Chapter 10 Tears

I don't think I've ever been that scared in my life. The intense fear that caught me in its merciless grip, poisoned my mind, threatened to overwhelm me, hampered my ability to think straight. When I try to recall what happened after he sent me away I'm thrown back into that terrible night again. We both don't like to talk about that, but I'm going to tell you anyway. We've reached that particular moment in my life. Sogowa's sun is waving us goodbye, painting the sky in a beautiful mixture of orange and pink as the last part of her bright circle is sinking behind the horizon. It's a wonderful sunset. I remember how touched I was by its beauty when I saw it for the first time.

"I had to sent you away," he says, stepping closer to me, but remaining at a distance large enough so that he doesn't have to strain his neck to look me in the eyes. His size can still be a little overwhelming but I'm used to that. His ears droop. His voice softens. He's reliving that night with me. For me it was just the fear of what they would do to him, the moment I ran. For him, it was much worse. "I couldn't let anything happen to you. You could've gotten hurt trying to help me."

That was probably true. It became evident during his coming of age ceremony that I couldn't bear to watch him suffer. Ever since I knew him, he has been nothing but kind to me and the people around him. Not once has he showed signs of aggression or anger toward others.

I was in the grip of my own fear that already drove the beat of my heart to dangerously high levels and running didn't help things either. The sweat that felt cold on my forehead wasn't from tiredness. It was pure fear, like a fever. My throat felt a little soar. My mouth had gotten dry. A thousand frantic thoughts raced through my mind as my feet carried me away from the person I loved, who I knew was in danger. I knew he wanted me to go away but my heart ached. It felt like betrayal. I had to help him. Those Mantrins had looked so threatening. It seemed they hadn't left town completely just yet. Maybe they had a community nearby. It was very well possible. They rarely showed themselves under normal circumstances. And by their simple clothing they could be easily mistaken for members of one of the many tribes which were generally peaceful. But these three were the complete opposite of that. Never had I felt so much hatred. No wonder the hatred among humans against Mantrins had grown too. The way he looked at me and even at Arzu. The way he spoke to us. And those cold looks of the two that accompanied him. I was pretty sure that the other Sogowan was female. I guess I had gotten used to Niryn's kind voice and smile too much. Such hatred, just for showing love for each other. Arzu! I had to help him some way. But how? My house wasn't far from the center of town but after running for about one and a half block I stopped. I looked around, trying to catch my breath in the meantime. There weren't many people on the street but everything felt so dark so suddenly. So hostile and cold. Even though the streetlights spread a warm yellowish glow over the sidewalk, aided in turn by Solbrecht's twin moons the shivers crawled all over me. Nobody seemed to pay any attention to me. I felt they wouldn't even be willing to help me even if I asked. I wasn't even sure if they could offer any help against those odds. But I had to try. My eyes fell on a group of three guys on the other side of the street. One was human, the other was an Akrennian and yet another was a Mantrin himself. They were being kind of loud. All three of them were most likely suffering from the influence of having too much alcohol. Drinking. It was one of the negative influences we brought into their society, something they blamed us for too. Another one was smoking and in the worst cases, drugs. Even till this day and age, cigarettes had survived and drugs were a common good in the galaxy, just because selling it was a lucrative business. Addicts could be found anywhere, even in the more well-developed places such as here on Solbrecht. Maybe I wasn't thinking. But I had to find some way to help Arzu. So without much further thought I yelled to get their attention and crossed the street. They didn't seem to hear me the first time, so I yelled again when I was on their side. That caused them to twist and finally turn in my direction, swaying on their legs, laughing, barely aware I was trying to make something clear to them.

"Please, I need your help. My... friend is being attacked."

"Well, what is this?" the human boy said, a sly grin plastered on his face.

He couldn't be much older than me. The Mantrin, an Orketh by race, as I could make out from the darker stripes around his ankles, twitched an ear, showing a few teeth as he copied this facial expression. The Akrennian was built the usual tall and lanky way of his kind and his skin was a common rocky gray color too. He merely purred like a kitten upon seeing me, obviously turned on or something. But the others seemed pretty 'interested' too. With them in their current state of mind I could almost hear their perverted thoughts. I also thought they approached me way too close for comfort.

"Well," the Mantrin purred, studying me from up close like I was some kind of animal in a zoo. "You're a nice little thing."

"Not sure if that stuff's still messing with my mind but you don't look so bad," the Akrennian added.

I had to do something quick. Arzu needed my help. Anyone's help. Instead of drooling all over me they could make themselves useful instead. I figured that maybe raising my voice and using simple words might help in trying to make myself clear but I was starting to believe it was all in vain.

"Please! Help me. My friend and I were being attacked. I need your help."

"Don't worry. We'll help you," the human said, strangely and somewhat unreliably kind.

"Really?" I heard myself say, unconvinced.

"Sure. Gonna show you all the places in town."

At that point, the Mantrin touched my arm, the Akrennian put his hand on my shoulder and the human boy was about to kiss me or something. I almost lost it. They weren't going to help me. I was grossed out by their touches. Their breath reeked of alcohol and in one case something worse, only I couldn't determine who it came from the way they were panting in my face.

"What're you doing? I'm trying to help my friend!"

"What do you need him for, when you can have all three of us?"

"C'mon, don't be so shy."

The only thing I accomplished was giving them a toy to play with. The Mantrin tightened his grip, the Akrennian brought his head closer in an affectionate gesture. I almost panicked. Everything was in vain. I couldn't help Arzu. Nobody felt like helping me.

"Let go of me!" I shrieked, tearing myself from their grip.

I heard myself gasp as the Mantrin's claws scratched the skin of my arm. I almost felt like crying. But my anger and frustration were stronger. Without any further thought, I started running again, trying to fight back the tears. Why? Why was the world so cruel at this moment? The voices of the three guys continued to echo in my ears as the distance between us increased.

"C'mon, what did we do?"

"We were just gonna have a little fun!"

I cursed them. I felt how my legs and feet took me the last bit of the road home. It was as if I wasn't in control of them and acted purely on instinct. The few people I saw on the way, I ignored, evaded. Everyone suddenly felt like a potential threat, humans, Mantrins, other aliens. They all looked the same to me. Sinister, threatening, frightening. I was scared. I was still sweating. And by the time I finally reached my house, I felt sick to my stomach. How such a wonderful evening could turn straight into a nightmare. My hand was shaking so much I dropped the keycard before the scanner could identify it and grant me access. The light above the door allowed me to see where I dropped it and when I finally managed to unlock the door, the light in the hallway chasing the darkness away, I remembered my parents weren't home either this evening. So I was all alone. Closing the door with a slam, letting myself fall back against its surface, I closed my eyes, still fighting back tears, sliding down to the floor as I caught my breath. But I still had to do something. The thoughts of what could be happening right now raced through my mind. So I retrieved my phone, almost dropping it out of my shaking, sweaty hands. Commanding the device to dial his number, I watched as a picture of him smiling appeared on the display. I heard his voice shortly thereafter.

"Arzu, are you all ri?-"

"Hi Rachel. I'm sorry, I can't pick up right now. Leave a message."

His personal voicemail. Grinding my teeth, I heard a voice I didn't even recognize as my own after I waited for the tone to speak.

"Arzu, please call me back. I need to know if you're all right. Come to my house. Please."

When I ended the call, I put the phone on the doormat, hugging my legs closer to my body. I couldn't hold back those tears anymore. After seeing his picture. Hearing his voice. I was beginning to think of the worst. That I would never see him smile again, never hear his voice again. I was so worried about him, I felt nauseous. How could things have gone so horribly wrong on an evening that was near perfect? The tears felt hot on my cheeks, like warm glowing pearls as they rolled down and fell into my lap. Arzu. I wanted him to be all right. I wanted him with me right now. There was nothing in the universe I wanted more than to crawl into his arms, knowing he was unharmed. I sobbed, taking breaths with short gasping sounds in between. I was angry too. I was angry at the world for being this cruel. This unforgiving. I can still hear him say it to Christina.

"Our relationship will hurt no one."

And right now he was being punished for it. I could barely believe it had come to this. I don't know for how long I sat there. It could have been minutes. It could have very well been an hour or longer. What I did know was, I stopped crying when I heard the sound of footsteps outside, behind the door that separated the harsh cold world outside from the relative safeness of my house. I gasped, felt my heart skip a beat. That sound. Those heavy steps, very characteristic for Mantrins. I jumped up, sweeping my phone off the doormat and putting it back in my pocket. I wasn't even thinking. It could very well have been one of those Mantrins that had followed me to my house, take his anger out on the human that fell in love with a member of his kind. But I had this feeling. It had to be him. Maybe he got my message. But I never accounted for what I was confronted with when I opened the door. That sight was burned forever into my mind. Like a scar that would never heal. He had been leaning against the door so he almost collapsed on top of me. But I caught him and fortunately he caught himself partly as I wouldn't have been able to hold him on my own. His neat clothes were torn in several places and stained with blood. He had claw marks all over his body and in his face. He looked beaten and bruised. I barely recognized him as his face appeared particularly swollen in the left side. Fresh blood had left trails over his cheek from the cuts and a nasty wound on his head. The hallway light casted shadows that made it look even worse.

"Arzu!"

Why? How could anyone do this to him? How could they be so cruel? He was a member of their kind.

"Ra-Rachel," he panted, trying to look at me, leaning heavily on my shoulder with his right hand. His other arm dangled in a strange way, quite possibly broken, the way it looked. "I-I'm glad you're safe."

I grabbed his other arm. I supported him as much as I could as I took him to the living room, calling for the lights to turn on as I entered. He was heavy. I could feel a trickle of moist falling into my neck. Quite possibly blood but I didn't care. Spreading a spare blanket for him to sit on, I kept supporting him as he lowered himself on the couch, flinching on contact with the soft surface, slightly whimpering. In the brighter light of the lamps in the living room I was finally able to take a better look and I was frightened by what I saw. But he was suffering enough as it was so I figured I'd better be quick.

"I'll get our first-aid box." And then he just looked at me, with eyes that had lost every bit of that sparkle of joy that used to shine in them, now only filled with pain and misery. It just hit me with the same feelings. He didn't reply, merely nodded weakly in response, holding on to his arm. His long tail laid weakly and unmoving on the couch pillows. I couldn't see it that clearly but it look painfully swollen too. Was it broken? As I considered that thought, I turned around to get the first-aid kit realizing there was only so much I could do with its contents. I was not a doctor yet, if that's what I wanted to be, but his head injury could have caused a concussion and if his arm and tail were broken he needed the help of a real doctor. Sinking on my knees in front of the cabinet I opened the doors and found it on the lower shelf. Grabbing it firmly with both hands, afraid I would drop it because I just couldn't keep them from shaking, I hurried back to the couch where he sat and put it on the table. But it wasn't the only thing I needed. Telling him to stay put, realizing shortly thereafter that there was little chance he would go anywhere in the meantime, I scooted to the kitchen to get a towel and water. When I reentered the living room with a bowl filled with lukewarm water in my hands and the towel over my shoulder, I almost dropped it. As long as I knew him I had often suspected him to be on the verge of it but I had never heard or seen him cry before. But as I approached him as he sat on the couch, with his back to me, it was the most heart-wrenching sound I could imagine. That wailing sound, only interrupted by the occasional sobs as he fought for breath in between. I almost dropped the bowl with water when that sound hit my ears and tormented my heart. I walked toward him, slower than I intended, fighting against the tears that were trying to break through. His ears had folded back so far on his head, I could barely distinguish them from the back of his skull. Big tears rolled over his cheeks, mixing with the blood on his face on their way down. "Arzu." My hands started shaking again the moment I put the bowl down on the table next to the first-aid kit. I tossed the towel hanging over my shoulder next to it. Physically he was in pain but mentally he seemed to be suffering much more. Without further thought, I stepped between his legs and careful not cause him any more pain I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him, as he cried on my shoulder. I felt my shirt getting soaked shortly thereafter. I felt him spasm in my embrace as he sobbed and continued to whimper. "It's all right." Gently stroking the back of his head and ears I held on as the minutes passed, watching my own tears fall on his back. When I felt he had calmed down enough I finally released him, feeling how he weakly let his hand slide off my back. His eyes looked red and bloodshot and he seemed to have trouble closing his mouth due to his swollen cheek. Panting slightly, he tried to swallow at which he winced. Still between his legs I turned to open the box with medical supplies, took the towel and soaked it into the bowl with warm water. With the tissue regenerator in my other hand, I rotated toward him and sunk through my knees enough to get to a more equal height. With the wet towel, I began dabbing his face, as I had to start somewhere, careful not too much pressure on his wounds and the swollen parts, cleaning off the blood while treating his wounds with the device. "There's only so much I can do with this." I couldn't keep my voice from scratching. It felt dry and a little soar too. "Your arm. Is it broken?"

As suspected he nodded.

"M-My tail hurts so much," he whimpered. "They stomped on it."

The wound on his head could only have been caused by a fall too. The regenerator seemed to have trouble with it. It was designed for treating small injuries only. Using his right hand to lift his stained shirt I gasped when I saw the severe bruising around his midriff and the wounds caused by claws. Cowards. It was obvious they had kicked him when he was down on the ground, helplessly. It became clear that my attempts were near futile at best.

"Arzu, we need to get you to the hospital. We have to call your parents."

Reaching into his pocket, I quickly came to realize my attempt to call him had been in vain too.

"It broke. I came to your house because it was closer."

I paused. I had the number of his house so it was up to me.

"Here."

I handed him the regenerator and hung the towel which was stained with blood into the bowl. The water had turned slightly red too. On his own he started treating the scratches on his broken arm with it as I retrieved my phone and dialed the number. Only seconds later I heard Niryn's voice and had her face on the screen. She greeted me in her own language in a joyful way but quickly realized something was wrong the moment she detected the tension in my voice as I tried to explain quickly what happened. It shocked her, her ears drooping in response. Covering her mouth with her hand she muttered something under her breath in Saerinian. I watched as she walked away from the phone to warn her mate. When she returned about half a minute later she seemed in a hurry.

"How is he? We're coming right away."

"We're at my house. I'm trying to take care of his wounds but he needs help. Wait a second. I'll hand him the phone."

Turning to Arzu, I took the tissue regenerator from his weak grip and handed him the device. I heard Niryn gasp as she faced her son. I had done my best to treat the wounds in his face but there was nothing I could do about the bruising or his head injury. I was glad his ears weren't torn. They were so soft and delicate. It could've been even worse, although that was hard to believe just by looking at him.

"I'm okay, mom."

"No, you're not." Niryn's voice was close to a shriek and she answered his Saerinian with English instead. Her son's attempt to make her feel a little more at easy failed miserably, because of his injuries and his inability to sound anything like convincing. "We're coming. Hold on."

She ended the call, leaving him staring at the phone, without moving an inch and eyes that were as hollow as the space in his hearts that had once been occupied by his people's pride. I took the phone from his large hand, putting it on the table and he just kept staring. And when I was about to resume my treatment with the limited medical supplies I had available, he started sobbing again. And then he looked at me, with his tear-stained face and finally told me what was on his mind and hearts.

"It's... my fault."

"How is it your fault? You protected me. You sent me away. You knew this would happen."

He hung his head and shook it, ears flapping lightly, tears falling in his lap.

"They could've done this to you. They would've killed you. You were right that other night. They really hate humans." I had such pity on him. Grabbing his one hand firmly with both of my own I squeezed softly, placing a kiss on his fingers. "They said such horrible things about you. At some point I was starting to hope they would tear my ears off." He sniffled loudly, the mucus in his nostrils making a gurgling sound. "M-Maybe everyone was right all along. It's gonna cause nothing but trouble for both of us. Maybe we shouldn't be doing this anymore."

To hear those words coming out of his mouth, turned my whole inside into ice. Something in my heart shattered. I couldn't imagine the remainder of my life without him anymore. The truth is, I understood his reasoning. It was dangerous to both of us. They had already taken their anger and dissatisfaction out on him. I could be next. And I had no trouble believing that they would have killed me had I stayed there. But still, I loved him. I was madly in love with him. Was I being selfish? I didn't realize or thought about that at that moment.

"No." My vision started to get blurred by my own tears. "Please. Don't do that." Leaving his hand for what it was, I hugged his right thigh instead. "I love you."

I couldn't part from him. After all the wonderful moments we shared together. After meeting his family. After becoming familiar with nearly every aspect of his culture and loving every bit of it, I didn't want him to part from me anymore. I shivered when I suddenly felt his warm hand on my head, softly caressing as if I were a kitten purring for attention.

"I'm sorry," I heard him stutter. "I love you too. I just don't want anything to happen to you."

I almost forgot that I initially wanted to continue helping him treat his wounds. When that went through me a minute or two had passed and I put my own sorrow aside to help him until his parents arrived. I hadn't even accounted anymore for my own parents to come back until I heard the sound of the front door unlocking. When I heard that I suddenly stopped with what I was doing for a second. But the situation would practically explain itself in the next few minutes. So I didn't pay any attention to it, although Arzu did, flicking an ear in response to the sound of my parents' voices.

"Rachel, you there?"

"I-I'm here mom."

"Did you have a great time with..." When my mom entered and noticed us her voice trailed off completely and her eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. She gasped slightly with shock. When that happened I stopped temporarily with what I was doing. The reason for her to act like that wasn't just Arzu. I finally noticed the mess my clothes had turned into, stained with blood, in particular around the right shoulder. I couldn't care less. "Oh my God. Kevin!"

My dad responded immediately to my mother's cry, dashing into the living room. She hurried toward us but I quickly explained to her that I was okay and that it was Arzu's blood. And then she took pity on him, as if he was her own son, caressing the cheek that wasn't swollen. I noticed how he tried to smile, appreciating the caring gesture. My dad turned to me first grabbing my shoulders, trying to make sure for himself that I was okay.

"Rachel, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, dad. We already called his parents. They're coming right away."

Only seconds later, we heard the chime of the doorbell.

"I'll get it," he said. I nodded. I stood there with the tissue regenerator in my hand, it's battery almost drained. Arzu's parents had promised to come for a visit this week but it was postponed at the last moment due to Reyzan's work and his presence being required that day. Sure they would have expected their first meeting to be different. When Niryn entered our living room, her eyes immediately found her son and she was followed closely by her mate. With three large Mantrins in our living room we ran out of space quickly. Grabbing the edge of our table I pulled it backwards to allow for Niryn and Reyzan to get closer to him. They did give me a sign that they noticed me but understandably their son demanded their attention right now, so my mom stepped back too, to allow Niryn to step in between the couch and the table. Touching her beak to his, she licked his cheek, looking at his injuries with a worried look on her face. They started talking in Saerinian and for a moment, we left them to a moment of seclusion. In the meantime I explained to my parents what happened. It shocked them, not just the fact that the conservatives were capable of such an act but that they committed it against a member of their own species. My dad brought up the suggestion to inform the police and discussed it with Reyzan but as we considered that, we realized how futile that would be. These people were essentially outlaws without any official record of their existence. They weren't even registered citizens so it would be close to impossible to track them down. They assaulted a member of their own kind which due to the severity might even pass as attempted murder against a teenager and there was virtually nothing we could do against it. "But I still think we should report it. People should be warned that they are still in town. They're dangerous to everyone."

With a little help from his mother, Arzu attempted to stand. It was a little difficult in the limited amount of space they had and because he could barely use his tail but they succeeded. The blanket on which he had been sitting had blood stains on it. He grunted slightly as he carefully lowered his tail to the floor. Step by step they walked, halting when they had moved out of that narrow spot. Niryn looked at us gratefully and Arzu tried to smile too.

"Thank you so much for taking care of him. I really wish we could've met under better circumstances."

My mom shook her head and pulled me closer to her, rubbing my head.

"Don't thank us. We just got home ourselves. Our daughter was here."

Niryn's gratefulness and that of her mate and son were suddenly directed solely at me.

"Thank you, Rachel."

I nodded.

"You're more than welcome."

"Rachel."

Arzu obviously wanted me to get closer, the way he looked at me, gestured with his head. So I left my mom's side, feeling her hand slide off my back, taking position about a meter away from him.

"Yes?"

"I... I have to go now. But don't worry. You'll see me soon. I won't leave you alone."

I felt so relieved when he said that. He didn't want to let it stop us from being together. I wanted to hug him but decided against it because it would probably hurt him if I did. Instead I leaned closer and placed a soft kiss on his uninjured cheek. He purred softly in response, adding a lick to my cheek as goodbye.

"I'll come with you," I said, my voice close to a whisper.

He shook his head though, something I didn't really expect.

"I know you're concerned, but I'll be okay. Get some rest. I need to get some too."

For the last time I brought my hand to his cheek and kissed him on that soft spot between his nostrils, something that catches him off guard almost every time. After our parents said goodbye I followed them outside where Reyzan's hover car was parked on our side of the street. We tried to maintain eye contact for as long as possible. We waved for the last time as Arzu's father hit the gas and they disappeared around the corner at the end of the street.