Perfect.
It was selfish of me to believe that my life was just that, but I couldn't help myself. Sitting out by the lake, surrounded by those closest to me, I felt a sort of euphoria unknown to anyone else in the castle. After years of conforming to what everyone else expected me to be, I was finally able to be myself, on my terms. There would always be an empty part in my heart; the part where my parent's love used to be but I learned to come to grips with what had become of our relationship before they died. James played a big part in helping me understand that a parent could never really hate their child, no matter how many hateful things were said and no matter how many letters went unopened. Petunia was a different story, and not even James was able to cure the hurt that I carried with me every time something or someone reminded of my only living relative.
But I was finally happy, despite everything that happened. My life had changed so drastically over the course of my last year at Hogwarts that I considered the fact that I was agonizing over a graduation speech a miracle in itself. I still had my doubts; Muggle deaths were rising and Voldemort had made his presence known more and more all over the world.
My classes, my friends.
They were what kept me from thinking about the death and destruction occurring outside the castle walls, yet somehow there were always moments throughout the day that a blind panic would overtake me. This was it. I was graduating from Hogwarts and apart from my great plans to go on to become a Healer, I had no one but my school friends to lean on.
I shuffled the papers in front of me a little bit and looked out to my left. Sirius and Peter were lazily throwing stones into the lake; Sirius charming his to go a much further distance than was humanly possible as to disturb the giant squid. Remus was having an animated conversation with my dorm mate Megan; of course only someone with personal knowledge of Remus' mannerisms would know that he was actually being animated. James meanwhile was lying down to my right, reading the Daily Prophet and lightly playing with the hem of my skirt. I gently tugged on his hair to get his attention and was rewarded with the kind of smile that could light up a room.
"What are you thinking?" he asked, his smile firmly in place.
"I'm obsessing over my graduation speech," I smiled in return.
"You mean that one I haven't started yet? I wouldn't worry too much about it; you'll probably bring the house down with yours," he replied easily.
I tugged on his hair again; a gentle reprimand letting him know that I didn't approve of his procrastination, but I leaned down to kiss him anyway. When I pulled away he stared at me for a long moment, trying to read my expression. James is the only person that can see right through me, and sometimes I think he knows what I'm thinking before I do. He observes something in my eyes and I always know when he sees past my distractions. He doesn't probe; he just sits up and crashes his lips to mine, a combination of tender and desperate. It's the type of assurance I need in that moment and he knew just when to give it to me.
When we pull apart I keep my eyes closed and try to hold onto the moment forever. Even in the comfort of his embrace, in the middle of the grounds at Hogwarts, behind countless charms protecting us, I feel a panic and desperation to memorize every small moment. Who knows when it will all come crashing down around us?
"Stop thinking about death and destruction," he guesses correctly.
I remain silent for a few moments and he waits patiently. He's always been so patient.
"What if He breeches the castle walls? What if Dumbledore can't protect us from him?" I asked loudly and turned to the rest of our group.
"Lils, you know Dumbledore would never let that happen," Sirius responded lazily.
"What would He Who Shall Not Be Named want with a bunch of Hogwarts students straight out of school?" Peter asked.
"He would want to make sure we know he's a threat to us anywhere, even behind Dumbledore's protection," I responded hysterically, my endless frustrations becoming evident.
"Dumbledore's taken every precaution possible," Remus soothed, smiling at me in that calming way.
"I know, but…" I started but was gently cut off.
"Lily, listen to me," James began. "We are all going to be fine. You're going to go up to that podium later today and put my speech to shame because let's be honest, no one's going to be listening to me after what Sirius has planned," he grinned before holding onto my hand. "After that you're going to shed happy tears with the knowledge that you're getting out of this place and will finally be able to get hammered without drawing suspicion from McGonagall."
Sirius burst out laughing and James' grin grew wider. I looked out towards the rest of our little group again and let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding. As my friends smiled back at me, all of my paranoia's and misgivings slowly ebbed away and I was left with the relief I had been yearning for all week. These people knew me. They knew exactly what to say and when to say it to make all those fears go away and in that moment, I knew everything was going to work out just fine.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
So that's it. Thanks to those of you who reviewed and apologies for taking a lot longer to post this up than originally planned :D