AN: GUYS, GUYS, GUYS! DID YOU HEAR ABOUT HOLY MUSICAL BMAN? CUZ I JUST SPENT MY ENTIRE FRIDAY THE 13TH WATCHING IT, AND IT WAS SO WORTH IT! Like, seriously, the funniest thing I've ever seen, great acting, amazing music, the intro gives me chills and I was cracking up the entire time! Before I even knew about Holy Musical Bman I had planned on doing a one shot with a Batman musical in it, but now that HMB is out, I have to dedicate this to the amazingly talented and dedicated people at Starkid Productions. The little bit of a song in here was written by yours truly, I own that. But inspiration goes to Starkid! So yea, WATCH HMB, IT'S AMAZING! REVIEW!
Batman, the Musical
When I'm out at night, patrolling Gotham from criminals, a superstitious and cowardly lot, I don't think about my fashion choices all that much. I mean, sure, in the superhero world there's pretty much a regulated code of what you wear: tight fitting suit to show off well-toned body, occasionally a cape, boots of some kind, and a mask (which is optional for some as well). Owlet's costume follows that pretty much to a Tee: I've got the body suit though I don't usually think of it as showing off my well-toned body (though I know I've got a pretty okay body to begin with), I wear boots (which are excellent for traction on the tops of buildings and for kicking crooks in the face), and the mask part is pretty self-explanatory, especially considering the cowl is the most iconic part of being Owlet.
So you see I've got the basics of crime fighting fashion down. I just never think of having to "look good" while I'm doing it. Selina is pretty amazing at the whole looking good thing, I'm sure everyone will agree. Compared to her I look plain in a simple body suit. It's something that can really take your confidence down a notch, but I had learned to look past it. Until Acting class, of course.
Let me explain, because I'm sure you're already confused by now. In the rest of my school day that doesn't consist of Modern History class, I have Acting in 6th hour, and every year the Acting class does a musical, but instead of you just trying out for the parts, our grades depend on our performances. Would you like to hear another difference between regular plays and this class play? In regular plays when you try out for parts, you can decline a role if you feel so inclined to. In this class play, we're assigned roles and if we refuse them, well that's an automatic F.
And now you're going to start asking, well, what play/musical are you doing and what part did the teacher assign you? The Musical, a newly written one straight off the stage of downtown Chicago, simply titled "Batman." And when I tell you the part I got, you're all going to start laughing because of the suffocating irony: I got the role of the Boy Wonder's love interest, a girl they're calling Lanie Blanson. The name sounds awkward and slightly plain to me, but I can't change what's in the script. By now I'm thanking my lucky stars that Dick doesn't take any Acting classes here at Gotham Academy, because he'd be a dead ringer for Robin. Instead, the teacher picks a handsome and popular boy named Jace Stephens, who does really look the part of Robin and can sing very well.
The rest of the musical is cast accordingly; a taller boy with a deeper voice as Batman, a slutty, I mean, excuse me, provocative looking girl chosen to play Poison Ivy, assorted people cast as the rest of the rogues gallery of Gotham, etc., etc. In the beginning I'm fine with all this, I mean, I'm sorta peeved that I have to play Robin's love interest, it's like the fates are just screwing with my head here, but I know since it's for a grade in school I have to do it. But after I start looking at the rehearsal schedule, I notice that three weeks before the show even goes up, we'll have rehearsals from 6 to 11 at night. I can't go out as Owlet if I'm going to be exhausted after 5 hours of rehearsal! That's like sending a wounded soldier out in battle; it's not going to do you much good at all! So that'd mean for about a month, Owlet's life of being a double agent on the crime-fighting side would have to cease. I'd have to give Owlet up for a stupid musical so I could be stuck after school for hours on end with people I didn't even know or like. This didn't seem like a fair trade off at all.
But I head down to the auditorium anyway, because it's my obligation to my grades and to the other people who are actually excited about doing the show. The auditorium is dimly lit with many people rushing about and talking, filling the time before the director comes in to make everyone settle down. People's backpacks lay discarded in various seats around the room. I follow their lead, moving a little further away from everyone and settling down in a cushy chair with my bag next to me. I analyze the room with my golden brown eyes, seeing all of the actors and techies messing around. It's absolute chaos, and it's giving me a headache.
"Hey, you're Ryder, right?" I slowly turn my head to see Jace Stephens standing next to me and looking at me expectantly.
"That's not usually what they call me, but yes, I'm Ryder. Nice to meet you," I say. I already know who he is; I don't both asking even for the sake of being polite.
"Thank goodness," he sighs, sitting down in the seat next to me. I look curiously at him, seeing as he's just given himself an invitation to sit next to me. He doesn't look at me, only gestures to a person that's standing near the stage. "Someone over there told me you were the girl with the brown hair sitting over here, and for a scary moment I thought they meant her." He points inconspicuously to a girl sitting in the middle section of theatre, picking her nose without abandon. I guess some people are just very comfortable with themselves, so comfortable that they can humiliate themselves in public and be totally okay with it.
I can't help myself as I let out a sound of shock and revulsion, only quiet enough for Jace to hear. He nods, some of his a black hair falling out of it's perfectly coiffed position above his forehead to dangle down in front of his brown eyes. That's almost the only thing that he doesn't have in common with the Boy Wonder, I notice. Nearly everything else if perfect, except for the eyes.
"That's exactly what I was thinking. Because, you know, there's a kiss scene in here," he holds up his script for me to see, "and I was fine kissing whoever was going to be Lanie, but I mean, if they're doing something like that in public…" He trails off and gives and obviously disturbed shudder. This actually spurs a smile from me, and no matter how small it is, it's sincere.
I know Jace notices because he too gives little smile as if he's accomplished a goal of his. Perhaps it was "Make your stand-off-ish costar smile", then he'd be totally in the clear. I roll my eyes at the thought. I hated that I automatically thought that there was something sinister or not so pure going on inside everyone's heads. I couldn't trust people anymore unless we'd actually been put to the test somehow. Like now I was busy arguing with myself if Jace had some ulterior motive for coming over here and talking to me. Because of Bruce I was a paranoid mess. Maybe one day if I grew up and Batman's secret ID had been let out, I'd write a book on how I was Owlet and how Bruce totally ruined me as a person. Quite frankly the idea was tantalizing.
"So, how're things, Ryder?" Jace asks, breaking the silence between us.
"Fine, I suppose," I mutter in response. "And yourself?" I don't know why I'm suddenly responding to Jace's politeness. Perhaps the fact that he's trying so hard inspired me to help him out a little bit.
"Exhausting, actually." He leans his head against the back of the seat. "Don't tell anyone, but our teacher told me what the play was going to be months in advance and that I'd been cast as Robin. So naturally, she wanted me to practice up as much as I could before the actual play started, so I've been taking beginner tumbling classes in lieu of my PE classes. I didn't know how much energy doing cartwheels and somersaults was."
"I've heard it takes a lot out of you," I say diplomatically. I know it takes a lot out of you. I could start going into an in-depth conversation of all the things I love and hate about gymnastics, all of the tricks I've learned and how many times I thought I was going to die because I'd executed a single turn at an angle only a few degrees off. But I didn't say anything. Any outside information could (now let's say it all together) jeopardize my identity. And if Owlet was going to take a break for a month, I didn't want to come back and have everyone suddenly knowing who she was.
"You have no idea," he groans, and I try not to laugh at that. Ever since I've become Owlet my world is just full of inside irony, and it hurts because there's never anything I can share with others.
"You know, I think that Dick Grayson grew up in a circus, he probably knows how exhausting it can be," I supply, not sure why I've decided to bring Dick into the conversation.
"Oh really?" Jace says, cocking an eyebrow as if it's second nature for him. "Well that's certainly interesting. You know, a lot of people think you're an item."
"Me and Dick?" I scoff, thinking of all the evidence that could indeed point to us being romantically linked, both as civilians and vigilantes. "Well that's just stupid."
"I dunno, sometimes the guy seems to be okay with the accusations. But maybe he's just following the footsteps of his dear mentor, Bruce Wayne." Jace shrugs as he responds, and if anyone else had said it, I would've snapped at them, but I could tell Jace hadn't meant disrespect towards Bruce at all. In fact, he sounded the tiniest bit admiring, or amused. I couldn't decide which.
"We're friends," I admit grudgingly, feeling somehow obligated to continue the conversation. In a normal situation I would've just let the awkward silence hang over us like a thickening and suffocating blanket of boredom. But since I was going to have to spend a lot of time on and off stage with Jace I thought I owed it to him to at least be civil. Who knows, maybe I'll even enjoy myself.
"Try telling that to the grape vine," Jace says while shaking his head. "A good chunk of the school is convincing you two have confessed your undying love for one another."
I can't help a snort as it escapes me, yet Jace doesn't look perturbed by it. "Please, Dick and I fight more than anything. He's got such a strong opinion on everything you can't help but oppose it," I say simply. "I'm sure the flip side of the argument could be made for me as well."
"You're honest," Jace says bluntly, giving a light smile. "I like that. Too many deceivers these days, good to know who you can trust."
"Thinking of going into the police or something?" I ask with a little guffaw. He looks at me seriously.
"Yes, actually. I wouldn't mind taking Gordon's spot when he gets too old for it. How does Commissioner Stephens sound to you?" He looks expectantly at me for my opinion.
"Pretty good actually. Gordon is just so catchy though, be hard for people to get used to it." I give Jace a little smile. My respect for him has just been bumped up by at least 5 points in just this one conversation. He's a nice guy who's rich but not a jerk about it, dedicated to school and his acting career (seen by the fact he's been taking gymnastics classes for a school play that will only be performed for three days), he admires honesty, and he's planning on going into Law Enforcement one day. Why couldn't there be more people like Jace Stephens in the world?
He gives a sort of grunt in return, showing that he understood me. For a little while we just slipped into a comfortable silence as we watched the hectic scene before us slowly get situated until we finally had to get up and go act as if we were in love with one another.
The plot of the musical is really quite straightforward: After Poison Ivy puts all of the men in Gotham, good and evil, under her control with her pheromone dust, she proceeds to plan domination on Gotham that would crush the economic and political stability of the city into the ground. Batman and Robin go off a few vague clues that eventually lead them to discovering the evil plot and saving the city just in time. My character, Lanie, only serves as a humorous break in the action, seeing as she's a very cynical type of person, often rolling her eyes at the idea of peace in a city like Gotham. She's pretty much the hottest and nosiest anarchist that ever walked the fake streets of Gotham, at least, that's how I've come to interpret her. She's usually snooping around like a mini version of Vicki Vale, always with an old style camera slung around her neck and a pad of paper on her person. Whenever she and the Boy Wonder interact, her responses are always laced with undeniable sarcasm as well as skepticism on the powers of Batman and Robin. But in the end when she's kidnapped by Poison Ivy for knowing too much, she finally realizes how important the Dynamic Duo is to Gotham, that they're not just a couple of guys running around in spandex at night because they can.
Overall, I like the musical, I really do. It's got more a story than Grease and a better theme than Bye Bye Birdie, in my opinion at least. The music is good, not just your run of the mill high school musical song types. Most of the songs are underlying with rock or some sort of watered down version of techno. Most everyone in the cast seems to like it as well, and I decided that there were worse ways I could be kept from being Owlet than having to be in the musical version of Batman.
It was about two weeks into rehearsal when things first started getting bumpy. Everything seemed alright at first, everyone was fitting into their parts, lines were beginning to come more easily, and the cast seemed to be forming camaraderie-like bonds with one another. The director, our teacher, too seemed very pleased with the progress we'd been making. Until, of course, the girl cast as Poison Ivy decided that she didn't like her part and took it up with the director in front of the entire as we were getting notes after rehearsal one evening. The girl in question was named Sandra Peterson. She looked the part of Poison Ivy almost to a tee, with wildly red hair and sharp features like her chin and cheekbones. With a little makeup to add Ivy's green skin tint, she'd look exactly like the mistress of murder herself. But Sandra didn't seem to agree.
The girl stormed up to our teacher, fists clenched angrily as she fumed, her face turning an unsightly shade of red. "Ok, I've had it!" she complains loudly, her already high voice shooting up an octave. I'm pretty sure dogs in Blüdhaven winced along with everyone in the room.
"Had it with what?" our teacher, Mrs. Roberts drawls, not even looking at Sandra.
"This part! You told me I'd grow into it, that I'd like it, but I don't! This isn't the part for me, I need to be Lanie Blanson? Can't you see how amazingly I'd play that part? I'm practically the cover girl for feminine anarchy!" Sandra bursts, throwing her hands up in the air. I snort quietly to myself, completely positive that Sandra had no idea what anarchy meant, most likely thinking it was some sort of women's rights movement-type idea.
"Sandra, the parts were casted weeks ago. You know my policy: You play your part or you get an F for the semester," Mrs. Roberts replies coldly, looking up at Sandra with a dead glare that would give even me shivers, and I'd been on the receiving end of a Batglare a few times. "That's how it's going to be. I suggest you get used to it."
"But Mrs. Roberts!" Sandra whines. "I've practically got Lanie Blanson written all over me! I need that part! You know I've arranged talent scouts to come see me for this performance, and I want them to see me in the part I'm best at playing, and that's LANIE BLANSON!" she screeches, stomping her foot now in anger. I'm instantly reminded of a little kid throwing a temper tantrum, which is essentially what it is, just a temper tantrum given by a high schooler.
"Sandra," Mrs. Roberts says slowly, drawing herself up and looking at the girl full on. "Mona Ryder is playing the part of Lanie Blanson because she was the best person to do so. You are playing the part of Poison Ivy because your unique abilities and appearance make the part more believable. I am not going to switch to large roles in this musical now that we're already two weeks into the rehearsals. If you don't like that, then you can drop of this play and earn yourself an F for this semester." Roberts pauses for a moment to regain her breath, her entire rant spoken in little less than a whisper, a sign that she's severely pissed off. She takes a deep breath before continuing on in a clear and highly enunciated tone. "Is that clear?"
Sandra looks utterly shocked that her plea has been denied. For a moment the two are just standing there, Mrs. Roberts with the mask of a silently triumphant warrior while Sandra looks humiliated and disgusted all at once. She turns on her heel and stomps from the auditorium with an indignant huff. For a moment the entire room is silent then a mutual scoff/laugh breaks out among the other actors and techies. Mrs. Roberts looks slightly pleased with herself before she goes onto reading her notes on our performance.
As she's only a few minutes through them, Jace leans over next to me, talking quietly so we don't disturb our already peeved teacher. "If it's any consolation, you make a much better Lanie than Sandra ever would." I only respond with a little smile, glad that the feeling is mutual.
"I wish that I could see behind his mask,
Just to know if he's sincere!
In a world that's full of danger,
You can't judge someone as they appear!"I sing as Lanie Blanson on opening night, my one solo in the entire show. I'm not all that strong of a singer though I can carry a tune well enough. Thankfully this is the one time I'm forced to sing all by myself. The stage is completely empty save me and a park bench. We're in the middle of the second act and so far nothing has gone terribly wrong, only a few missed entrances and flubbed lines. In the story I'm confused by mixed signals being sent by the Boy Wonder, and my despair at wondering if I should trust my instincts about Robin or stick to the individualistic lifestyle I'd happily stuck to for my teenage life. The feelings Lanie are experiencing are so similar to my own I can't help but internally smirk at the strange fate of it all.
My solo comes to an end as I morosely begin to gather up my notepad and camera, getting ready to exit the stage. As written in the play, a few of Poison Ivy's goons ambush me and take me hostage as I leave while putting up a fight. I hear a few concerned gasps in the audience. They're buying the story, just like they ought to. The lights go dim as a set change occurs and I hear the resounding applause of the audience as I hurry to get into the harness that I'll need to be in for scene 4 of Act 2. Sandra is standing off stage in the wings, arm crossed over her skimpy little Poison Ivy costume as she smirks at me.
"Better hurry up and get into your harness, Ryder," she says condescendingly. "Wouldn't want anything to go wrong in the last part of the play."
I give her a suspicious look but brush past her, knowing I didn't have time to question what the smug look on her face was for. I hurried to put on my harness, mentally and physically preparing myself for the finale of the musical. Before I knew it, my time to come back on stage was here. I was suspended from the ceiling by my harness, wrapped up in a rope to make it look like it was holding me up above some "carnivorous" plants of Poison Ivy. I put on a scared face, struggling meekly against the ropes as Sandra cackled evilly as the villainess. Her plan was completely explained to the audience at this point, and Batman and Robin finally burst in, following with a staged fight scene against the Dynamic Duo and the hired help of Poison Ivy. She stands off to the side, her hands on a bright yellow lever that the Masked Marauders finally catch sight of once the fighting is over.
"Your plan was flawed, Ivy," Batman says, his voice stoic and gravelly. Even though I've actually met the real Batman, this guy is doing a pretty good job of pretending to be him. "You were sloppy with your execution, and now you'll have to pay for it."
"With a one way ticket to Arkham," Robin supplies, a big grin on his face. I have to almost do a double take to make sure it's not actually Dick under that mask. Jace is spot on with the character of Boy Wonder, and it almost feels like I never had to leave my spot on patrolling the streets at all.
"I think you two have forgotten my leverage over you," Sandra says seductively, playing the part of the villain a little too well. "Or at least, leverage over our dear Boy Blunder." Sandra gives a cackle of glee as she thrusts down the lever and the rope holding me begins to slowly drop down. "My babies are hungry and they sure do love the taste of nosy little girls."
"Robin!" I screech as one of the mechanical plants tries to nip at my feet. As Jace begins to start towards me Poison Ivy laughs in delight.
"It's not as simple as you think, little bird." With a snap of her fingers more cronies come out and engage the now tiring Dynamic Duo in yet another fight. The rope keeps lowering me down, closer and closer to the jaws of those hungry plants waiting below me (wow, I'm amazed how seriously I'm taking this). In the script Robin is supposed to pass off his cronies to Batman and go beat up Poison Ivy with a few evil plant repelling pellet things (something I'm sure we don't have in our utility belts). But tonight the goons are fighting at Robin more harshly than we've ever practiced and the rope keeps lowering me down little by little. It all clicks at that moment. Sandra couldn't get the part she wanted, so she's sabotaging the play, making it to where Lanie dies and Poison Ivy wins. I try to keep my face clear of any emotion other than distress as I figured out her master plan.
But what, I think to myself as I have to bring my legs up higher and higher with each ticking second. If she just planned to screw up the play, why did she smirk at me and tell me to get into my harness?
My unasked question is answered immediately. I'm at least a good 10 feet off the stage, hanging from this line and I can't do anything to change that. Before I can prepare myself, I feel the rope snap from the tension of being lowered, and probably from being pre-cut. Sandra looks on with glee as I fly to my inevitable death as Lanie Blanson and my inevitable ending of playing the role of Lanie Blanson. A shout erupts from my throat and I can't help but to stare on as I accelerate towards the ground. The audience gasps with me, thinking this is all an elaborate part of the plot. How wrong they're about to find out they are when I break a wrist or something from landing strangely.
But before I'm forcing to meet the ground, I'm caught by Jace, who has just broken free from the band of villains that had been restraining him. He runs across the stage and jumps, catching me in mid-air like he's the actual Robin, landing on the ground with a tuck and a roll. I'm a bit bumped around but it's certainly better than having a broken bone or two.
We go back to script after Robin catches me. Lanie is led off the side with Robin as Batman triumphs against his goons and incapacitates Poison Ivy. Jace and I get off stage so that he can help me get out of my harness and rope restraints. As soon as we're sure nobody can see or hear us, he begins untying the knots and undoing the buckles of the harness.
"This wasn't supposed to happen," he whispers furiously to me, his breathing still labored from the amazing performance of agility, strength, and acrobatics I've ever seen performed on a stage.
"It was Sandra," I say equally as quiet, patiently waiting for the ropes to disappear. "She sabotaged the line, I know it."
"I'm thinking you might be on to something," he says, finishing up with undoing the harness. I step out of it, straightening up my costume which really only consists of skinny jeans, high top Converse, a t-shirt and a black feminine blazer. It's really something I'd wear in real life, which is why I find it so comfortable.
"You ready for this?" I ask quietly as we await our cue line. A lot of the other characters have gone out on stage now, Commissioner Gordon, a lady who's supposed to be the equal of Vicki Vale, the Mayor of Gotham. It's almost time for us to go on when Jace grabs my wrist, puling me closer to him before giving me a fleeting kiss.
"Now I am. Just had to practice, you know? Didn't want to mess it up when we finally got out there." He grins at me devilishly, much like I've seen Dick do so many as Robin and as a civilian. I don't have time to come up with a witty comment before we waltz back on stage, me hanging on his arm and laughing like I'm a bubbly damsel in distress that's just been saved. In all reality, I am, which makes it so much easier to play.
Most of the entire cast is on stage now, singing the final song, something about justice prevailing. I'm not really singing along as I should be, because I'm too caught up in playing the lovey-dovey Lanie with Jace. At the end of the play he pulls me in, this time by the waist, and dips me ever so slightly into a passionate kiss that has the audience whooping and clapping with renewed vigor. I wrap my arms around him and the lights go down, the curtain closing soon after. Jace and I don't actually break apart till the dim stage lights come back on and the cast has to get into place for curtain call. We get in place, waiting for all the minor characters to go out and bow before we go out, hands clasped together and bow in front of the audience. I don't even know what he's doing until Jace pulls me in for another kiss that has the crowd going wild once more. I laugh and shake my head after we break apart again, a big smile on my face as the entire cast bows together.
And as I look out on the crowd, hands still clasped with Jace on my right, with the blindingly bright stage lights shining in my eyes, and I'm squinting and grinning as hard as I can, I realize that doing this musical every day after school for hours at a time really wasn't all that bad a way to spend a month.