(Mon 10:48 am)
Depending on how bad it is, you might have to keep me from roughing him up.
(Mon 10:49 am)
Pfft. I might do it for you, if it's bad enough.
xxx
xxx
(Mon 11:28 pm)
I just finished talking to Aaron.
(Mon 11:28 pm)
You all right, kid?
(Mon 11:30 pm)
I will be. I really hate the emotional part of my brain. It always reacts badly.
(Mon 11:31 pm)
I don't blame you for responding the way you did.
(Mon 11:32 pm)
Aaron's a great guy, but he doesn't always handle situations very well.
(Mon 11:34 pm)
I think you should wait until the case is over to talk to him, though.
(Mon 11:35 pm)
And I wanted you to hear this from me first – I told him to contact Beth when we got back.
(Mon 11:36 pm)
How do you expect me to respond to that?
(Mon 11:37 pm)
Has anyone ever told you that you're not exactly good at consoling people?
(Mon 11:38 pm)
I just wanted to prepare you for what might happen.
(Mon 11:39 pm)
Aaron is my best friend, and I want him to be happy with whomever he chooses.
(Mon 11:40 pm)
I don't foresee this thing with Beth lasting very long. In case you were curious.
(Mon 11:41 pm)
Why not?
(Mon 11:42 pm)
Because I know Aaron.
(Mon 11:43 pm)
I don't understand.
(Mon 11:44 pm)
Don't worry about it. Get some sleep, kid.
(Tues 8:25 am)
You feeling any better today?
(Tues 8:26 am)
Aside from the fact that Dave encouraged Hotch to date Beth? Fantastic.
(Tues 8:27 am)
He did what?
(Tues 8:27 am)
Are you sure?
(Tues 8:29 am)
He sent me a text last night and said he wanted to tell me before I heard it from someone else.
(Tues 8:30 am)
Unless he was lying, yes, I'm sure.
(Tues 8:31 am)
Damn, Reid, I'm sorry. I know you didn't want to hear that.
(Tues 8:32 am)
Surprisingly, that makes me feel worse.
(Tues 8:33 am)
Why couldn't I develop feelings for someone *obtainable*?
(Tues 8:34 am)
That's not the way life works.
(Tues 8:36 am)
Well, it should. The first time I've ever been attracted to someone *would* result in a one-sided affection.
(Tues 8:37 am)
Do you think I should stop talking to him, figure things out?
(Tues 8:38 am)
The only person who can answer that question is you.
(Tues 8:39 am)
But if you want my opinion...
(Tues 8:44 am)
Ever since you stopped using, you basically went through the motions of life, and you were content to sit back and let everything happen. I honestly don't think you had anything to look forward to. But once you two started actively texting each other, that changed drastically. You've started smiling and laughing more often, and your hands haven't shaken anywhere near as much as they used to. You have an overall better view of yourself, and I know I owe that entirely to him. Because of him, you quit that stupid job that you absolutely hated, and you're making your own decisions. You don't act like a victim anymore; you act like a survivor.
(Tues 8:45 am)
So if continuing to talk to him will keep you on this path, then I say do it.
(Tues 8:46 am)
But if it makes you act like that again, then for your own sake, please stop texting him.
(Tues 8:47 am)
And I'm making you read this so you'll remember it better.
xxx
(Tues 8:48 am)
Reid just asked if he should stop talking to Hotch.
(Tues 8:49 am)
I don't think that's very wise.
(Tues 8:50 am)
Rossi, you don't know what Reid was like before this started. It was bad. Really bad.
(Tues 8:51 am)
He's finally gotten better, and yes, that's all thanks to Hotch, but this sort of thing could make him worse.
(Tues 8:52 am)
I told him if he thinks things will get bad again, then he should stop.
(Tues 8:53 am)
Then I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
(Tues 8:54 am)
We might have our work cut out for us, if he does.
(Tues 8:55 am)
I don't care. I can't see him like that again.
(Tues 8:56 am)
I understand. Keep me updated.
(Wed 1:14 pm)
I think I need to talk to him again before I make a decision.
(Wed 1:15 pm)
Just to see what makes me more miserable: talking to him or not talking to him.
(Wed 1:18 pm)
I didn't expect you to just stop without experimenting. I know how you are.
(Wed 1:19 pm)
I guess I'm just afraid of the answer.
(Wed 1:20 pm)
Whatever it is, it's all right. We'll help you through it.
(Wed 1:21 pm)
And nothing says you can't talk to him again later.
xxx
(Wed 1:23 pm)
I'm not sure, but I think he's going to stop.
(Wed 1:24 pm)
Damn it. What'd he say?
(Wed 1:25 pm)
He wants to talk to Hotch and see if it makes him feel worse than not talking. He's afraid of the answer.
(Wed 1:26 pm)
Which means he's worried he'll be better off stopping.
(Wed 1:27 pm)
Yep.
(Wed 1:28 pm)
We'll discuss this in person later. Focus on the case for now.
(Thurs 4:56 pm)
Iron Man.
(Thurs 4:57 pm)
When you get a chance, will you call me?
(Thurs 4:58 pm)
It might be fairly late.
(Thurs 4:59 pm)
I don't care. If I don't answer on the first ring, call until I do.
(Thurs 5:01 pm)
All right. I'll talk to you later, then.
xxx
xxx
(Thurs 11:02 pm)
[Incoming Call]
"Hi."
"Hey. This wasn't the 'late' I meant. Jack couldn't fall asleep."
"It's fine. I'm not really tired yet."
"That makes one of us."
"If you're tired, we can talk tomorrow, instead."
"No, we need to do this now."
"..."
"Spencer, you're the one who asked me to call."
"Right, yeah, I know. This is just... more difficult than I thought."
"Are you okay?"
"Honestly? No, I don't think I am. I thought I was, but the emotional part of my brain is just the slightest bit louder than the logical part right now. Dave told me he said you should call Beth, and I was knocked breathless by how much that hurt. I don't want to feel like that. I shouldn't feel like that. I've lost count of how many times I've told myself that we're only friends, and I don't even know when my crush developed into this, but I hate it, Hotch. I hate that you told me about Beth, and I immediately treated the situation like she could be a stalker. I hate that you compared our situations, and I responded so defensively. I hate that I can't be happy for you when I know this is probably the first woman you've shown interest in since Haley died. It's not fair to you, or to me, and I just... I hate it."
"..."
"This isn't what I wanted to talk about yet. I wanted to have a normal conversation and ask how the case went, ask what impulsive thing Morgan most likely did, and ask how sassy Rossi was during interviews. I wanted to know how Jack was doing, and I wanted to attempt some light banter before we broached this topic, if we even had to broach it at all."
"Spencer?"
"I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few days. I've talked to Morgan a little bit, and he told me things I hadn't even noticed about myself. I had dinner with JJ—the one who calls me 'Spence'—and told her everything. She apparently knows you, by the way. She works for the Counter Terrorism Division. If Jordan Todd ever wants to leave, you should ask if JJ wants to replace her. She'd be good at it. Anyway, she gave me some advice that was basically the same as Morgan's, and when those two agree on something, I know to pay attention to it."
"..."
"Hotch?"
"What advice?"
"If talking to you makes me worse than not talking to you, then I need to stop. They said I could always start talking to you again when I was able."
"They're right."
"I know."
"And you'd only be telling me this for one reason."
"Yes."
"I hate to make you say it, but I need you to."
"I really need to stop. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. I knew where this was headed after our conversation on Monday. I'll give you the time you need. But I need you to promise you'll contact me when you can."
"I promise."
"I hope it's soon. Goodnight, Spencer."
"Night, Hotch."
[Call Disconnected.
Duration: 0:02:55]
xxx
(Thurs 11:06 pm)
I just got off the phone with Spencer.
(Thurs 11:06 pm)
I didn't want this to happen.
(Thurs 11:07 pm)
Dave, what the hell do I do?
(Thurs 11:08 pm)
The only thing you can: wait it out.
(Thurs 11:08 pm)
And Aaron? I'm sorry.
xxx
(Thurs 11:09 pm)
He did it.
(Thurs 11:10 pm)
What? I haven't heard anything.
(Thurs 11:11 pm)
You should probably head over there.
(Thurs 11:12 pm)
He'll need someone, and I don't imagine he'll message you tonight.
(Thurs 11:12 pm)
What about Hotch?
(Thurs 11:13 pm)
I've got Aaron. Don't worry about him.
(Thurs 11:13 pm)
We are going to have some long weeks ahead of us.
(Thurs 11:14 pm)
Be prepared.
I swear everything is better in the next chapter. (Please don't hate me.) I may post eleven later today. (;