First Day of My Life

"Mom."

Peyton's voice reached into the dream I was having and yanked me right out. My eyes snapped open and I jumped up from the chair, ignoring the crick in my neck and a shot of pain through my broken arm. It barely registered to me that it was morning, light was shining through the curtains, and I was hearing Peyton's voice.

"Mom!"

I almost couldn't believe my ears; Peyton was calling to her mom. I bolted over to the side of her bed just in time to see her eyes flutter open. I choked back a sob when she looked right at me. Her eyes were clouded with confusion but they were still there. Those eyes looked right down into my soul and caused tears to come into my eyes. I reached down and picked up Peyton's hand within my own and gave it a tight squeeze.

"Welcome back, buddy." I managed to choke out. I felt a cold tear leave a trail down my cheek but wiping it away would mean I would have to let go of Peyton's hand and that wasn't happening any time soon.

"Brooke?" Peyton rasped out.

I nodded, "I'm here, Peyton."

Her eyes darted around the room and she looked even more confused than she had before, "Where's my mom?"

I furrowed my brow, trying to understand what Peyton was asking me. "Ummm, sweetie I'm not really sure what you mean. But your mom was one of the nicest people I knew, I'm sure she's in heaven right now watching over you." I felt another tear trickle down my cheek, "That's why you're here with me right now, because she was watching over you."

Peyton nodded just a little, "You're right, she is watching over me, but I'm still here because of you."

I couldn't stop the tears from coming now. She must not remember that I'm the reason why she almost died. I probably should've called a doctor or a nurse, they probably would want to take a look at Peyton but I wouldn't…couldn't interrupt the feeling of having her back again. Unable to keep apart from the relief that Peyton was alive any longer I crawled into bed with her again. Peyton looked shocked but she held out her arms and I fell into them.

I wrapped my one good arm around her waist and Peyton held me as I sobbed against her. Her long artistic fingers rubbed my back in soothing circles and I felt my tears slowly ebb away. When my crying had subsided Peyton's hands moved up until she was slowly combing through my hair. I felt loved, protected, and for once like everything could be alright in the world. My family was back. I was home. I still held on, reassuring myself that Peyton was back now and that we could face anything together.

After I felt a bit more pulled together I pushed the "call" button on the side of Peyton's bed. I started to get up because it would look weird if I was in bed with Peyton when the nurse got there but Peyton pulled me back down. She held on to me like I was a lifeline and I held her right back, if she wasn't willing to let go I certainly wasn't going to pull away.

When a nurse came rushing in I did see her eyebrows raise at the sight of me and Peyton lying in the bed together but I didn't give a damn. The nurse was a short red head and her nametag said "Tina".

After getting over her slight shock she quickly came over to Peyton's bedside and started checking the monitors, talking all the while, "So you're up again, Ms. Sawyer? Vitals look good. Are you having any trouble breathing?"

Peyton shook her head slowly.

Tina smiled down at her, "Does it hurt to talk right now? Your throat is probably extremely sore because of the tubes we put down in during the operation. Don't worry, give it some time and some liquids and it will be fine."

She looked down at me and coughed, "Ms. Davis, I'm afraid I'm going to have to call the doctor in now and you could get in trouble for being in that….position."

I slowly rose to my feet but reached out to clasp Peyton's hand. Her eyes shone up at me full of gratitude and she gave my fingers a light squeeze. I looked down at her and mouthed, I'm not letting go.

Peyton mouthed back, Thank you.

Tina averted her eyes and looked slightly embarrassed by our wordless communication but none the less she smiled at me politely and paged the doctor.

The next few hours were filled with lots of tests, disappointments, and heartache. I had to sit there while they poked and prodded at Peyton, trying to determine exactly how well she was. I also had to sit there when the doctor explained to her that a lot of physical therapy would be needed before she could even begin to consider walking again. I had to sit there and do nothing but hold her hand while she cried over the life that she would never have again, thanks to that bastard Felix and a bullet. Each one of her tears felt like a shard of glass stabbing into my heart. I felt helpless because all I could do while her life was crashing down around her was hold her hand.

Once the doctor and the nurses had left, Peyton laid in her bed, still silent. I almost got the feeling like I was back in a room that just held her body and not her spirit. I didn't have a clue what to do for her because there were no words I could ever say that would make this all go away.

I remained next to Peyton's side for what seemed like an eternity but she didn't move and didn't say anything. I saw tears gently streaming down her cheeks and splashing onto her white pillow but I didn't know what I could do about them. How could I tell her that everything was going to be ok? I couldn't. There were no words to take Peyton's pain away so I just did what I could. I waited by her bed, holding her hand, and praying that somehow we could make it through this.

Peyton interrupted the silence that had been deafening the room, "While I was asleep I had a dream."

I jumped slightly at the sound of her voice but leaned forward in my chair, wanting to be as near to her as possible, and to encourage this new sign of life. "What did you dream about," I asked.

She turned her sad green eyes towards me, "I dreamed I went to hell because I've been such a bad person."

At that time, Peyton could've knocked me over with a feather and I couldn't keep the shock out of my voice as I said, "A bad person?! Peyton, you're the best person I know. You have so much love, life, kindness, and beauty within you. Can't you see that?"

She gave a traditional Peyton Sawyer smirk that quickly changed into a small, sad smile, "You see, that's why I had to come back. I don't see that, I've never seen that but you know what Brooke? You always have. I dreamed that my mom came to rescue me from hell and asked me if I wanted to go to heaven with her. You know what I said?"

I shook my head, not knowing where this was going or what point she was trying to make.

Her hand clenched tighter in my fingers, "I said, 'No'. I said that because I knew I couldn't leave you behind. You're the one person who's always found beauty and light in all my darkness. You've been there with me through it all and yet you still love me for me."

"Damn right I do." I stroked the back of her knuckles with my thumb.

Tears to match my own reappeared in Peyton's eyes, "You…Brooke Davis, you are why I'm still alive. I had to come back and say thank you. I had to come back and tell you I love you."

I leaned forward and wrapped her in a very awkward hug seeing as she was lying in a bed and I only had one good arm to hug with. Even though there was a metal bar pressing into my stomach, I didn't want to let Peyton go.

"I love you too, P. Sawyer," I breathed into her golden hair. And I did. A lot more than I'd like to admit. Faced with the thought of losing her, I'd realized that I simply couldn't lose her. There was a feeling of needing deep within me that couldn't imagine surviving without Peyton.

I felt Peyton turn her head and kiss me gently on my tear-streaked cheek. Her warm lips pressed there for more than a second and I felt a heat radiate from that spot until it spread to my heart which seemed to swell and beat faster at the touch. Confusion swirled in my stomach. This was new. Peyton had always meant home to me. She'd always been a sister, a mother…family. But that one brief touch of her lips to my cheek made me want to turn my head and….I wanted to kiss her back. Not in a family way. Not in a sisterly way. I wanted to kiss her lips. I wanted her to stroke my hair and hold me close. I wanted to look into her green eyes and see love reflected there that was strong enough to mirror my own.

I pulled away from Peyton's grasp before I could do anything as stupid as move my head a few inches to the right and press my lips to hers. What the hell was happening to me? I stood up and smiled shakily at Peyton who seemed a little flushed. She smiled a small embarrassed looking smile that looked all too cute on her face. I swallowed hard.

Realization hit me like a sledgehammer right to my stomach. Nearly losing Peyton had made me realize how much I needed her, how much I loved her. Lucas, all those other boys, it had only been a denial of the simple truth that I loved P. Sawyer and I always had. The boys had come and gone but Peyton had remained. Even when she and Lucas had gone behind my back I wasn't upset with him, I was upset with her. Upset that she proclaimed to love someone other than me. I didn't just love Peyton Sawyer…I was in love with Peyton Sawyer and the fact that I was just now realizing it shows what an idiot I've been.

I smiled at Peyton, fearing my heart would burst with all these new found revelations and she smiled right back at me. I knew there would be a lot of complications. Hell, I didn't even know if she could ever feel the same way about me as I did about her but right now what I was feeling was enough. Just knowing with a quiet certainty that I loved my best friend was enough. I could deal with the other stuff later and even if she never loved me back in that way, I could still bask in the love I felt for her. I wanted to hold her again and leave all the problems and conflicts for the future.

I started to walk over to her bed but a knock on the door stopped me in my footsteps. The red haired nurse, Tina, poked her head in cautiously as if she was concerned with what she'd find this time. She gave a small sigh when she saw that I wasn't cuddling with Peyton on the bed and smiled at us both like a reward. She turned to me and said, "Miss. Davis? There is a young gentleman out here that would like to visit Miss Sawyer. I told him that she needed rest but he insisted that I at least ask you two if he could come in to visit. His name is Lucas Scott."

A smile grew on Peyton's face just as I felt mine leave my lips. The complications were beginning much sooner than I would've liked. Damn it.