Chapter 10

Many weeks had passed since Ginny had walked in and found Sarah and Remus together. She tended to keep to herself more. Only around Beathany and Crystal did she pretend her world was ok. She didn't want to tell them. Beathany was still recovering from her heartbreak. Ginny didn't want to add more to it. Nobody else really seemed to care. She made sure she was never alone with him. When class let out she was the first one out the door. She felt as if her heart was tearing itself out of her chest. Sleep was no longer in her vocabulary. Even with the best sleeping drought she could concoct she could never get to sleep. Because even if she could she knew what would be there. That scene playing over and over in her mind. Taunting her. Showing her the truth. Ginny knew she had become a shell of herself. No emotion was real except the pain. Every laugh was hollow. Every smile was fake. The fact that Sarah had been expelled really didn't matter. Everyone thought it was because she had been caught in the Ravenclaw boys dormitories and that she had used a lust potion to get him to bed. The boy in question was never revealed. But Ginny knew the truth. She knew that was a lie. She wondered how they had been found out and why wasn't Remus in trouble. He had participated in the act as well as Sarah. Why shouldn't he have to pay? But that was like asking the question of why didn't she have to pay, because after all hadn't she also been having sex with her professor. Yes, yes she had. But when she had done it she had been in love. What was love? Just an emotion that got in the way. She didn't need it. She didn't need him. What had she been thinking? She knew guys where trouble, but she had listened to her heart and not her head… again. So much for her brilliance.

Morning found Ginny waking up to the sound of urgent knocking on her door. Dragging herself out of bed she trudged over to the door and opened it not really interested who was on the other side. It turned out to be Beathany. Forcing herself to smile she welcomed her in.

"You got a letter this morning in the Great Hall." Beathany said handing over the envelope with a smile on her face. She was doing much better now. Her eyes were alight with a sparkle Ginny had seen gone for the past months. She wondered if her eyes looked as dead as Beathany's had. She was glad for her.

"Thanks. I guess I slept late." She had had another terrible night. What little sleep she did get was ruined by nightmares.

"Yes, so I brought you some food. I've got to get going to class. You'd better hurry as well. Bye Gin, see you later."

Sitting down on her bed Ginny discarded the food. She didn't want it. She knew it would be tasteless. Looking at the envelope she recognized Hermione's script.

Ginny,

Hello, things sounded like they were going real great your way. I just hope you don't get caught but I'm sure you are taking all the necessary precautions. I'm having a lovely time planning the wedding. I can't wait for you to see my gown. Its absolutely gorgeous. Ron keeps putting off his fitting for his robes but I'll get him there eventually. Your mom is stressing out. Of course she loves the fact that I'm going to be a part of the family its just she's getting how she usually gets when she is planning something big. I hope she doesn't go all out. I'm not expecting anything spectacular. Just a small reception with family and friends. But knowing your mum the whole world knows and is likely to show up. God I hope not. Might have to make it an invitation only ordeal. Anyways, I might have to talk to her about it. I can't wait to see you. I miss you. Hugs and kisses.

Love,

Hermione

Ginny could feel her heart tighten at the light heartedness of this letter. If only he world was so perfect. So in place. If only she knew that the man she loved, loved her back. Ginny's mind snapped out of the dark place it had settled, landing back in the bleak reality that wasn't much better. She realized she was going to be late for her next class, so she discarded the letter to write back later. Rushing to class she found herself calculating the hours until she would see Remus again. No matter how much it hurt, it hurt worse on the days she didn't see him. Kind of like hw was killing her all the while he was keeping her alive.

Lupin stalked into the classroom. He could tell by how tired he felt that this was going to be another long day. His eyes scanned the room looking for the one face he truly wanted to se. She wasn't there. She usually was. Was she sick? Did she just not want to see him? He knew she had been avoiding him. He had tried the day after that horrible scene to approach her and explain what happened to her but the hostile hurt look in her eyes had stopped him in his tracks. By the time he had regained himself she had fled the spot. He didn't want to call her out in class. It just didn't seem right, he never had a reason. She was always cool, calm, and collected in his class. True she never offered an answer unless called upon and even then she never looked at him. She didn't smile anymore either. He missed her smile, her laugh. He missed talking to her as they lay in his bed. He missed her.

Deciding it was time to start the lesson he called the class to order. They all stared with rapt attention. He had promised them that they would start a study on sphinxes. He had asked the headmaster for permission to procure one for the class. They weren't going to get to do that yet. First they had to learn the basics. Just as he began to speak he saw a flash of red hair slip through the door. Now was his chance. This was something to call her out on.

"Miss Weasly. I would appreciate it if you stayed after class to explain to me why you're late."

She said nothing but her eyes flashed angry daggers at him. Content with the knowledge tht he would be able to talk to her he proceeded in the lesson.

Ginny dratted her luck. Did she want to stay after class? Did she really have a choice? Probably not. Maybe she could slip out, pretend to be sick. Something. Or maybe she should just face him. He obviously wanted to talk. Well she would lot him talk. She might even listen. It might do her some good. Maybe then she could put it all behind her. Time seemed to speed up as it often does when you're dreading something. Before she knew it the end of class came. Waiting till all the students filed out of the room, Ginny finally stood up. Straightened her back. Lifted her head and walked up front to meet Remus.

He watched as she approached the desk and he couldn't help but admire her strength. He knew she was hurt. But so was he. He felt the loss of her everyday. But he was not a stranger to pain or hurt. Experience helped to dull the sensation. But some things were so strong that even dulled they hurt so much. Sirius tried to help Remus. Tried engaging him in activities. But mainly he just wasn't interested. It took all his energy to get up in the morning and teach his classes without letting on his inner turmoil. He just wished he could explain to her, make her see. And now was his chance.

"You wanted to see me Professor?" Her voice was cold and measured.

"Miss Weasly, you are a smart young lady. So you should know that its wise not to always believe what you see. I hope you understand what I'm talking about."

"Am I suppose to know that? Really? What is your proof that my eyes didn't deceive me? Give me one good reason I should trust you."

"Because I love you Ginny Weasly and I know somewhere deep inside of you beyond the pain, that you still love me. I would never hurt you. You've got to believe me. I turned Sarah in, it was me. She had slipped a lust potion in my drink. Do you think me so shallow to sleep with my students. I love you. I've risked my entire career for you and only you. Can you not see that. My love for you is greater than my pride. I'll get on my knees and beg you to believe me and take me back."

"How Remus? How do I know it's the truth. The pain I've been through, I never want to go through again."

"I'll do whatever it takes."

Ginny's mind was racing. She wanted to believe him she really did. Did she want to go out on that ledge? Did she want to take that leap? She searched inside. Looking past her pain into her heart. Looking at that horrible night in a new perspective. Maybe she had judged to quickly but who wouldn't. Her heart lifted. She realized that she did want to believe him and that she did. With all her heart she believed him. She knew without a doubt that she loved him and that he loved her.

"Remus I…"

Sirius came rushing in.

"Remus, we have a situation. One of the students has been kidnapped."