Chapter Ten - The Missing
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE IS GONE BAA CHAN TTEBAYO?"
"OCHITSUKE, NARUTO!" Tsunade roared.
Naruto had his fists anchored in Tsunade's desk, while the blonde Hokage was glaring daggers at him.
"This is a secret mission.
"Why the hell wasn't I informed of this?!
" Do I have to explain you the meaning of "secret"?"
"I WANT TO GO WITH HIM."
"Sore wa dame da."
"WHY NOT?!"
"BECAUSE IT IS A SECRET MISSION, NARUTO, WILL YOU LISTEN WHAT I AM TELLING YOU?!"
"I DON'T GIVE A FREAKING SHIT ABOUT YOUR FREAKING SECRET MISSION TTEBAYO!
"STOP YELLING AND STOP SWEARING OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL WIPE THE FLOOR WITH YOUR FACE!"
Tsunade had risen on her feet, and both blonde faces were inches apart from each other. Naruto was shaking with rage, his nostrils flaring, his eyes wide.
"Anooo..." Shizune said, her back flat against the wall, feeling as if she was watching a clash of titans.
"WHAT?!" Naruto and Tsunade yelled at the same time, turning their heads to the poor brown haired captain.
Shizune bravely gulped.
"Errr I...I believe th...that maybe you should talk this o...over..."
Tsunade pinched her nose.
Talk this over...yeah, easier said than done.
Kakashi had once again put her in a tricky situation.
Last night, he had come to her while she was working late in her office.
"Captain Kakashi?" She had asked when the slender man had entered her office after knocking.
But what had hit her right through the heart was Kakashi's visible eye.
It was cold and hard, full of pain and regret.
Something is wrong, Tsunade had guessed, letting go of the pen she was holding.
"Are you okay, Kakashi?" She had asked in a motherly tone.
"Hai, Tsunade sama." Kakashi had answered, his eye looking straight into hers, proud and defying.
Tsunade didn't insist. The man was hiding his entire face with a mask, for heaven's sake, he would die before showing his emotions to anyone in any circumstance.
"Then what can I do for you?"
"I want to be sent on a mission tonight."
"Ehh?!"
Kakashi was standing straight on his feet, speaking in his usual calm and determined tone.
"What is happening, Kakashi? Are you fleeing Konoha?" She asked, concerned.
Kakashi had closed his eye.
"I'm not fleeing."
Silence.
"I just need to get away for a few days, to set some...things straight in my mind."
Tsunade had stood up and come close to Kakashi, landing a hand on his shoulder.
"Kakashi, I may be Hokage but I am also your friend. You can talk to me if there is something wrong. Anything."
Sometimes she tended to forget how young Kakashi was. Hell he was over twenty years younger than her, she could be his mother. However, he was hiding his youth behind an extraordinary responsibility, incredible skills and a vast wisdom. But knowing Kakashi's past, Tsunade knew how lonely he had to feel.
She knew Kakashi was a tortured man.
Yet Kakashi's eye had remained cold and hard. Tsunade had rarely seen him so aloof. The Copy Ninja was many things, but he had an immense heart and his kindness always showed in his apparently lazy, nonchalant eye. The only times she had seen that cold, terrible eye was when he was on the battlefield, defending his comrades, slaying his ennemies.
"There is nothing to talk about, Tsunade sama. Please, give me a mission."
Tsunade had sighed.
"All right all right...As a matter of fact, I might have something for you...related to the mutants you fought two months ago...when Naruto got hurt."
Kakashi had listened very carefully as Tsunade had sent him to the pursuit of a group of men who had stolen a scroll containing a very powerful Kinjutsu. The blonde Hokage was persuaded that the scroll was destined to fall in Orochimaru's hands. They were to be stopped rapidly and discretely, before other independant renegades got wind of the situation and tried to take over the scroll.
And Kakashi was the best man for the job.
But the most mysterious was yet to come.
Before leaving, Kakashi had turned towards her again.
"Tsunade-sama, I have to ask you something."
"Nanda?"
"If Naruto asks where I am. Don't tell him. Don't let him go after me."
And he had left her puzzled, disappearing in a poof.
And now Naruto's eyes were so desperate that she didn't understand what was going on between them.
"Naruto, what's wrong?" she asked.
The blonde turned away, clenching his fists.
"Nothing's wrong I...I just..."
He sighed.
"I just wanted to see him, I guess."
He remained silent for a moment, his eyes fixed on the floor.
Tsunade and Shizune exchanged a puzzled look, and Tsunade came closer to that boy that reminded her so much of her little brother.
"Daijoubu ka, Naruto, he will be back soon."
"When?!" Naruto asked, eagerly.
Tsunade sighed.
"I don't know...When he's done with his mission."
Naruto knew he wouldn't get anything more from her.
He felt...
Actually he didn't understand how he felt.
He was so angry.
Without a word, he stormed out of Tsunade's office, and didn't stop until he had slammed the door of his appartment. There he sat on his bed and clenched his fists.
He felt just as if his heart was stuck in his throat, in a tight ball, that was nearly preventing him from breathing. One minute, he felt as if he was going to break everything in his path, the other one he just wanted to curl up on himself in his bed, waiting for death.
Why was he reacting such childishly?
Kakashi was a grown man, for heaven's sake, he was a shinobi, and he had to make missions for a living. That was the way things were...That's was their job.
What did I expect?
...
...He could have left a note.
Naruto shook his head. He had to get a hold on himself. Come on, Kakashi would be back.
He would be back...
He would, wouldn't he?
A few days passed by. Naruto resumed his life. After many arguments and yells, he would take minor missions, as Tsunade was still reluctant in sending him away for too long. He would go out with his friends, to eat at Ichiraku's, or simply to have a good time at the public bath. Naruto would laugh, smile and talk loudly like he always did.
But the ball in his throat never seemed to leave.
...
Kakashi...
He talked about Kakashi all the time. He didn't even realize it. Everything he did, wherever he went, something made him think about Kakashi.
That time when they went to Ichiraku's together and when Naruto had whined again because Kakashi wouldn't take off his mask.
That time they walked past the cinema where Kakashi had almost fainted when he had seen that there was going to be a new adaptation of Icha Icha tactics, before blushing to hell when Naruto had offered him to invite him to see the movie when it was released.
That time Kakashi was helping him walk after a particularly hard training and Naruto had trippled over a rock, taking Kakashi in his fall, both falling in the river under the bridge they were crossing.
All these times they had laughed so hard Kakashi's voice was flying up to high notes, his eyes closed and leaking tears of joy.
Naruto hadn't lied when he had told Kakashi that the silver haired jounin was probably the best friend he had ever had. Thinking about Sasuke was still painful for Naruto. After all, he thought of him as his brother, he loved Sasuke fiercely, and he would do anything for the raven. He felt so guilty, so angry at himself for not being capable of stopping him.
But never, never had Sasuke given him so much attention.
Never had Sasuke been willing to spend so much time with him without telling him to fuck off or repelling him.
Naruto had spent so much time with Kakashi that he felt he knew him better than anyone. Even if he had never seen his face, he knew his expressions by heart. His slight blushes, his serene smile that made his visible eye turn upside down, his closed, contracted eye when he was tired and using the Sharingan, his smug smirks when he knew he was right.
And damn, the man was always right.
Actually, he was a bit like Shikamaru. His intelligence was vertiginous sometimes. He knew how to read hearts and minds, he always knew what was to be done in every situation.
Oh yes...Kakashi might well be the best friend he ever had...
...so much that Naruto started to wonder about their relationship.
Was it only friendship?
Of course he had spent so much good time with Sasuke.
But he had never felt anything for Sasuke that came even near to what he felt for Kakashi...
He litterally longed to breathe Kakashi. He longed to hear him talk, to listen to his laugh.
He died to touch him...
He was so attracted to him. Many times, he had noticed how his body seemed like it was moving on its own, always seeking Kakashi's warmth and proximity. The way he shuddered at the slightest contact, how much he craved to nestle in his arms, to drown in his chest...
To lay his lips on his pale skin...
And as the days passed by, Naruto dived deeper in his reflexion.
He longed for his silver haired friend, so much that he would subconsciously look for his shadow at every corner of street...
He would strain his ear when he believed he heard his laugh...
He would stop dead in his tracks when he thought he had breathed his smell...
When he closed his eyes, he could see his silhouette...
...his broad shoulders...
...his straight back...
...his elegant neck, embellished by his magnificient, rebel silver hair...
...his long, slender hands...
Ah...Kakashi...
He could smell his shower gel...
He could hear his soothing, deep voice...
Kakashi...
Even his name had a beautiful taste, rolling in a powerful yet smooth dance on his tongue.
Hell, the entire man was poetry.
And Naruto kept thinking.
I don't understand...I'm not into guys! Why does Kakashi have such an effect on me?!
His friends were starting to find he was acting strangely...but he would laugh heartily and shake his head throwing off suspicions.
But not all suspicions...
In addition to Sakura, someone else had guessed why Naruto was acting so weird.
One day, Naruto had left his untouched bowl of ramen to Sai and Sakura, paying for their three meals, before excusing himself and leaving the restaurant, saying that he needed a moment to think. And as he was sitting on a bench on the outskirts of town, his eyes unfocused and pensive, that someone came to sit beside him.
"Ooookay, Naruto kun. Tell me what's going on", he said with his gentle, warm voice.
Umino Iruka, for it was him of course, dived his hand into Naruto's hair, ruffling it affectionately.
Naruto raised his blue eyes to the brown, caring ones, before lowering them again to the ground.
"I don't know what you are talking about ttebayo..."
"Oookay, well for starters you have just left Ichiraku's without touching your ramen. I knew there was something going on in that baka head of yours, but now I'm certain of it. So talk to me."
Naruto kept his eyes fixed on the ground.
How could he even express what he felt?
Hey Iruka, I'm so sad I want to die right now.
Hey Iruka, I miss Kakashi so much I can't sleep at night.
Hey Iruka, I would give anything right now to bury my face in Kakashi's pectorals and feel his arms squeeze me so tight I can't breathe.
Hey Iruka, I would give anything to have Kakashi in my arms right now and rip his mask off to eat his mouth.
Come on...
But Iruka cut him to the chase.
"All right I'm going to help you. My instinct tells me that you can't get a certain someone out of your head. That you keep looking for them everywhere you go. That your heart is aching because they aren't there, and that you have become so addicted to them that you can't bear their absence anymore. And yet you are scared because you don't understand what you feel. You have never felt such a strong feeling for anyone before. Not even for Sakura. Ne, Naruto?"
Naruto raised surprised eyes to the man he considered as his older brother.
"How the hell do you know that ttebayo, Iruka nii chan?!"
Iruka chuckled.
"You're my brother, Naruto, I know you by heart. And I know what that feeling is."
Before he said it, Naruto closed his eyes. Of course he already knew. But he didn't know if he was ready to hear it.
"It's called love, little brother."
Naruto hid his face in his hands.
Iruka frowned and stroke his hair again.
"And you are ashamed...Ne, Naru-chan?"
God, that nickname.
Naruto's heart screamed for Kakashi.
"Okay you don't have to talk. Let me talk for you." Iruka said gently.
He felt like a surgeon trying to reach a thorn that was planted deep in an animal's heart. He had to be his voice, he had to put words on the wound when the wounded couldn't talk, when he was lost and scared.
"Love is something that you cannot choose or control, Naruto, that is why it is so beautiful. It is something that mmh...transcends you, carries you away. It can be immensely beautiful and devastatingly painful. Love can lead to peace as it can bring death and destruction through hate, which is its necessary counterpart... But love is also what makes us live, whether we know it or not. It is the only force in the universe that is able to accomplish miracles, to repell the demons lurking in the twisted, mad human heart."
Naruto still couldn't say anything. But Iruka's words were easing his pain. He was carefully treading the swollen zone of his heart, and he was coming closer and closer to the epicentre of his affliction.
And still stroking his hair, Iruka went on.
"What I am trying to tell you, Naru-chan, is that you don't have to be ashamed. You should never, you hear me, never be ashamed of loving anyone."
He took a deep breath.
"Even if the person you love is a man too."
Naruto's head shot up and he gaped at man was a damn sorcerer.
"Daijoubu, Naru chan, it's okay, it is totally natural."
"...It is?" Naruto asked, unsure.
"Well...it is true that men and women are made to reproduce in order for the human race to linger, and it is the same for the animals. Actually humans ARE animals. But... Love is not necessarily linked to specific a sex, or even a gender for that matter."
"I don't understand..."
"Well it's a little bit complicated but...I am convinced that the biological sex doesn't determine your gender. That is to say that the fact that you are biologically a man doesn't mean you are a man in your head. You are what you choose to be. Either you want to be a man, a woman, or anything else."
Naruto's eyes got lost in the horizon. He had never thought about this this way.
"And sexual orientation and gender are totally independant. You love a person, an identity, a psychological construction and entity. We don't care what that psychological entity has got in his/her pants right? If you truly love them, then they can even not have a body. Because love transcends matter. Is is something that we can't truly grasp from our condition of mere mortals."
Naruto blushed and Iruka guessed his question.
"Haha I know what you are thinking. That man you love has a wonderful body and you are extremely attracted to it. Well it's just a matter of taste, and tastes comes and goes, or it can last forever. In your case, you have already been attracted to women because you were in love with Sakura, but now you have lived something very special with a man, and that man has taken a specific role for you. He has touched your heart in a way you would never had thought it possible. Well so be it. There are other men who will always be attracted by men during all their life, and there again for thousands of reasons, might they be related to biology or psychological construction."
Iruka made a pause and let the words sink in Naruto's mind.
"What I am trying to tell you Naru chan is that love cannot be put in a cage, it cannot be constrained in such boundaries. Before loving a physical, biological body, you love someone. And that someone can be anything in their mind or body."
These words plunged Naruto into a deep reflexion, which put in perspective all his preconcieved ideas. Everything he had ever thought about love relationships was now put under a new light.
And now somehow, he felt completely at peace with these ideas. Actually, these were the answers he was looking for.
"And I personally like men, if it can reassure you." Iruka giggled.
Naruto looked at him, surprised.
"Ehhh?"
"Oh yes !" Iruka smiled brightly.
"Why didn't you ever tell me ttebayo!?" Naruto protested, offended.
"Well... I must say I was a little scared by your reaction. I remember you telling me how you had thought that Sai was going to kiss you and how it had "terrified" you." Iruka said, wincing a little.
Naruto twisted his hands. Damn it he had been so stupid and rude.
"Ah come on I was much younger..."
"Yes, I know...That is why I am telling you now", Iruka said, patting his head.
Naruto smiled. But Iruka could see in his eyes that he was not out of the woods yet.
There was still something troubling him.
And the academy sensei knew very well what it was.
The fact that the person Naruto loved was a man wasn't the main reason Naruto was so upset.
The main reason was rather that person's identity...
...which Iruka had come to guess after observing the two of them for weeks.
"Loving a man is not the only thing that bothers you, ne, Naru chan?", he kept on.
Silence.
"What bothers you even more is that the person you love is older than you...for starters..."
Again, Naruto blushed.
Masaka. Did Iruka really know?
"...aaand that he has silver hair..."
Oh god.
"...that his name means "Scarecrow"..."
Naruto hid his face in his hands again.
"...but most of all...that he is your former sensei."
That was it. Iruka had figured it all out.
"Oh God I'm going to die with shame ttebayo..." Naruto whined.
"There's no reason."
Naruto raised his blue eyes questioningly.
"Isn't that weird?" he whispered.
"What is?"
"Well I mean...The man is almost fifteen years older than me, he saw me when I was a baby, he taught me everything he knows, he watched me grow up... Isn't... that...twisted? I mean the fact that I...you know...?"
"No it's not, Iruka answered gently. People change. You are not a child anymore. It is true that Kakashi could have changed your diapers when he was about fourteen years old, but now you are a grown man, and you are another person. Plus, you changed a lot when you left to train with Jiraiya. I personally barely recognized you when you came back. Of course you are still Naruto, you still are loud and hot tempered and God I love you for that, but you came back as a young adult. You came back with a different state of mind. With a greater wisdom. And that was already a couple of years ago, and now you are even wiser. And you are free to love anyone you want. And when you think about it, Kakashi could almost be a kind of...half brother, because he considered your father as his own. He was devastated when he died, as well as Kushina, whom he loved dearly."
Naruto was confused, and Iruka understood why at once.
"Err wait I'm not saying you should feel bad because you love someone who also loved your parents as their son, I'm just saying that Kakashi is not too old for you, and that it is totally natural that you fell in love with him."
At this point, a memory came back to Naruto's mind.
The meomory of the evening when he asked Kakashi to go drink with him.
"Oh come on Kakashi, you could be my brother for heaven's sake".
He smiled a little, feeling his heart lighten again.
Damn, Iruka was good ttebayo.
"And I totally understand you fell in love with Kakashi you know. Apart from the fact that the man is actually a genius, reliable, calm, kind, funny, powerful and handsome..."
"How do you know he is handsome?! Have you ever seen his face?" Naruto asked eagerly.
Iruka laughed.
"No I haven't. But between you and me, we both know that even if Kakashi was not a pure Apollo under his mask, he would remain beautiful. The mere charism, the mere presence he emits even with his mask has always persuaded me of that fact."
Naruto knew he was right. He didn't know what Kakashi looked like under his mask, and actually, after thinking about it, he didn't care. He just knew he loved him. He just knew he would love him no matter what he looked like.
To him, Kakashi would always be handsome, just because he was Kakashi.
"Actually that was one of the reasons why I also fell in love with him a couple of years ago..."
"WHAT?"
"Oh yes, but don't worry, it's over now. But yes, I have loved him very much. I mean how could you not? The man has such a beautiful, magnificient soul, in every aspect. I think he really touched my heart in a way no one ever did. "
"Have you ever told him?" Naruto inquired.
"Haha no...No I haven't. I haven't..."
Iruka remained pensive for a moment.
"Who knows...maybe I should have? Maybe I have told him in a parallel universe and in that parallel universe we're happy together... As a matter of fact, I really believe there are other worlds that contain different versions of ourselves, of our lives and all. And I like to think that in one of them, I had the courage to tell Kakashi and that we are currently living a passionate romance."
He looked at Naruto and smiled, serene.
"Anyway, it is not important right now. My love for him has turned into a powerful friendship. Now, it is you who have fallen in love with him and I believe that you really deserve to be happy. And I can't think about anyone else better than Kakashi to provide you with everything you need. Because Kakashi has always been there for you. Whether it was in the best or in the worst moments, even when I wasn't around, he was always there...Without forgetting the fact that he was the first to recognize you. "
"What are you talking about, Iruka nii san? YOU were the first!"
"Haha, no my friend...It was Kakashi who made me recognize you. And it happened on the very same bench we're sitting on right now".
And Iruka told him how Kakashi had given him the keys to open his heart to Naruto, and therefore how he had been the first important person of Naruto's life.
Depressed and lost, Iruka had came to sit on that same bench, about ten years ago. He had let out a deep, sad sigh, and had started when a voice had risen up above him.
"Oi oi!"
He had raised his head, and his eyes had fallen on Kakashi who was reading on the branch of a tree.
"This is my tree, you know?I always come here when I want to read quietly. So don't you sigh so loud, it's most distracting." Kakashi had said.
"Oh...Sumimasen!" Iruka had said, standing up, preparing to leave.
But Kakashi had suddenly landed right before him, tucking his most precious porn book in his pocket.
"Ma, don't worry about that, I was going to leave anyway. Jaa na!"
He had started to leave, and Iruka had seated back on the bench, clutching his hands. But Kakashi had stopped on his tracks and turned his head to him again.
"Ma, what's wrong? You look depressed."
As Iruka hadn't answered, Kakashi had come back to sit beside him.
"I'm here, if you want to talk about it, I can listen." he had said quietly.
Iruka had been touched. At this period, he didn't know Kakashi as well as he did now, and the fact that that mysterious man had come simply to sit beside him offering him to lend him an ear was most comforting. That was something Kakashi had always loved in Kakashi as he learned to know him better through the years. Even when he didn't say anything, Kakashi's mere presence was comforting and soothing.
And Naruto couldn't agree more.
"I...I want to ask Sandaime to remove the responsability of Naruto from me. I just don't know what to do with that boy anymore."
"Ah...I understand now why your eyes are so dead..." Kakashi had said.
"What do you mean?"
"Well...I remember the glow that was shining in your eyes when you came to Sandaime, asking him to be a teacher at the academy. Now, that glow is gone..."
Iruka had looked at him, puzzled, and Kakashi had went on.
"Maybe you have forgotten the main rule of teaching. You can't open the other's mind unless your own mind is open. Or maybe you are trying to forget that rule, because you are not ready to accept Naruto in your own heart?"
He had touched a sensitive spot. Iruka had closed his eyes, clenching his fists.
"The demon fox which caused the death of my parents is sealed inside Naruto. I know Naruto is not responsible, but each time I see him, I see Kyuubi lurking within him. I don't think that Naruto will open himself to someone like me."
"And yet you are the only one who can reach Naruto's heart. This is your ... personnal challenge."
"My personnal challenge?"
"Hai. The one Sandaime entrusted you with. Come on, don't give up. I know that you will finally find the way. Jaa na!" he had concluded, smiling, waving at the puzzled man.
Iruka had remained pensive, while Kakashi was graciously walking away...
...but soon, the academy teacher had understood that the man had just changed his life...
"...and he changed yours too, that very same day."
Naruto couldn't believe his ears. He felt tears come up to his eyes. He couldn't express what he felt. It was so moving, so powerful.
So beautiful.
Kakashi had indeed always been there.
Even before Iruka.
Before anyone.
Kakashi had always been there, right from the start.
Even though the discussion with Iruka had helped him a lot to understand and accept his feelings, Naruto's heart kept getting heavier and heavier through the days.
Kakashi wasn't coming back.
Naruto kept pestering Tsunade into knowing whether she had heard about him. He started to come everyday, and Tsunade often had to throw him out of her office to be able to work (and drink, by the way), in peace.
Naruto started turning around, biting his lips.
He started having nightmares.
He kept seeing Kakashi in his dreams.
He started to avoid staying alone in his home...
He would keep his friends for dinner, then for the evening...Until they went home...
One night, he felt that his heart was on the verge of breaking. So when his friends left, he conjured up three of his clones and kept playing cards again, and again, for hours, until he couldn't anymore. Until his smile became so crisped, so forced that it made his face hurt. Little by little, the clones started looking at each other. After all, they were the same person. They knew Naruto was suffering, and that he was trying to hide his pain behind his everlasting smile.
They knew he was trying to exhaust himself just for the sake of not being alone.
"Naruto", one of them said.
"Come on guys! Don't tell me you're tired!"
"Naruto..."
"Here, I'll start for you and get ready to get your asses..."
"Naruto!" they had said.
The blonde had stopped and raised his head.
The three clones were looking at him with a mixture of sadness and pity. Naruto's heart clenched.
"You miss him right?", one of them whispered.
Naruto's smile slowly faded out, and his face darkened.
He remained silent for a long time, his head low, his eyes slowly filling up with tears.
"Thank you guys...you can leave me now..." he finally murmured.
The clones had looked at each other, and before leaving, one of them had laid a hand on Naruto's shoulder. But he said nothing.
What was there to be said?
And they had poofed away.
Like Kakashi.
And at this moment, several weeks after Kakashi had gone, Naruto went to curl up in his bed, his arms wrapped tightly around him, burying his face in his pillow, imagining it to be Kakashi's strong chest.
And there, that night, Naruto's darkest thoughts broke through his barrier. They broke through the wall of self-reassurance he had erected since Kakashi's departure.
What did I expect?
Did I expect he would be waiting for me?
Haha...Come on...
An immense sadness crawled up his heart.
As a matter of fact...
Yes...I guess I was expecting that.
Maybe...
Maybe that's why I didn't want to let go of him that day...When he took me home...
I knew he would disappear...
I knew what we lived could not last. It was just a moment...like a fracture in time, a world that opened to my eyes, but which is now closed.
It was like these two months had just been erased. Kakashi was gone, and Naruto didn't know when he would be back.
If he was back at all.
And that night, he could feel the full force of Kakashi's absence, and it was almost unbearable.
Again, he felt abandoned.
And on that thought, Naruto snapped. He burst into silent sobs, muffled into his pillow, tears pouring along his whiskered cheeks.
"I miss you, Kakashi...God I miss you ttebayo..." he gasped, his heart torn apart by loneliness and woe.
Why the Hell did you have to leave?
Why did you have to leave?
You said you would stay with me forever.
You said you would always be there.
And Naruto's shoulders started shaking with painful hiccups as the blonde haired boy hugged his pillow tightly to his chest. He would give anything, anything to feel Kakashi's arms around him, to feel his masked lips on his hear.
He would give anything just to hear him say:
"Shh, I'm here...Don't cry...I'm here..."
Anything.
Please Kakashi, come back to me.
Come back to me, ttebayo...
And on these words, Naruto kept crying for a long time, clutching to Kakashi's memory, clutching his pillow to his chest, before slipping into a nervous, agitated slumber.
And the dream he had that night felt tantilizingly real.
He was passing by Konoha's gates and he a very familiar silhouette pass the gates of Konoha. It was a tall, slender man, with a rebel mane of silver hair overlooking his masked face.
Kakashi.
He kept looking at him. Kakashi was saluting his comrades at the gates. It had been almost a month, and everyone was happy to have him back again. Iruka was giving him a brief hug when Kakashi's eyes met Naruto's.
At this moment, Naruto's heart flooded with an emotion so strong he thought he was going to cry. Kakashi let go of Iruka, and took a few steps towards the blonde, who didn't even think about what he was doing.
He dashed forward and before Kakashi had time to blink, Naruto had thrown his arms around his neck, his legs around his waist, and buried his face into his strong shoulder. The impact was so strong, so real, that Naruto felt the man stumble slightly backwards. Then he felt his strong arms wrap themselves tightly around him, and Naruto clenched his teeth hard to prevent himself from crying. He was clinging to Kakashi, his face buried in the connexion between the man's neck and shoulder.
It felt so real.
He could feel the silver hair on his temple, breathe his slightly sweaty smell, feel the muscles of his neck under his lips.
Then Kakashi's hand went to tangle in his hair, and he breathed a simple, but so beautiful:
"Yo..."
Naruto swallowed a sob.
"You're late, Kakashi-sensei." he said in his shoulder.
Kakashi chuckled, and Naruto followed him, but his hiccups of laughter turned into small sobs and he clenched his fists in Kakashi's vest, tightening his arms around his neck. His emotion was so strong, so full of every existing feeling that it was frightening. He just wanted to stay here and cry like a stupid child while Kakashi was holding him.
Kakashi seemed to feel it, because he turned to the guards and waved one of his hands :
"Jaa na!"
He disappeared in a poof, with Naruto in his arms, and reappeared on the branch of a tall tree on the the outskirts of town, the very same tree standing behind the bench where Iruka had helped Naruto so much. There, he sat on the branch, leaning aginst the trunk. He put his arms above Naruto's, making his face slide from his shoulder to his chest. There, he tucked his nose in the hollow of his clavicle with a hand in his hair, while the other was encircling his shoulders, forcing him into a tender, caring, loving embrace.
And he sighed, squeezing Naruto tight.
So tight.
So tight Naruto was absolutely sure he could feel his bones breaking.
"Hey, hey hey...you okay, Naruto-chan?"
Naruto gulped and hid his face further in Kakashi's chest. The feeling of his clavicle on his nose, the birth of his pectorals on his lips, his throat against his forehead protector, his arms around him.
God he had missed everything.
And it felt so real.
"I missed you", he whispered in a shaky voice.
"Maaa...I missed you too. But I'm here now...it's over..." Kakashi said, stroking his hair.
"I thought..." Naruto gasped.
"What, my darling?"
Oh my God that nickname.
Kakashi had never called him that way...
No...I don't want this to be a dream...No, please.
"I thought you had left me..." Naruto cried.
Kakashi pressed his face down into his pectorals to silence him.
"Shhhh, my baby...my love...I'm not going anywhere...I promise you..." he said, kissing his hair and engulfing him entirely into his chest.
His smell...
It was so real...
"I'm not going anywhere, Naruto...I'm not going anywhere..."
He was kissing his hair...his hands kept running on his back, pressing him, caressing him...
"Shh...don't cry...I'm here..."
Oh please let this be real, ttebayo.
"Don't go...Don't go, Kakashi..."
"I'm here baby, I'm right here." Kakashi kept cooing.
And Naruto kept crying.
"Shh, I'm here, my love..."
Don't let me wake up...
"Don't let go... Sensei, don't let go..."
"I won't. I've got you in my arms...Shh...I'm not letting you out of my arms..."
But his voice was starting to sound distant.
No...
Don't let me wake up...
"I'm here..." Kakashi 's tender whisper lingered from afar.
And before Kakashi's embrace faded away, Naruto whimpered:
"I love you...Kakashi..."
BANG!
Naruto woke up in tears, with a start.
He was tangled in his sheets, his arms clutched tightly around him, his face buried in his pillow.
The thunder was raging outside, and at first he thought it was why he had been awaken. But soon, the sound of a fist pounding on his door rang again in his appartment.
BANG! BANG!
"What the..." Naruto growled.
Who the Hell could come at this hour?!
Not caring if he was in his rabbit pajamas, Naruto stood up and went to the door, sniffing and wiping his remaining tears.
He opened it.
And on the doorstep stood a man.
He didn't recognize him at first.
Until the lightening illuminated his face.
His mismatched eyes.
His silver hair.
...and his face.
His bare face.
Naruto's eyes widened so much they could have popped right out of his head, as well as his heart from his chest.
"Kakashi!" he breathed out.