"Attention fugitives! This is your final warning! Reveal yourselves, or we will destroy this moon! Hiding is not the winner's strategy!"
"We'll need a distraction," Castiel mused, "Or we'll never get to Dick without a confrontation."
"Well," Bobby suggested, adjusting his ragged cap, "I can think of a great big blue and green one, and we're only one button press away."
"Won't they destroy it, like they did the original Earth?" Sam asked.
"Nah, they don't have the paper work," Bobby shrugged, "It'll confuse the hell out of 'em for a minute though."
"Perfect," Castiel concluded, Dean and Jody nodding in agreement before preparing for battle.
Dean checked his Colt as Jody released twin handguns from holsters at her waist. When they rose unaided into formation around her Sam realized they must fall under her telekinetic connection with the Impala's weaponry. Jody winked at Sam, mock shooting him with a gun formed from her thumb and forefinger as he heard the twin click of two safeties disengaging.
"Sam."
From a secret pocket in his coat Dean pulled a short blade. With a probably unnecessary flourish he offered the machete hilt first to Sam.
"If we're going in guns a blazin'," Dean stipulated, "Then we gotta be armed to the last man. No pun intended."
The moment Sam took the handle in his overly large grip, the weapon buzzed to life, glowing with electric blue light. A light saber, he couldn't help but think.
"Thanks, Dean," Sam said.
"Hey, I gotta watch out for my little brother, right?" Dean teased, "It should cut a Leviathan down to size, at least enough to slow one down, anyways."
"Just don't put 'yer eye out," Bobby advised before opening up a new panel and inputting the groups intended coordinates, "Alright, you lot ready to fly?"
"Ready as we'll ever be," Dean confirmed, "Beam us up."
Castiel and Dean joined hands as the planet builder activated his transportation matrix.
"Thanks for everything, Bobby."
"Don't get sappy on me now, boy," Bobby growled as he pulled a lever and the air around the group began to crackle with electricity and Sam's ears were filled with a high pitched buzz, "I'm giving you a slow count of fifty, then I'm lightin' her up."
Bobby's eyes widened as the humming grew louder and at the last moment he tossed something to Dean from a nearby table.
"Almost forgot-"
Sam strained to hear the planet builder's words before his vision was overwhelmed and the workshop vanished.
"You'll need more than a Seraph to kill the Big Daddy Leviathan."
They rematerialized in the selfsame closet that Sam and Castiel had first encountered after leaving Earth.
"Whoa," Castiel breathed as the storage closet emerged from the light around them.
"This looks familiar," Sam agreed as he noted the taupe walls and a steadfast stack of crates to the group's left.
"I don't know what you guys are talkin' about," Dean said, revealing some kind of rusted gadget he had clutched to his chest, "But I think Bobby just saved our asses again."
The group looked curiously at the weapon in Dean's hands. It was clearly mean to be handled as some kind of handgun, but the finer workings were definitely beyond Sam.
"So," Jody posed, "It's a Dick blaster?"
All three male identifying beings in the room snorted at Jody's pun, but then Dean shook his head, setting the gun down on one of the crates and pulling out a more sophisticated version of the Swiss army knives Sam remembered from Earth.
"Right now it's a useless hunk of metal," Dean explained, examining the weapon with his scanner attachment, "Unless we can figure out how it's powered."
"If it can take out Dick," Sam figured, "Then I'm betting it's not double A batteries."
"I don't know what those are," Dean agreed, "But I'd wager you're right. Hold up…shit."
With a careful application of lever force Dean revealed a small compartment meant to hold a power source. As soon as they caught sight of the inside wiring both Castiel and Jody joined Dean in letting out a vehement string of curses.
"What?" Sam asked, looking at the compartment uncomprehending, "What's wrong?"
"The only compatible power source," Castiel informed him, rubbing his temples with a thumb and forefinger, "Is a quantum generator."
"Is that bad?" Sam guessed, watching as Dean let his forehead fall against the surface of a nearby crate frustration.
"It woulda been fine two minutes ago in Mr. Universe's workshop," Jody griped, running a hand through her cropped hair, "Too bad Bobby couldn't have thought of that."
"Please," Castiel huffed, "Bobby could hardly have tossed us one across the portal. He could have caused a cosmic anomaly."
"Crap, we had a whole stockpile of 'em on the ship," Dean cursed, tossing his knife down, "Small ones too. Woulda worked like a charm."
"Wait," Sam said, remembering his first night of exploring on the Impala, "What does a quantum generator look like?"
"It's a tight, spiraled piece of polymer," Castiel explained, "To a human retina spectrum it might appear to be brightly colored, like a rainbow."
"Oh," Sam commented, fishing in the deep pockets of his borrowed bathrobe until his fingers closed around a forgotten souvenir, "You mean like one of these?"
Whatever reactions Sam had been expecting from his crewmates upon revealing the novelty prize, blind panic had not been one of them. The appearance of the small rainbow swirled slinky in his hand had caused Castiel to immediately shove Dean back from the crate they had gathered around, shielding his husband with his outspread arms as Jody covered her face and neck with her forearms as if expecting a blow.
"Where in the blazes did you get that?" Jody asked, defensive sensors lighting up on instinct.
"I found it in one of the rooms on the Impala," Sam answered, everyone else in the room flinching as he tossed the rainbow colored toy on the table where it landed in a loose coil.
"Dude," Dean exclaimed, face pale, "You've been carrying that around in your pocket this whole time?"
Sam shrugged, alarmed. "I thought it was a toy," he admitted, "I used to have slinkies when I was a kid."
"Why in the hell would I keep a room full of toys on my ship?" Dean asked rhetorically.
"Why in the hell do you have a room full of quantum generators on your ship?" Sam shot back.
"Enough," Castiel interrupted, taking the generator delicately from the crate surface as Dean muttered something about colors, "No matter how we came across it, the generator means our weapon against Dick Roman will be operational."
"What does it do?" Jody asked as Castiel delicately placed the generator in its intended socket and Dean lit up his soldering attachment.
"I dunno," Dean grunted, fixing the dangerous power source in place before sliding shut the compartment and holding up the weapon, "but it's got a trigger and a business end, so I'm willing to bet we point and shoot."
"Now what?" Sam asked, looking down the glass hallway warily for Leviathan.
"Now we wait for Bobby," Castiel said, looking at his cell phone for the time, "Who should be activating Earth…now."
As if on command, there was a burst of light from the very same porthole that Sam had used to wretchedly gaze upon the remains of a demolished Earth several days prior. However, this time instead of signaling destruction the light signaled the new birth of Sam's home planet. He and Jody crowded the small viewing space to see the new Earth, swirling in blue, green, and white just as Sam remembered it. Tiny pinpricks of light flickered across the continents, and Sam realized it was civilization. He and Jody were watching the awakening of North America from the Leviathan ship.
"There she is," Jody breathed, peering out the porthole in awe. Dean could only spare a second's glance.
"It's there for the Leviathan to look at, not for us," he urged, "Not yet. We need to move while they're distracted."
The reveal of Earth was shortly followed by the blaring of alarms all across the ship. Disorganized voices, unusual for the Leviathan, grumbled down the hall as a multitude of the disgusting creatures converged in the portside offices. The Impala's crew wasted no more time in vacating their storage closet through the fortuitously unlocked glass doors, scampering down the hallway before the regular workers returned to discover the intruders.
Emerging around the corner where Sam recalled being dragged on the way to Crowley's office they only encountered one guard, whom Castiel dispatched with little effort. They left behind the burned remains of the Leviathan in search of Dick Roman's office, aided by very convenient signage, easily read by intergalactic natives Dean and Castiel. It wasn't the first time the intrepid crew was aided by bureaucracy, and it wasn't to be the last.
"Through here," Dean signaled, barging through a green lit door down a secondary hallway. The floor under their feet had exchanged plain cement for smooth tile, and small alcoves were dotted with red plants, what Sam assumed to be the Leviathan version of a fikas. This was the executive wing, judging by the upgraded atmosphere and private offices. The group snuck past more than one occupied cubicle, its resident snarling out the nearest window in confusion at the unveiled planet. At last a left turn down a long hallway revealed a set of pale wooden doors with a gold plaque and a very sophisticated lock.
"Looks like the boss is in," Dean quipped, eyeing the text scrolling across the access panel.
"I've got this one," Jody declared, lighting up as she snapped a few screws to reveal the keypads inner workings, "With a little electroshock therapy I should be able to disarm the lock for a cycle before it self corrects."
"Honestly," Sam pointed out, "I'm surprised that's the first locked door we've come across."
"Don't look a gift Land Squirrel in the mouth, Sammy," Dean advised, "And when that door opens, be ready to run. You and I are going in head first."
"Hang on there, cowboy," Jody interrupted, "You mean the four of us are going in, right?"
"Wrong," Dean corrected reluctantly as Castiel visibly tensed beside him, "You and Cas are our big guns, but you won't do any good against Dick. It'll be safer for everyone if you both stay out here and hold the perimeter."
"Absolutely not," Castiel stated adamantly, "If anything it should be you and Sam who stand guard, as Jody and I are less susceptible to injury."
"Yeah, and a lot of good we're gonna do if load of slime jockeys come along," Dean argued, "I don't wanna split up either, but this is the best way, Cas."
"You guys talk it out and let me know," Jody ceded, returning her focus to the lock.
"C'mon, you heard Bobby," Dean argued, "Dick can't get toasted like the rest of these guys."
"I won't let you face him alone," Castiel implored, "I can't lose you again."
"I won't be alone," Dean insisted, "I'll be with Sam."
Sam wanted to argue that Castiel probably would be a better choice going against the scariest Leviathan to ever slither, but if Bobby was right and Castiel's powers wouldn't work against Dick, than Sam guessed it wouldn't really make that much difference. Sam did appreciate the show of trust, though Dean seemed to have an additional motive for keeping Castiel outside, which the Seraph was just as quick to pinpoint.
"I know what you're doing," Castiel glowered, "And I don't need to be protected."
"Like hell you do," Dean laughed, "You're the one gonna be protecting me. I need you out here where you can smite shit and make sure Sam and I don't get stabbed in the back."
Castiel nodded reluctantly, and Sam knew the Seraph was a good enough strategist to know Dean's words made sense. That didn't keep him from one last murmured entreaty.
"I want us to be together." Castiel's gravelly voice was barely audible.
"We are together," Dean assured his husband, a hand firm at the nape of Castiel's neck, "We've been together every step of this journey, since I first caught sight of you across the room at that stupid Embassy reception and we'll always be together, no matter how many doors or planets are between us."
Castiel tried to scowl but it was a feeble effort at best. "Don't quote my own wedding vows back at me so you can win your argument," he growled, kissing Dean fiercely just as Jody crowed in triumph and the lock on Roman's office blinked green.
"Alright, we've got ten seconds 'til it resets," Jody announced urgently.
"Go!" Cas ordered, shoving Dean away as Sam spotted the first Leviathan peek suspiciously around the corner, only to recoil as Jody unleashed a phaser blast from one of her multiple suspended weapons.
"We'll hold them off," Jody assured the brothers, sensors fully lit as she fired another warning shot with a flick of her wrist. Castiel stepped up beside her, energy pooling around his person like a cloak.
"We'll hold them all off," was the last thing Sam heard as he followed Dean through the heavy wooden door of Dick Roman's office. Dean was still looking over his shoulder as the door slammed shut behind them with an ominous click, and Sam knew if he had turned around he would have met the burning gaze of Castiel, keeping a protective watch on Dean to the last possible second.
Despite the ominous entranceway, which Sam had found akin to the standard boss battle doors of classic Earth videogames, the office itself was very tastefully decorated. In contrast to Crowley's villainous, macabre sensibilities, Dick's executive suite was decked out in pale wood, chrome and glass, with very soft grey carpeting. Compared to the elegant décor Dean's look of steely aggression was almost comical, and Sam found himself wondering what they used to clean their carpets, as there wasn't a speck of black muck to be seen. Sam's inappropriate musings were interrupted by movement, originating from a very sleek office chair, spun to face the opposite wall.
"That was a truly touching scene." A familiar, slimy voice emanated from the chair, in front of which Sam could see multiple views of Jody and Castiel guarding the door warily being displayed on a bank of monitors.
"Roman," Sam confirmed to Dean, who unsheathed Bobby's weapon with a nod.
"And so convenient," Dick Roman mused, slithering out from behind his desk to confront the brothers, "The last humans of Earth, and the Seraph who messed up my perfect operation, all in one place. Here I thought I was going to have to hunt you down like roaches."
"There's cockroaches in space?" Sam couldn't help but mutter out of the corner of his mouth.
"Dude, there's cockroaches everywhere," Dean replied, with a tone that clearly implied "this really isn't the time".
"I'm gonna have to ask you to quit it with the mumbling, boys," Dick interrupted, "It really is one of my pet peeves. Winners enunciate." With the closing of that crisp "t" the Leviathan CEO lunged at Sam, jaws snapping and slimed clogged cilia rippling as the younger Winchester dived out of the way, swinging blindly with his inexperienced blade. Sam felt a sickening sense of triumph as his lucky first strike carved through oily flesh. Unfortunately his swing was glancing at best, and Dick's lack of serious injury was confirmed when the worm began to laugh.
"I like your pluck," Roman admitted, while Sam and Dean watched wound close over like a rubber seal in horror, "Unfortunately for you it takes more than a little steel to take out this top dog."
Sam threw his hands up in defense as Dick renewed his attack with a primordial screech. Laser machete or no, Sam would have most likely lost at least one of his hands to Dick's perpetually hungry maw had Dean not intervened at that moment, forgetting Bobby's weapon in favor of striking out at the head Leviathan with his actual fist. It was an essentially ineffectual blow except for its pure spontaneity, which, much like a human striking out at a great white shark in a moment of crazed desperation, succeeded in momentarily stunning Roman and allowing Sam to dodge his attack unscathed. Dean likewise was fine except for having experienced the unpleasant sensation of submerging his hand the black, sticky mucus that coated their adversary.
"Ugh, that's disgusting," Dean groaned, trying to fling the clinging slime off his knuckles in revulsion.
"Dean, focus!' Sam urged, locking Dick's jaw with one of his own metal desk ornaments before attempting to unbalance his serpentine body with a hard kick. The only person unbalanced by that maneuver was Sam, however, as the force of his blow served only to lodge his foot in the tar-like slime that coated the Leviathan, entrapping him.
"Don't touch him, he's sticky," Dean shouted as he struggled to engage the humorously nicknamed "dick blaster".
"Yeah, I'm getting that," Sam responded, his snark lacking somewhat as he struggled to free his foot from his tightly laced shoe, still hopelessly adhered to Dick's relative chest. With a final yank Sam managed to topple away from the beast just as Roman snapped the chrome toy that had braced his jaws and Dean cried "Hit the deck!"
Sam fell flat on his back, the wind pressed from his lungs, just as Dean managed to squeeze off a round from the mysterious blaster. The beam hit Dick square in the chest, not two inches from where Sam's empty black shoe remained stuck fast. For a second there was nothing but the dull thud of impact, and Sam wondered if Bobby had thrown them the wrong gadget.
"Wait for it…" Dean breathed.
"Well aren't you just a pair of the cutest little engines that could," Dick chuckled, a shudder running though his slimy carapace as the blast jolted through him, "This is gonna make one funny anecdote around the water cooler after-"
Dick froze as the entry wound from the blaster sparked, sharp and static. Sam stared up from the floor, Dean stock still behind him as a heady buzz began to hum from within the Leviathan and a low breeze began to swirl around the monster businessman. Dick's wound began to expand, the circumference of the fissure still crackling and twirling with electricity. It wasn't until the gap encompassed the Leviathan altogether than Sam realized it wasn't a wound left from dick blaster, but different kind of portal altogether. A portal that was expanding, forming a miniature vacuum to consume Roman and anything else in the office close enough and not tied down.
"Holy shit-" Dean swore and Sam was blinded by a flock of loose folders, drawn from the top of Dick's desk. He heard the crash of another executive toy to the floor, clearing his vision of papers just in time to realize that he was being dragged forward, inch by inch across the plush carpeting to the singularity encapsulating their adversary. Sam had fallen too close, and the void was determined to suck him in.
"Dean!"
Sam's palms were rubbing raw as he scrambled to avoid the terrifying strength of the small black hole that was consuming Dick, contorting the Leviathan's worm like body into impossible angles and bulbous forms. Sam's heart thudded in terror as his lower body was actually lifted from the floor by the gravitational pull all to the soundtrack of Roman's agonized shrieking. The localized whirlwind stole the sound from his ears and whipped his hair into his eyes as Sam was dragged towards the vortex that would no doubt crumble his bones like a sheet of tinfoil. Sam was making his final desperate grab on the carpet when a solid set of arms managed to get a hold around his chest and his brother yanked Sam backwards with all of his body weight.
"I've got ya, little brother," Dean grunted, tugging Sam out of the vortex's hold. They collapsed against the Leviathan's desk just in time to watch the gravitational anomaly crash in on itself with Dick inside. Roman let out one final screech before the singularity combusted, and Sam had to close his eyes against the red flash of fire as it consumed the Leviathan CEO.
When the brothers opened their eyes it was to an empty office, save for a pile of ash dirtying the otherwise pristine floor.
"Interdimensional taser," Dean spoke, surprised, tentatively poking at Dick's remains, "That'll work."
Sam wiggled his one sock foot against the luxurious office carpeting.
"We did it," Dean concluded, clapping Sam on the back with a surprised chuckle. Sam could only think of one thing to say at that moment, relief and adrenaline coursing through his veins:
"I lost my shoe."