This note is important. This is going to be a long-ass story. I think I need to make the events faster, and update more. Story-wise, it'll be twice as long as Runaway. Chapter-wise, it'll be kind of long, but I'm certainly trying to make it NOT twice as long as Runaway. Opinions? "Oh go ahead, make it long, I don't care" or "Dear lord, girl, you gotta wrap this stupid thing up?" I'm seriously worried about this, especially because of the lack of success this story has been getting as of late.

Also, I am very afraid that Riku's POV chapters are going in circles. He really is supposed to develop (so to speak) slowly, go through periods of wanting to leave and wanting to stay. But it's repetitive. Riku is. But this story shouldn't be…

By the way, are you all sick of Sora's dad yet? XD Whether you all are or not, less of the, erm… "bonding" will be happening in the next few chapters as I get more things to focus on.

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Chapter 10
(Riku's POV)

Still laying in Sora's arms. I can't believe how much I enjoy myself with him-- when we do these stupid little boyfriend things. I turn over and when I catch a strand of hair in his face I flick it out of the way. The apprehension from going to, and being at, the doctor's office and getting examined is almost close to gone.

But right now, I want only to concentrate on me and Sora and, for once, the moment.

"So, what do you want to do?" Sora asks, completely ruining the mood. Well, kiddo, right now I have the strong urge to dunk your head in the toilet for speaking up. I smirk, but don't reply for a while. I just don't feel like it.

"Nothing that involves sex with you… much to your dismay, I'm sure." He turns bright red and starts babbling like an idiot-- just as I wanted. You're too fun, Sora. He announces he's going to change into his pajamas. Fine by me; I wouldn't mind getting a few minutes to be alone.

He comes back out of the bathroom shortly and flops down on the bed. A few minutes is right… I smirk again and put my arm around him.

"What?" Sora asks, grinning, as if he's secretly in on some joke. I shake my head and roll over. We're quiet for a little while before he grabs my hair and pulls me over by him.

…The hell are you up to, kid?

He kisses me hard and I once again don't know whether I should pull away or kiss him back, so I don't do either. I let him kiss me and stroke my face and shift around, and I just lay there while he…

I just lay there.

He breaks off quickly and rests his hand on my chest. His head is laying on my shoulder for a quick moment, until he--or so I think--leans in to kiss me again. Instead, he reaches over and grabs this one pesky little patch of hair on my head that never really straightened out, pulls, and watches it spring back up.

"Sproing!" He says.

What a dork!

I push my hair back and pull away from him. He starts laughing and it takes all of my will not join along. His laughter, his joy… is… infectious. I don't know what this is that comes over me next; and it's come over me only a few times before, but I pull him close and kiss him. We roll over and he flops on top of me. He's a nice weight; not too heavy, and warm.

This isn't what I'm supposed to be thinking about when we're doing… this, is it?

I try not to think and try to concentrate on my boyfriend. His squirms, his sighs, his lips on mine, and his tongue shoved halfway down my throat.

It's actually very endearing and nice.

He pulls away again and I'm fully prepared to guard my hair at all costs. But, this time, he really rests his head on my shoulder. He says, "You're amazing. You know that?"

…Oh.

What am I feeling now? Sora, you have to understand that I'm so new at these things…

"It's getting dark." He so brilliantly points out. "Do you want to go to bed early tonight?" What does it matter to him?

"I don't care. Do what you want." He frowns.

"No, I mean…I want you to be with me." I close my eyes.

I know, Sora. I know.

But… I can't help but smile. He's so sweet.

-
Sora went to bed a few minutes ago, but I'm not tired yet. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself while I'm here. I really should stay a while-- get my strength up for when I finally leave. I change in the bathroom, brush my teeth, and wash my face. I look in the mirror again. It's always weird to see myself. Before now, I hadn't really seen what I look like since I was… thirteen. Sure, I'd seen distorted reflections of myself in store windows, but I'd always avoid the mirrors when I would wash in a public bathroom.

I'm not that bad. I'm not bad at all.

But I still wish I didn't fucking look like Nathan.

I close my eyes, sigh, and turn out the lights. I crawl into bed next to Sora, but I don't sleep for another few hours.

I can't stop thinking about the doctor.

What does this mean for me? I've been living here for… what? Two days? Three days? A week? And for… whichever amount of time I've been here, I've been allowing myself to… get caught up in everything.

First off… I've been eating food that isn't mine. Been washing and sleeping in rooms that aren't mine… these people aren't my family. And, here I am: foolish, stupid. I let that man take me to the doctor. I'm allowing him to talk to me about school. I'm allowing him to do those little kind things for me, and I don't even know if he's doing it because he wants something or if he truly is kind.

And Sora? He's a mistake, too! Why do I allow him to do these… things to me? The kissing and making out and touching… the way he fucking crawls on me. And, not to mention, he has somehow gotten me to reveal most of my past to him.

But I still have my secrets, and I plan to keep it that way. Like what happened to my arms, more and more of Tairuyo's gang, and once I can remember this… person who consistently haunts my mind…. He'll probably need to be kept secret, too.

Oh, hell. I know I'm stressed about the doctor. I can't help wonder… what if there is something wrong with me? Something horrible and disgusting…?

Sora snorts in his sleep and it, at first, scares the shit out of me--but it soon relieves me of any more thoughts of the doctor.

He snorts again and shifts. His hand reaches out and hits my legs, he sighs, and his head lolls over, away from me.

Okay, this isn't too bad after all. It's rather nice.

Yeah. It's nice.

-
I don't wake up so early in the morning. Mr. Hart has already left for work. I take my time getting up-- Sora is still asleep.

And after we've both been up for a while, we actually sit and eat and talk. It's the oddest thing.

"Do you want to walk around again today?" He asks, suddenly.

"Sure." I say.

He begins to ramble. "I don't know how far we'll be able to walk, though because this is such a big city, but we can just walk and see where we get. We'll have to call Dad though, because--"

I don't even let him finish. I don't know what it is that has gotten into me, but I'm laughing. Laughing, for Christ's sake. He's so damn funny, the way he rambles on and on about the stupidest little things. "What's so funny?" He asks, laughing as well. I just shake my head and continue laughing. I'm letting so many of my barriers down now. I know I shouldn't be.

I let down even more when I pull him over and kiss him. What has gotten into me? He runs his fingers through my hair--an action that once annoyed me so much, that now…frankly, still annoys me, but only a little. It's kind of nice.

We're near each other now-- I don't know when Sora got into the chair next to me. I run my fingers through his hair, massage his scalp, lay a hand on his face. And, suddenly, he's on my lap. Our tongues are brushing together… God, we're like animals.

…For a little guy, Sora is kind of heavy on my lap

We move over to the couch. I lay down and hastily pull Sora on me. I'm groping at his shoulders and grabbing onto his clothes to pull him closer, all as he kisses and runs his fingers through my hair again. I finally get the sense to pull away.

"That's enough." I say. He looks over at me-- I can't tell what the emotion in his eyes is supposed to be. "Alright, beat it."

"Oh." He replies. "Okay, I guess…" He sits up, and gets up off the couch.

…I can't stand it. I have to pull him down and kiss him a little bit more.

I think I really do like this.

-
We really are becoming an idiotic, disgusting couple. Sora lays on my chest, one leg off the couch and swinging, one hand clutching on to my shirt. I kiss his forehead and the top of his head.

…Right as Mr. Hart starts unlocking the door and comes in. Damn! I'm just glad that we've finished, so that we wouldn't get caught again.

I really, really, don't know what got into me those times.

I'm smarter now.

"Hey," Mr. Hart greets us both, all-too-cheerfully.

"Hey," Sora replies.

"Rrrnnhg." I reply.

"Are either of you hungry?"

At the slight implication of food, Sora totally forgets about me and jumps up. He really is a little glutton; but he's gone so long without food, that his reaction is totally unsurprising. He takes advantage of it all: the food, clothes, fresh water…

What's wrong with me that I'm not the same? I should be. Not that I necessarily want to, but…

I should be.

I let myself forget about all that for a while as the three of us make these horribly big-ass sandwiches and sit down to eat. I don't mind merely watching as Sora and Mr. Hart talk and interact. It's always interesting, I guess.

It's odd. Sometimes I see them and I get so… upset because it's something I know I should have had with Nathan. But, mostly, I don't think anything of it. Their conversations are normal and run-of-the-mill (that sometimes get fucking strange), and they laugh and try to include me-- almost as if I'm in on some joke with them, like when Sora laughed with me this morning for no reason.

…God, what am I doing? I shouldn't care about Sora and his Dad.

I really shouldn't…

I haven't even started eating when Mr. Hart and Sora finish. God, do I really turn into the human vegetable when I'm thinking the way I am now?

Mr. Hart offers to keep me company while I eat, even after Sora leaves.

And I figure, why not?

As I eat, he completely leaves me alone. No small talk, no anything. He just sits there, smiling at me when I look up at him.

He doesn't even seem bored.

I can't help but smile, thinking about how little he knows me, and how much of a mystery I can still be to him. I guess I'm still hung up on that, but it's comforting and amusing, in a way. I guess now because I've let Sora see me and know about my past… well, bits and pieces of it… I feel like everyone in his family does.

I'm getting the hang of this again. I guess some people would call it "hiding", but that's not it. It's something I can't describe. It's like I'm in my own world, and I can deny access to anyone at anytime.

Mr. Hart smiles once again as I look up at him, and I don't give any trace of emotion. I don't look down, quickly, as I usually do. I just… keep on looking at him, and look down when I damn right please.

I'm in control, sir.

When I make my way over to the table, Mr. Hart pulls a brightly colored bag. What in God's name…?

"I know your birthday was a month ago," He says, placing the bag in my hand when I don't take it. "But I saw you looking at this when we went shopping for clothes."

What…? I hesitantly reach into the bag, almost expecting this to be some horrible trick, and pull out that leather jacket.

I can't hide my emotion, how shocked I am by all of this.

"I… I… why?" I know I'm being rude, but…

He smiles. "I thought you deserved a belated birthday gift. That's all."

"Thank you, sir." I finally spit out. Great, now I'm so flustered that I allow my barriers to drop and resort to calling him "sir".

God…

He smiles and puts his hand on my head. A part of me wants to snap at him, be an ass to him, tell him to never fucking touch me. But another part doesn't want to be rude. How pathetic am I getting? I've been off the streets too long.

"Try it on!" Mr. Hart says, after a moment. Shit. I'm not ready for this. I comply, though. I know how to get my jacket off and pull this other one on without revealing the scars on my arms. There aren't that many; it's not too hard. "It's kind of big… but you'll grow into it." He nods in approval. "You look good." I nod and thank him again, and get upstairs as soon as I have the opportunity.

I make my way into Sora's room-- I have to stop thinking of it as mine; it'll only make it hard to leave. Sora smiles at me and jumps up. "Do you like it?" He asks.

I don't know if I really like this or not. I mean… I like the jacket. But how did Mr. Hart know my birthday had passed? Why would he buy me something? Why give me that sort of attention?

Well… first of all: Sora. Sora must have told his father about my birthday passing.

I don't think he told anything else, however. I think Mr. Hart would have acted differently around me or mentioned it or something.

Sora telling would also explain why he just asked if I liked it.

I'm assuming "it" is the jacket.

I'm going to have to have… a little chat with him later.

"Well?" Sora asks. "Do you?" Shit! I didn't even answer the question.

I think about it for a brief moment, then decide to lie: "Yeah. I like it."

Do I?

-
Some time passes, though not a lot. Sora says we're eating out tonight.

O-okay… I walk over and sit at a desk off to the side of the room, near the balcony. Sora sits in a chair randomly placed next to the bathroom.

He, then, suddenly, perks up and asks, "Are you happy here?" Why are you asking me these things, kid?

I shrug.

"You wouldn't just… leave, would you?" What has him thinking these things all of the sudden? I don't know if I would. I want to so badly, but… I don't know if I would. I'm going to leave, but would I be… gone, suddenly?

But I don't want Sora giving me his petty reasons to stay.

I shrug again. He doesn't say anything for a few more minutes, until: "Did you think about running away a lot before you did it?"

I smile, but only slightly. "Which time?"

"Um…"

"I did, a little, at first. At foster homes at such… but… I was angry those times. It was never truly serious. With Auntie, I did think about it. Not a lot, really, but enough that I knew I had to." I hate talking about this, but, at the same time, I can't stop. I always give him way more information than needed.

But why?

"What about Nathan?" He asks, hesitantly.

I close my eyes and lay my head in my arms. "Every damned day." I'm quiet for a brief moment before continuing. "But just… like a 'what if?' Nathan made me too afraid to seriously consider it. I'd try not to think about it and catch myself if I did. I only seriously planned it before I left. But… when I would run away… never was it sudden or on a whim. I always planned, always tried to think ahead…"

Sora gets this odd, funny smile. "I never thought about it. The idea came into my head one day and I was gone that night." He laughs. "Kind of obvious, isn't it?"

I lift my head and smile for him. "You think?"

Maybe if I fake a little playfulness…

I close my eyes again and sigh.

Now I'm depressed. What is up with me?

"Riku? Are you alright?" Sora, very hesitantly, walks over and puts his hand on my shoulder. The act is so simple and he's done it so many times… but I'm so fucking touched I don't know what to do.

"Go away." I say, finally. I'm blocking you out, Sora. You and your dad. Neither of you are getting near me anymore.

And, for once, Sora does what I say. He doesn't get upset or fuss or argue. He doesn't tell me to talk to him--now or ever.

He just leaves.

-
Later, I come downstairs.

"Are you going to be alright to go to dinner tonight?" Sora asks, anxiousness clear in his voice.

"Yeah." I say. "I will."

He smiles at me, and I just try not to take it to heart.

Not anymore.