I'M BACK BABY! Haha! No, but really I'm back. Thank you so much for your patience and for sticking with this story. I hope you enjoy.

It had been a little over two weeks since they started spending their afternoons together, and Castle was loving every second of it. Their daily meetings had slowly become something more. The first few days they had spent an hour or two in the upstairs of "The Book Nook". After a few days neither of them had wanted to separate so soon so they extended their time to include a trip to the coffee shop before going their separate ways. After a week they began taking Eva to the park or the museum or whatever other subdued activity they could think of.

Eva was still tentative and she had not yet allowed him to touch her, but it was getting better. She would giggle when he made a joke or smiled shyly up at him when he tried to talk to her. It always took her a while to warm up to him, going around the edges of the room to choose some books before coming back to the couch while he and Kate took time to talk.

He was still amazed at how Kate had opened up to him. Every day they sat next to each other and spoke like best friends. He had learned more about her in these two weeks than he had in the last two and a half years of knowing her. She spoke about her meetings with her lawyer and social worker, she told him about some of Eva's appointments and gushed over every little milestone she hit, and most surprising was the little tidbits about her childhood and her mom, how she wanted to be the kind of mom her mother was. It took him aback every time she gave away a little bit more of herself, but he wasn't complaining.

He knew that the change had very little to do with him and all to do with the little girl who had made her way into her life, but he would gladly reap the benefits. He knew that she was nowhere near ready to be with him, or if she ever would be. But he was head over heels for her, and that would never change.

Ever since she had stayed with him after her apartment blew up, he started picturing a life with her. At first it was just her in his loft with him, spending their nights cooking dinner and curling up on the couch. Those dreams had evolved into Kate in a white dress and summers in the hamptons, little feet on the stairs and the rest of their lives.

He knew those were only dreams; it was simply a product of his overly active imagination. He had document after document on his computer of Nikki and Rook's future. He didn't need that for himself, if they could never be together he would be okay, as long as he was in her life he would deal. She was it for him and he had realized over the summer that it was her or no one. Running around with Gina was a mistake and truth be told, he was miserable without his partner.

He reflected on this as he walked toward their usual spot. He was almost at the door when his phone rang. Kate and Eva laughing over the top of a book appeared on his screen, and he smiled as he accepted the call.

"Couldn't wait to hear my sultry voice, detective?"

"Castle!" She snaps. He immediately sensed the exhaustion and frustration in her tone. Not her usual mild annoyance with a hint of appreciation, no this was serious. "I'm really not in the mood. We can't make it today. Sorry."

She offered no explanation, but he could hear the screams of Eva in the background. He wanted to ask what was wrong, what he could do to help, anything, but all he could do was listen to the painful cries of the small toddler.

"I really have to go." She prompted when he failed to come up with something to say.

"Kate, just tell me what you need me to do?" It hurt to hear both of the Beckett women clearly hurting. He wanted nothing more than to run all the way to her apartment and take all their worries away.

"No Castle. I don't need you. I can do this." She said harshly. He wasn't sure if she was trying to convince herself or him.

"Okay, but I'm here if you change your mind. Promise you'll call."

"Yeah. Promise, Castle." He wasn't convinced she was telling the truth, but he let her off the hook. He said his goodbye and waited for her distracted answer before clicking off the call.

He went into their bookshop anyway, since he was already almost there. He walked up the stairs and into the room in which he spent his afternoons with two of his favorite girls. Kate would kill him if she could hear him now, coming so close to claiming her.

He roamed the shelves perused the options. Picking up a few titles that reminded him of the littlest Beckett. He just kept hearing her cries over and over in his head. It hadn't been a cry that was familiar to him, he had heard her short frightened cries and her ready for a nap cries and even her I'm so done for today cries. But these were different altogether. These sounded almost like pain.

It was made even worse in his mind by the sound of Kate's clear distress. It had been so long since she had truly snapped at him. He just wanted to help, and he knew it wasn't his place. She had told him expressly on the phone that she didn't need him, but he couldn't help but want to run to her apartment and wrap them both up in his arms and tell them that it would be okay.

He paid for the books he had chosen and hurried to the drugstore on the corner to pick up some cheering up supplies. He didn't quite know what to do with himself after that. He wanted to just march straight up to her apartment, but he couldn't.

She would surely not appreciate this unannounced visit, that he knew. But even more than that, this apartment was Eva's safe haven. This is where Kate was attempting to pull her little family together and heal her little girl.

There was a reason they had their meetings elsewhere. She wanted Eva to have a place all to herself. Somewhere where she could always be comfortable. He understood all of that and he wanted to respect it, but he just kept going back to the strain in Kate's voice and the tiny near screams he had heard over the phone.

He decided to give it a while before he just barged in. Kate wasn't in need of a rescue and he truly believed in her, but she had such a tendency to suffer in silence. She hate to think of herself as a burden, even when she was far from it, even when he genuinely wanted to help.

No, he would give her time. He would simply stay close by and do what he does best, wait.

KBKBKBKBKKBKBKBBK

Kate had never been more exhausted than in the moment she hung up with Castle. And that was saying something because she had worked her fair share of midnight shifts and 3AM bodies.

Eva had woken up a little after midnight throwing up and feverish. Kate had panicked and called the specialist from the hospital immediately, Eva was still in the middle of recovery so throwing up could not be good for her. The doctor had reassured her that it was fine, probably just a bug that could be easily treated with children's tylenol or motrin, but to bring her in if it did not stop within 24 hours.

Kate had cleaned up the little girl's bedding and floor, and then set up with her on the bathroom floor. The night had been long, and sleep eluded both Beckett's as they laid together on the floor. Eva had cried and cried, not understanding her sickness, and refusing to be consoled.

Her fever had risen throughout the night, made even worse by her not being able to keep medicine down. Kate could tell that she was aching and sore, but the little girl had refused to say a word about it or even indicate what was truly hurting.

It was terrifying to not know exactly what could be happening inside of Eva. She had no way to know if she was missing some terrible symptom or pain that she was in. All the worst case scenarios played out in her head, but Eva had eventually allowed herself to calm in Kate's arms and so she put all of it out of her mind and focused on the things she did know.

The vomiting had stopped just before dawn, and Kate had settled them both back in her bedroom. The morning had been okay, until she had tried to feed Eva and give her more medicine. Eva had just screamed and cried and sealed her mouth shut.

Kate had tried everything she knew, but nothing worked. Eva threw herself around and became almost hysterical anytime she even saw food, much less the little red bottle of medicine. Kate was at a loss.

She couldn't be harsh or tough, couldn't scare the poor thing like she did her suspects. Eva had been seriously abused, and she was still so small. She really didn't know any better.

After giving it up for a while and remembering to call Castle, Kate had given the toddler time to cool off. Kate had made herself a shake and sat staring at the silent baby monitor on her counter. Allowing herself five minutes to try and get herself together.

After her five minutes were up she snuck over to her door and saw Eva fast asleep on her bed for the first time since she had thrown up. She was curled up in the sheets that dwarfed her already slight frame, wrapped around her little pink pig. Kate was relieved to see her breathing calmly and deeply. Hoping that some rest would make her more willing to at least eat a little something when she woke up.

It was only when Kate collapsed on the couch, in her now silent apartment, that she allowed the night to catch up with her. She was teetering on the edge and she needed someone to pull her back.

There was only one person who she could think of, so she dialed his number and waited.

KBKBKKBKBKBB

Castle had been shocked when his phone rang and he saw that it was Beckett. He really thought he was going to have to make up an excuse to go up to her apartment.

Luckily, the call was much calmer this time and she sounded more hesitant and run down than anything else. When the call ended he was already halfway to her apartment from the park bench he had taken up residence on, and he had to remind himself to slow down and act as if he hadn't been creepily lurking nearby.

He didn't know what to expect when her apartment door opened, but it certainly wasn't what he was met with. Kate Beckett with what he could have sworn were tears in her eyes.

"Hey, Castle." She said through a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Kate. Hey, what's wrong?" He said as he followed her inside.

She closed the door and silently made her way over to the couch. Of course, he followed, sitting down to face her on the opposite end of the couch.

"I'm sorry that I called you. It's nothing for you to worry about Castle. I shouldn't have made you come."

"No." He said firmly and her head shot up. She was surprised at the firmness of her tone. "No, Kate, don't do this. You always do this.

"Just when you're about to open up and actually talk to me. Just when you're about to take another step and lean on me, you shy away, you back out, you add another brick to repair your wall. You can't live like this.

"These last two weeks have been perfect. We've been talking and sharing, actually having a relationship of some form, and I won't let you shut me out now." She was shocked at the boldness of his words. He had always backed off when she needed him to. He had never pushed her when he knew she was really at her limit. But she had opened up to him in these last two weeks and she now realized that that had changed him too.

"Look, Kate. We're more than just partners, we always have been. We're friends. You're my best friend. You're the one I want to help me when I have a bad day, you're the one I come to with advice about Alexis, and you're the one I want to call at the end of the day. I want to be all those things for you, I thought I already was. Now, please, just tell me what's wrong."

She was speechless for a minute after he finished. She had never heard him be so real, so candid and true. They didn't do this before. Before everything had been gleamed from humor and subtext. They had never come out and said all of these things to each other, but thinking about it now, she knew he was right. He was her best friend too.

"I'm failing." She said quietly, so quietly he thought he misheard.

"I'm failing at this, Castle." This time she looked up into his face and he saw the tears threatening to fall. Oh, Kate. "I've never failed at anything, Castle.

"I hear what they say about me: 'Youngest female in the history of the NYPD to make detective', 'the finest Montgomery has ever trained', 'Montgomery's golden girl'. I hear them, and in a sick, twisted way they make me feel better.

"Not better about myself, it's actually pretty weird to hear that about myself. But it validates what I do. I know my team has the top case closure rate, and that just reaffirms it. My family doesn't approve of what I do, never has, and that's okay. My dad has made peace with it and I don't care about everyone else.

"In school, I was always at the top of my class, the academy too. I've never felt this before. This drowning pull of failure. I mean college was stressful, but I was never truly failing at it, and I…"

"Woah. Woah, Kate. Failing at what?" He could tell she was losing sight of what she was trying to say.

"Parenting, Castle. Eva." She took a deep breath and tried to compose herself as a rogue tear fell from her eye. "I'm failing at parenting Eva. I stayed up all night with her. She was so sick and there was nothing I could do. She wouldn't even tell me what was wrong and she wouldn't calm down. Nothing I did helped. She just cried and cried. She was so confused and so hurt.

"She wouldn't even talk to me, Castle. She wouldn't even point to what hurt. Then this morning, I couldn't get her to eat, and she wouldn't take her medicine. She just looked so betrayed when I tried to make her, and she threw such a fit. A fit. I drove my sweet little girl into a fit of rage. And the really awful thing is, I just wanted to hold her down and force her. What kind of parent does that make me? Wanting to force her to do something like she's some kind of criminal.

"I had to give up, how awful is that. I couldn't deal and so I just gave up and now she's napping, probably still in pain and there is nothing I can do. That stupid stuffed pig is doing a better job of comforting her than me." Finally, she broke and Castle caught her before she could curl in on herself. He simply held her against him and let her cry, let her get it all out of her system.

There is no telling how long she had felt like this. This feeling of inadequacy and failure that threatened to overtake her was something that had no doubt been boiling within her for months. He had seen little pieces of this in her speech when he had first found out about Eva.

When she calmed enough to straighten up and wipe her eyes, he could see the apology coming and he held out his hand to stop it.

"Kate, you could not be more wrong. You are not a failure when it comes to that little girl in there. You have gone above and beyond to make her a happy and normal life. You pulled her out of an absolutely awful life and have given her the world. You are killing yourself for that girl and everyone can see that.

"You don't see the way she looks at you, like you single handedly hung the moon and the stars. She loves you so much. And you do bring her comfort, you're the one she goes to when she's frightened, you're the one she looks to for reassurance and safety.

"Every child gets sick, and every child throws fits and refuses to eat and I can assure you none of them willingly take medicine. No child knows what's going on when they throw up and it makes them all react badly. You are not the first parent to feel this way, not the first one to give it up and let them sleep. We've all been there, trust me. We all want to just hold them down and get it over with.

"You have a lot coming at you all at once here, Kate. Most parents get to go through the first sickness when their children are still in diapers and they get to feel lost and unsure for a while and then they find your footing. They take it one challenge at a time, but you are getting all these challenges at once. It's okay to feel this way, but you're not going to fall, I promise. You're tall remember." That earns him a laugh and he carefully wraps her up in a hug again. She sighs into his shoulder and he goes out on a limb.

"What is this really about Kate?" He knows he's gotten it right when she fully deflates against him.

"Joe called last night. Joe, my family lawyer. He just wanted to go over everything that might come up in the first adoption hearing next month, wanted me to start preparing now. He listed off like 30 things, Castle. I just sat there and listened as he listed reason after reason that I could be claimed and unfit parent."

"Oh, Kate." He held her tighter, still shocked she was allowing this touching to go on for so long. "I'm so sorry you have to go through this."

She was expecting him to defend her, to try and convince her how wrong her attorney had been and how there wouldn't be any problems at the hearing and everything would just fall into place. But he didn't. He had just apologized, a real heartfelt apology. It was just what she needed to hear in this moment.

"It'll look better after some sleep. We'll work it all out when you wake up, just sleep now." He helps her lay down and she is entirely too tired to protest. She let him drape a blanket over her and press a kiss to her forehead, before she drifted off into sleep.

To be continued...

Thank you so much for reading! I am so happy to have found my inspiration again. I would LOVE to hear all of your thoughts.

I hope to write more as soon as finals are over (early next week).