Chapter Ten
Mikah was having a hard time. I could see it. We were only there alone for a few minutes, but it was getting worse for him.
"You'll be okay." I whispered, suddenly fearful, "You're my best friend. I couldn't let Jack take you from me too."
Just as I lowered my head in an attempt to hide my emotion, I heard a fast approach. More than one. More than two. More than three. A rather large group heading our way. I knew who it was, so I didn't bother moving. I didn't need to fight anymore. The threat was gone. Laying in two pieces somewhere behind me.
I didn't look up as the small basement behind me became crowded.
"Holy shit." Emmett was the first, and only, to speak, "Shorty."
Nobody else said a word. It really didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened. I did glance back, though. Part of me just needed to see them together again. It was really the first chance I had to focus on it. It would give me the strength I needed to give my strength to Mikah.
The sadness was the first emotion I saw mirrored in their eyes. All I saw after that, was the fact that they were back in sync. They stood together like a coven should, instead of just existing near each other. It was a sight I never thought I'd see. It was the little, subtle details I never would have picked up on when I was human.
I actually couldn't help my small, tearless sob as I looked back down at Mikah's pain. I couldn't help it. I didn't know how to handle it. I'd never felt like this before. So physically strong, yet completely powerless to stop what was hurting him.
I didn't have to look over when Esme approached me, kneeling beside me slowly.
"Are you okay?" She asked, concerned. I ignored the sound of Jasper and Emmett removing the evidence of what I'd done to Jack. Out of the room and up the stairs.
"I'm not hurt." I whimpered, shaking my head. I was far from okay, though. I knew she knew what was bothering me.
"Oh, honey." She murmured, "I'm so sorry." She was. I heard it. She was sorry for more than just what was going on with Mikah. She and I both knew he would be fine, but it was getting there from this point in the change was going to be hell.
It was more than that. She was sorry that I had to do what I did to Jack. From the start, I'd always questioned my ability to do what needed to be done regarding him. Not only because he was twice my size physically, but also because I had such an agonizing history with Jack. I already had that instinct ingrained into me to fear him, to follow him.
It needed to be done. He needed to be disposed of, but I never once wanted to be the one to do it. She knew this.
I didn't reply.
Reaching out, Esme gently placed her arm around my shoulders. Carefully, like she was testing to see if it would bother me. Almost exactly like I'd done with Mikah. I was torn, so I just let it happen at first. I felt the others watching, waiting for my reaction.
Eventually, I tore my eyes away from Mikah to look over at her. I had one thing I wanted to admit.
"I'm so scared." I admitted in a whisper. I was talking about trusting them again, and she knew that. They all knew that, but before Esme could respond, Rosalie did first.
"So was I." She said, and I looked back at her, "I was scared too. While Emmett was being turned." Her tone was still cold, but for the first time, she wasn't putting me down. She was comparing what I was experiencing to an experience she had. It was as much of an approval as I was sure I would ever get. I doubted she knew what that meant to me.
Putting that conversation back for later, I watched as Carlisle stepped forward next. I felt better with him there. He had the experience it took to stay calm in a situation like this, but for the first time, I was really seeing how hard it was to comfort someone who was going through this. No matter what I would say, it wouldn't make it better. I hated seeing this. I hated that he was in so much pain and I couldn't do anything to help him through it. As strong as I was, I felt completely worthless. It was a depressing feeling.
"Leandra." I glanced back at Jasper's voice behind me as both he and Emmett returned, "I'm proud of you."
"You are?" I asked hesitantly.
"For many reasons." He confirmed, "All along, you've been so brave, and when it came down to it today, you did what you needed to do."
"I'm not brave." I mumbled shamefully, looking back down at Mikah's hand in both of mine. I didn't dare let him go until he wanted me to. I knew eventually, he would want me to let go, but right then, he needed something to keep him grounded.
"Yes you are." He replied easily, "I'll never forgive myself for what I did, but for what it's worth, I'm proud of who you've become."
"That wasn't you, though." I pointed out quietly.
"I had enough to do with it." He argued, "It may have been Jack that took it to extremes, but had I not already felt that way-"
"You never would have done anything if it wasn't for him." I replied, "You don't have to beat yourself up." I trailed off as I went back to watching Mikah. I knew eventually we would have to move him, but I was honestly hesitant to touch him at all besides his hand. I knew exactly how overwhelming it was to be in that much pain, and then have people fretting over you.
"I also cannot express how proud I am of you." Carlisle spoke up beside me, and I looked up, surprised. He, of all people, was proud of what I'd done? "I know how it must have bothered you, but I'm glad you're okay."
"I didn't want to do it." I admitted, shaking my head a little, "But I had to. He could hurt me all he wanted to. I don't care, but when he tries to hurt the people I care about, it's too much."
"Do you really feel that way?" Carlisle asked, as something about that bothered him.
"Yes." I answered easily, "It was fine when it was just me and him. I'd get kicked around all day if he wanted, but then he went after Esme. Then Mikah. I just had to."
"Kicked around?" Emmett asked, surprised, "You put up with that?" Quietly, I nodded.
"I could handle that better than everything else." I murmured, "Even if I did heal right after."
"What's everything else?" Rosalie asked, and I heard the frown in her tone. I pursed my lips, refusing to answer.
"What Gage said," Emmett pressed, "That was a regular thing?" Again, I nodded quietly. I'd probably never let on how much that bothered me.
"And you're saying.." Alice murmured, speaking up for the first time, "That you allowed that?"
"If nobody else had to go through it, I would have put up with it as long as I had to." I said, "But he wasn't sticking with it. I couldn't let Esme go through what my mom went through. He only went after Mikah to get me back. Jack ruins people, and he was doing it again. I only killed him because I had to, to protect everyone else. I didn't do it to get him back for what he did to me." That was an important distinction to make.
Beside me, Esme hugged me again. The best I could while my hand was still clutched in Mikah's hand, I returned it.
"Dude better be glad she took care of him before I heard her say that." Emmett grumbled.
I didn't move, listening to a smaller group approaching quickly. Shannon led the way into the basement, followed closely by Gage and, surprisingly, Brett. Cole followed them, staying on the stairs. Probably as lookout. They slowed once they got down the stairs, probably because of the group already here. The room was small as it was.
"We sent the others home." Gage told me, glancing toward my family, "We didn't want them in the middle of this."
"I don't blame you." I said, "But it's okay now. It's safe now. He's gone."
"Good." Shannon muttered, "He needed to be taken out."
I jumped a little as Mikah suddenly pulled his hand away from mine. He must have reached his tolerance level, and I respected that.
"It's okay." I spoke to him again, "I'll explain everything." He didn't reply, but I knew he heard me. I took that opportunity to stand up, looking back at Shannon and the other two standing back by the door.
Brett was highly skittish, still not having said a word to anyone that wasn't his size. I knew being in such tight quarters with everyone else had to be getting to him.
I sighed, watching as Brett looked over at the others nervously. Taking a step back the opposite direction, despite the fact that none of them had moved. Shannon placed a careful, comforting hand on his shoulder. He accepted it, but it didn't seem to help any. I decided to explain.
"Brett went through everything I did." I said, looking over as Carlisle stood up as well, "For a lot longer than I did. He's got almost the same story as I do."
"That's why you two are drawn to each other." Shannon nodded sadly, "You get along so well because you understand. Except he only stayed because he didn't have any other choice. He only left when his creator got tired of him."
So Brett didn't have any closure like I did. No wonder he was always so fearful.
"If you wanna go," I said to him, "It's okay." He didn't say anything in return, and he didn't move.
"What happened?" Gage asked me, moving the subject along, "How did you do it? I don't think any of us have ever tried to take on someone his size alone." I sighed.
"Long story." I mumbled, "I couldn't lose. Not again." I paused, looking down, "I had help."
"Who?" Alice asked, and I glanced over.
"Mikah helped me."
"He helped you? While he was like this?" Gage asked, surprised, and I nodded, "How?"
"He distracted him." I explained, "Just for a second. Just for long enough for me to get loose."
"Well, I'm glad." Shannon murmured, "It takes a lot to say a human helped one of us. Especially with venom in them."
We all fell quiet, though, looking over as Brett inched forward, back into the room. Mikah's pain continued, and I knew that that was what Brett was looking at.
"Brett?" I asked quietly, confused. I was actually stunned as he started forward. Toward the large group, instead of away from it. Stepping carefully around Emmett and Alice standing there, almost sliding along the wall to avoid them, but he made it slowly to the far corner, and Carlisle's side. The closest he'd ever tried to be to anyone so far.
Nobody said anything as he kneeled beside Carlisle, peering down at Mikah. Carlisle crouched as well, no doubt as curious as we were. I'd never seen Brett act like this before, so I was puzzled.
"Watch." Shannon murmured quietly, so I knew she knew what he was doing.
Reaching one hand out, Brett placed his hand lightly over Mikah's forehead. Almost instantly, Mikah calmed down. His frown stayed, but he was calmer, despite still trying to catch his breath. I saw the tension visibly smooth away from his entire body. Mikah's hands loosened from their trembling fists, and he breathed deeply.
It was such a difference, I was stunned. How grateful I felt was almost overwhelming, so I looked over at Gage for an answer.
"Brett takes away physical pain." Gage explained, gaining everyone else's attention, "It's a little useless when it comes to us, but in times like this.."
"How did I not know this?" I asked, astonished.
"I don't like to see anyone suffer." Brett added quietly, nervously, looking back at us as he sat upright, "And if Leandra fought to protect him, he must be a good person, so I wanted to help. He'll be okay. He's still hurting. I couldn't take it all away, but he's okay."
If he was okay, I was okay.
"Thank you." I told him as sincerely as I could, and he smiled a little.
"I've never seen anything like this." Carlisle was the first of the others to speak to him, and Brett looked over at him.
"Nobody ever has." Brett replied, shrugging, "I use it a lot when we hunt. I feel bad." He looked back down at Mikah, "But we gotta move him soon. Before it starts to wear off."
I agreed, "Someone's gonna find him down here. I'd do it, but.. He's way bigger than me." I could lift him just fine, but it would be awkward.
With a small chuckle, Emmett started forward. It was amazing how easily Mikah took to being carried. I remembered being so overwhelmed at any contact, but Mikah didn't seem to even notice.
"Where to, shorty?" Emmett asked a simple question, but it was a little more complicated of an answer. I had a choice to make. Where was I most comfortable? Where did I want my best friend to be during such an agonizing time? I found I couldn't be stubborn when it came to Mikah, and it was a no-brainer. I glanced over at Carlisle, and though I knew he'd never pressure me, I could see he anticipated my answer as much as anyone else.
I took a moment longer to look back at Jasper standing there. He was looking down, but looked back up as Alice nudged him.
"I promise to do better." I mumbled, "Can we start over? Can I have another chance?"
I knew what committing to this would mean. It would mean drastic changes to my lifestyle and working on getting passed the mistreatment I'd endured the last few months. It was something the Tacoma kids had worked with many, many times but I wanted to stay with my family. It was all I ever wanted. I wanted to be home.
"Of course." He replied, "I'm more than willing to try again if you are. Especially after how I acted."
I accepted that with a nod, looking down for a moment before looking back at Emmett.
"Home." I murmured with a small nod, "Let's take him home."
He smiled, having heard what I didn't say, and he nodded.
Together, even the kids, we ran back home. Rosalie and Esme stayed behind to clean up any mess and erase whatever security camera footage that might become an issue later.
Emmett didn't hesitate in taking Mikah inside the house, and I knew he'd be more comforted in there. I had to wonder, though, if they ever finished fixing my room.
I watched Emmett carry him inside, but I didn't follow right away. Edward had found Carlisle as soon as we got back, talking to him off to the side while the others sort of dispersed themselves here and there around the area.
"Leandra." Shannon came to my side, Gage and Brett with her, "We have to get back, but we wanted to make sure you were okay first." I smiled sadly.
"I'm not hurt." I repeated my earlier words but she didn't buy it. Not for one second.
"But are you okay?" She insisted, "To be honest, you've seemed a little off since before New York."
"I just.." I muttered, "I guess I don't know how to feel. It all hasn't caught up yet, so I guess I feel kinda empty." She nodded a little.
"I've been there." She replied, "Keep your family close. You've fought hard for them. I think with time, you really have a chance now, but if you ever need us for anything, please don't wait to come find us."
"I'll be visiting." I assured her, "I promise."
"And don't forget to let us know when it's safe to move back to Tacoma." Gage requested, "Carlisle says we can come back anytime."
"Definitely." I agreed.
"And I hope you don't mind, but we'll be staying in touch with Cole." Shannon requested, "We like him." She glanced over at where he stood talking to Esme and Alice. I nodded.
"He's a good guy." I replied, "I've known him for a long time too." She smiled a little. Reaching forward, she hugged me, and I returned it hesitantly.
Gage hugged me next, followed last by Brett.
"Forgive yourself." He whispered, but I didn't know how to reply to that. Those two words really got to me. I just hugged him tighter, because he knew. I didn't feel like forgiving myself. I felt like crying, but of course, we couldn't do that.
With a nudge to Gage, Shannon turned and walked away. Gage followed her easily, both of them probably hoping I would talk. I couldn't help myself.
"I can't." I whispered back, closing my eyes. I would never forgive myself for everything that happened to me.
He pulled back to look at me, and immediately, I knew he felt the way I felt.
"You're one of the bravest kids I've ever known." He told me, "You don't even know how long I've looked up to you."
"You shouldn't." I replied, "I'm not brave."
"Wanna know something?" He asked, and I nodded so he spoke again, "You know how Gage said we'd been following you since that first night you woke up?"
"Yeah." I muttered at his prompting.
"Well, that wasn't the full truth." He admitted, and I frowned a little, "We had been following you since you first woke up, but we first found you that day you were here. When you were human."
"How?" I asked, surprised.
Hesitantly, he looked over at my family. They were still preoccupied with their own discussions, so he turned, and I followed him. Slowly, we started to walk.
"We had been keeping our distance from your coven for awhile." He explained, "But now and then, we liked to keep tabs on what they were doing. We crossed your scent in town, and we came here that night. 'Cause we were curious."
Naturally. I could definitely understand how my scent would capture their interest.
"We didn't even know you were a kid until we saw you the next day." He went on, "The day the cops came and took you away."
That was the day I first woke up from my last vision here on the couch. The day I first realized something was wrong with me.
"That long?" I asked, surprised.
"We heard the things you said." He admitted quietly, "Even when you were human, you were so brave. When Carlisle brought you back here a few days after that, we knew to be waiting for you when he turned you. Call it a sixth sense, but we had a feeling Carlisle wouldn't be able to help turning you. Thinking he was helping."
"He was trying to help me." I defended him.
"I know." He nodded, "He's not a bad guy, but in moments like that, they don't really stop to think it through until after it's already done, but it always starts the same. So.." He hesitated, "We were hoping to convince you to come with us before you had to know what it was like to be chased away."
We made it to the beginning of the drive way, still in view of the yard and everyone in it but far enough away for us to talk somewhat privately.
"What I wanna know.." He mumbled, "Is why you think you're not brave."
"Because I'm not." I answered quietly, "I only did the things I did because I was afraid of everything going wrong again. I had to do things differently, and I couldn't let them save me because I was afraid. How is being afraid being brave?"
"You did the things you did to protect your family." He corrected me, "You weren't afraid for you. You were afraid for them, and that made you do the things you did. And you didn't do anything wrong. It was Jack that deserves all the blame. Not you."
I looked down, and he sighed.
"I know." He murmured, "It's not that easy."
"But..?" I prompted him to continue.
"No 'but'." He replied, "It's not easy. It just isn't. Some of us just end up in the wrong hands, and all we can do is just get through it. It's not easy. I'm not gonna tell you it is, or that all you need is good people, because sometimes that just isn't enough. Sometimes you're just let down. I've heard that lie enough times."
Nobody rushed us. We talked for probably an hour longer before I needed to get back to Mikah, so we made our way back to the middle of the yard. Shannon and Gage didn't leave him. We found Shannon standing back, watching everyone else.
For a second, she didn't acknowledge us. Deep in her own thoughts, and it was a sharp reminder that she had her own demons to fight. She was always so open and supportive, it was almost easy to forget that.
I stood with her in silence, Brett standing to my other side. Out in the yard, Gage stood talking to Carlisle. Once again, the sight was a reminder. Seeing them both standing there, it was strange to think that Gage was as much of a leader as Carlisle was. Along with Shannon, Gage was a kid, hardly taller than me and just as slight, yet he pretty much kept the Tacoma coven going. Gage was someone irreplaceable to them. Just as much as Carlisle was to us. It just really went to show that physical size definitely didn't mean much.
"I'm sorry." I spoke to Shannon, and she looked over, "That I'm staying here."
"I get it." She assured me, "I know. You want to make it work here, and that's okay. Just remember that the offer is always open." I nodded, sighing. I was glad she wasn't upset with my choice.
"Believe me." Brett murmured, "If any of us had a family like you have, we'd have fought for them too. I just hope they figure out exactly what it took for you to do that. That should be proof enough that they have a good person."
I had a feeling that that's what Gage was talking to Carlisle about. We fell quiet again, watching Gage finish up his discussion and start walking in our direction.
"Hopefully things can get back to normal now." Gage sighed as he reached us, "We should get back."
Brett nodded a little before he looked to me, "If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me."
"You too." I offered quietly, "And thank you. So much, for.. What you did for Mikah."
"You're welcome." He replied easily, "I don't know how long it'll last, though, because I've never tried it for something like this before."
"I'll let you know." I said, as I knew that this was probably good information to know.
When they were gone, I looked at the house, considering going inside to check on Mikah. I couldn't yet, though. I needed to get myself right emotionally before I could be strong for him.
"Leandra." I was approached next by Jasper. He seemed hesitant, and I couldn't blame him. I was still jumpy, especially when it came to him. It would take me a little while to trust him, if I ever did.
No one else was paying attention, so I couldn't help being edgy.
"I only want to talk." He assured me, probably having felt my nervousness, "I feel like there's one more thing I have yet to address. I can't tell you how badly I regret the things I said that night."
"I know." I replied, "You never would have said them if it wasn't for Jack. That's what he does.. Or.. Used to do, now I guess."
"I know you're conflicted."
"That means confused, right?"
"Basically." He allowed, so I nodded.
"I know I'm supposed to be happy he's gone." I said, "I've never been the one to.. Do it before. Maybe that's why I didn't wanna do it, but I took the chance I had, and now.. I don't know."
"You were protecting yourself, Leandra." He replied gently, "Self defense is one of our most basic instincts. There is no limit to how far you'd go to save your own life."
"It wasn't me I was protecting." I frowned a little, confused.
"Protecting your life doesn't only mean staying alive." He explained, "It means protecting those that mean the most to you, no matter the cost. In a sense, that's what you've been doing since the night I forced you to leave."
That made sense.
"I tried to lie about it, because despite thinking it was for the best, I felt ashamed." He went on, and I looked down, "I just couldn't bring myself to be honest about it. With myself, or with the family. Certainly not Alice. I didn't want to admit that I was the monster I was, so I fabricated the story, and I believed it for a time."
"You're not a monster." I replied, "I never thought you were."
"Thank you." He smiled slightly, but it was a sad one, "You're too forgiving."
"Jack was training me." I admitted, "I don't know if it was his gift that let him do it, but.. I feel like.. Like I let myself and everyone else down because he could get to me so easy. Maybe that's why I never really fought back, and I just told myself it was for different reasons."
"Perhaps." He allowed, "From what I've experienced myself, I know his gift was nothing to underestimate. I'm not surprised he would use it on you. Please don't feel guilty for what you did today. You knew better than anyone that it could only have ended one way."
"I never wanted to do that." I admitted quietly, "Even after everything he did to me.. In those weeks after I last left here, before Esme came back.. If I thought everything would go back to how it was before, without Esme or Mikah, I probably wouldn't have done it."
"You would have endured that abuse?"
"I know that sounds stupid." I muttered, looking down, "But I would have, if it meant I never had to kill him myself, or that nobody else would have had to suffer like I was."
"The fact that you weren't tempted, even the slightest, to end him and his abuse tells me that you're too kind of a person." He told me, and I sighed.
"He was always the one person that was always there." I replied, "As weird as it sounds, he was my square one. I don't really know how to live without him being something I gotta worry about."
"It'll come to you." He assured me, and we both glanced over as Carlisle approached. Given his expression, I knew he had been listening. Jasper looked at me again, probably sensing Carlisle wanted to talk to me. He gave me a small nod, "Welcome home, Leandra."
"Thanks." I forced a small smile, watching as he turned and walked away. I knew it would take some time before we were on good terms, but with us both willing to try, I could see how it could work out.
"I can't help getting the impression that you believe you've done something bad." Carlisle pointed out as he arrived at my side. Just like Gage had to, I had to look up to look at him. I would never get used to that feeling.
"No." I murmured, "I know it was for the best, but.. I didn't think it would be this hard."
"Change is difficult." He replied, "Especially when it's so sudden, but the worst thing you can ever do to yourself is fixate on the way you think things should be."
"I can't help it sometimes." I admitted, closing my eyes, "I can still see how it was before. What's getting to me the most is how I feel like I'm supposed to be so close to everyone, but I'm the only one. I thought it was supposed to get easier. Not more confusing."
"It'll get better." He told me, "And I firmly believe that it'll get easier. I can't imagine how hard it is to see the differences."
"Mikah is the only thing that's been on time since all this started." I said, "I met him when I was supposed to, and now he's being turned when he was supposed to. I know that seems stupid."
"It's not stupid." He replied, "You find meaning in your experiences, Leandra. It brings you comfort. You're such a strong person. Please never lose that."
"I don't feel strong." I sighed, "I wish people would stop saying that."
"There's more to strength than physical." He reminded me, "I see a lot in you. You're willing to stay, despite what happened months ago between Jasper and yourself."
"Maybe I'm just stupid."
"No." He corrected me, "You're understanding. You're compassionate." I smiled a little at that word.
"I learned from the best." I admitted, glancing up at him, "A long time ago."
"You're a compassionate person, Leandra." He confirmed, "And I'm proud of you for that, among other reasons, but that's not to say that even the kindest of people have their breaking point. Compassion only carries us so far. When our loved ones are threatened, there comes a point where that compassion must end." He paused for a moment, "Thank you."
That surprised me.
"For what?" I asked, looking up at him fully now.
"For keeping Esme safe when she wouldn't allow me to do so." He clarified, and I immediately shook my head. I looked over at where she stood with Alice and Jasper, my smile fading fast.
"I had to." I mumbled, "Seeing her like that with him scared me. You should be thanking Eli. He got her out of there. I know if he hadn't done that, she would have kept going and probably gotten hurt herself. Jack was getting.. Well, pretty mad."
"It was you, however, that made it possible for him to get in and get her out of there." He argued lightly, and I hesitated. I never thought of it like that. If I hadn't gotten back up, Eli wouldn't have been able to run in and get her. He probably would have just settled with getting me out.
Carlisle went on, "And to know what you went through because of that, it hurts me."
"They told you." I sighed, disappointed in that bit of news.
"They came to us." He nodded, "And yes, they told us what was happening. My biggest regret is not arriving sooner."
I was quiet for a moment, not sure what to say.
"I wanna say I'm fine after what he did, but.." I hesitated, "I'm not." I felt like I could admit that now. My voice quieted, "I'm really not. I will be, but right now, I'm not."
"I can't express how sorry I am." He murmured, "I don't know what to say."
"It's okay." I replied, "There's nothing really you can say to make it okay. That's one of the things I never got used to."
"Because it's unnatural." He answered, "What Jack did to you was never meant to happen."
"It happened all the time." I reminded him, "I know it wasn't supposed to happen, but it did. I never got used to it happening. I just sort of expected it."
"The fact that you're so calm about this concerns me."
"It was my normal." I shrugged a little, "Just like Jack was. Maybe because I knew him so long? I don't know. I know it'll bother me for a long time, though, but I guess right now I'm kinda numb."
He nodded, "That's understandable."
I fell quiet, watching the yard despite how I knew he watched me. My emotions were not easily identifiable. I didn't know how to feel, but I also knew he was reading each of those emotions in my eyes.
"The worst part of all this.." I mumbled without looking at him, "It wasn't what Jack did to me, or to anyone else. It's not that I had to be the one to kill him. The worst part wasn't even that I spent so much time with him. I would go through all that over and over.." I trailed off, hesitating. Biting my lip a little as the familiar wound opened again.
"What is it?" He asked gently. I looked down.
"The worst part of.. Well, everything.." I said, "Is that.. Still no one really knows why I did everything I did. I didn't do what I did because I'm brave, or whatever. Being brave didn't have anything to do with it. I was so scared the whole time."
"You did what you did because of the memories you held onto from the vision."
"Mostly." I confirmed, "I think I just don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I can't not feel the way I do about everyone. I forgave Jasper so easy because I know the real him. He doesn't even know how good of a person he is. I lived with him. I grew up, being taught things I never would have learned if it wasn't for him. Or you, or Esme. Everyone raised me just as much as you two did."
I closed my eyes, "I can still see things the way I saw them, and every time I do, the fight starts all over again. Part of me knows I need to stop thinking about that time, but.. At the same time.. I don't wanna let it go. It makes me feel really, really lonely."
He was quiet, so I went on.
"I did everything I did because I wanted to fight for my family." I murmured, "The family I know. Not.. The Jasper here, now. The Jasper I know. The one that taught me how to defend myself. The one that helped me so many times when I was feeling too much. The one that took me away when it got too dangerous. The one who kept me safe.
"I fought for the family I know." I continued, quieter now, "The family that did everything they could to make me see what they saw. The ones that did everything they could to teach me how to be human. The ones that took me in, brought me up from nothing.. The ones that taught me how to trust. And Love. And believe in something. The ones that never treated me any different because I was the way I was. I had so many problems, but nobody ever gave up on me. No matter how many reasons they had, or how many times I wanted to give up on myself. You don't know how much that push meant to someone like me."
Honestly, it felt good to finally find words for how I was feeling and the way I remembered things. I'd struggled with that this entire time.
I couldn't help smiling a little as I finally looked over and up at him, "You have no idea how much me and you have been through."
"Perhaps not." He replied, "But I'd love to hear about it when you're comfortable."
"Yeah." I nodded a little, smiling a little more. That didn't seem like such a bad idea. I didn't have a reason anymore to hide anything. I could start sorting through these memories now and I could tell them some stories they'd never believe.
"I like that idea, shorty." Emmett chimed in as he arrived at my other side, "Tell me. Was I as awesome then as I am now?"
"More." I admitted after a second of thought, "You gotta try harder." He smirked, obviously knowing I was joking. I went on, "I like that idea, too. I can tell you so many things.. Exactly how it's supposed to be. How I remember it happening."
"I can honestly say that I look forward to it." Carlisle smiled a little, and I nodded again. My smile faded, though, as I sighed.
I had something I needed to do, though. I knew right where I wanted to go.
"I'm gonna go see Mikah." I mumbled, my tone quiet.
"Please," He replied, "Let me know if you need anything." I nodded silently before I started off.
The entire time I spent walking inside, I felt relieved. I wouldn't be bothered, or asked to talk. I didn't exactly feel bothered, but it would take me awhile to get back to feeling okay.
I followed the sound of Mikah's heartbeat into my room on the first floor. The same guest room that I'd been turned in. I wasn't sure if they meant it to mean so much, but it really did. I silently walked into the room, closing the door behind me.
I approached the side of the bed, watching him. It was almost like he was sleeping, aside from the tense crease in his brow and how he trembled. I knew he was still okay, thanks to Brett, but he was still hurting too.
"It's okay." I whispered to him, carefully sitting next to him. He opened his eyes, and looked at me. I knew he had questions, but he couldn't exactly ask them.
"Thank you." I whispered, "For helping me." He didn't reply, but I could see the subtle way his eyes changed.
I stayed beside him, watching him. He didn't cry out, but his breathing was fast, so I knew he was still in a lot of pain. When I talked, I kept my voice quiet. I never expected a reply, but I knew it would help him a lot if I explained exactly what was happening to him. I did my best to comfort him without bothering him.
I told him, as gently as I could, that everything he knew was changing. He would be okay, better than okay, but he would never be the same.
Daringly, I told him about me. My visions, and about the fact that I'd known him for so long, but he only knew me briefly. I told him exactly why I was so attached to him, and exactly why I considered him to be my best friend.
I told him that he would be a little afraid when he woke up, but not to worry, because I'd be there. I would help him. I would show him all there was to know about everything there was to know about this life. I told him that as long as he wanted me to be there, he would never be alone.
I felt like I talked those entire two and a half days, and in his final few hours, I was quiet, aside from when I told him that it was almost over. I stayed directly beside him the entire time, completely neglecting the fact that I needed to hunt. He was far more important to me, and I was determined to be there when he first opened his eyes.
It was almost unnerving. Sitting there beside him the entire time, I could see the changes happening. I could hear his heartbeat fighting it, continuing to push the venom through his body. His scent changed from fragile and human, hardening into his own personal scent that I would know forever. So familiar to me, but brand new to him.
His wounds closed, his skin smoothed and lightened into porcelain. It was such a horrible thing, but amazing to be able to watch.
When his heart finally stopped, and the room fell silent, I wanted to mourn, but I also knew it was okay. It meant his pain was gone. He wasn't hurting anymore. I gave him his time to come to terms with this, and to get his first feel for the way he was now.
I watched closely as his eyes did open. He was still at first, and I stayed still. I wanted him to see me first before I spoke. I didn't want to startle him. I would let him adjust on his own first.
I knew the others were waiting just outside the door, probably in case he was a little too unmanageable, but I felt confident enough that I'd be okay.
He suddenly sat up, and it seemed to startle him. I couldn't help laughing a little at that, and the sound brought his attention to me.
"It's okay." I told him, and I watched the recognition enter his eyes. He recognized me instantly, but my voice especially. I'd been talking to him this whole time.
"Leandra?" He seemed confused, and I smiled a little.
"Just sit for a second." I suggested, "Get used to yourself before you try to move too much, or you'll just freak yourself out. Trust me." Hesitantly, he nodded.
"What is that?" He asked, frowning a little, and it took me a moment to understand what he meant.
"The others." I said, "My family. They're okay." He still seemed nervous, so I smiled a little, "Can you try to stand up? Slow?" He hesitated, so I decided to show him, standing slowly. He was suddenly on his feet, and I laughed again.
"Shit." He muttered, looking around himself, "I-I'm sorry, I don't mean-"
"It's okay." I assured him easily, "We have lots of time to work on that." He was very disoriented, and I wanted to ease him.
"What you said.." He started, "Before.. Did you mean it?"
"About what?"
"I'm a vampire?" He asked, and I paused briefly, looking down as my smile faded.
"Yeah." I replied, "It's true. I mean, there are some cool parts of it, but.. Mostly, there's a lot of things you can't do now."
"Why are you sad?" He asked, confused.
"Because I didn't get to save you." I answered and he laughed a little humorlessly.
"I barely remember that day."
"It'll come back to you." I replied, "Unless you'd lost too much blood to remember."
"All I remember.." He mused, "That guy."
"Jack." I muttered, "He's gone now. You don't have to worry-"
"I was worried about you." He cut me off, "I was so bummed when I saw that you'd shown up."
"Me?" I asked, surprised, "You weren't afraid?"
"Well, yeah." He answered, "He was a psychopath, but I was more worried about what he would do to you when you got there." I watched as he frowned a little, looking down at me, "Can I get some.. I don't know.. Some water or something?"
He gestured to his throat, and I couldn't help laughing again. I clearly heard a snicker from out in the hall as well.
"What?" He laughed a little, "I feel like I swallowed burning coal."
"Water isn't what you want." Unfortunately, I giggled. Totally embarrassing myself, but he just smiled. I offered my hand, "I'll show you."
He took it, and though his first few steps were fast, I slowed him down. From one end of the room to the other, I showed him how to take slower steps.
I carefully opened the door, and he seemed nervous again.
"It's okay." I told him again, and he seemed to believe me as we peered out into the hall to find most of the others were further back. It looked like they were leaving the way clear for us to leave.
"Hunt first, honey." Esme told me, and I understood. Introductions would probably go better after he'd hunted. I had to remember that this time, he'd never met them before. Only Edward, and that was briefly.
"Hunt?" Mikah asked, looking down at me, "Wait. Humans?" Well, that posed a problem. I hadn't exactly thought about it. I'd been hunting humans for so long, I nearly led him straight for that path, but I couldn't do that.
"No humans." Thankfully, Emmett answered him for me, "We do things a little differently."
A/N: I know this is mostly filler, but that's okay. :) I like how it came out after the faster pace of last chapter.
THANK YOU! To my REVIEWERS of last chapter! THANK YOU! HUGE THANK YOU!
Chapter Eleven.. Might take some time. I will say that. I haven't decided yet on how things need to play out, but I'll do my best to get it out in a reasonable time. How chapter eleven goes decides whether or not there's another chapter to this particular story or if it's the last. It's that important, so I have to take my time with it. To say Leandra's been fighting me this entire time is an understatement lol and to be honest, I think it shows. I've definitely got this story set aside for a rewrite at some point in the future.
Anyhoo!
Until Eleven, my friends! Wish me luck!