"Mommy, mommy, mommy…" and then as if Fin's entire neighbourhood were not acutely aware of Olivia's pulling up on the street outside Eve added a exultant, "…. it's my mama!"

"She took her time a little this morning, didn't she baby girl?" smiled Fin, wandering over to the window with Sam nestled snug against his shoulder. Ruffling the little girls messy bed hair he remembered making a mental note to dig around her backpack for some kind of brush or comb but had become distracted. He had been distracted all morning, much to Eve's frustration, ever since waking to discover Amanda had performed a dawn vanishing act.

"Where's my boot Uckle Fin?" extending the lime green tight leg not completed by a little brown boot Eve pulled a puzzled face. "It's lost."

"It's not lost baby….." he smiled patiently, attempting to smooth a particularly wayward plume of increasingly thick dark hair, "….it's wherever you put it last night when you took them off."

"Manda did it."

"Huh." He said, realising that Eve's usually endearingly loquacious nature was about to make for an uncomfortable conversation with her mother. He was not about to make the child lie or concoct some creative story to keep Amanda's visit from Olivia and so he simply sighed and accepted the inevitable. "Go look by your bed real quick while your mom finishes parking."

"Okay!" nodded Eve, ambling with one boot and one trailing barefoot peg leg to her adopted bedroom.

"Is that Evie chaos I can hear?" called Olivia, hearing objects being hurled around in the distance as she stepped inside Fin's apartment.

"Mommy, mommy, mommy! I found it….." bursting from the bedroom waving the missing piece of footwear like a triumphant battle flag Eve ran into Olivia's arms as she crouched down waiting for her, "….my boot!"

"I missed you baby girl. Here sit down and I'll lace it for you…" as Eve hit the carpet with a thud and her eyes danced over every inch of her beloved mother, unable to contain her excitement at seeing her again after just one night apart Olivia smiled and asked, "….did you have fun with Fin?"

"Yes."

"Good to hear!" grinned Fin with a nod of satisfaction.

"And how was my little man? He settle okay?" asked Olivia, climbing back to her feet and holding her hands outstretched to steal Sam back from Fin's chest.

"Good as gold and out like a light. Didn't bat an eyelid about being in a strange bed or nothing."

"Does it make me a terrible person that I was secretly hoping you wouldn't say that?" winced Olivia, nuzzling her nose against Sam's temple and breathing in his familiar baby smell.

"Yeah, yeah it does."

"Fin!"

"Okay then how about I tell you he was miserable all night and cried for his mama the whole time he was gone?" he offered with a chuckle. Then having fully looked at her for the first time he noticed that the colour was back in her cheeks and the exhausted glaze had gone from her eyes. She was glowing and her eyes were sparkling again, "You have a good evening?" he asked with a impish smile.

"I've had worse." Though not one to blush she still felt a slight shade of guilty teenager flood her veins as Fin gave her the I know what you did last night smirk.

"Fin where's Manda….." tugging at the leg of Fin's jeans Eve presented a crayoned drawing and added, "…. I made her a picture."

"Rollins was here?" asked Olivia with interest, shifting Sam from the nook of her arm up onto her shoulder as she eyeballed Fin and watched his face for an answer.

"Amanda had to go baby girl but I promise if you leave it stuck to the fridge I'll give it to her the very next time I see her. Okay?"

"Okay!"

"Seriously Fin is she back in town?" realising that she was clearly not here Olivia persisted, "Where is she now?"

"Not here."

"Don't play me."

"I'm not. She isn't here and I have no clue where she is….." and then because as comfortable as she was to push he was equally able to push back, "…. now back off, detective."

"What the hell is going on?" asked Olivia with undemanding concern and unease rather than an accusatory tone. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine….." he replied with little conviction, before entreating, "…. just leave it alone Liv."

"Okay, okay sure….." she nodded steadily, her naturally tenacious curiosity and penchant for playing detective in the lives of those she cared about Olivia equally knew when to drop the bone, "….thank you so much again for having them."

"Anytime cheekbones…." sweetening the air between them once more Fin reached forward, seized her shoulders, and planted an uncharacteristically demonstrative kiss against her cheek, "… anytime."

As Olivia bundled the children down his apartment stairs and waited a moment while Eve turned back to wave to her favourite Uncle she felt ill at ease. Fin was only that affectionate when he has hiding something. He often drew her closest when there was trouble brewing with Ken or he'd had a particularly nasty fight with his ex wife, or Munch, or at one stage Melinda Warner. There was little doubt in her mind that her articulate toddler was neither blind nor stupid and that Amanda Rollins had spent the night at Fin's place. It was not that fact which unsettled her, but the evident haste with which she had left and the profound effect it was having on Fin.

"I was about to call in a domestic disturbance in the elevator….." smiled Cragen warmly as Olivia exploded into his office with Eve hanging from her left leg and Sam's car seat swinging from her opposing arm, "….and then you three showed up."

"Sorry Captain only you said it was urgent….." said Olivia as she set the car seat down and prised Eve from around her knee like a reluctant snake with a strong coil, "….and urgent these days comes with two little helpers I'm afraid."

"Elliot working today?"

"Yeah, yeah he went in early and was supposed to get done around noon but such is the life of a detective huh." Smiled Olivia with an accepting understanding that the only thing predictable about NYPD overtime in any precinct was that it was frequent and extensive. "So come on then, enough with the mystery. What am I doing here?"

"How would you like to come sit at my desk and draw us a picture Little Miss?" asked Cragen with a kindly smile as he pulled out his chair and gestured toward it with a hopeful glance in Eve's direction.

"That's a big chair." Noted the toddler as she came over unusually coy and clutched at a handful of Olivia's cardigan and lolled against her mother's arm as she sat in the chair opposite Cragen's desk.

"Oh don't you even try and pretend to be shy Evie Grace…." chuckled Olivia, patting Eve's training diaper and rolling her eyes as she gave her daughter a gentle shove toward the Captain, "… get your little butt over there and draw me something pretty."

"Okay!" forgetting her initial reluctance Eve set off at a skip and scrambled her way up onto the large leather office chair with all the eager enthusiasm of a squaddie on exercise.

"How are you Liv?"

"If anyone ever tries to tell you that having two in two is a good idea….." replied Olivia with a fond groan as she rocked Sam's car seat with her foot to settle him, "… they're either lying or on something stronger than the coffee that's keeping me functioning."

"That isn't going to make what I have to say any easier."

"What isn't?" she asked, not quite catching his meaning. "My escalating caffeine addiction?"

"I needed to feel like I was still a part of something."

"Captain…."

"I'm a stubborn son of a bitch but I'm only human. I needed to believe that there was still somewhere I belonged. That there were still people out there who needed me."

"Why are you talking like this?" though she knew was in remission it made her acutely uneasy that he was suddenly talking with such finality in his tone. "What's going on, captain?"

"I'm getting old Olivia….." leaning forward slightly Cragen observed Eve's developing drawing and played broodingly with her tiny, tuff of ponytail, "….that's what's going on."

"Okay now you're just starting to scare me so…."

"I can't hold my own the way I used to do. I used to have the kahunas to knock all the Ivy League jokers who fly in from the outside without a clue about this job off their pretentious perches. Now I sit with the brass in the meetings I used to enjoy like sport and I can't play the game. I sit holding my cards and I can't read their hands anymore. I'm cautious, I'm hesitant, I'm afraid to run into the fire the way I used to….." and then leaning against the wall behind him Cragen lifted his hands and slid them into his pant pockets with a weary sigh, "….mostly I'm just tired."

"You're came back to work from serious illness way too soon. There isn't a person in this precinct who doesn't admire you for but it that doesn't mean we agreed with it. You should've taken more time. You should've rested for another couple of months until you were back to your old self and…."

"I won't ever be back to my old self….." he spoke as though his mind was already made up and what exactly it was he'd decided she was afraid to know, "… don't you get it Liv?"

"I don't know that I want to."

"There's a little town called Carmel somewhere between Los Angeles and San Francisco. The people are friendly, the ocean is warm, the sun always shines and the pace is slow."

"You'd be bored out of your mind."

"Twenty years ago maybe….." smiled Cragen with a casual shake of his head, "….my sister lives out there."

"I didn't know you have a sister….." it struck Olivia that there were so very many things she didn't know about Donald Cragen, and that in all the crisis of his life never once had he known this sister to even so much as pick up a phone, "….but I do know you can't move to California!"

"It's time. It's been coming for a while and though it won't be immediate both the brass and I have long since accepted it as inevitable. They've been planning my replacement for weeks and this latest episode was just the excuse both parties needed to…."

"What latest episode?" she didn't miss a beat, he noted with a proud smile. Yet he was not about to share with her the truth and so with an equal agility he didn't so much as flinch when she assumed, "You mean your cancer?"

"Yes..." he said quickly, and then without pausing long enough for her to drawn breath he continued, "...now I know the detectives around here aren't exactly the biggest fans of change but sadly it's an inevitable by-product of life so they're just going to have to learn to suck it up. I hope that they'll have the good grace to respect my decision and not to fight me on a certainty."

"Captain…."

"I've made a lot of mistakes over the years and got a lot of things wrong but you are one of the few things I got right…" suddenly it were as if they were alone, they were the only two people on the planet and he was handing her the key to something vast, vacuous and unknown, "….in fact you might just be my greatest accomplishment Olivia."

"I wish you'd stay."

"I'll be here for a good few months yet. Given all the changes the 1-6 has seen in the past few months the feeling from the powers that be is that a handover period is needed to maintain stability. Amaro and Rollins will return, Fin and Munch with be partners again and I'll spend the next half year or so working alongside my successor."

"Okay fine, fine come on then let's hear who they're gonna send to blow the brass' hot air at us this time? Who's gonna run this show when you head out West to work on your tan?"

"You are."

"You didn't have to do that alone you know."

"Yes I did."

"I woke up and you were just gone..." said Fin as he reached the edge of the 16th precinct's rooftop where Amanda Rollins was stood staring out at the city below.

"If I hadn't come first thing I'd have lost my nerve."

"I would've come with you."

"I believe you….." replied Amanda as she turned her eyes momentarily toward him and flashed a sad little smile that both acknowledged his loyalty and affection while maintaining her careful guard, "… which is why I left before you woke up."

"What did Cragen say?" asked Fin, ignoring her iron will to constantly hold him at arm's length.

"He made some calls."

"Calls to who?"

"Damn it Fin the hell if I know!" losing her cool and tossing her hands in the air Amanda realised her own frustration for the first time. In truth she had no idea who Cragen had called or just what strings he'd had to pull on her behalf. She didn't want to know. Knowing would only make it harder to bear her guilt. "He said something about exit wounds."

"Exit wounds?" asked Fin as he span through a thick cloud of confused inability to understand. "So did he talk to Atlanta? Did he say what happens next?"

"What happens next is I take three weeks personal time….." it was as if for the first time she knew what it was to win a war and realise it still wasn't over, that victory was only victory if it brought peace, "…. and then I start back at SVU as though I never left. As though none of it ever happened."

"But it did happen." Said Fin, taking her so completely aback all she could do was turn and stare at him with her mouth forming soundless words.

"You know I got up this morning and I bought a bus ticket to Jackson because I knew a girl who works in the police department. I was gonna tell Cragen what I did and have him transfer me down to Mississippi and start over."

"Why didn't you?" tilting his head slightly Fin waiting patiently for the several moments it took her to voice an answer.

"Because of the way you're looking at me right now."

"Peach….."

"I'm tired Fin."

"I know you are." He nodded steadily as he maintained a physical distance between them but simply held her with his eyes.

"I'm tired of starting over every couple of years. I'm tired of always running. Running away and running toward something I can't never seem to find. I'm tired of always being so goddamn tired and alone. It's like every time I think I've got wherever it I'm going it's gotten further away. Does that even make any sense?"

"Not really…" shrugged Fin and unable to hold back any longer he stepped forward and reached a broad palm to her face, holding it and confessing simply, "….all I know is that whether you like it or not I'm in love with you."

"Fin…."

"And you can be scared and you can freak out and you can push me away all you like but I didn't save your scrawny white ass from drowning to walk away without a fight….." never having meant any words more in his life Fin felt the breath stolen from him and it took a moment for him to catch it back and add, "….because you're not alone anymore. You got me."

"I killed a man."

"You wanna play who's done the worst shit in their lives Peach I swear to God I'll bury you….." lowering his hands from her face to her waist he drew her to him and flashed a lopsided smile, "… so come on, what else you got?"

"Plenty. I could find a million and one reasons this is probably a really bad idea. I could find a million reasons to walk away….." her nose wrinkled and her eyes filled suddenly as Amanda looked up at him and shook her head with a crying smile, "…. but I don't want to."

"No?" he tested, as she shook her head with increasing confidence.

"You know this ain't gonna be easy….."

"Really? Because it's been such a cake walk so far that I thought….." laughing through tears she fell against his chest and clung there for a few moments, before pulling away and looking him dead in the eyes.

"I have a horrible habit of falling in love with anyone who's nice to me….." was the last thing he wanted to hear, but at least she was being honest he rationalised quickly.

"Well…."

"But when I thought they were gonna lock me up and throw away the key everyone I ever loved, everyone I ever knew was nothing to me. All I could think about was you. All I could think was what if I never saw you again. What if we never got to decorate our first Christmas tree? What if I never got to take you to Savannah? What if I never got to tell you that you terrifying me because falling in love is easy but the scary part is what comes next….." shrugging helplessly she drew a thin lipped smile and confessed, "….and I want what comes next with you Fin."

"Evie pick your jacket up its trailing on the floor. Evie, baby, look you're gonna drop your….." oh forget it, thought Olivia. Having already trailed the drawstrings of her jacket along half the sidewalks of Manhattan it seemed to make little difference if they suffered a few more meters until they were safely back in their apartment. It had been a long day and bundling both children into the apartment she couldn't wait to collapse on Elliot and tell him of Cragen's ridiculous proposal.

"PleasemayI watch TV?" said Eve, having nailed asking polite questions in one quick session having assumed that at least three of the words were all one. "PleasemayI have juice?"

"El are you okay to grab her some while I change Sam real quick?" asked Olivia, on spying her fiancée sat on the sofa in front of a football game. "Elliot?"

"Apple?" prising her little fingers down the side of the refrigerator door Eve had discovered the handle was really not necessary. Rummaging around inside she wrapped both hands carefully around the carton she guessed was the one she wanted, and hoisted it with careful furrowed brow concentration.

"Good girl pass it here and I'll pour some into your cup….." not taking her eyes from Elliot who was positively oozing brooding discontent Olivia dispensed a generous splash of juice into Eve's beaker and set her off in the direction of their bedroom where she could watch her own choice of television undisturbed, "….you go watch the TV in mommy's room okay? Good girl. "

"Thank you!" chimed Eve with a hearteningly automatic show of manners that reassured Olivia of her parenting abilities. They might live in a Manhattan shoe box and she may well have been at least considering a return to work but she was somehow managing to raise two happy little children. It might well have been fluke, or perhaps she had just gotten lucky with the two she'd been given, but she wasn't going to argue.

"Babe you will never guess what Cragen wanted to talk to me about….." sidling around the sofa and collapsing down beside Elliot she closed her eyes and tipped her head back exhaustedly, "….but I'll give you three tries?" When Elliot said nothing she shook herself fully awake again as he reached down the side of the sofa and refreshed the glass in his hand from a half empty bottle of bourbon.

"El?" she tested, afraid suddenly of glazed expression on his face and the way his watery eyes were rimmed red and refused to meet her gaze. "Elliot what is it? What's wrong?" when still he said nothing she turned her whole body toward him, reaching out and laying one hand on his thigh and the other on his forearm with an urgent clutch, "Talk to me?"

"She's dead." He said finally and so under his breath she almost didn't catch it.

"Who is?" she half asked half swallowed the words.

"They called about three hours ago. She always used to say the ocean was the only place she felt free. It looked like it went on forever and..."

"Sweetheart…." she breathed, reaching out to his face and wiping a rare tear from his cheek with her thumb.

"She killed herself, Liv…" he choked, inkling his face into her warm palm and murmuring, "….my mom killed herself."