Dear Anon, You are the first person ever to complain about a story being updated too often. I laughed out loud and received many bizarre looks from my partner for being obnoxious. Glad you're enjoying yourself, though, and now you can read them in succession at your leisure.
Thank you for all of your reviews and follows. I fear after this chapter I might have to bounce back to the post-fic because I barely managed to edit this installment. Leave me some love and let me know what you think!
Enjoy Lovelies!
Songs: December by my very good friend, the beautiful and talented Cassidy Dickens. Please go check out her you tube channel. She's amazing.
Regina sighed and averted her gaze from the mirror in disgust at what she'd become. Her black clothes usually inspired confidence and bitchiness that covered her deeper insecurities and anguish. Today, the black tights and thin and simple cotton dress felt heavy, burdensome. Graham was gone. Her loyal huntsman met an undignified end in her arms as his heart turned to dust three days ago. Even if it was an accident, the fault lay with her. She never should have taken his heart in the first place.
As promised, she arrived at the station with his heart in a wooden box the morning after their fight with Emma. Over the years, she'd slowly forgotten which heart belonged to whom, but not Graham's. He was her prize, her trophy. It had never been real, but she loved him on some level, though he never loved her back. Her heart clenched as the memory washed over her, and she closed her eyes against the scratching inside of her skin. Her grief clawed from the inside out, a monster with the only goal of ripping her to shreds piece by piece, starting with her hardened heart.
Graham had been so relieved, so happy to see his heart again. With the curse so weakened and no magic in this land to compensate the loss of power, the magically enhanced heart crumbled with one touch of her finger. It happened slowly, falling apart piece by piece as Graham squirmed and writhed in pain on the floor. She cradled his head against her chest as he released his last breath. She hadn't meant to kill him, but what was done could not have been undone even if she offered her own life as sacrifice. Resurrecting the dead was an impossible task. She knew that better than most.
She sniffed and straightened her spine, but it collapsed when her gaze found the photograph on her dresser. Two weeks ago, Regina would have rejoiced with the new photos Sydney brought her of the compromising position in which he'd discovered the Sheriff and Deputy in that night. Now, her heart ached more with the knowledge that Graham and Emma sought comfort in each other's arms against the wall of the cannery. One picture in particular had haunted her dreams and waking thoughts constantly in the past 72 hours.
Graham held Emma against the wall by her bare thighs. Emma's arms were wrapped around his neck with her chin resting on her hand. Even without the other photos in the series, it was very obvious what was happening. Emma's eyes, however, were dead. They stared straight ahead, like she searched for the emotion to accompany what her physical body felt and came up empty. She found nothing and resigned herself to the pounding of an emotional man on the verge of a breakdown. Tears splashed onto the photo, and Regina turned her back.
This was the only picture she'd kept. She forced herself to go through them all once, heart shredding with each one, both at the intrusion of Emma's privacy and the debilitating fact that she'd caused the pain that led to something Emma obviously hadn't really wanted. After Graham finished, Emma dressed with a look of disgust on her face. He consoled her, and she pushed him away with an outstretched arm and finger. He hung his head and walked away with his hands in his pockets.
The next photos depicted Emma sitting against the wall, wailing in anguish. She grieved for what she had become and the love she'd lost before it ever had a chance to blossom. There were five photos of her heartbreaking agony, and then a few of Mary Margaret and Ruby kneeling at her side, pulling her up, walking her home.
At least she hadn't used that night, Regina comforted herself, though the fact offered no condolence for the hopeless situation. She squared her shoulders and exited her bedroom. Her knuckles tapped gently on Henry's door.
"Henry, are you ready, Sweetheart?" Regina asked as she opened the door. He adjusted his suit jacket and nodded. She tried to touch his shoulder when he fell into step beside her, but he pulled away violently and waited until she descended the stairs ahead of him.
She kept her distance the rest of the day. She never protested when he bolted into Emma's waiting arms when they arrived at the cemetery. Green and brown locked gazes, and Regina nearly followed her son's actions. She just wanted to feel Emma again. Her hand reached for the now acting sheriff, but Ruby and Mary Margaret surrounded her son and his birth mother. Her hand dropped limply to her side as they ushered them towards the coffin waiting to be lowered into the ground.
She rolled her eyes towards the sky and fought the tears. She missed Emma's pleading glance over her shoulder as the other two women pulled her forward. Regina wrapped her arms around herself and turned away from the gathering crowd, choosing instead to watch from the comfort and safety of her father's crypt. She almost made out the words Archie spoke over the coffin but not quite able to hear more than a murmur in the distance.
Grief clawed the inside of her chest again, and she sat on the steps of the mausoleum. Her arms held her shins and her head dropped to her knees. Under normal circumstances, even just two weeks ago, the proud woman never would have been caught crying in public. But these were far from normal circumstances. Everyone else grieved the loss of Graham, their beloved sheriff and friend. She grieved the loss of him as well as her son and the woman who had melted her heart for the first time in 50 years. If anyone noticed her presence, they hadn't cared enough to make themselves known, so her public display of grief meant very little anyway.
"Madame Mayor?" A gentle voice called to her. She raised her head and wiped at her tears, unknowingly smearing mascara across her face. Archie's face softened and he offered her a tissue.
"What do you want?" She asked, voice devoid of emotion. She hadn't anything left to give to this day.
"I saw you come over here. I wanted to see how you were doing," Archie answered compassionately and sat beside her on the opposite side of the steps. It wasn't that he feared her, but she was a reserved and private person. Invading her personal space would have closed her gates and boarded up the windows on her raw and grieving heart.
"Why?" Regina seemed genuinely surprised, and Archie's heart clenched. He looked over the now empty cemetery and leaned his elbows on his widely spread knees.
"Because I care," he offered with a shrug and allowed the words to sink in before he continued. "Everyone else went to Granny's. She and Ruby prepared a wonderful memorial for Sheriff Graham, and I hear there's plenty of food," Archie offered, hoping to escort the tortured mayor to rejoin the rest of the town.
"I know. The city is paying for it," she snapped and then took a deep breath, calming her anger.
"I haven't eaten since he died," Regina admitted quietly and wiped more tears from her eyes. "The thought turns my stomach."
"That's normal, Regina. Grief…" He sighed and fought his own tears. "Grief touches everyone differently.
"I couldn't help him," she whined, and more tears tumbled onto her cheeks.
"No one could have helped him. It was a heart defect, Regina. No one can prepare for something they have no knowledge of," Archie consoled her, which only made her cry harder. She knew the truth, and she resigned herself to suffering in silence. She looked towards the sky and fought her tears for control.
"He was my only friend," she admitted quietly. "I'm not even sure he liked me, but he was my only friend. I destroy everything I touch, Dr. Hopper," Regina broke down and dropped her head to her knees as quaking sobs tore from her throat.
Hesitantly, Archie reached out to her and lightly touched her quivering back. When he met no resistance, he rubbed his hand back and forth across her shoulders. It offered little comfort other than the fact that Regina wasn't grieving alone anymore. She only wanted her people to love her. Why wouldn't they love her?
"Dr. Hopper," Regina whined and sniffed, trying to regain control. "Archie, I think I need help," she admitted into he knees. Had the psychologist not been straining to hear her, he probably would have missed the muffled confession.
"I'll try if you let me, Regina," he quietly gave her the words she needed to hear. He'd waited for years for the stoic ivory walls of Regina Mills to crumble, and it had only taken meeting Henry's birth mother and losing her only friend to do it. She was strong. Maybe the strongest person he'd ever observed, and his heart felt the heavy weight of the delicate situation. One wrong move, and she retreated forever.
"I need to go talk to Emma. Will you come with me?" She asked shakily, unsure how far his offer of help extended.
"Will you agree to come see me once a week?" He bargained. She swallowed, considered his words, nodded.
"I want to become someone my son is proud to call his mother," she confessed hollowly, her voice raw from crying.
"Then I will come with you," he smiled sadly and offered her his arm, pleasantly surprised when she took it.
They stepped in the right direction today, and he prayed he had the strength and willpower to help the complex and severely damaged woman who took his arm and allowed him to lead her from the cemetery. She had helped save his life in the mines after all. The very least he owed her was to try and return the favor. Her steps and spine grew more rigid with each step towards the diner, and Archie patted her arm when they reached the door.
Regina ignored the small clusters of quietly conversing or crying citizens and clicked slowly towards Emma, Henry, Mary Margaret and Ruby near the end of the bar. Archie hung back a few steps and lurked nearby in case his intervention became necessary. Mary Margaret tensed and Ruby stepped in front of Emma and Henry as she approached.
"Not today, Madame Mayor. You can resume your abuse tomorrow," Ruby snapped and crossed her arms.
"I'm only here to speak with Miss Swan about my son, Miss Lucas, not to make a scene," Regina said coolly, and if Archie hadn't seen the tears himself, he never would have known she'd been sobbing uncontrollably a few short minutes ago.
"Rubes, just…" Emma sighed and dropped her head into her hand propped on the bar. "Just let her say what she needs to say so we can get this over with," Emma begged, exhaustion thickening her words. Ruby stepped aside but touched Emma's shoulder protectively, letting Regina know that she'd not be moving any further.
"I've decided on an arrangement that I believe will work for both of us," Regina started and glanced at her son. "And Henry." Emma blinked rapidly and raised her head but said nothing. Regina cleared her throat.
"You may spend afternoons with him after school. He is to be home at six sharp for dinner with me." The three women and her son reacted visibly to her sudden change of heart. She adjusted her shoulders and pushed forward.
"You may attend one family dinner per week if you wish to do so. The day must be discussed and agreed upon each week as I sometimes work late at the office. The third weekend of every month shall belong to you and you alone.
"I won't interfere unless something I consider untoward happens during that time. All terms of this arrangement shall be terminated if I discover that you've returned to old habits," Regina threatened, and dark eyes bore into green.
They both knew she referred to heroin, and on some level, they both understood that Regina continued to protect her from her addiction despite her major screw up and betrayal of trust. She fought to uphold her end of the bargain that she'd made in the mines. She was helping Emma recover from a distance, giving her a reason not to use again.
"Regina," Emma breathed a moment before she stood and wrapped the woman in her arms. "Thank you," she whispered into her hair. Regina leaned her forehead onto Emma's shoulder, face turned towards her neck.
"I made a mistake that can't be fixed, but don't let him down because of my failure," she whispered so low that Emma barely heard the words from the lips next to her ear.
Ruby, however, jerked at the small confession. Her new and improved hearing offered her access to the secrets others whispered. What mistake? She knew that Regina's fingerprints were burned into Emma's recent depressive behavior, but Emma never revealed what happened.
"I won't," Emma promised. Regina pulled away, nodded and strode out of the diner without further comment.
Emma collapsed onto the stool and accepted Henry's tiny body as he flung himself into her arms. Her eyes followed Regina until the door obscured her line of sight. Mary Margaret and Ruby smiled at each other and then at a shocked Emma.
"Ice queen bitch has a heart," Ruby jested, jostling Emma with an elbow. Emma snapped.
"Don't." Her voice was low and dripped with untold threats. Ruby sobered instantly as the skin around her eyes tightened.
"I won't have you speak about my son's mother that way in front of him. Or in front of me for that matter," Emma elaborated in the same deep tone. Ruby nodded and averted her gaze to the floor, tucking her hands into her back pockets sheepishly.
"Sorry," she offered and sounded sincere, and Emma's hard eyes softened.
Emma tucked her son's head beneath her chin as her eyes returned to the door, but Regina wasn't there. They had shut her out, and she allowed them. A voice in the back of Emma's mind told her to follow the woman, and her heart clenched painfully at the command. Regina may have desired to redeem herself, but Emma wasn't certain she'd ever trust her again. So she held her son and stared as life continued around them.
Her heart still wanted Regina, and Emma knew with absolute certainty that it was in fact the woman and not the deeds she'd fallen for. Still she only stared and remained completely still and built the walls around her heart. As long as Regina shared Henry with her, she determined to learn how to live with the ever-present burn of unspoken and unexplored wonders that could have been Emma and Regina.
One day, she comforted herself. One day it won't hurt anymore.