Chapter 15, Part 3 (Final)

...last few lines of Part 2:

Her eyes didn't leave the floor when she responded, "Apparently, I look a little overexcited."

Since I couldn't see her eyes or her expression, it was nearly impossible for me to judge her mood; especially as any inflection of tone was lost in whispers. I put a finger under her chin, in the soft spot under her jaw, and raised her face to mine. I made a show of looking her over. "You look very warm, actually," I whispered, a smirk played across my lips.

I wanted more of that warmth. She truly is your brand of heroin, Cullen. I leaned in toward Bella, slowly, and laid my stone cheek gently against hers.

"Mmmmmm . . ." I breathed in Bella's scent; the lavender, freesia, the strawberry of her shampoo, and her blood. The power that scent had over me was all-encompassing, but her humanity – the thing that made her so delicate – spoke to my very essence. Something I had thought to be long gone . . . like my own humanity and my soul.

Bella remained very still as I held my cheek against hers. I knew I could remain like this for years, unchanging, but it was hard for her. As if on cue, and frighteningly in tandem with my thoughts, she began to shift ever-so-slightly closer to me. I wasn't sure she was even aware of the slight movement, but my proximity made it possible for me to feel her muscles needing to stretch.

"It seems to be . . . much easier for you, now, to be close to me," Bella stammered, her words catching in her throat. Her speech was slow and determined, as if focusing on a single thought and putting it into words caused her difficulty.

Is my being this close, causing this? The idea fascinated me and a mischievous smile made its way to my face in the darkness. Your proximity does similar things to me, too.

"Does it seem that way to you?" I whispered, further teasing us both. I turned my cheek from hers and, with the tip of my nose, tenderly traced her cheekbone down the length of her jaw. Hardly aware of my actions, I gently pushed back Bella's wet hair from her neck and gently stroked the hollow pulse-point below and behind her ear.

Bella's breath caught in her throat as she tried to exhale. "Much, much easier," she whispered.

"Hmm," was the only reply I could muster.

My fingers began tracing the soft lines my nose had followed, almost of their own accord.

A few more moments passed and Bella found her voice again. "So I was wondering . . ." As soon as she had started to speak, the tips of my fingers found her clavicle, and her breath caught again.

I smiled into her hair, enjoying the fact that she was as affected by me as I was by her. "Yes?" I asked while relishing in our closeness and her scent.

Bella took a shaky deep breath, flexed the muscles in her tiny hands, and opened her mouth to speak, "Why is that," her voice shook, "do you think?"

I laughed silently into her neck and watched as gooseflesh rose at the kiss of my cold breath. "Mind over matter," I quipped.

Bella jerked away suddenly and I froze, even holding the breath I had been exhaling.

Way to go, Cullen the voice grumbled you won't get that close again.

My jaw tightened. My smile faded. Questions flew through my thoughts but, at least after his initial chastising of me, the monster was silent. Then, I started reflecting over my actions just before Bella moved away from me.

Not exactly the actions of a gentleman, I thought. My mind reeled as I questioned my behavior. Bella and I regarded each other for several seconds; she was now turned facing me with a perplexing expression on her face.

Was it the kiss to her pulse-point? Too close to Hollywood vampire? Did the reality of what I am come crushing down on Bella as my lips touched her neck? Was it my fingers on her clavicle? Too forward, Edward! You got carried away!

Bella's eyes weren't wide with fear, and her pulse hadn't started galloping; so fear wasn't what had caused her movement. I watched her eyes a few seconds more, and found them searching my face. Under her scrutiny, the tension in my jaw faded away.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked, still so un-used to her mind's silence. Bella, whose face told me so much, could still be such a mystery.

Her expression changed from the one I couldn't read, to one of amused frustration; the small crease returning between her eyebrows. As she spoke, the crease deepened, but the edges of her lips curved up in an embarrassed smile. "No – the opposite. You're driving me crazy."

I replayed her words in my head, to make sure my ears hadn't played tricks on me. As I recalled her exact words and expression, a smile of triumph spread across my face before I could stop it. "Really?" I whispered, the joy in my words clear even in my hushed tone.

Bella grinned back at me. "Would you like a round of applause?" she asked sarcastically clapping her hands silently.

My answering smile made her roll her chocolate eyes at me playfully. I touched her hand, and she looked up at me again. "I'm just pleasantly surprised," I clarified, my tone light, "In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this." Never believed it was possible. "I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with," in every way possible "in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it . . . at being with you . . ."

"You're good at everything," Bella said, seeming a little put off.

I've had centuries of nights with nothing else to do.

I shrugged, indicating she won that point, and our whispered laughs mingled in the dark.

Bella wanted answers; her face was determined. "But how can it be so easy now? This afternoon . . ."

"It's not easy," I sighed. She thinks she's somehow lost something that attracted me to her! "But this afternoon, I was still" thinking I might kill you "undecided. I am so sorry about that, it was unforgivable for to behave so."

Bella shook her head, "Not unforgivable."

Her words lightened the burden of my earlier indecision, and made me smile. "Thank you. You see," I looked down at my hands, cooling now from her warmth, "I wasn't sure I if I was strong enough," to resist the siren call of your blood. The blood that warms me, even from the outside. As if trying to make up for that, I picked up one small hand in mine and pressed my face into it. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be . . . overcome," I inhaled deeply of her scent at her wrist, "I was . . . susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at that I would" drink the life from your veins, "that I ever could . . ." My voice trailed off, the words unspoken too horrible.

"So there's no possibility now?" she asked, bringing my unfocused eyes back to her face.

"Mind over matter," I repeated, smiling again.

"Wow, that was easy," Bella said, awed, but still with that strange edge of disappointment.

I threw back my head and laughed riotously, careful to remain silent. The bed shook with my guffaws; Bella jostled slightly and my teenage eyes noticed she was no longer wearing her brassiere.

"Easy for you," I chuckled, and touched the end of her perfect nose with my finger, diverting my eyes.

At even so slight a touch, I was reminded how careful I had to be every time I longed for that warmth. I'm sure the jubilation quickly faded from my face, as the thought crossed my mind.

You could have driven your finger through her skull, Cullen.

"I'm trying," my voice reflected the pain the thought of injuring Bella had given me. "If it gets to be . . . too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave."

As soon as the word 'leave' was spoken, Bella scowled. Her heart beat lurched. Pain lanced behind my eyes at the thought of leaving this all behind.

I kept talking. "And it will be harder tomorrow. I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think."

Bella's face was still crumpled up in a scowl as she spoke, "Don't go away, then." Her voice, even in whispers, expressed the distress she felt at the idea of us being separated, a feeling echoed in the physical pain I felt moments ago.

Her scowl had changed to a stubborn almost-pout . . . almost. "That suits me," I smiled, taking both of Bella's hands in mine. "Bring on the shackles – I am your prisoner," I laughed, less quietly this time, and wrapped my long fingers around her delicate wrists. The warmth from her skin was something I almost physically needed now.

Bella's brown eyes sparkled in the dark room, as she smiled down at the shackles my hands made. "You seem more . . . optimistic than usual," she said, "I haven't seen you like this before."

Wouldn't Emmett love to see this side of me, I laughed and internally shook my head; he'd have as much fun with at my expense about being giddy in love as he does about my broodiness.

"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" I asked, indicating my hands around hers and my smile, "The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it." I shocked myself by letting such an antiquated term slip into my speech. I allowed it in my private thoughts, but my speech? The slip was just another testament to how far my guard had fallen with Bella; how relaxed I had become with her.

Bella blushed, minutely, but I already knew she'd poured over books, films, and stories of love and yet not experienced it first-hand. "Very different," she agreed, "More forceful than I expected."

I laughed, and then the words that had betrayed me when we were discussing my blood lust came flooding forth. Words began pouring out of me like water over a cliff. I could barely contain them. And slowing their emergence from my lips slow enough for Bella to understand was very nearly impossible.

"For example," I held her hands now, not her wrists, "the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me . . ." my face contorted at the memory. "Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?"

Bella nodded her ascent, "The day you started talking to me again."

I smiled that she had bookmarked the memory for a completely different reason. "I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, I felt." My expression soured again as I remembered the almost tangible emotion. "I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care."

I shook my head at the memory, not in frustration now, but at the absurdity of it. "And then the line started forming." I chuckled.

Bella's scowl returned. At the memory of my giving Tyler his chance, I bet. I chuckled harder.

"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure why the annoyance was there."

"That was the first night I came here." Bella's face softened, but it was my turn to wear the expression. "I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry."

Bella flinched at the idea of her saying yes to Mike. I wanted to stop, and chuckle, and tell her she never had to say yes to anyone ever other than me, but I couldn't. The thoughts and feelings of that night had to get out. Alice was the only one who had heard these intimate thoughts and the almost physical pain I had gone through that night, and Bella deserved to know, didn't she?

"And then, as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer."

I paused. Bella's heart had taken off at a quick pace, giving her feelings away.

"But jealousy . . ." it's so human, "it's a strange thing," I said after Bella's heart quieted. "So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when the Chief asked you about that vile Mike Newton . . ." I wanted to hunt him down and tear his head off. I shook my head, to clear those images from it.

Bella groaned, the sound filled the quiet room. "I should have known you'd be listening."

I didn't even try to be apologetic, this time. I had been right here the entire time. "Of course."

"That made you feel jealous, though, really?" Bella asked, completely incredulous.

"I'm new at this," I shrugged. "You're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."

"But honestly," Bella snickered, "for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie – Rosalie, the incarnation of beauty, Rosalie – was meant for you." Her volume was sneaking up over a whisper and had a hysterical edge to it. "Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?" She waved her left hand in the air between us, to indicate her body and, no doubt, her threadbare night clothes.

I made a show of looking her over and smiled what I hoped was a joking lecherous smile. "There's no competition," I stated honestly. I pulled her hands from between us, to around behind my back, putting her face against my chest.

Bella inhaled deeply of my scent, and then tried to slow her breathing in order to make things easier for me. "I know there's no competition," she almost whined into my neck, "that's the problem."

"Whatever do you mean, Bella?" I inquired.

She shook her head, shaking away the question. I didn't want to argue the merits of her looks tonight, and I felt as though she didn't either. I decided, instead, to try and explain my relationship with Rosalie. "Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me." I thought I heard a small snort of indignation from Bella, but I wasn't sure. I looked down at the top of her head, expecting another sarcastic retort. But, when none came, I continued. "For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours," confident and yet also searching, "all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. Not realizing I was seeking anything. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."

Bella sighed. "It hardly seems fair," she whispered into my chest, "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

"You're right," I laughed sarcastically, amazed at exactly how much I had genuinely laughed today. "I should make this harder for you, definitely." I released her left hand from my right, gathered her small wrist back up in my left with her other hand, and began stroking her wet hair. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity . . . what's that worth?"

My mood was darkening, but Bella was having none of that. "Very little – I don't feel deprived of anything," she quipped, her tone frustratingly light.

I pondered her response, savoring the feel of her silky damp hair sliding underneath my palm and between my fingers. "Not yet," I murmured, my frown resonating in my voice.

All at once the noise of the television downstairs stopped, the Chief's thoughts returned to Bella, and she tried to pull away from me. I grasped her hands tightly, to spot her movement, so I could concentrate on the sounds of the Chief's movements through the house.

"What -" Bella began, but she sensed the alarm in my body and didn't finish her question. In a flash, I was gone from her side; hiding in her closet.

She tottered on the edge of her bed for a moment, as her body adjusted to not leaning against me, and then she looked around the room, her eyes wide in panic.

"Lie down!" I hissed as loud as I dared from the darkness of the closet. The Chief was almost at the top of the stairs.

Bella did reasonably well under pressure; she was under her quilt and had just curled up on her side when the Chief turned the doorknob. A shaft of light from the hall illuminated a portion of the room, broken only by the shadow of the Chief's arm.

He stood in the doorway for a long moment, his thoughts a sleepy jumble of the day's events, lasagna, and Bella's too-bright eyes. Shaking his head, the Chief closed the door with exaggerated care and trudged off to the bathroom.

While he banged around the bathroom, I slipped into the half of the bed Bella left vacant, and snaked my arm under the covers and around her slender waist. My lips found that pulse-point behind her ear as if the two were made to fit together, but I didn't kiss her this time.

I whispered in her ear, "You are a terrible actress – I'd say that career path is out for you."

Bella's heartbeat thundered in her chest, whether from my proximity or the close call with the Chief . . . I couldn't be sure. "Darn it," she muttered, as if she'd once considered that career with her absurd view of herself.

She seemed comfortable, lying in her normal sleeping position. Without really being conscious of it, I had begun humming the melody of my newest composition just loud enough for her to hear. Almost immediately, her heart began to slow and her breath started to come more deeply and more regularly – much like the breathing she had tried so hard to fake for the Chief.

I stopped humming as I heard bed springs creak in the other bedroom. The Chief's thoughts were slowing, his earlier anxiety about his daughter apparently not enough to prevent sleep from over-taking him. Bella seemed close to sleep as well. Very quietly, right next to her ear, I whispered, "Should I sing you to sleep?"

Bella laughed silently. "Right," she said with exasperation, "like I could sleep with you here!"

"You do it all the time," came my quick retort and I smiled mischievously into her hair.

Her tone seemed as mercurial as my mood. "But I didn't know you were here," she said coolly.

I didn't think about my words, and how she could misinterpret them, until much later. Alice would shake her head at me when I told her what I'd said.

"So if you don't want to sleep . . ." I said, and Bella's breath stopped in her throat. Her heart lurched.

"If I don't want to sleep . . . ?" Bella's question trailed off into the dark room.

The teenager in me was practically shaking the bars of the cage I'd put him in; drooling at the insinuation that I had missed, that Alice would chide me for. I chuckled, "What do you want to do then?"

Bella was quiet for so long I thought perhaps she had fallen asleep. I had just started considering how I would manage to wrap her in a blanket without waking her, when she spoke, "I'm not sure," she admitted.

"Tell me when you decide," I suggested, willing to wager that Bella would be asleep within the next half hour. Despite the fact that I thought she would soon be asleep, I found myself tracing the line of her jaw, again, with my nose. Bella's scent was much stronger at that pulse-point behind her ear, and I found myself inhaling deeply.

Bella, as observant as always, caught me. "I thought you were desensitized," she said, sounding a little smug.

I smiled, "Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," I whispered into her neck, my keen eyes catching the goose bumps rise when my icy breath caressed her warmth. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender," I can't believe I'm telling her this, "and freesia," I added. "It's mouthwatering."

More food analogies, Cullen? The gentleman was horrified about the comparison to wine. The monster reared his head, and venom threatened to surge. The teenager was still struggling against the iron bars he had been thrown behind. The latter seemed the most dangerous, somehow. He was the one who could cause the most damage to Bella, physically, because the monster I seemed to be able to control. My adoration of this small human kept him at bay, most of the time.

Bella's shoulder rose in a slight shrug, "Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell."

Her sarcastic tone made me chuckle, but a sadness filled me moments after, and I sighed. There was always going to be this battle within me.

Bella's quick thinking was an attempt to distract me, "I've decided what I want to do," she said, "I want to hear more about you."

Ah . . . The one thing I don't want to talk about. But is there anything I wouldn't give her now?

"Ask me anything," I said in earnest.

She thought for a few moments, her breathing still slow as if nearly asleep. Finally, she spoke, "Why do you do it?" Bella swallowed nervously, "I still don't understand how you can resist what you . . . are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place." Her words were flippant, light; but I noticed she still couldn't make herself say the word vampire.

The thought that she still couldn't speak the name of what I was tripped up my response. My throat closed around my words in an emotional response that surprised me. "That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it," I managed after a few moments. "The others – the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot – they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been . . . dealt a certain hand . . . it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above – to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."

Bella was very still, hear breathing still deep and even. I replayed my words wondering if, once again, I had said too much. She was quiet so long that I began to panic. Bella's silent mind was going to make even my stellar control break. I listened with every ounce of my being, trying desperately to make my gift work.

Within minutes, my patience had reached its limit. "Did you fall asleep?" I asked.

Bella responded quickly, "No."

Ah. So, she's just thinking about what I said. Examining things from every angle; digesting it.

"Is that all you were curious about?" I asked, hoping to get some insight into her thoughts, and what those thoughts possibly meant for us.

"Not quite," Bella admitted, and I thought I heard the soft click of her eyes rolling.

"What else do you want to know?" I encouraged, her silence was making me tense.

Bella swallowed again, mustering her courage . . . I hoped. "Why can you read minds – why only you? And Alice, seeing the future . . . why does that happen?"

As usual, the path of Bella's thoughts had taken surprised me. I shrugged, recounting the many conversations that Carlisle and I had had on the subject. I sorted through some hypotheses we had considered, and started explaining one of our current favorites. "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory . . . he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified – like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."

"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?" Bella asked, sounding slightly more alert.

"Carlisle brought his compassion. His hunger to help people in every way he can. Esme brought her ability to love passionately, especially those she considers her children. Emmett brought his physical strength. Rosalie her," entitled stubbornness "tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness," I chuckled at what Rose's reaction would be to over-hearing that, and then thought of my damaged Aston Martin. "Jasper is very interesting. He must have been quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him – calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."

As I fell silent, I could almost hear Bella's brain processing all that I hold her. And since I was nearly convinced that she was only processing, her silence was not so unnerving.

Bella reacted more quickly this time, "So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on . . ." Her voice trailed off, as she seemed to be speaking her thoughts out loud.

I thought for a moment, to decide how philosophical I wanted to get. "Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight – I'm the baby seal, right?" Bella joked.

"Right," I laughed, my lips grazing Bella's hair as I breathed in the strawberry scent lingering there from her shower.

Bella seemed restless, for a moment, shifting her weight slightly without really moving. And then she settled again, and a small, contented sigh escaped her lips.

Convinced that she was falling asleep, this silence was not as frustrating to me. Part of me had to know for sure, "Are you ready to sleep? Or do you have any more questions?"

An exasperated sound escaped her lips as she scoffed. "Only a million or two."

Through a smile radiant enough to light Bella's dark room, I responded, "We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next . . ."

I thought I could hear a smile in Bella's words as she spoke, "Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning?" Her words reflected her need for all this to be real; the pull we felt toward each other and even the truth about what I was. "You are mythical, after all," she teased.

"I won't leave you," I said with all the sincerity I felt.

"One more, then, tonight . . ." Bella started, and then her body temperature rose marginally as she must have blushed.

What could she want to ask me that would cause that reaction?

"What is it?" I asked.

Her response was clipped, embarrassed, "No, forget it. I changed my mind."

"Bella, you can ask me anything." My words were meant to be encouraging, but the silence that followed them spoke volumes about how out of practice I was in the encouragement area.

I counted to seventy-eight, before I groaned in frustration. "I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse." I didn't like the petulant tone my voice had taken on, but my frustration was boiling over.

Bella sounded smug when she spoke next, "I'm glad that you can't read my thoughts." She continued, sounding annoyed, "It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

I tried not to show it, but the pleading wheedled into my tone, "Please?"

Bella's head shook slightly in negation against her pillow.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is," my tone had turned dark; my speculations ran wild. "Please?" I pleaded, and squeezed Bella more tightly toward me.

"Well," Bella started again, and the blush I couldn't see made her temperature increase.

"Yes?" I breathed.

Her courage took her a few more moments to muster, and then she spoke slowly, "You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon . . . Is that . . . marriage . . . the same as it is for humans?" And her temperature rose another degree.

I laughed almost too loudly, as her hints clicked into place. The gentleman was now hiding behind his bowler hat in shame at the topic of our conversation. The teenager leered. The monster was . . . incredulous . . . for the most part. "Is that what you're getting at?" I asked.

I was still chuckling, as Bella fidgeted clearly uncomfortable with my laughter at her expense.

I didn't want to cause her more embarrassment, so I started talking. "Yes, I suppose it is much the same," I explained. "I told you, most of the human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"Oh," was her only response, plunging me into the darkness of not knowing her thoughts once again.

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity," I wondered.

"Well, I did wonder . . . about you and me . . . someday . . ." Bella stammered.

My body became as rigid as the alabaster my skin had been compared to. To even entertain the thought horrified me. Too surrender myself to that kind of release with someone as fragile as Bella was unthinkable. And the fact that Bella had thought about it concerned me.

I could kill her.

As usual, Bella's body had responded to mine and she had become still, holding her breath. After my initial shock had worn off, I was able to speak. My words almost choked me, as I spoke them, expecting this to be the deal-breaker that would make all this end, "I don't think that . . . that . . . would be possible for us."

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that . . . close?" Bella asked, the topic clearly an uncomfortable one.

I had to think, carefully, about what I was about to say. I wanted to be with Bella in every way I could, but that sex was not something I could allow. She was too fragile. I replied as best I could, "That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of." Does she not remember how I threw around the tree in the meadow? The strength that the monster gives me? "It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quiet easily, Bella, simply by accident."

I moved my right hand from around Bella's delicate, small waist, and placed it on her cheek. The sorrow in my voice evident in the fact that my words were quiet, even to me, "If I was too hasty . . . if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you." My words were a vow, not only for myself, but for Bella as well. I would never hurt her, never lose control in that way. I couldn't live with myself if my foolish need for closeness ended in Bella hurt . . . or worse.

To my horror, Bella was silent . . . again. I'm sure, by now, she was becoming accustomed to how long she could be silent without incurring my bothersome impatience. I didn't know what prompted my question, nor had I thought about it before the words escaped my lips, "Are you scared?"

Bella swallowed, was quiet, and then spoke with a steady voice, "No. I'm fine."

Unsure of her true thoughts, I decided to believe her. After I mustered my own courage, I admitted something to her, "I'm curious now, though." My voice came out stronger, happier, now that Bella seemed to accept the fact that our relationship would never go to those extremes. "Have you ever . . . ?" my voice trailed off as my eyebrows rose suggestively in the dark.

"Of course not," Bella answered quickly, "I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close." Just as her skin had started to cool from her last blush, I could feel her temperature rising as she blushed again.

I smiled. "I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company," I explained.

"They do for me," Bella said, and I could almost see her chin rise slightly with her conviction. "Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all," she continued, ending with a sigh.

My smile broadened as I learned we had more in common. "That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least."

"Your human instincts . . ." Bella started. Then, she took a deep breath and tried again. "Well, do you find me attractive, in that way, at all?" she asked, her voice betraying all her self-consciousness.

I laughed. Will this beautiful creature ever see herself clearly? I tousled her hair, like one would a child who is being unintentionally funny. "I may not be human, but I am a man."

Whatever response she had planned was cut off by a yawn. "I've answered your questions, now you should sleep," I encouraged.

"I'm not sure if I can," Bella said, her voice thick with the tiredness that was trying to overtake her.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked, trying to act as though the thought wasn't repulsive to me.

"No!" Bella answered, too loudly.

I listened to the snores from the Chief's room hitch, pause, and then resume. I laughed, when I knew for sure Bella hadn't disturbed her father's sleep. Once his snores returned to their staccato rhythm, and I was sure I wouldn't be darting back into the closet, I started humming again. The effect on Bella was almost instantaneous. Her breathing deepened, her heart rate slowed, and she was asleep in my arms.

After nearly a century of nights spent in the shadows, Isabella, I have no words to describe what it means to me to be basking in the warmth that is your midnight sun.

**end of Chapter 15**

A/N: Voting on the Avante Guard awards (VOTE HERE: .com/?zx=907afe4008481bf9 ) begins on November 20th. I am up for the "Novice Author" award & would appreciate votes! Thanks, XxoxX, Allis