Chapter 10: New Man

A/N: Hello, lovelies! I'm so glad you guys liked the last chapter, and the length of it. I got a great response! So, thank you so much! This chapter is, again, extremely silly at parts. I went to the Twilight Saga: Eclipse midnight premiere last night…or I guess it would be this morning (it's Wednesday as I'm writing this, but it's some day on the weekend that I'm posting this), so I'm a little tired and more than a smidge hyper at the moment. As for the writing, I'm not a gangster, so as you can probably imagine, I had no clue what to say at times. I'm sorry about that. Also, I couldn't find a place to fit in some "yo mama" jokes in this chapter, so those will probably be in the next. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it. R&R please! Thanks!

Chapter 10: New Man

"What's up my home dawgs?" Sirius asked, grinning like the maniac he is. "Whoa, Prongs, you work fast!" When he realized he was out of character, he quickly cleared his throat, and reached out to pound James's limp fist. "Sweet, man. Get some!" Sirius said, looking pointedly between us. It was then that I remembered we were sharing a bed.

I glared at him and ripped the covers off of us to show him that we were still fully clothed. Speaking of clothes… "What the hell do you think you're wearing?" James and I demanded at the same time.

"It's the bomb shiz, yo."

Oh dear God. Shoot me now. Wait, no, scratch that. A bullet might not kill me instantly. It could simply penetrate the flesh, and hit a bone, breaking it in three different places, and leaving me to bleed to death, writhing in agony. I wanted a guaranteed pain-free outing. Avada Kedavra me now. That's definitely much better. It even sounded cooler.

"Are you on crack?" I asked flatly, staring directly at him. James smothered his laugh in a nearby pillow. He lifted his head, and shook it vigorously. "I think it's ecstasy he's addicted to, Lils," he corrected.

Sirius looked at us, bewildered beyond belief. "Crack? Ecstasy? What did I miss?" he cried, then a held up a finger to halt us, and began flipping pages at lightening fast speeds. "Aha!" He began reading from the mysterious book, "Also called 'rock', crack is pellet-sized pieces of highly purified cocaine, prepared with other ingredients for smoking, and known to be especially potent and addicting."

Looking impressed with his ability to read a dictionary, James began applauding politely. I followed his lead, even going as far as adding a few whistles in there for good measure.
"Wait, I'm not done!" He raised his finger higher in the air, and then dropped it to the page to track what he was reading. "And ecstasy is a hallucinogenwhatever the hell that is similar to LSD."

Again, James and I golf-clapped quietly when he was finished. He took a few bows, and then turned serious again. No pun intended, I swear. My OWLS proved that I'm a little more complex-minded than that.

"No, seriously, dawg, what the hell is a" he checked the dictionary "hallucinogen?" Then he busted out laughing, slapping his knee, and looking a little like a bucking donkey that has non-functioning back legs. Seriously. "You see what I did there? Clever, eh?"

We stared blankly at him, wishing on my part anyway that Voldy would just bust through the door, point his bony, pointy finger at me, shout "Mudblood!" and zap me with that pretty green spell of his. But I wouldn't die. Why, you ask? Because James would scream my name, Sirius would react to his best mate's pain, jump in front of me, and get hit by the green light instead.

I shook my head. Honestly, what was happening to me? First, I wake up one day, attached to a bloke's bloody hip, then I end up stroking said bloke's face tenderly, sleeping with him not like that you perverts! and then waking up to find Sirius dressed like a freaking gang-banger slash pothead.

Sirius finally stopped bucking like a deformed donkey and straightened up. He pointed his finger at us, searching for a suitable word but not willing to turn to his trusty book to find it. He gave up, and just settled for saying, "you guys are no fun." Then he pouted.

I motioned toward his book. "Guys? That's not very gangsterish. Why don't you look something up?"

He shrugged, and dropped the book on the nearest bed. "Naw, I don't even know how to use it. There's a whole bunch of letters on the side, like those are supposed to help me find gangster words. Stupid dicktonary."

I nearly choked.

James began coughing violently, pounding his fist against his chest. Panicking, I reached over and hit his back with my open palm. He heaved forwards, narrowly avoiding toppling off the edge of the bed. Thankfully, Sirius caught him before he could fall completely off, and shot me a dirty look. I smiled sheepishly.

He coughed a few more times, but eventually regained his composure. Glaring at his best mate, James punched him in the arm. "It's called a dictionary, you stupid wanker!"

"And those letters…you know what? Nevermind," I backtracked, holding up my hands, deciding to let him figure it out by himself.

Sirius frowned at us. "Be that way. I'm gonna go find me some hot chicks." He gave James a pointed look. "Wanna come, Prongsie? You know how they get when…well, you know what I mean."

James looked at me, and I interpreted that as a request for permission.

"Hell no! I will not get stuck in some cramped little broom cupboard while you snog some swooning slag. No way!" I said, firmly crossing my arms over my chest, and turning my head away.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "'Snog some swooning slag'? You're not jealous are you, Evans, because to me it sure seems like that is the case."

I opened my mouth to protest, but James cut across me smoothly before I could get anything out. "I'm going to have to pass, Padfoot. But you, er, enjoy your 'hot chicks', okay?" he denied, and I thought I heard a trace of coolness in his voice, like he didn't approve of Sirius's invitation.

"Fine. Peace out, suckers!" Sirius called, holding two fingers sideways, and backing out the door. It was possibly one of the strangest sights I had ever seen. But then again, this was Sirius we were talking about.

Once he was out of sight, James turned to me with an apologetic grimace on his face. "I'm sorry about him… His mother was abusive towards him when he was a child. I'm fairly sure he was dropped on his head 47 times…"

I laughed, and nudged him with my elbow. "Be nice. He's your best friend," I chastised, only half-joking.

"Nah, he's more like a much younger, more annoying brother," James corrected, smiling slightly. "So, technically, it's my job to pick on him."

"Your job?"

"Hey, someone has got to keep him in line!" he told me, laughing.

I laughed along with him, and for some reason unknown to me, I found myself liking the way our laughs sounded together my light, tinkling laugh, and his deep, throaty chuckle. They complimented each other well. "I'm not sure you're the best person to keep him in line."

James frowned, seeming genuinely bothered by the accusation, but he quickly shook it off, and smiled at me. "So, since you're staying with me for the next two weeks…is there anything you need to get from your dorm?"

I smirked. "Actually, I was thinking you would enjoy it more if we got up early every morning so you could get a good look at my smokin' roommates in their pajamas…" I offered, teasing him, testing him.

Lucky for him, he didn't take the bait. He just laughed and shook his head. "Sirius might take you up on that offer, but not me. I'm a one-woman type of guy."

I felt a pang in my chest. One-woman? What was that supposed to mean? Trying to keep my face totally devoid of all negative emotion, I raised an eyebrow. "One-woman?" I asked, frowning when my voice came out in a squeak.

James gulped and turned away from me, suddenly uncomfortable. "Yeah, that." He changed the subject quickly. "So are we going to get your stuff or not?"

I nodded, and headed for the door, towing him behind me.

"Prongs!" Sirius shouted, barging through the door with Remus and Peter behind him. "Boys' night! Come on, let's go. Rosemerta already has the Lily plug your ears Firewhiskey" he whispered the last word "ready. Wait, why aren't you standing? You should be standing! Stand, you fool!"

James rolled his eyes. "I can't go, Pads. But you guys have fun without me," James said, looking pained to do so.

"Well why the hell not? You can't miss a boys' night, Prongs! You've never missed one!" Sirius whined, his normally deep voice taking on a new height. "You swore you would never miss one!"

"This is true, Prongs. No one breaks the Marauder Code," Remus added reasonably.

Pursing his lips, James glanced sideways at me, and then back at Sirius. "I know," he began quietly, "and I'm sorry. But I just can't do it this time."

Sirius stomped his foot. "Why?" he whined.

James lowered his voice so far it was almost inaudible to my ears. I had to strain to catch it all, so I don't know how Sirius managed to hear it. "Listen, mate, it won't exactly be a boys' night if Lily's there, would it? If I don't go, then it's still just boys, but if she goes…" he trailed off, but Sirius understood. "I'm sorry, but it's for the best."

Sirius studied him for a minute, and finally decided he was telling the truth. "Alright, men, let's blow this pop stand."

Remus and Peter took one last glance over their shoulders, and then left the room behind Sirius, ecstatic at the idea of a boys' night. Right before they left, I thought I saw a flash of knowing in Remus's eyes.

"Listen, Lils, I'm sorry about that, I just didn't-" he started.

"You say that a lot. Now listen up. I had an idea to, er, improve Sirius's look, but I need your help," I said quickly, a brilliant plan forming itself in my head. "What time do you think they'll be back?"

"Well, I'd say two thirty in the morning, but I know Remus will want to go after his third glass, so he'll insist they be back no later than one fifteen," James rattled with out hesitation. "But I'll be able to tell you where they are and give you a heads up."

"Oh? And how will you be able to do that?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

But James shook his head, and pursed his lips. "Nope. Sorry, Lils. I pledged the Quadruple S."

What the hell? I considered letting it go after all, did I really want to know? but my curiosity got the best of me, and once the Curiosity Train got going, there was no stopping it. "What in God's name is the Quadruple S?"

James shook his head again. Honestly, that boy was going to get whiplash if he did that many more times. "It is the swear to secure a super secret." When I gave him a blank look, he just waved it away with his hand. "It's a Marauder thing. You wouldn't understand."

Right. I wouldn't understand. It's not like my brain was at least triple the size of all theirs combined, or had Alice Prewett for a best friend or anything. Because, face it, when you room with Alice, you kind of come to expect the improbable. Like gluing her best friend to her archenemy. But I'm not going to dwell on that.

"Now, are you absolutely positive that Sirius won't decide to stay up and throw an impromptu party in the common room that might involve stripper's poker?" I asked, shuddering. Just the thought of it brought back memories.

James chuckled. "Sorry to disappoint, but no. He'll be so plastered he probably won't even make down the passageway back to the castle, and then Remus will have to drag him because they'll have forgotten that they are wizards and have access to a wand."

"Right…" I said slowly, deciding I was officially done trying to figure them out.

"So, are you going to fill me in on your brilliant plan, or what?"

I smirked. "Are you sure you'll understand?"

James was right. Remus and Peter stumbled through the door at one fourteen, dragging a mostly unconscious, incoherent Sirius Black. You could clearly tell they were all sloshed out of their minds. Even Remus, who was normally the kind, sensible one, was mumbling random things about trees. They didn't even notice James and I huddling in the corner, dressed in all black robes and black ski masks.

I was feeling theatrical, okay?

Remus and Peter dumped Sirius on his bed, and then crawled to their own beds, and began snoring loudly only seconds late. They sounded like a bunch of angry chainsaws.

On James's extremely complicated and confusing signal, we crept silently towards Sirius. We pointed our wand at him and began muttering the correct incantations James had taught me a little while earlier. I didn't even ask how he knew all of them, but I got the feeling it involved Snape.

I nearly collapsed on the floor when I saw the finished project. Oh, Merlin, I was too brilliant for words. I'm fairly sure I should've been awarded a plaque for my geniusness. It could have been all shiny and gold with my name engraved on it, and it would have said "most amazingly fantastic person to ever prank Sirius Black". Then underneath my name it would say, "people will forever bow down to brilliant, sneaky, devising feet".

James seemed to agree with me on this front. He grinned broadly as we admired our handy work. "I've got to hand it to you, Evans. I would have never thought of doing this."

See? It's not just me.

"But are you sure we put a Permanent Sticking Charm on them? I think it would teach him a very valuable lesson that he would take through life," he pleaded, looking at me with those big brown puppy-dog eyes, and pouting lips.

Goodness gracious, great balls of fire. "No," I said firmly. "Now let's get out of here, so when he wakes up, he won't suspect us."

James smiled, and grabbed my hand. "I know the perfect place. Come on."

A/N: Good? No good? Sucky? Amazing? Let me know! I love reading the reviews. It puts a huge smile on my face and just makes my day. Thanks so much for reading! I hope you liked it! Have a great day!

P.s. I saw the newest Deathly Hallows trailer at the movies and it looks absolutely amazing! I'm gonna be one of those girls that camps out in front of the theater the night before it come out…

With oodles and gobs of love,

Livelier