A/N: Throw in usual excuses for lateness. Anyways I rewrote the first chapter for the heck of it. It's not that much different from the previous one but at least there's a distinction I guess. Anyways enjoy!
A/A/N: I realize I made some errors with writing the previous chapters so I'm fixing them. Keep in mind though I'm writing D&R (which by the way will take a while due to some inconsistencies as well) as well so it happens. Credits go to Kage Husha for pointing them out. FYI: I'm bad with words so this author's note can be confusing.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Kishimoto does, HAPPY?
Legend
"…normal…"
"…thoughts…"
"…Kyuubi, Inner Voices talks/Jutsu…"
"…Kyuubi thinks…"
Chapter 10: That Month Before the Third Exam
At the hospital; Second Floor Room 35…
"Ugh, I feel like crap…" groaned Naruko.
"No kidding Kit, you took a Gentle Fist to the chest blocking a hit for that Hyuuga. Mind you, chest." said Kyuubi.
"I know, I'll send him to hell for that. Hell I'm going Qiao on his ass!"
"Ugh, those Qiaos were scary."
"Yo Naruko, you awake?" said out loud a voice.
"Hm?" She woke up to see Kakashi in the corner with Icha Icha covering his mouth. "Scarecrow, what are you here?"
"I figured because of your enhanced recovery time you be awake so I came to show you the Third Exam match-ups."
"Before that, what happened after I blacked out?"
Kakashi began to retell everything including Gaara v. Lee.
"I see. Damn it, what's up with Gaara? It wasn't like this when I replaced his sand with pixy stix. Though I have a feeling he has a closet addiction to them."
"He said that he used sand to cripple what's-his-face…Bruce Lee Knockoff right?" said Kyuubi.
"Bruce Lee? Uh yeah."
"He has the Shukaku in him."
"Shukaku?"
"The One-Tailed Biju and a total proverbial jackass."
"Uh…okay?"
"He's a jackass because he never pays for his meals and drinks, even for a tanuki. The other Bijus unanimously hate him as well."
"Other Bijus?"
"There are nine, including little ol' me. ("Bah.") Shukaku who I said was a proverbial jackass. Nekomata who's a lesbian. Sanbi who's so stupid that it wouldn't matter if he somehow gets captured or not. Yonbi who's smart but extremely obnoxious about it. Gobi who's also smart but very respectful about it. Rokubi who's a total transvestite. Suzuka who's hot and crazy and one of the few people I respect. And Hachibi, though as strong as me due to having 8 tails of power, is a total queen and so stuck-up that I have no qualms about killing her."
"Those are some weird bonds you have."
"Call it links, not bonds."
"Uh Naruko, hello?" said Kakashi.
"Huh? Oh um…so what are the match-ups?"
Kakashi took out a piece of paper and showed:
Uzumaki Naruko v. Hyuuga Neji
Sabaku no Temari v. Mojin Sara
Sabaku no Kankuro v. Aburame Shino
Shiso Nero v. Uchiha Sasuke
Kinuta Dosu v. Sabaku no Gaara
Yokujin Mayu v. Nara Shikamaru
"Whoa, what's up with that? Sis told me that they try to trim it down to avoid it being too boring for the spectators."
"They arranged it in a way that the finals be a three-way match, putting emphasis on the possibilities that depending on how the exam turns out it may end up having either the respective village's elite or the possibility of only one village reaching the finals, making them sound elite."
"Neh?" Naruko tilted her head.
"More fight for you."
"Oh."
--
Anyways Naruko checked out of the hospital, much to the displeasure of the hospital staff who tried to poison her food –Naruko hates hospital food, especially jello, so she fed it to a tree outside. She also
tried to visit Lee and Hinata but unfortunately they're not open to visitors, not that it matters anyways, so she left.
"I see the hospital staff is as cold and heartless as ever."
"It was a drag though that they didn't give you shots, it would be nice to see your reaction."
"I'm not afraid of shots! Why would I be, if I can get stabbed with a blade without fear then there's no reason for me to be afraid of shots."
"Damn, wanted entertainment."
"I swear to Kami-sama that I'll kill you one day."
"Anyways, do you have a plan of action for this month?"
"All I know is that I have to go against Fate-boy, Goze (Sara, look it up on Wikipedia), and that three-way fight that can go either way. I can worry about that later because my main focus is trying to survive both Fate-boy and Goze." thought Naruko.
"So you got nothing."
"Not nothing, I just need a few days to go over my plan."
"Still nothing."
"It's not nothing!" Cutting off herself from her tenant temporarily she began to realize that she needs a bath. "Damn, I need a bath." Naruko then proceeded to her apartment. Although when she entered her apartment she smelt the strong smell of alcohol. "Oh crap, don't tell me…"
Immediately she rushed into her bathroom to see Zabuza brewing ale in her bathtub. She immediately face-faulted.
"Yo brat, if you're wondering why I'm making moonshine it's that I don't have enough booze money from the stupid D-Ranks and I can't really stand that piss you Konohonians call beer." said Zabuza.
"But did you really have to use my bathtub? And isn't this illegal?"
"Was illegal. I mean it's not like the village is lax about legal drinking age but strict on underage drinking." said Zabuza. And in another specific universe a specific Emo, Pinky, Bruce Lee Wannabe, Fate-Happy Hyuuga, Weapon Freak, and Super-Powered-Moron-With-Bisexual-Promiscuous-Dreams-of-Men-Tenant-Who-Believes-In-the-Basics-of-Hedonism sneezed.
"Fine, but if you blow up my bathroom you owe me a new one." Naruko took a change of clothes along with her camping equipment. "If you need me I'll be in the hills outside Training Ground (insert number)."
"If Haku asks tell him that I'm cooking in here. That should keep him out for a year."
"If you're really cooking in there this whole sector of the village will be quarantine."
"Would you stop with the insults?"
"No!"
--
At the bathhouses…
"Hoo, this feels nice." Naruko blissfully said.
"You sound like you actually enjoy baths."
"I do, it just that too often I don't get the chance to. Damn sis."
"Well whatever, though she has a nice set of breasts I seen in a while."
"Say that and she'd kill you."
"Why do I care? She can't reach me and I die happy if I saw them again."
"Goddamn it, there's no hot girls here and all I see is some flat-chested 12 year old." sighed a familiar perverse voice. As said perverse voice walked away a reinforced sitar crashed through the wall and connected with a skull. Naruko, in more casual clothes (a white shirt and blue shorts) is steaming.
"Do not call me flat-chested!" yelled Naruko.
"What the hell was that for you brat?" yelled an old man that we all know as The King of Perverseness Jiraiya.
"You called me flat you perverted old freak!"
"Do you know who I am you stupid brat? I'm the Toad Mountain Holy Sage Jiraiya!"
"Jiraiya?"
Flashback…
"Okay Naruko, this training exercise pits you against the bane of all women. The demon known as Jiraiya the Super Pervert." said Teach showing a picture of Jiraiya in a more-than-negative light.
"Is he that bad?" said a 9 year old and somewhat still naïve Naruko.
"He portrays women as sex toys in that stupid book he writes." exaggerated Teach.
"Is it that bad?"
"He's the worst and he can do the same to you. So whenever you see him give him a swift kick between his legs."
"Why there?"
"You'll see. If you have steel-toed shoes use them. Otherwise kick hard."
End Flashback…
Naruko remembered. "Hey Ecchi-baijii (old man who takes Viagra)."
"That's Jiraiya to you brat."
"My teacher said brace yourself."
"Brace yourself? What're…?" Before Jiraiya can finish his sentence Naruko delivered a super hard kick to his crotch, and considering Naruko's leg training her kick literally made a cracking sound that all males within a 3 mile radius flinched and a super loud scream that made said males faint. The next moment Jiraiya can feel relief he sees Naruko trying out water-walking (with humorously disastrous results). When Jiraiya (stagger) walked over Naruko just barely stood on top of hot water to only lose balance and fall face first in hot water and dived in.
"YEOW!" Naruko jumped out of the water and landed on cement. "Dammit sis, does it really have to be hot water!"
Under normal circumstances Jiraiya would yell at Naruko for her bone chilling nut cracking kick but he can't help but get a crack at Naruko's terrible chakra control. "Gyahahaha! You call that water walking?!"
"Hey shut up Ecchi-baijii!"
"Watch what you say, the ladies may think I'm some sort of ordinary perv."
"No, you're a dirty old perv!"
"I'm not a dirty old perv. I'M A SUPER PERV BABY!"
"I-I give up." Naruko said hopelessly. "I can tell you know stuff so can you help with my water-walking?"
"What's in it for me? I don't do things without gaining something in return and that kick ain't gonna help."
"Damn, I have nothing for a perv like him so I got no choice. Oiroke no Jutsu!" Naruko used the ever too familiar Sexy Technique to sway Jiraiya to teach her. Needless to say…
"NICE ONE KID! TEN POINTS!" Jiraiya cheered. Naruko sighed while dispelling the jutsu.
"Teach me now!"
"On one condition…"
"If you say I got to stay in the Oiroke then I'm shoving a Raikoho up your ass." Naruko threatened as she charged lightning chakra into her palms.
Jiraiya shrugged it off. "Fine, just go practice."
Naruko focused her chakra and shown the seal to Kyuubi. (Her shirt shows a bit of belly.)
"Hm, so this is the seal that holds back the Kyuubi. Two elephant seals used with the Hakke method. It's set up so that the Kyuubi's chakra flows between the seals into her. Minato, even after death you still try to protect the kid. But there's an additional five element seal over it. With this her chakra and the Kyuubi's chakra can't mix well. That explains why her control is terrible .From the looks of it someone
else stuck the seal on her and from how this style is rough there's no doubt in my mind that Orochimaru's has something to do with it." thought Jiraiya as he charged up some seals on his hand.
"What are you staring at?" glared Naruko.
"Nothing, hold up your arms."
"Why?"
"I'm gonna relax some pressure points to increase your chakra control."
"Liar, but go with it." Naruko raised her arms.
"Good, now yell out banzai!"
"Uh…banzai."
Jiraiya then slammed his fingers into Naruko's gut. "Five Element Release!" He sends her flying back into the hot spring where she made a splash. A few seconds later…
"HOT!!" Naruko leaped from the water and landed back, not knowing that she is sitting on top of it. She immediately rushed over to Jiraiya. "That hurt Ero-baiji!"
"Look down."
Naruko looked down and saw that she's standing on top. She stumbles for a bit before she realizes that she can do it perfectly. "ALRIGHT!"
"I think it's time for her to control the Kyuubi chakra."
"BYAKURAI!" Naruko shot several celebratory lightning bolts into the air.
"She's a lightning user huh? This should be interesting. Yo kid, wanna learn a new technique? "
"I'm listening."
"First off, what's your opinion on toads?"
"Ate on, got food poisoning for two days as well as feeling…psychedelic. I prefer frogs, makes good sukiyaki."
"Why did you eat a toad?"
"I was hungry! Tenji cut off my meals for a few days because I fell asleep."
"Wait a minute…Tenji?! Tenji as THAT TENJI!!"
"Crap, I mentioned her name. I assuming you know my teacher."
Jiraiya immediately stepped back from her. "Forget it; nothing good comes to me when that…woman is involved." Jiraiya said before disappearing in a puff of smoke.
"Hey wait…dammit, I wanted to know what that technique was."
"Summoning."
"What?"
"If he was referring to toads then it's summoning. They're okay if you're trying to get a psychedelic high but…"
"Don't worry, I already got a summon but I don't plan on using her unless she's really needed. She hates useless fights."
"I know, I was there."
--
The next day…at the library…
"Hm, this stupid book is useless. All it says is that the Hyuugas have some technique. Screw this; I might as well work on my stupid slow-as-hell-sword swing."
"Kit, look to your right."
"Hm?" She took a look and saw a scroll based on Bunshin Jutsu, particularly a section on Kage Bunshin and its uses. "Kage Bunshin and its Uses. Besides yadda yadda yadda chakra dum dee dum dum exhaustion humina humina here we go. The very nature of Kage Bunshin allows the original person to remember what the clone has learned; making it useful for spy missions and training. Keep in mind though that it causes mental exhaustion so use it sparingly--Chosokabe, Self-proclaimed Genius Ninjutsu expert. SWEET!"
"So what's your plan?"
"I'll use two clones. One will go and read up on Raiton and Futon jutsu. God knows I need the latter."
"That's for sure."
"I'll practice on my swing and maybe work on a new style. Give Goze something to think about."
"You only saw her in action once and you already crazy about fighting her."
"The other me goes around asking people for training tips while go to Akbar's for scrolls."
"Akbar again? The guy's a crooked seller."
"Yeah but he has good stuff at low prices. Though I have to go disguised because every time Akbar sells me something he gives me the original and the original is always the good one. Also I want goat meat."
"Again with the goat meat."
We'll check back with Naruko later, a week later…
"Sweet, my new bow came and it's just as I ordered." Mayu cheered as she holds up her new bow, a bladed bow meant for both close and long range attacks. "Though I still wonder what Kain said earlier."
Flashback…
"Listen Mayu, if you see either Nero or Sara training stay out of it." said Kain under a copy of Icha Icha Violence.
"Why?"
"No good comes from Old Faction Training. That and that Tenshi girl. She's wicked frightening."
"Tenshi girl? Is it really that bad, our training isn't a cakewalk either."
"Keep in mind on one thing. We focus on developing ninja skills as a whole."
"But mine's not whole, I focused on sniper skills. Hell they call me Nasu no Yoichi incarnate."
"Don't get overconfident. Among the Old Faction Genin they're the most dangerous of them all."
"Speaking of the Old Faction, how come you didn't join them?"
"More work, less Icha Icha."
"I'm not complaining."
End Flashback…
"Well I guess I stay out of those two ways." Along the way she passed a certain store selling a certain something. Immediately she ogled the glass window. "Omigod omigod omigod! I can't believe it's out already!" Mayu excitedly entered a store called…
--Intermission--
Mayu: Don't write that!
Azrael: Screw you! It's part of your character!
Mayu: Change it! It's embarrassing!
Azrael: No, change it and I turn you into a generic fighter.
Mayu: I rather be generic that embarrassing.
Azrael: How is it embarrassing? You read it openly!
Mayu: If you're not gonna change it then I'll change it!
Azrael: The hell you are!
Both parties proceed to fight over the laptop (which is safely safe for the overly broke and lazy author) to only trip on something and fall out of the window and become new (or favorite) sacrifices to the "Gods".
Sara: …ow…
--End Intermission--
As for Sara and Nero's training Sara's consists of quick drawing and quick dodging under a makeshift rainfall while Nero is enhancement of his shadow abilities. Anyways…on the outskirts of the village…
"Let's see, lightning can be redirected throughout the body…yeah yeah…here we go. By concentrating lightning into their arm…it's just telling me how to do the Chidori…of course this just telling you how to do the Chidori but if you can find a way to shoot it you have an effective technique. Like for say shooting a long-range Chidori…jeez, does Akbar have an answer for everything?"
"Apparently yes."
"Well, I ain't complaining. Hm…another technique is Tsunade's own Ranshinsho that concentrates a small amount of electricity into their hands and aims for the nervous system. The electrical signals run through the nervous system, disrupting the flow of information like for say moving your leg when trying to move the arm…interesting."
"New technique?"
"Not one for attacking head-on but highly useful on that damn Hyuuga bastard."
"Naruko, you there?" said Tenten outside her tent.
"Tenshi? How did you find me?"
"Your guardian told me. Though for some reason your apartment smells like moonshine."
"Okay, Boozie hasn't blown up yet. What are you …oh no, you're not spying for Fate Boy are you?"
"No, I wouldn't do that. I wanted to ask something."
"Shoot."
"Do you know a person named Tenshi Tenjin?"
"Tenshi Tenjin?"
"You know her as Tenji."
"The only Tenji I know is that slave-driving, food-depriving, binge alcoholic I call Sis."
"That's her."
"Figures."
"Tell me, how is my older sister doing?"
"Older sister? You're that sweet, Tsunade-obsessed (whoever she is) weapon freak she told me about?"
"Am I that obsessed with Tsunade. No, it's just normal admiration. That sound like her alright."
"Last time I saw her she drove me off her mountain with a lightning storm she tried to pass off as a stupid test."
"She did that?"
"She's that kind of person. I bet she told you that I'm a no-good stupid apprentice right?"
"No, all she apparently told me of you is that you're a lazy, no-good, idiotic, ramen-obsessed, flat-chested baka deshi." Tenten said while Naruko growled.
"Dammit Sis, I swear I'll get at her."
"That was the reaction I thought I get."
"Seriously, I will kill her one day no matter how much I admire her."
"Glad I didn't train with her. But I always wondered why you never came with her during her visits."
"Easy, she leaves me at her house on a mountain for a week I take the chance to finally eat. Besides if she takes me back here she wouldn't let me eat Ichiraku Ramen. It's too bad that the nearby ramen shops pales in comparison to Ichiraku." Naruko held her head down in gloom.
"What is it with you and ramen?"
"Seriously, nothing good comes when I travel with her. Last time she shoved a bottle of sake down my throat. Last thing I remember is being in a crater with my left sleeve missing. And there's her pharmaceutical experiments she performs on me."
"Pharmaceutical experiments."
"Tenji's main source of income is selling her pharmaceutical research to companies, half-finished."
"Why half-finished?"
"Said something about 'not letting them have my complete formulas. Let them figure it out for themselves.' She even used me for her experiments. Besides growing arms one of her formulas gave me cavity pain magnetized ten times. And there's the time I was in an induced coma as a cure for gum disease."
"Neesan, you are too much."
"That's a given."
"Naruko-neechan, are you gonna train me today?" yelled Akari outside her tent.
"Akari, I'm training for the Third Exam."
"Please?"
"Fine."
Outside…
"Alright, we'll stop for today. Besides I'm hungry." said Naruko.
"We can't have barbecue anytime soon and I refuse to eat any more ramen." said Akari.
"Why not?"
"Eating ramen everyday is not good for you. There's no nutritional value in it." commented Tenten.
"Yes there is! There's meat which has protein, vegetables for vitamins and minerals, and ramen for carbs!"
"Either way I'm not eating ramen. I want something sweet!"
"I told you I hate sweets Akari!"
"Please?" Akari said while pulling off the Puppy Eyes Look.
"Nice try Akari, that won't work on me this time. "
"Okay, then how about this." Akari this time pulled off not just an innocent look but one that can melt a heart as icy as Itachi.
"Oh crap, she's pulling the Belldandy Look. I cannot resist. ALRIGHT I'LL COMPLY!" Naruko yelled while feeling warm all over.
"Ah the Belldandy Look. That thing will maybe sway even me. Maybe."
"Naruko, you have some dangerous techniques." said Tenten.
"Blame Sis, she taught me manipulation. Fine, we'll eat sweets but you two keep it a secret."
"Why?"
"Hang on." Naruko dispelled the Shadow Clone catching both of them off-guard. The real Naruko appeared behind them covered in sweat and blade over her shoulder.
"Seriously, I shouldn't have taught you that." sighed Naruko.
--
At Konoha's Sweet Shop…
"Welcome…ah Naruko-san. Long time no see." said the waitress referred to as Himiko.
"Yeah hi Himiko-neesan. I take my usual order."
"Coming right up! And what will you two have?"
"I take some dango." said Tenten.
"I like some anmitsu."
A moment later and a conversation…
"Here you go: anmitsu, dango, and 20 mame daifuku. Enjoy!"
"Is this the so-called secret you have?"
"No, that is." Naruko pointed to a plaque on the wall with her picture showing her stuffing her face with mame daifuku. Below the picture: Uzumaki Naruko: First Place Winner of Konoha's Sweet Shop's Fifteenth Annual Stuff Your Face Till You Drop Contest. Among the winners are Anko at the thirteenth (dango contest obviously) and Kushina of the first contest (daifuku too but in a far less capacity) with her picture in a not-so-flattering manner. Naruko does not know who Kushina is yet so she thinks she's just a regular contestant.
"Not a flattering picture is it."
"Duh. I was six and starving. Ichiraku wasn't open and the contest was all you can eat for free if you win."
"But you're always starving."
"This is well before…some crap."
"Crap?"
"Yeah crap."
"You're a liar you know that?"
"And why?"
"That's not your secret. And it's not something so obvious that a reader can figure out like (snaps fingers) that."
"What the hell are you talking about? What readers?"
"Never mind. Not like I was breaking some fourth wall somebody breaks on a regular basis, which by the way must cost a bundle."
A/N: Better end it here, not much else to write. Next are the Third Exams and later cowboys.
Jutsu List:
Juken (Gentle Fist)
Oiroke no Jutsu (Sexy Technique)
Raiton: Raikoho (Lightning Release: Thunder Roar Cannon) - See Chapter 8
Gogyo Kaiin (Five Elements Release)
Byakurai (White Lightning) – See Chapter 7
Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Technique)
Chidori (One Thousand Birds)
Ranshinsho (Important Body Points Disturbance)
Puppy Eyes no Jutsu – See Chapter 8
Belldandy Look – Yeah, 400 percent impossible to resist. For those not familiar to Oh My Goddess!, basically Naruko looks at you in a way that a single gaze from her will melt the coldest of hearts, and no one can resist. Its proof that even in a world of cruelty and unpleasantness innocence and purity exists, assuming the qualities exist in Naruko. Akari version is more effective for her due to her cuteness.