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Chapter 10

He'd been thinking of this run all day. All he could think of was his need to escape the anger. The anger that he had felt settle over him that someone had hurt his brother. The shoes that he couldn't make right for Don. Those perfect white velcro shoes that his brother had gone out just a week ago and bought because of his hand injury. The blood that had run into that one shoe. So much blood. The minute that he noticed that the shoes were not releasing its hold. The hold on the proof of his guilt. The guilt he was trying to ease from its own tight hold on his very heart. The anger that was threatening to overspill onto his family.

He could feel a measure of relief within just a few minutes of running. With each step he felt his guilt easing from his conscious mind. He didn't know for how long but at least it stopped squeezing his insides. Little by little he could feel his mind and thoughts relax. He needed to apologize to his father before anything else.

Charlie returned by way of the front door. He checked Don's room and saw the nurse was with him. He looked in the kitchen for Alan and not finding him there, checked upstairs.

The nurse said she would be back later for one more check later and then she then she would be leaving. "Looks like that nurse thinks you are doing pretty good if she's leaving."

"Yeah. I need to see a doctor next week but she said I'm doing good."

Charlie sat in the chair. Don was wearing jeans and a t-shirt this time and sitting on the made up bed. "Where's Dad?"

"Shopping. He said he wouldn't be long."

"You know I told him if he needed anything to make a list. Beth said she would take care of it."

"Charlie, you know Dad. Nine times out of ten someone else shopping for him means he's returning it and getting the one he wanted but didn't specify in the beginning. So how was your run?"

"It was great. Exactly what I needed. I'm going to jump in the shower."

When Charlie returned to the room, now dressed in jeans and holding a t-shirt in his hand, Alan still had not returned. "Don don't you think it's strange that Dad would leave you alone to go shopping? That doesn't sound like the Alan Eppes I know."

"I told him that I was fine Buddy. I knew you'd be back eventually. Besides, this gives us some time to talk."

Charlie who was towel drying his curls, paused in his movements. "Sure. What do you want to talk about?"

"You."

That's it. Don only said the one word but Charlie knew what he meant and he really did not want to talk to his brother about it. He had just calmed down and wasn't sure that this was a safe topic to start now, or ever. "Well you know, I would but I have some things that I need to take care of. Maybe later Bro." Charlie rose from the chair.

In a firm voice Don said, "Charlie. Sit. Down. It's important and no matter how much you run, you won't be able to outrun it. This is something that you have to face. I want you to tell me about the anger and you're not leaving this room until you do."

Don had been thinking about how to get Charlie to talk since he ran away earlier. Since he was in no condition to wrestle him to the ground and make him talk, he decided his best approach was to be in his big brother mode. Trying to be his friend here would get him nowhere, but the stronger big brother appearance had gotten them through a few tough times in the past. He made sure to look the part by not appearing as an invalid in a sick bed and he would use his most direct words sparing no feelings when he convinced him to stay. Charlie sat back down but was on the edge of the chair as if it made him closer to his means of escape.

He pulled the t-shirt over his head and asked, "What about it? What is it you want to know? I'm angry. I think that's already been established. A man that I have never met tried to kill my brother. He left you stabbed and bleeding in front of my apartment for me to find. You could have died and yeah that makes me angry."

"Buddy my job is dangerous. I've been hurt before."

"Yeah but it's not usually because of me Don. This one was my fault."

"That's where you're wrong Charlie. The only person to blame here is the man with the knife. It was not your fault."

"It was supposed to be me. It WAS my fault." Charlie's voice had risen.

"Okay. I may have been stabbed because of you but it was not your fault. Not your guilt. You never met the man, you did nothing wrong and you didn't know the attack was coming. It was not your fault. He thought I was you. That definitely was not your fault. Charlie you don't need this guilt. I wouldn't have let you change places with me if I had had the option anyway so this whole guilt thing is really pointless."

"Maybe Don, but it won't go away."

"That's why you need to talk about it. I'm guessing you think it should have you instead of me."

"I was the target. You should have left with Dad."

Don made a sound of disgust. "Oh yeah right Charlie, that would have been just great. You would get to the apartment, be attacked and most likely you would have died there. But I would be safe in LA and my life would be just perfect right? I survived this Buddy. I wouldn't have survived that phone call."

"You have a right to be angry Charlie. We all do. But you can't let that anger take over. It changes a person; it drives a man to do things he normally wouldn't. It kills a part of you, a part of your own heart and that means that this piece of scum wins." With firmness in his voice Don added, "Don't let him win Buddy. It's important to me that you stay the way you are." Don couldn't be sure but it looked like Charlie was hearing him.

"Don, I promise, I am working on my anger. It's not going to go away though. When I run and it relaxes my mind, I can feel it easing. It's going to take some time. Thanks for helping with it."

"Always happy to help my little brother out. Don't forget that when you get in a situation that's over your head. Now how about you get some sleep and we can talk more later?"

"I need to talk to Dad first. I owe him a big apology and I want to see him when he gets back."

It had been years but Don had had plenty of practice talking Charlie to sleep when they were younger. The little boy with the brain that would not quit made for some trying nights, but Don eventually learned that his tone of voice and extreme patience would help Charlie sleep. "Okay but at least lay down here. We can talk more while we wait for Dad. Charlie moved to the bed laid back on the two pillows on the left side of the bed. Don was still sitting up, propped from when the nurse came. "How about I tell you about the first I laid eyes on you?"

"You remember that far back Bro?"

"Like it was yesterday Buddy. You had dark curls all over your head, that hasn't changed. You were all wrinkly and had a small face. It was a tiny face Charlie with these huge chocolate brown eyes. Looking back on it now they were intelligent eyes even then. I was so sure that you understood me when I told you who I was. You sure looked like you understood every word that I said. You never cried when I held you, ever. Not from that very first time. If you were crying and I picked you up, you'd stop. Mom used to say I had a way with you. She said that you knew that I was your big brother, and that it was my job to protect you. I never forgot those words. I may not have been the best big brother but you were the most adored baby in the world."

Don's reminiscing was interrupted by a loud clap of thunder. It had been a little overcast off and on all day and a little on the humid side, but he hadn't expected rain. He was ready to comment to Charlie about it when he looked down to find that his brother was already asleep. He smiled as he remembered that it used to take longer.

He leaned back against the headboard. Charlie was finally asleep and he could relax. He was sure that his brother would make it through this situation just fine. Don would be by his side to make sure that he did.

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Alan Eppes was known for his stubbornness. But the agent assigned to drive him to his destination had to learn that the hard way. He really couldn't understand the man's insistence that they were so close anyway that they might as well stop and pick up his son's car.

"What harm could it do? We've come this far and I think that when Charlie is free to leave he would want to do it in his own car." When he saw the agent reaching for his cell phone, he stopped him. "It will just take a minute and they don't need to give permission to me. I'm not the one that has to be protected. They only had to send you because I didn't have a ride. This will easily be avoided next time by having the car."

Alan had taken Charlie's keys from his bedroom before he left. The eldest Eppes was already irritated that he had to have a driver, but this man was not even the slightest bit responsive to Alan trying to start a conversation. He'd prefer his own company on the way back.

The agent pulled into the parking lot of the apartment building and stopped near the car that Alan had pointed out for him. As he got out he jokingly told the agent, "Try to keep up". Alan knew the way from here just fine. On the way back after the shoe store, he would follow the agent to the director's house. The agent had insisted that this same shoe store was probably in a half dozen closer locations, but Alan wanted to return to the same store to purchase the same shoes.

As he drove away, he realized that the agent hadn't even told him his name. The man really needed a lesson in friendliness Alan decided. When he pulled out on the street, he saw the first streak of lightening. Alan removed Charlie's CD of whatever loud group that was and turned the radio knob looking for just any music that was more soothing. The rain when it started was coming down fast and hard. The windshield wipers on their fastest mode were not helping him enough.

As he pulled into the left lane so he would not miss his turn, he saw that the agent was probably going to miss it himself since his car just passed him and he didn't seem to even notice. The car in front of the agent's was the same color as Charlie's but anybody with half a brain could see that it was a different model. That explained his lack of social skills he decided as he made his turn. If he got lost on the way back he could always call the director for directions. Alan rushed through the falling rain to the door of the shoe store. He didn't notice the car that had pulled up or the driver that had watched him with great interest.