Mood music

Grip – Seeb & Bastille, Dare You To Move – Switchfoot, Broken–Patrick Watson, Start a War – Clergy & BELLSAINT, Many of Horror – Biffy Clyro

Chapter Ten

Maybe we needed to break a little, so we could put ourselves back together more beautifully than before.― Leah Raeder

"Molly! Molly, over here! Molly! Here!" Sam's over excited voice bellowed from the trampoline as he punctuated each shout of her name with a progressively larger bounce until he ended with a flip, landing on his back giggling loudly.

"I'm going to be over on the sofa with your Mum. Okay, mate? You've cream crackered me out!" Molly called over her shoulder as Sam climbed back up, joining a small queue of similarly aged shrieking kids waiting for a turn on a different trampoline.

Flopping down onto the sofa, Molly reached for her cup of tea with a groan.

"Jesus, give me a 10K tab in full kit over this. I thought I was fit. He's knackered me out and is still fresh as a daisy."

Rebecca grinned over the mug of her decaf coffee. "School holidays and rubbish weather. He's been climbing the walls all week. Look, thanks for this. He needed to burn off some energy. You've been a life saver."

"No problem. It's not like you and the bump could take part." Molly said, nodding to Rebecca's pregnancy bump.

"Best case ending of that sort of activity would be wet knickers." Molly snorted with laughter as Rebecca smoothed her hand over her stomach with a smile, the winced. "Or a public delivery. Neither are desirable."

"Kicking?"

"Yes, I think he wants to join in with his big brother."

"Not long now."

"Eight weeks. Couldn't happen soon enough, I'm the size of the side of house already."

"Quit it. There's no extra weight on you that isn't baby. You'll be back to being stick-insect thin straight after you've delivered, you jammy cow."

Rebecca laughed. "I think that's one of the reasons why I ended up liking you. They way you manage to turn an insult into a compliment while maintaining a completely straight face."

"This isn't where I thought we'd end up five years ago after meeting in that hospital room. You took one look at me had me labelled and condemn." Molly replied with a grin. "I'm surprised I wasn't asked to strip and parade around Birmingham ringin' a bell yellin' 'Unclean! Unclean!'"

"Nice Game of Thrones reference." Rebecca said with a cheeky tip of her head.

"I thought so." Molly let her eyes drift around the people setting around various couches and tables in the newly opened trampoline park in a very well healed corner of Twickenham. "I bet most of the posh birds in this place think I'm your nanny."

Rebecca watched Molly with a wicked glint in her eyes, and stood up, holding her drink out as though about to make a toast. "I can make an announcement if you like."

Molly caught her by the edge of her long cardigan and tugged. "Sit down you, daft cow. They'll think you've been on the gin instead of decaf and haul you off."

"As if you didn't label me the same way. I'm thinking stuck up bitch with pole shoved up her arse probably about covered it? Am I right?"

"Let's just say you ticked all my boxes for the characteristics of a Rupert-wife, including the lemon-lipped expression."

"I saw you standing there and thought, here it comes, his super early midlife crisis waiting to happen. Then I saw the way he looked at you and realised how wrong I was. He loved you. I'm not going to lie, I was jealous at the time."

"Becs."

"Don't you Becs me. You brought up this topic of conversation. Our marriage should never have happened. If I'd not been so terrified of being a single mother and he'd not been so hard-wired to do that right bloody thing in all circumstances, regardless of common-sense, it would never have happened.

"We were too two Type-A, obnoxiously competitive personality types thrown together, and it was emotional guerrilla warfare from the start. We worked better as long-distance fuckbuddies, if you want the brutal truth. It should have fizzled out naturally as a university romance, not been glued together with a marriage certificate. We parent better apart. Sam's happy, that's all that matters. It's all ancient history now, thank fuck."

"Don't pull you're punches."

"Call a spade a spade, and a bitch a bitch, wasn't that what you said when you called me on my behaviour that Christmas?"

"I wasn't subtle, but it was either me as the go-between or his mother and she was threatening to come with weapons. Charles was so upset, I had to do something." Molly said, spreading her hands in an apologetic sort of gesture, Rebecca just laughed in response.

"I remember. I deserved it though, didn't I? I was too buried in my own jealous bullshit to realise I was getting in the way of Sam and his Dad, and you and Sam. I was just so worried I'd be replaced.

"You fitted into his family and life so quickly in a way that I never did. His parents thought the sun shone out of your backside, Sam adored you from day one. You were the fun new girlfriend with the tribe of little brothers for him to play with. What did I have to offer? Knackered Ph.D. Student mother with too many plates in the air to remember how to be fun mum most of the time."

"I lost my temper. Said too much, then made you cry. I was mortified."

"I'd been on the edge of tears all day. Not enough sleep, worn thin, worried about my thesis. I was primed to blow."

"Best ugly crying fit I ever saw. I was terrified I'd broken you."

"You gave good hugs. I needed somebody to see I was struggling. I told you, obnoxious Type-A personality type. Couldn't even admit to myself I was drowning."

"You made rather good hot chocolate after. Posh Green & Blacks stuff, wasn't it?"

"Yes, but it also had a boat load of Baileys thrown in." Rebecca stroked her stomach again. "Probably as well you didn't have a driving license back then. God, I miss alcohol, but I still can't stand the smell since the morning sickness."

"All is well that ends well, Dr Rebecca Hammond. Three years on from becoming a University Lecturer and you'll soon be swapping it all for nappies again."

"It'll be fine. It's not like Charles was around for night feeds and dirty nappies. Julian is taking a couple of months of paternity leave, so I'll have help, once he's trained up, it will all be good. I was wondering if I'll find it weird having help, to be honest."

"Just park you Type A, inner bossy bitch and let him get stuck in and you'll be fine. You know I'll help when I can. You just need to ask."

"Thanks for the offer. I will take you up on that."

Rebecca took a small sip of her drink before casually asking, "How's it been since the visit from the floozy."

"Floozy? Seriously. You make her sound like a character from one of the bodice-ripper novels that my Nan used to buy from the second-hand book seller in Camden Market. On the subject of books, what's the latest offering from the book club? Let me tell you, if it's anything along the lines of monumental pile of crap that was 'Eat Pray Love', then I'm calling a day on this particular bonding activity."

"Do not disrespect my book club. It helped get you through A Level English, didn't it?"

"Yes, it you, and hours of online tutoring from a certain Afghani English Professor. 'Eat Pray Love' was after the exams, it doesn't count."

Rebecca reached down to grab her handbag, then flopped back into the sofa with an annoyed huff.

"For god sake, it's getting to the point I can't even see my ankles anymore never mind reach the floor."

"Then stop being a muppet, and ask for help." Molly replied, placing the brown leather Mulberry satchel beside her on the sofa.

Rebecca pulled out a copy of All The Light We Cannot See and passed it to Molly. "Has soldiers in it, should be right up your street."

Molly rolled her eyes at Rebecca's teasing grin.

"Thanks. I trying getting a start on it during my break next I'm in work."

"Don't think I didn't notice you changing the subject."

Molly sighed heavily. "What is there to say. I closed a door on him, she turned up unannounced and tried to smash it open again."

"And?"

"And what?" Rebecca pulled a frustrated face and Molly knew straight away she'd been talking to Jackie.

"Right, like that is it?"

"I have no idea what you mean." Molly made snorting noise, indignantly amused at Jackie's interference. "Like you two haven't been on the phone clacking like old biddies."

"We can hardly do it over cocktails anymore now, can we? It was Facetime actually, and she's worried about you. She said your nightmares are back and getting worse. That you haven't arrange to go back to your counsellor. Why would you ignore this?"

"Look, do you want another coffee?"

"Stop changing the subject, this is serious."

"Okay, Boss-mum. Calm down. I'm not trying to duck the subject. I just think we might need fresh drinks."

"Now I'm intrigued. Yes, I would like another coffee flavoured decaf travesty of an imitation of real coffee, thank you. Vanilla flavour because sugar is about the only fun I'm allowed to have with food anymore. Fuck, I hate being pregnant."

Molly's giggles had everything to do with how the word fuck sounded twice as filthy as normally when spoken using Rebecca's posh home counties accent.

"Molly! Molly!" Sam shouted from behind the netting of the trampoline enclosure. "We're going to have a game of dodge ball, come on!"

"Her master's voice. I'm gonna see to him, then I'll be back with the drinks."

"Don't take too long. I'm rather reverting to a toddler these days. I have zero attention span, and need to nap frequently. I might nod off before you get back."

ooOOoo

Molly recounted the tale to Rebecca giving the broad strokes of their meeting at his house up to the last conversation in the hotel while stepping around their carnal encounter. Rebecca seemed most interest in their parting words.

"That man is the definition of stubborn as a mule. You should know this, you were married long enough. He stuck out marriage with me two years longer than I wanted to because his inner Dudley Do-right wouldn't let it go."

"Maybe that's what he's doing again?"

"No. Absolutely not. I knew right from the start things with you were different. He offered to resign his commission and leave the Army for you. He expected me to mould my life round his, right from the start he wanted to mould his around you."

"It still went to shit, though."

"The thing with Floozy threw me. I couldn't get my head around him leaving you to sleep with a subordinate on tour. Go against Army regs? So not Dudley enough of him."

"We got together on tour. Well almost."

"The Afghanistan kiss in a hovel? That was very Charles, possessive and stubborn to a fault. Your friend rocks up and announces his intentions to propose to you. Of course, Charles was going to show his hand and secure you but he pulled it off enough under the radar to keep you both safe within the rules.

"The thing with Floozy was reckless. Not Charles type behaviour at all." Rebecca said, staring off into the middle distance, deep in thought as she sipped her latte.

"I slept with him." Molly said in a guilty rush then jumped to her feet to avoid the spray of coffee that Rebecca coughed up. "Hey!"

Rebecca pinned Molly with an accusing stare as she wipe coffee from her mouth. "You might want to lead with that news before you give me a boiling hot beverage, Molly. To be clear on our points of reference, you mean you had sex with him, not just fell asleep, yes?"

It occurred to Molly that they had technically done both, but this subject was awkward enough without sharing additional unnecessary details.

"Yes."

"Okay, good to be clear. Jesus, this maternity tent of a top is going to look more stylish for added coffee stains."

After several minutes of watching Rebecca industriously wiping down her top with a napkin, Molly couldn't wait any longer.

"That's it? I tell you I slept with my ex-husband and all you have to say is fashion feedback on maternity wear?"

"Not to be too much of a pedantic bitch, and only because I think it's relevant, he's your current, not ex-husband. Ex would require you to send divorce papers, which I think we both know you, in glowingly obvious terms, haven't done."

"Yet." Rebecca rolled her large blue eyes at Molly's protest.

"Say it often enough, and even I might start to believe you, Molly. "Getting back to the point in hand, you two always had a certain... chemistry. You haven't seen or spoken to each other in a year thanks to the Great-Wall-of-Molly. Why would you think I'd be surprised if things got a bit heated?"

"It wasn't like a planned." Molly said with a stubborn tone to her voice.

"I not sure people tend to plan these sort so things in your circumstances, no is it?" "It's a simple point of fact that you ended things between you. If you'd not sworn everyone to communication silence on the subject of Charles on pain of death or ex-communication from the world of Molly James, I might have brought it up before, but he came looking for you after you moved out of the house. More than once. You know he still wears his wedding ring, or where you too busy with other activities to notice?"

"Have you discussed me with him? You know…after…"

"Charles only manages to discuss subjects that relate directly to Sam and the words hello and goodbye with me without looking constipated, even now. He's always been intensely private about things."

"So, that's a no then."

"You told me to tell him nothing. I kept my promise. It's about time one of you tried to move thing s forward between you."

"Yeah, because sex clarified everything beautifully, didn't it. I've made such a mess of this."

"You love him, he loves you, but fucked up. I'm not sure where you two go beyond that, but I do know talking about it instead of running away from it is probably a good place to start."

"It was fine before, settled, until Georgie decided to turn up and throw a grenade into things."

"I think you're confusing coping with settled. And, not that I want to defend, Floozy, but from what Jackie said, she actually made some good points."

Molly's expression might have been her trying for a scowl but it sorted came out as more of an anxious frown. Rebecca's expression and tone soften, because ultimately what she looked very scared.

"You remember the day I turned up on your door step after you get back from Turkey with Sam in the car?"

"Yes. You said there was no way you were going to let Sam lose his Step Mum because Charles had been a tosser and thrown away another marriage."

"I think I actually used the word wanker, but that's beside the point. Whatever happens with you two, you're not going to lose Sammy or the life you've built. You need to speak to him at some point, whatever comes of it. Either end it or start over again, you're in between two sides of nothing at the moment, both of you."

"I should never have gone to his house."

"You did what you felt you needed to do at the time. Sex happened. Don't beat yourself up about it. Seems to me going to the house was you moving forward, you've be stuck static for far too long."

"I went there so I could see him living his life, like I'm trying to live mine and to be able to let it go finally. Look how well that worked out."

"As emotionally stunted and up his own arse as Charles can be, he isn't going to let this alone now."

"And he says such nice things about you."

"No, he doesn't."

"Fair point."

"You closed a door on both of you when you left making it very clear in actions if not words that he wasn't to come anywhere near you. I think sex opens it again."

"There is no us."

"You've muddied the waters and one thing I do remember about Charles is he can be bloody tenacious when he wants something. The original dog with a bone."

"I don't know what to fucking think, Becs. Georgie pops up again with all thoughts keep plaguing me. I was doing okay before that, now I'm blood scared of what happens next, if I'm honest."

"Good scared, or bad scared?" "Just scared, scared."

"I'm not joking, Molly, you need to make an appointment with Dr Daddy-issues."

"For fuck sake, you and Jackie have been speaking way too much to each other recently if you've starting using her nicknames."

"That doesn't mean she isn't right about you needing that appointment. You've a lot to process. Maybe that's where you start getting some clarity."

"Fine. I'll think on it."

"Don't think, do. Look. You've never been a coward. Don't start now. You came back from Afghanistan anxious of travelling in cars. What did you do? Learn to bloody drive even though each lesson left you a trembling wreck for hours afterwards. I was there in the bloody car with you. Someone who has the raw courage, or pig stubborn, bloody mindedness to face that sort of fear head on, can face this too."

"Okay, if it will get you both off my back."

"Talk to Charles, or talk to Dr Daddy-issues."

"Talk to Dr Sinclair."

"Fine, but I'm warning you. If the mountain won't come to Charles James, he will track you down eventually. I'd suggest you beat him to it first."

"I'll think about okay, you stubborn mare."

"Takes one to know one, you cockney bint." Rebecca said affectionately "That's all I'll say. I do have once question."

"Only one?"

"Hardie, har-har." Molly smiled around a mouthful of her almost forgotten about tea.

"How was it?" And then it was Molly's turn to choke on her drink.

"Rebecca!"

"What? I'm the size of a blimp, Jules had decided that sex now might hurt the baby, not that we don't get up to other stuff, but it's just not the same. With the hormones and more… well, I'm just more interested in it. From memory, Charles was no slouch in the bedroom department."

"Enough, enough before my eyes start to bleed with that mental image. There is a reason that the ex-wife and the next wife being close is so weird, and it's subjects like this that make our friendship particularly creepy."

Rebecca threw her head back and laughed, a wonderfully rich, dirty laugh that had Molly joining in despite herself.

"Fine, spoil my fun. I think it's about time we left anyway, before well exercise turns into over tired and hungry for Mr Samuel James. You have a long drive back to Bath to drop him off with his Grandparents."

"This one's on me, I'll go pay for the drinks and get some snacks for the ca." Molly rustled around in her handbag for her purse, growing frustrated when she could find it near the top where she normal kept it. "Stupid bag, I need to buy something smaller and stop carting around so much shit."

"Just tip it out." Rebecca suggested, clearing a space on the table in front of them. Molly up ended the bag and a familiar key ring was the first thing to fall out with a heavy clunk.

"What the hell."

"It's keys, what of it?" Rebecca asked, confused by Molly's shocked expression as she picked them up and examined the one familiar and two unfamiliar keys attached to the metal ring and heavy medallion embossed with an elaborate swirling letters that made up her initials–MLJ.

"Keys that I left behind a year ago."

"Wait, didn't you say you left the bag behind at his house?"

"Yeah, but he sent someone over with it today to the house, which was good news because I left my purse and phone behind as well."

Rebecca's face looked contemplative for a minute.

"Wait, what am I missing?"

"Give me your phone for a minute."

"Why?"

"Just do it, I'm working on a hunch. You might want to check the rest of your bag, too."

"For what?"

"A statement of intent."

Molly handed over the iPhone, unlocking the screen for Rebecca and the home screen loaded with a picture of her standing in between Matt and Jackie being cuddled appeared then disappeared to a as Rebecca opened Siri.

Molly opened her purse and started checked through the contents as Rebecca asked the phone, "Siri, who is my husband?"

The phone replied chirpily, "Here's the contact details for Charles James."

"That can't be in there. I delete all his contact details last year." Molly said agitatedly. "Wait, what the hell."

Two familiar cards that shouldn't have been present were tugged out of the purse and laid on the table top. The credit and debit cards for their joint accounts that she'd left behind with paperwork to close the accounts. Both their names together in embossed writing on the cards seemed to mock Molly as she stared at them.

"Well Molly James. I think we can call that a declaration of a battle to follow, don't you?"