Chinese Translations:

Juhgu jee hua jun kuhpah - there's nothing about this plan that isn't horrific

Chapter Ten:

You're Not a Reaver

Haven

John walked through the destruction, following the direction the Captain had taken. Up ahead, John saw Mal scramble to someone's side, and he and Cameron rushed forward, spotting Shepherd Book lying against the stone well, clutching his bleeding stomach.

Mal gripped the Shepherd's hand tightly, his face tortured. He glanced up at Jayne. "Get the Doc!" he shouted. "Shepherd. Don't move."

"Won't go far," Book murmured.

Mal snapped his head towards Cameron. "How is he?" he demanded.

Cameron knelt down next to Book and placed her hands on his wound, surveying the damage. "I can't fix it."

Mal's face twisted as he looked back at Book. "Shouldn't have been you. Alliance should've hit us. Should've hit me."

"That crossed my mind," Book agreed, weakly. "I shot him down."

Mal glanced over at the crashed ship. "Yeah, I see."

"I killed the ship that killed us. Not very Christian of me."

Mal's grip tightened. "You did what's right."

Book tried to chuckle. "Coming from you that means… almost nothing."

John crouched down, putting a hand on Cameron's shoulder to get her attention. "Status," he asked softly.

Cameron met his gaze firmly. "Termination imminent."

"She's right…" Book whispered. "I'm long gone."

"No, Doc'll bring you around," Mal assured him.

Cameron seemed confused. "There's nothing he can do. He's lost too much blood-."

"Shut up!" Mal snapped.

John grabbed Cameron's arm, half-pulling her to her feet. "Hey, let it go."

"It won't do any good," Cameron protested. "He's dying."

"I know," John said softly. "And Mal… is grieving." He glanced down at the Captain, whose attention was focused solely on the dying Shepherd Book.

"Just don't move."

"Can't order me around, boy," Book replied, fighting for each breath. "I'm not one of your crew."

Mal gripped Book's hand with both of his. "Yes, you are," he said firmly. And in that moment, John saw more of Malcolm Reynolds than he ever had before. Beneath the Captain's cold exterior, he cared deeply. He hurt deeply.

"River…" Book murmured.

Mal glanced up, searching for Simon. "Come on!" he shouted.

Book reached up, putting his hands on Mal's face urgently. "I don't care what you believe. Just believe it. Whatever you…"

John fought against his own emotions as Book slipped away.

"He's gone," Cameron said softly.

Simon came running up, carrying his medical bag, but Mal rose sullenly to his feet and started into the ship.

Jayne was still holding a tight grip on his gun, looking around nervously. "How come they ain't waiting? They know'd we was coming how come they only sent one?"

"They didn't know we were comin' here," Zoe replied, turning to Wash. "Get on the Cortex. Wave Li Shen, the Sanchez brothers, anyone who's ever sheltered us after a heist. Tell them to get out, get out now!"

Wash raced off towards the ship.

"I don't understand," Kaylee protested.

"Their target went into hiding," Cameron responded. "Their only logical move is to destroy any place where you might seek refuge."

Less than a minute later, Wash returned, his face ashen and his normally cheerful demeanor slumped with defeat. "They're all dead," he whispered, his voice thick with grief. "We were too late."

.

Haven

River was standing motionless off to the side, appearing to be whispering to herself. John drew closer, straining to hear. She noticed him.

"The Captain," she said. "He's talking to the ghost."

John hesitated. "What's he saying?"

"The longer you keep River Tam from me, the more people will die," she whispered. "Of course you care. You're not a Reaver, Mal."

John paused, letting her words – well, the Operative's words – sink in. Not a Reaver… His eyes snapped up, a plan forming. "No, he's not a Reaver… but he can act like one."

Cameron looked up at him, cocking her head. "I don't understand."

John spoke louder, drawing the attention of the rest of the grieving crew. "We can't keep running from the Alliance. They'll hunt us down. The only chance we have is getting to Miranda."

"That's Reaver territory," Wash reiterated. "We already discussed how completely crazy goin' in there would be."

"Not if we play a part," John countered. "A disguise."

"Disguise as Reavers?" Jayne exclaimed. "You're ruttin' crazy!"

Not even Zoe seemed to think highly of such a plan. "You don't understand what you're saying, kid. You haven't seen what Reavers truly are."

"Like what?" John demanded.

"There's no way Serenity could pass for a Reaver ship," Zoe explained. "They tear their boats asunder, splash blood across the hull and decorate it with corpses. Besides, there's no way the Captain would be stupid enough to risk it."

Mal came bursting out of the ship, shouting, "Zoe! I need your help, we're gettin' to Miranda."

Zoe looked back at John. "Then again, he has his moments." As Mal approached, she observed him curiously. "How, sir, do you plan on that?"

"Get these bodies together," Mal ordered.

Zoe's face changed. "We got time for grave diggin'?" Her voice was uneasy, hopeful even. As if she knew exactly what the other option was.

"Zoe, you and Simon rope em together, five or six," Mal ordered. "I want 'em laid out on the nose of our ship."

Simon's mouth dropped open. "Are you insane? I won't desecrate these bodies…"

Mal stopped in front of Kaylee, who was looking around, visibly upset and confused. "I don't understand. What do you mean the bodies?"

"I want you to muck up the reactor core," Mal said. "Just enough to leave a trail and make it read like we're flying without containment but not enough to fry us."

"These people are our friends!" Kaylee protested.

Mal put a hand on her shoulders, as if conveying that he understood, but also to emphasize the seriousness of his request. "Kaylee, you've got a day's work to do and two hours to do it." He stepped away. "Jayne, you and Wash hoist up the cannon mount. Goes right on top. Piece or two of the other ship, stick it on. Any place you can tear a hull without inner breach, do that too." He glanced around, his mind still working feverishly. "We're gonna need paint. We're gonna need red paint."

Zoe looked deadly serious, as if she couldn't believe Mal was seriously suggesting such a thing. "Sir, do you really mean to turn our home into an abomination so that we can make a suicidal attempt at passing through Reaver space?"

"I mean to live," Mal replied evenly. "I mean for us to live. The Alliance won't have that so we go where they don't follow."

"There ain't no way we're goin' out there," Jayne protested.

Everyone began talking at once, trying to talk Mal out of his crazy scheme – everyone except John, Cameron, and River.

"Think about what you're asking," Inara pleaded.

Wash grumbled, "Juhgu jee hua jun kuhpah."

"Them Reavers'll eat us alive…!" Jayne shouted.

Mal had obviously had enough of the dissent. He pulled his gun from his holster, holding it at his side. All talk instantly ceased.

"This is how it is," he said firmly. "Anybody doesn't wanna fly with me anymore, this is your port of harbor." He stalked off a few feet, towards the crashed Alliance ship where the pilot had crawled up out of the opening, holding his hands up in surrender. "There's a lot of fine ways to die and I ain't waiting around for the Alliance to choose mine," Mal finished, lifting his pistol and shooting the survivor.

John feels a twinge of remorse at the captain's execution, but not even Kaylee made a sound. Mal turned back and looked at John.

"You said it yourself, Connor. The only way to get back at the Alliance is to find out what they're hidin' on Miranda." Everyone now seemed to be looking at John, as if blaming him for their current predicament.

"I mean to confound these bungers," Mal continued. "Take my shot at gettin' to Miranda, maybe find something there I can use to get clear of this. So I hear a word outta any of you that ain't helpin' me out or takin' your leave, I will shoot you down."

No one made a sound and Mal shoved his pistol back into his holster and stormed away, ordering under his breath, "Get to work."

River watched him go and John wondered if she understood the incredible risk Mal was taking for her. As soon as the Captain was gone, the rest of the crew starting moving, silently at first, to do their dirty jobs.

John swallowed bile as he dragged a body over to where Simon and Zoe were tying them together.

"This is insane," Simon muttered as he worked.

"It ain't right," Kaylee agreed as she walked past, heading towards the engine room on Serenity.

Cameron observed them curiously, tilting her head. "They're already dead."

"Cameron…" John protested.

She looked at him, as if wondering why he was reacting in such a way. "Was that bad to say?"

From across the way, River spoke up, "They're just bodies now. Bones and meat. No soul, no life."

Wash scowled. "Well, I'm glad we made that clear," he said irritably.

Jayne seemed flighty and nervous. "Y'all quit yammerin' and git this cannon mounted." He started off and Wash reluctantly moved to follow.

John stared after Jayne, his eyes narrowed in spite. "The man has no heart."

"No… he's grieving," Cameron replied.

John looked back at her. "What?"

"That's how he grieves," she replied. "Keep moving."

Two Hours Later…

Serenity

The Reaver-fied Serenity was ready to make way. Mal had remained detached from his emotions as he worked with the crew to tie the bodies across the hull, splashing red paint all over his beloved ship and tearing bits and pieces off it.

But if this worked… it would all be worth it.

"Captain-," Zoe started, as he walked past.

"Just tell me when we're close," Mal replied. He wandered towards the shuttles, leaning against the doorframe and closing his eyes, letting out a sigh.

"Mal…"

Mal almost jumped at the sound of her voice. "Inara. Didn't see you."

"I figured that." She was inside her old shuttle, digging through the box she had left behind the first time. Mal nodded towards it.

"Anything of use in there?" he asked, more just to make conversation than of real interest.

"Maybe."

He bit his lip, lingering in the doorway. "You don't have to stay in the shuttle, you know. There's empty rooms if you wanna sleep a while."

"You think anyone's set to sleep?" she asked as if such a thought was unheard of. "Simon's portioning out overdoses of morphine just in case."

Mal stifled a half-hearted smile. "Cheerful fellow." He glanced around at the shuttle, picturing it again the way it had been when Inara had been livin' in it. "Did you really miss this place?"

"Sometimes," Inara admitted. "Not so much right now."

Mal couldn't blame her for that. But thinking 'bout her shuttle brought up another memory, a memory he still hadn't come to terms with. He glanced down at the floor.

"Why'd you leave?" he asked, unable to keep the sorrow out of his voice.

She stared up at him, her eyes soft and holding a sadness of their own. "Why didn't you ask me not to?"

Mal knew he should say more. He wanted to say more. But he merely cleared his throat, glancing away. "I, uh, I'd better go check on the crew," he replied, backing away. "See how the inevitable mutiny is coming along."

He could still see the look on Inara's face but she nodded. "Yes," she said quietly. "I…suppose you should."

Mal bit his lip and turned away, heading back the way he came. He wasn't expecting to run into John, who was standing in the middle of the catwalk, his arms crossed and staring at Mal as if Mal had just done something utterly repulsive.

Mal had no stomach to argue with the kid right now. "Connor," he greeted. "Shouldn't you be elsewhere? Planning a hostile takeover with the rest of the crew?"

"I'm not questioning your orders," John responded. "I know what it's like to make… tough decisions."

"That a fact?"

"But you're making the wrong decision right now."

Mal's face darkened and he held up a hand and turned to leave. "No, I –."

"Not about Miranda," John clarified. "Not about the Reavers. I'm talking about Inara."

Mal halted in his tracks, turning back to face John, who still had that stony look on his face. "Come again?"

"You heard me," John retorted. They both were silent for a moment and John's face softened. "You know… when I first met Cameron, I didn't know what she was. I just knew… she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen."

Mal pursed his lips, pretending to be bored. "Hmm?"

John ignored him and continued, "And then later down the road, I pushed her away because I knew it was impossible for her to love me. I met this one girl, Riley, and at that point, Cameron started… doing things. At first I didn't understand, but she was jealous."

Mal crossed his arms, mirroring John's stance from before. "This supposed to have some kind of meanin' to it?"

John's intense stare made it seem to Mal as if the kid was looking right through him, right into his very soul. "I know, Mal," he said. "River told me. About the Heart of Gold."

Mal stiffened at the mention.

"About you and Nandi," John continued. "And how Inara felt when she found out."

Mal looked away, shaking his head. Inara hadn't cared. She'd made that perfectly clear to him. "She didn't-."

"River reads emotions, Mal," John replied gently. "I can tell you…Inara cared. Deeply."

Mal stood perfectly still, trying to process. Had Inara's act that morning really been a feint about her true feelings?

"And when Nandi died," John finished, eliciting a sharp look from Mal. "You and I aren't so different, Captain. Riley died too. And I blamed Cameron at first but she's the only one who's ever truly been there for me, through everything. Through every stupid thing I've done. Even when I didn't want her around."

"Yeah, but Cameron didn't leave you," Mal countered. "Cuz that ain't her mission, is it? Well, no one programmed Inara to stay." He looked away. "And she didn't."

"That's not the point," John objected. "The point is… she's back and it's up to you to determine whether she stays or not. You… have to tell her the truth."

"The truth?"

"About how you feel."

Mal shook his head and turned away again. He heard John call after him, "What if this goes south?"

Mal paused. "What?"

He heard John's boots clicking on the catwalk as the young man walked closer. "What if the Reavers catch on? What if we don't make it? Wouldn't you want her to know?"

Mal remained silent and finally John walked past, leaving him contemplating. Mal knew the kid was right. If they didn't make, there was no harm in Inara knowing. And if they did, well, after this was over, Inara would most like be heading back to the training house. And he probably wouldn't see her again.

So what was the harm in tellin' her?

He turned away from the doorway and half-walked, half-ran back towards the shuttle, bursting through the doorway and startling Inara.

"You're right," he told her before she could say a word.

Inara started to shake her head, "Mal…" Then she seemed to realize what he had said. "What?"

"You're right, Inara," he continued. "I shoulda spoken up sooner. I shoulda asked you to stay. And I was stupid to let you go."

Inara stared up at him, as if not believing that the words were coming from his mouth. "Mal..."

He held up a hand. "I know I ain't like all them smart and fancible fellows you're used to. But that don't change how I… how I feel. And I conjure this could be mighty awkward if you don't perchance feel the same. But I… couldn't let it end like…the way it ended." He collected his thoughts once more. "So there it is. I thought you should know. In case we…" He thought about making a joke but decided against it. "Well, in case this don't work. In case we don't make it."

Inara was staring at him, her lips parted, speechless.

Mal forced a smile and ducked back out the way he had come.

Serenity

Catwalk

John had done all he could. He had tried to make Mal come to terms with his feelings, to tell Inara the truth. He wasn't sure if Mal had actually gone back to see Inara or not.

But as soon as John had spoken the words to the Captain, he felt the truth of it on his own heart. Because he realized, he still hadn't treated Cameron properly. He still hadn't told her how he felt.

Without wasting a minute, John hurried down to the passenger quarters where Cameron was sitting calmly. She looked up at him as soon as he entered.

"There's a sixty three percent chance that we'll be terminated in our attempt to cross Reaver space, based on what knowledge I've learned about Reavers," she reported. "The probability will most likely increase when I actually have a visual."

"Comforting…" John muttered, then he sighed and sat down next to her on the bunk. "Cameron, there's something I needed to say to you. If we die…" he swallowed hard. "I just wanted you to know… I love you, Cameron. I've always loved you. And I'm sorry for all the times I never said it."

He saw Cameron smile slightly and he felt his spirit lift. There was a sound at the door and John looked over to see River.

"We won't die," she assured him. "Don't be afraid."

John looked over at Cameron and smiled.

"I'm not."