I had planned to take a break from writing, but then I saw all you guys' great comments and well, read for yourselves :)
Barneys Apartment
Ted was the first one to move.
"I got to get out of here." He said, turning towards the door.
Marshall leaped forward and blocked it.
"NO! Nobody is leaving! I am sick and tired of this! Ted you got to stop acting like this, yes it hurts, but you have to get over it. Robin and you broke up over eight months ago! You have dated other women during that time, stop acting as if this is a huge betrayal."
Ted swallowed hard. Next Marshall turned his attention to Barney and Robin.
"And you two: Just, for the love of God, admit to yourselves that you have feelings for each other! You guys are dating! Enough already with all the manipulating and lying!"
Everyone was silent for a minute.
"Now…can we all just stop moping and watch our wedding video? Lily spent a lot of time making brownies and cupcakes. I don't care if you don't want to be in the same room with each other, you can suck it up for a couple of hours!"
Barneys Apartment Bathroom
Barney and Robin had gone back into the bathroom to get fully dressed.
"Wow, we lost our sneakiness since Tokyo. We didn't get caught in seven months and now twice in 48 hours." Robin realized.
"I know, what's up with that?" Barney grabbed his shirt.
"Of course Marshall and Lily interpret our hooking up as having secretive feelings for each other," Robin smirked.
"I know, so stupid." Barney was buttoning his shirt now.
"Although, I do have feeling for you." He added.
Robin turned around, one eyebrow raised.
"Penis feelings – what up?"
Robin laughed, and they high-fived.
Barneys Apartment Living room
Ted was sitting on the couch, cross-armed and pouting. Marshall sat down next to him.
"I am sorry buddy. I know you still love her." Marshall placed his hand on Ted's shoulder.
"It's not just that… of all the people she choose Barney? Really?"
Marshall shrugged.
"Do you really think they are in love?" Ted looked up.
"You said it yourself, remember? I believe that there is something there, yes. They clearly enjoy spending time with each other, and they have a strong…connection. I think they would have ceased hooking up if it were just about sex, especially after the mess they caused."
Ted put his head back. He couldn't believe how much had changed within the last 10 days.
"Who wants what?" Barney asked as he entered the living room again, heading towards his bar.
"I am just sticking to beer," Lily replied.
"Yeah, me too." Marshall joined in.
"Oh common you guys! There is a great drinking game in there somewhere. How about every time Marshall and Lily sneak off to the restroom together?"
"Every time you make-out with a girl… man we would be so hammered!" Ted laughed hysterically.
"See that's the spirit!" Barney said joyfully.
Ted got up, "I can't believe you! You could at least stop sleeping around for Robins sake."
"Ted, let's just calm down, Popcorn?" Lily asked.
Ted ignored her, "for god's sake, you hooked up with one of your bimbos a day after returning from Tokyo!"
"Or did I?" Barney replied, winking at him.
"What do you mean, we saw you leave with her!" Ted replied.
"See Ted, the mind is funny that way. You only see what you want to see." Barney started in his lecturer voice.
"So we imagined you making out with her all night?" Ted asked.
"No, that totally happened. I just didn't hook up with her." Barney said, pouring himself and Robin a glass of scotch.
"Dude, you kind of told me about it… the alley?" Marshall said.
Barney grinned, "I never specified who the girl was…"
"Ew!" Ted exclaimed.
"Barney just put the DVD in already!" Lily demanded.
Ten minutes later they had all gathered around and started to watch the film. Watching their alter egos as close friends in the video was weird. Especially for Ted, Barney and Robin.
At the time of the wedding, Ted and Robin were still dating so the video made Ted feel even more nostalgic than he already did. Seeing himself dancing with Robin, seeing him goofing around with her, it all made him realize how much he had lost.
Robin on the other hand had a completely different train of thought as she watched the video. The filmmaker had interviewed the guests throughout the night, asking them questions or prompting them to give their well wishes to the happy couple. Each and every one of Barneys snippets had a central theme; marriage was a huge mistake. Yet, only a couple of months later he had said, "I do" to her. She glanced over to her friends; Ted, Marshall and Lily were completely entranced by the movie, and she couldn't help but giggle – if they only knew.
The video made Barney reminiscent about his own wedding. He really was married! Sometimes his brain still couldn't grasp the magnitude of that split decision he had made seven months ago. Sure this wasn't an only-have-sex-with-one-person-till-you-die kind of marriage, but it was still a marriage. How crazy would it be if he could pop their own wedding video in after they were done watching Marshall and Lily's? Ted would probably die of a heart attack. Sadly they didn't get a video. Not that it would have been that great anyways, they were both kind of drunk, and the ceremony only lasted fifteen minutes. Now if he had a video of their wedding night – that would be a different story!
He looked over to Robin and their eyes met for a second. She smiled knowingly, and Barney thought that he sure had married an awesome girl. So what when it was for all the wrong reasons and wouldn't last? He was going to enjoy it while it did.
"How much longer of the ballroom dancing is there?" Barney asked and got up to pour himself another scotch. "This is boring! I thought there would at least be some fails."
"Lily falls at the cake cutting." Marshall reminded him.
"Yeah, that wasn't that funny." Robin commented.
"Seriously, that's the lamest dancing ever!" Barney pointed at the TV and added "and just to be clear, I am talking about all of you."
"You have to talk, you weren't even dancing Barney." Lily noticed.
"I didn't want to eclipse you. It was your wedding after all."
"You can't dance." Marshall challenged him.
"It's a must-have trait for a womanizer, 83% of women will sleep with a guy who can dance." Barney lectured them.
"Proof it." Marshall said, pausing the video.
"Fine, common Lily." Barney said, putting his tumbler down.
"Why me?" Lily asked while getting up.
Barney turned some music on and took his jacket off.
"Marshall, you were warned, your wife might want to sleep with me after this." Barney said confidently.
"I'll take my chances," Marshall replied.
It was a disaster, and even Ted laughed.
"Lily! Stop trying to lead!" Barney complained.
"Stop stepping on my toes!" Lily countered.
They stopped and Barney called on Robin.
"Robin was a teenage popstar, of course she can dance." Marshall argued.
"Fine, Ted, you dance with Robin first. Marshall and Lily will be the judges." Barney said, sitting back down.
Ted was caught off guard. "What?"
"Let's just humor him." Robin pulled Ted off the couch.
It was super awkward at first, but then Ted relaxed. By the time he was sitting back down he was sincerely having a good time.
"Okay, ready for the main event of the evening?" Barney imitated a boxing referee.
He stood opposite of Robin and held one of her hands while placing his other on her hip.
"Just let me lead, I know what I am doing, okay?" He asked.
"If I had a nickel," she grinned, and Barney gave her an annoyed look.
It turned out that Barney did know what he was doing.
"Where did you learn to dance like that?" Lily exclaimed as Barney swirled Robin, catching her with ease.
Marshall nudged Ted, even he was watching them with awe.
A minute into it Barney went to tip Robin once again, but lost his balance and they crashed.
"Oh my gosh, are you okay? That didn't sound too good. Robin how is your back?" Lily had jumped up.
"I am fine." Robin replied laughing. Barney had actually extended his arms while they were falling and caught her. He was still over her, and as she looked into his eyes she knew with absolute certainty that he had just done that on purpose.
Their friends helped them back up.
"Are you sure you are okay?" Marshall checked.
"See, being with Barney always bears risks and endangers your well-being." Ted commented, but for the first time there was no resentment in his voice.
They all ended up dancing, and for the time being both the video and their feud was forgotten.
New York Cab Later that Night
Since Marshall and Lily didn't want to split a cab with them, Robin and Ted, completely accidental and unplanned by the married couple, ended up alone in one.
"Man, what a night." Robin sighed.
"I forgot how goofy and competitive Barney is." Ted replied.
They both knew that they had to talk about the elephant in the room, but neither one wanted to risk destroying the fun atmosphere of the night.
"This is how it's gonna be, huh? You and Barney?" Ted finally said.
"Yeah… I am sorry we lied about not hooking up anymore."
"Well, I can't blame you. I haven't been acting very mature these last couple of days."
They smiled at each other.
"I am not gonna lie, it will probably take me a few more weeks to get used to this." Ted said.
"Nothing will change Ted, Barney and I won't start acting all gooey and romantic all of a sudden. Sure you guys know now, but we are still just casually hooking up every now and then." Robin explained.
"You two seemed very close and intimate earlier – babe." Robin never let him call her any nicknames while they were dating.
"Well yeah, sleeping with each other will do that to a friendship, but that doesn't mean anything. We are still just friends with benefits Ted."
Ted smiled and Robin could see that he wasn't buying it. Jesus, first Marshall now Ted too? Was she only surrounded by hopeless romantics. She decided against confronting him about it and just let him believe whatever he wanted.
The cab stopped in front of Ted's apartment building. He paid, turned to Robin and said, "just don't let him hurt you, okay?" before exiting the cab.
Robin rolled her eyes; you can't get hurt if no feelings are involved, she thought.
Marshall and Teds Apartment
"And? How did it go?" Lily asked excitingly and jumped off the sofa.
"Are you guys friends again?" Marshall added.
Ted let himself fall onto the couch, and corrected Marshall "we were friends all along."
"Sure Ted, but did you talk to her about Barney?" Lily asked.
"Sort of." Ted let himself fall onto the couch. "I guess I will have to accept that this is happening."
"Good for you! Plus, it's Barney and Robin, there is no way that it'll last." Marshall tried to cheer his friend up.
"Well, apparently she is very lenient when it comes to his behavior." Ted replied.
"The most important thing is that we can all still hang out together, right?" Lily interjected.
"Exactly." Marshall added.
Ted nodded. He still wasn't on board with all of this, but somehow seeing Robin dance with Barney made him realize that this somehow made her happy. It didn't make any sense, at least not to him, but he cared about Robin, and he could do this for her.
Barneys Apartment
"I was hoping you'd come back." Barney said while letting her in.
"Dancing as an ice-breaker… nicely done Stinson."
"I don't know what you are talking about." Barney replied.
"Sure you don't."
Barney raised an eyebrow and grinned.
"Would you risk giving me another dance Scherbatsky? I couldn't really pull my best moves off earlier with Ted watching."
"I was hoping you would ask."
Barney took her hand and pulled her assertively into his arms. "Let's finally have our own wedding dance, Mrs. Stinson."
McLarens a week later
"Hey, where are the boys?" Robin asked as she was scouting into the booth across from Lily.
"Marshall is running late at work, no clue where Ted's at, he'll probably get here soon…well and Barney." She pointed towards the jukebox where Barney was chatting up a blond.
Robin turned around to take a quick look, "guess, it'll just be the two of us then. Do you wanna get an appetizer? I am starving and who knows how long it will take till everyone shows up."
"Sure, I pay for it if you go over to Barney and make-out with him."
"Why would I do that?" Robin asked delighted.
"Just to screw with him. The look on his face would be priceless…on her face probably too."
"Lily I know what you are doing." Robin pointed out.
"Daring you to do something totally crazy?" Lily asked.
"No, trying to make me look like a jealous girlfriend."
"So you are boyfriend and girlfriend!"
"No, we are not, Lily. Barney and I aren't dating. Stop making this out to be more than it really is."
"Fine. I still think you should go over there though."
"It's not gonna happen," Robin replied and started to read the menu.
"How about if I show you my drivers license in return?" Lily offered.
Robin looked up, "you got my attention."
"Just go over there and make-out with Barney." Lily leaned in.
Robin bit her lip. That was a pretty good deal.
Ted and Marshalls Apartment 2 Months Prior
"You will not believe the guys at the DMV!" Lily had been furious as she entered the apartment.
Marshall, Ted, Barney and Robin were sitting around, eating Chinese.
"What happened?" Marshall asked.
"I went to renew my license today, and I knew they would take a new picture so I got my hair done, got a tan, and even bought a new top. And then, right when they took it I had to sneeze. You know how horrible it turned out? I begged them to take a new one, but no."
"Oh common Lily, I am sure it's not that bad." Ted tried to cheer her up.
"I am sneezing! I will never be able to pay with a credit card again." Lily whined.
"Baby, don't worry about it. Everyone has bad pictures on their drivers license." Marshall argued.
Ted got his wallet out and showed Lily his. "Case in point."
"Okay that is pretty bad." Lily giggled. "When did you have a mustache?"
"WHAT?" Barney asked, grabbing the license out of Lily's hand.
"Ha ha Ted looks like a 70s porn star!" He exclaimed.
"Let's see yours Barney, I am sure it's not much better." Ted replied, taking his license back.
"I don't have a license, but if I did the picture would be awesome!"
"Mine isn't the best one either," Marshall passed his license around.
"Hey Robin, what about yours?" Ted had noticed that Robin wasn't participating in the conversation, which could only mean that there was a really bad picture involved.
"Mine is good." Robin said, a little too hasty to sound believable.
"Uh Scherbatsky! Let's see yours!" Barney requested.
"Yeah, common we are all friends here." Ted chipped in.
"I am not going to show you mine so drop it." Robin was getting frustrated.
"You don't still have your Canadian license, do you?" Barney was getting really excited.
"Of course not."
"Then show us already!" Barney kept pushing.
"No." Robin locked eyes with him, but instead of letting go, Barney put his food carton down, jumped up and ran for her purse.
"BARNEY!" Robin was furious as she jumped up herself, tackling him.
Robin was throwing punches at him, and Barney finally seized his efforts.
"What did you do that for? I was just kidding." He said, rubbing he chest.
"You are a jerk." And with that Robin left the apartment.
"Wow – you really pissed her off dude." Ted realized.
Barney swallowed hard before going after Robin.
He caught up with her two flights down, and kept her from going any further by holding her by her arm.
"Robin wait," he said.
"Let go, now!" She hissed. Barney obeyed.
"Why are you so mad? I was just messing around." Barney asked.
Robin pulled her purse and the drivers' license out; "why am I so mad?" she asked shoving it into his face.
Barney glanced at the picture, "it's a pretty decent picture."
"It's not about the picture Barney." She said, still mad.
Barney took a closer look at the license.
Robin Charles Stinson
"Oh crab." He whispered.
He handed it back to her, "I am sorry."
She turned around, starting to walk down the next flight.
"Wait, where are you going?" Barney asked.
"Home."
"I said I was sorry Robin, it was a honest mistake." Barney pleaded.
"I know, but you can't go behind someone's back like that Barney, especially not mine." She walked back up, closing in on him.
"We are in this together Barney, and if we want to keep this a secret then you can't be completely oblivious to me."
He nodded, and she turned around to leave.
….
"Did you talk to her?" Ted asked when Barney came back.
"Yes, she went home."
"Wow, she was really pissed." Marshall said, still surprised at Robins reaction.
"Yep… lesson of the day: Never, ever ask Robin for her license!" Barney stated as he grabbed another beer. And never, ever attempt to do something she clearly doesn't want you to do, he thought while taking a big sip.
McLarens Present Time
"Fine, I'll do it." Robin said, getting up.
Barney was standing with his back to her. He was telling a mesmerizing story, at least judged by the look on the blonde girls face. It completely caught Barney off guard, one second he was talking; the next Robins tongue was in his mouth.
They separated after about ten seconds; Robin grinned at him and went back to the booth without saying a word.
"That was awesome! You should have seen the expression on the girls face - it looked like she saw a ghost!" Lily giggled, handing her license to Robin.
"Dang, that IS a bad picture!" Robin exclaimed.
Barney scooted in the booth next to Robin, "restroom or alley? Hi Lily."
"Neither, Lily dared me to do it." Robin answered, handing the license back to Lily.
"What?" Barney asked confused as he put his arm on top of the seat, his hand placed behind her neck, playing with the necklace.
"I did not. Don't blame your jealous behavior on me" Lily defended herself.
Robin rolled her eyes at her. "Really Lily? That's how you gonna play?"
"I'll stop both of you right there. Lily, I know every woman wants to have a piece of the Barnman, and righteous so. But he can't be tamed. Robin knows that, plus she isn't the jealous type, that's one of her best qualities…. Much more important, you two just manipulated me, and now I won't have sex with that blonde tonight. You know what that means, right? One of you has to step in and fill that void… so I can fill…"
"You two probably have time to sneak to the restroom before the Nachos come out, it'll give you some privacy to talk about your feelings for each other and define the relationship." Lily interrupted.
"Hey guys, what are we talking about?" Neither one of them had noticed Ted entering the bar.
"Where Robin and I should sneak off to, to do it." Barney answered.
Ted looked at Robin, "your lover is always so charming and subtle!"
"This one is ALL Lily's fault." Robin commented.
"Where were you anyways?" Barney asked, popping some nuts into his mouth.
"I met an amazing girl!" Ted exclaimed.
So Ted started to retell the story of meeting a girl on the subway. Their Nachos and Marshall arrived before he got to the point of where she gave him her number.
"I think I will call her right now." Ted said, pulling out a piece of paper.
"You can't call her right now." Marshall interrupted.
"Why not? I could invite her to come over and hang out with us?"
"Oh Teddyboy… you are planning on being engaged by the end of the night, aren't you?" Barney asked.
The comment made Robin laugh, and think back to the morning of their wedding day, when Barney had proposed marriage to her.
Robins Apartment 7 Months Prior
She didn't care who was at her door, if they weren't backing off soon she would get her gun.
She had stayed at Barneys well past midnight, first they talked about her legal issues, and then he had tried to cheer her up. He had done a pretty good job too, sure she was still worried on the cab ride back to her place, but she wasn't nearly as freaked out as earlier that evening.
It took her another couple of hours to get to sleep though, hence her resistance to get up.
Her cell phone buzzed, she grabbed it and read the message.
Open up
Barney, well that explained who was trying to drive her crazy.
I'm sleeping
She had replied but Barney wasn't gonna go away.
If u r awake enough 2 text, u r awake enough 4 sex ;) Seriously though – OPEN UP!
Robin sighed, she probably would have texted "go to hell" back if he hadn't been so nice to her last night.
So she finally did get up, and went to answer the door in her pajama pants and tank top.
"What Barney?"
Barney was on one knee, looking up at her, "Robin Scherbatsky, will you marry me?"
It stunned her for a second, but then she regained her composure. "Barney, did you buy pills off of that homeless guy on 45th again?"
"I am serious. I know it certainly won't solve all your problems, but… look Robin, I promised you to make this go away, and I think marriage is a good first step."
"You are kidding, right?" Robin asked.
"No, I am not. Will you marry me?"
"Barney stop that, it's not funny. None of this is a laughing matter!"
A door down the hall was opened and Robin pulled Barney inside her apartment.
"Barney, please…"
"I am not kidding Robin. We could fly to Vegas and elope. I know it won't solve everything but I think it would help your case."
"What?" she asked, slowly realizing that he really wasn't kidding.
"Think about it."
She'd rather not, because that was a truly scary thought.
"You hate marriage." She pointed out.
"This wouldn't be a real marriage though, I am just helping a good friend of mine who got into some trouble with the law out."
"Barney, I can't ask you to do this for me."
"Well, I am your only option Scherbatsky. I guess you could marry Ted, but then you would have to move to Shelter Island with him, have his babies and become totally lame. A lot more hassle if you ask me."
"Barney, this is insane!"
"Yes, but…"
"No 'but'. Marriage is not something you take lightly; do you even realize all the legal consequences that come with it? And what if we actually do find someone we want to take that step with? Have you thought about that? And how would I explain this to Ted? After the disaster last week."
"Robin," he had taken her hands into his, and waited until she looked him in the eyes.
"We both aren't the marrying kind, which makes this easy. If anyone can pull a fake marriage off without it having an affect on their emotional state it's us. So what if we are married, it will only be on paper anyways. Nothing is going to change."
McLarens Present Time
Robin was drawn back to reality by the commotion. Apparently Barney had gotten a hold on the paper with the girls phone number.
"Give it to me," Ted demanded and reached over the table to get the piece of paper back.
"Ted, trust me. I am doing you a favor." Barney replied and tucked the paper into his suit pocket.
"Barney, seriously!" Ted soared out of his seat, he got a hold of Barneys suit and was able to grab the paper out of the pocket.
"Ey!" Barney replied angrily, checking his suit for damage.
"Is that a wedding band?" Ted asked in disbelief and everyone turned to him.
"Give it back." Barney requested and this time it was his turn to reach over the table and try to get a hold of Ted's hand.
Robin gasped.
"Give it back and I will tell you what it's about!" Barney offered desperately.
"It's even engraved." Ted realized.
"GIVE IT BACK NOW!" Barney screamed and Robin, who was sitting next to Ted stepped in. She grabbed the ring out of his hand and hid it in her closed fist.
"Everyone calm down."
"Read it, I want to know what it says!" Lily demanded exited.
"Me too." Marshall jumped in and Ted said, "yeah Robin, don't be a drag, tell us what it says."
Barney and her eyes met. "I will give it back to you if you tell us the story." She finally said hoping he would come up with a good one quickly.
Barney nodded, he cleared his throat and said, "I use it to pick up girls."
"How would a wedding band help with that?" Marshall asked.
"I tell them my wife died but that I can't take the ring off yet cause it makes me feel as if she is still part of my life." Barney explained.
Robin had a feeling that he had actually used that line before. She handed the ring back to him.
"Seriously Robin, how can hearing something like this not make you see what a dirt-bag Barney is?" Ted asked.
She shrugged and got up, "I'll get the next round."
After ordering the drinks she turned her back to her friends and pulled her cell phone out.
Cause you are MY dirt-bag. Nice save btw. Meet me in the alley in 5?
She returned to the table as Barney was just getting up, explaining that he was going to smoke.
"That's a good idea, I am coming with you." Robin said while placing the beers on the table.
"Why do you always do that?" Ted asked and both Barney and Robin shot him a questioning look.
"We know you are going to hook up out there."
"What? We are gonna smoke, Ted. Get your head out of your ass." Barney revolted.
"So the text you just read underneath the table wasn't from Robin?" Lily questioned. She was sitting beside Barney and had seen him pull his iPhone out.
"No." Barney lied without hesitation.
"Ted, do you really think I would hook up with Barney after what we just learned?" Robin asked.
"Apparently – yes!" Ted replied.
Robin rolled her eyes, "well, we are not. Come out with us if you don't believe me."
No one followed them out. "Do you got cigarettes?" She asked once they were outside.
"Wait, you really wanted to come out here to smoke?" Barney asked surprised.
"No but now that they are onto us we better reek of cigarettes when we go back inside."
Barney sighed and pulled a pack of smokes out.
"I never knew you had your ring engraved." Robin said, exhaling smoke.
He didn't answer and she asked if she could see it.
"Sure." He said and fished for the ring in his pocket.
The dim light made it hard to read it and Robin moved closer to streetlamp.
"Dibs on Robin Scherbatsky till eternity. B&R 11-27-06"
It made her laugh. "You can't call dibs till eternity."
"Oh really? Then what do you think the priest meant with the 'till death do us part' section of his speech?" Barney asked.
Robin shrugged, "I give you this; your wife is probably the closest thing you could ever call dibs till eternity on."