Disclaimer - What has two thumbs and doesn't own Fullmetal Alchemist or Hellsing? Well not me, cause I'm a tooth. But still, I have the second part down.

Alucard strolled down the corridor, swinging his guns casually as he walked. Envy got up, his body rebuilding itself.

'Afraid to fight both of us, is that it?' Envy said, grinning, adopting a low stance.

'Not at all.' Alucard said. 'Don't mistake me humouring you for cowardice. I want give you every chance to destroy me, and then once you've exposed every last trick and stratagem you have, I'll unleash the bare minimum power required to tear you to bloody shreds.' As he spoke, Alucard's cloak flickered back, causing bats to fly out, crowding the corridor as they flew past Envy.

'Ha!' Envy said, making a grin of Alucard's. 'You don't have any idea of what you're dealing with!'

'A true vampire.' Alucard said plainly. 'You know doubt have another name for them. But a being that corrupts flesh and grants power, with the price of all that matters. A being like me.'

Envy paused for a second. 'No, that's not right!'

'I very much doubt that. Not when they have left their mark upon you.' He pointed to the ouroboros tattoo on Envy's leg. 'But they most likely know what I am. So why don't they come and match me on the battle? Why hide behind weak and pathetic creations like you?'

'Damn you!' Envy charged forward, kicking Alucard's gun up to the air. He slashed with a sword at Alucard, cutting off his arm, while wrapping a serpent like tentacle around his other arm. Alucard pulled against Envy lazily.

'I've got you now!' Envy said, pushing Alucard down to the floor.

'Is that really your plan?' Alucard said, with a bored voice. 'I imagine I'd get more out of the big one!' His cut off hand, still holding his Jackal, fired.

Envy was blown back, as Alucard reformed his body. Envy leaped back, regrowing his broken torso. Alucard opened fire with his Casull, punching holes into Envy's body.

'Dammit!' Envy cried. 'Fine, you want me show you a trick?'

Envy's body started to chain, turning green and growing, huge limbs extending from his body. Alucard watched, as Envy filled the corridor, turning to a great six limbed beast, its side churning with softly screaming lost souls.

'Look down on me now, punk?' Envy shouted. Alucard aimed his Jackal, but Envy was ready, bringing down a front paw, smashing Alucard to the side of the tunnel. He struggled up, but Envy was just as strong. He brought his teeth onto Alucard's body, and bit deep. Alucard's head smattered off to the side.

'See? Not so tough – the hell?' Alucard's head was slowly turning to blood and dust, but as it did so, it changed. The head revealed a young man, smiling softly. 'But where –'

Calmly resting his gun behind Envy, Alucard opened fire.

It wasn't a normal gun, but one of the anti-vampire cannons used by the Last Battlion. At this range, it tore apart both Envy and Alucard, causing them both to rebuild their normal human forms. 'You're not the only one who can change forms.' Alucard said happily, slipping into the form of a young girl, then an old man, then his normal self again has he walked to close with Envy.

'I'm sure that transformation is impressive for most humans. But not me – it's just a bigger target.' Alucard said. 'But for showing me your trick, you can see one of mine.' Alucard held his hands in a square and looked through them. Inside his form, a few eyes opened. Shadows started to create formed within them. 'Meet my dogs.'

Two giant half dogs, half shadows were released from his cloak. They raced forward at Envy, who leaped backwards, slashing with his sword, but seeming to hit nothing. Envy was pinned to wall, the dogs clawing and tearing at his limbs. Envy struggled to get up, but the dogs bit down hard, crushing at his limbs.

'So what will you do? Will you beg for mercy? Or will you find some way to get out, to find a away to defeat me-'

And it was then that Wrath stabbed Alucard in the back.

Alucard looked down at the blade, jutting from the centre of his chest. 'Missed.' He said, rolling forward off the blade, landing and pulling himself up. As he turned, he saw Wrath hack at the dog biting at Envy's arm. With it free, Envy cut the second dog in half.

'Thought you might need some assistance, Envy.' Wrath said. 'Sorry for my delay.'

'You should be. I nearly got eaten by those pests.' Envy said, getting up as his body reformed. 'Ah well, let's knock this pile of beasts down to size!'

'My, isn't this adorable?' Alucard said. 'A human and a monster working together. Just like old times.' He paused, cocking his guns. 'Two against one, then? Think that'll be enough?'

'Three against one.' Shadows appeared on the walls, and all around eyes flashed open. From the shadows, a small boy descended around.

'Pride, is it?' Alucard said. 'Well, how lovely. It's always nice to meet new faces.'

I really hope Alucard has bags for his pets. But probably not - he's terrible for littering.