PSManiac: Hello my loyal readers! PSManiac here with the newest chapter to Crash: Dimension Dilemma. News Alert! Exclusively to my bio page is a guide to the 0th
Dimension. It's more interesting than funny, but you can still read it. Watch out for updates to the guide. I don't own stuff that is not owned by me. Enjoy!
Chapter Nine: Aquatic Annoyances
The bandicoots fought valiantly through the hordes of Ratsputin's robots. But when one robot goes down, two take its place. Hope seemed bleak for our heroes.
"There's too many of them!" Crunch yelled, punching one of the robots, "Now I'm going to miss my soaps!"
His comrades looked at him questionly.
"I mean… wrestling! Yeah… wrestling… hehe."
Suddenly, one of their crystals began glowing brightly and floated into the air. It zapped Crunch's bionic arm and dropped into Crash's hands. There was a bright flash of
light. Wow, it's bright. Ahh! It's too bright! My eyes! They burn! I've gone blind! How come I'm typing when I'm blind! It doesn't make any sense! Ahh!
Anyway, as the light faded, Crunch's arm had transformed into a laser canon.
"Wow," he said as his friends' jaws hit the floor. Crunch pointed his new arm canon at the army of robots and fired. About half of the robots got obliterated into tiny
particles.
"C'mon!" Aku Aku yelled, "To the squid while they are distracted!"
The heroes raced over to the squid, jumped on, and swam away.
"You won't getaway that easily!" Ratsputin proclaimed. The lab rat grabbed the steering wheel of the submarine and turned the ignition. Nothing happened.
"Stupid piece of junk!" Ratsputin screamed, and then he kicked the dashboard. He may have smashed his toes on the dashboard's metallic surface, but he got the sub
working. He grabbed the wheel once again and raced after the bandicoots.
The bandicoots zigged and zagged through the ocean and into some underwater ruins with Ratsputin hot on their heels. Well, technically the phrase is hot on their heels and
tentacles but you get the same basic idea. Well, Aku Aku has no heels so technically-
"Get on with it!"
Alright! Anyway, Ratputin's submarine inched closer to the bandicoot's giant squid. Next, they entered a huge dome with absolutely positively absotiveposilutely no exits.
"I have you now!" cried Ratsputin. He pushed a big red button on the dashboard only to turn on the sub's headlights.
"No, that's not it," he murmured as he pushed a big green button. This activated the windshield wipers which are completely useless on a submarine. After pushing the blue,
orange, purple, yellow, grey, black, white, indigo, and periwinkle buttons, Ratsputin finally turned around to see a huge, flashing button right behind him with a sign above it
that said, "You push this button, stupid!"
"Oh yeah! That button!" he said before pushing it. Insert Transformers theme song here as the submarine transforms into a giant robot. The squid swam around the huge
room with the Scubabot blasting torpedoes at them.
"What should we do?" Coco asked frantically. Crunch looked at his arm cannon and said, "I have a plan that so crazy that it's genius! Well, just crazy… but it's still the only
plan we've got. Charge toward the robot!"
"Do you have water in your brain?" Aku Aku asked, "We can't go near that thing! It'll kill us!"
"Do you have a better idea?"
"Well…" Aku Aku stated before Crunch started pulling at the mask's feathers.
"Okay! Okay! We'll do your plan!" Aku Aku screamed in pain.
"Crash!" Crunch said, "Steer us toward the robot."
Crash saluted his comrade and steered the beast towards the robot.
"So that how you want to play, huh?" Ratsputin sneered as he charged towards the squid.
"Just a little closer," Crunch muttered with his arm pointed at the robot. I can't watch but I have to! They charged closer , and closer, and… closer? Sigh Are they there yet?
Starts reading a book Closer, and closer… yadda yadda yadda. Puts book down And then, Crunch's arm cannon pressed against the robot's torso and blasted a gaping
hole in the robot, and then the squid slipped through the mentioned hole.
"Uh oh," Ratsputin said.
"Systems failing, Systems failing," said a computerized voice, "Also, we are out of mayonnaise."
"Curse you bandicoots, giant squid, and floating mask guy!" Ratsputin yelled in anger before teleporting away. The submarine exploded and out of the explosion came a
power crystal.
"It's a power crystal!" Crunch exclaimed as he grabbed the purple stone. Suddenly, the ruins began to shake to collapse.
"We got to get out of here!" Coco cried. Crunch blasted a hole in the roof and swam through it, safe and sound.
Later, the bandicoots landed on a beach. Their hi-tech scuba suits disappeared once they stepped on the shore. As soon as all of them were on the beach, the squid waved
goodbye and swam away.
"Crash," said Coco, "Do you have your guidebook, because Aku Aku, Crunch, and I kinda left ours on the submarine."
Crash holds his guidebook up triumphantly, only to get it snatched a torn up by a huge eagle.
"I guess we will never find out about this new island," Crunch said.
"It's called Tropica," Aku Aku answered.
"How did you know that?" asked Coco, "Is it some kind of mystical mask telepathic link?"
"No, I just read that sign over there," Aku Aku said, floating over to a sign that said, "Welcome to Tropica, home to the Tropica Lemmings."
Meanwhile, Cortex and his minions rode through a collapsing, acid-filled mine on Hairy Mole's flying Diggertron.
"Are we there yet?" Nina asked in a bored fashion.
"We'll get there when we get there!" Cortex grumbled, avoiding a giant, falling drilling machine.
"This is it! We're all gonna die!" N. Gin screamed. Tropy slapped him and said, "We can get through this. But, it is very important that we don't panic."
Then, he sees a giant tsunami of acid coming straight at them.
"Panic!" he screamed. The Diggertron zoomed up a shaft with the flow of acid following them. The Diggertron hurled out of the shaft, into daylight, and crash-landed on a
desert floor. The acid flowed down a deep canyon.
At the bottom of the canyon, squirrel dressed as a cowboy finally finished the log house that took three years to build. He just needed to hammer in one more nail to be
officially done. He turned his back to pick up his hammer. When he turned back around, he saw that acid had dissolved the house into nothing. He threw his hat on the
ground and stamped on it.
Cortex crawled up from the wreckage, only to be hoisted off the ground by the collar of his lab coat. He found himself facing a huge, angry lizard with brown scales, red
stripes, and a lobster claw for a right hand. The said claw was at the time gripping onto Cortex's collar. Behind the lizard were five other reptiles, all of them looking angry.
"Look at what yer flyin' machine did," the lizard said, turning Cortex's head at the crash. Indeed, below what was once the Diggertron was what was once a hover bike. But
both were now a single pile of bent metal, rubber, and duct tape.
"Get out of town or meet me in front of tha' ol' clocktower," the lizard growled, "If 'ya know what's best for 'ya."
The huge reptile threw Cortex on the ground and rode away on hover bikes with the other five reptiles. Cortex's minions stood up amongst the pile of metal. Cortex asked,
"Who was that?"
"Why, that was Gila Lobster," said a nearby weasel that was dressed as a Hillbilly, "and the Six-Pun Gang. They're the root-tootiest, poop-pootiest, koop-lootiest, troop-
foofiest gang from here to Hickoryburg.
"Okay… so who are you?" Cortex asked. The weasel shook Cortex's gloved hand rapidly.
"Why, I'm Billy Bob Jacob John William Earnest Patrick Christopher Arthur Matthew Maxwell Alfred Oswald Joe Richard Elizabeth Jack Kenneth Walter Liam Linus
James Tomas Timothy Eric Sheen Chester Adrian Alexander Carlton Gene Weasellotti III," he said, "And I oughta' welcome 'ya and yer friends over 'thar to Graniteton in
the West World."
Next time on Crash: Dimension Dilemma…
The bandicoots continue on their journey as they discover the mysteries of Tropica, making new friends along the way. Cortex and his minions will face the fearsome Gila
Lobster and the Six-Pun Gang in the West World. With N. Terdimensional watching their every move, who knows what might happen in Chapter Ten: Mild, Mild West.
PSManiac: I believe it was Shakespeare who said, "Thou shalt reviewith!"