ANGELS MAY LAUGH, AND SO MAY YOU
Dis—(arms Rocket Launcher and fires multiple times, leaving Disclaimer in a smoldering pile) SHUT UP, DAMMIT!!! Uh…I don't own Barney the Dinosaur. (Thank god!!!) Or STAR WARS: Episode 1. Judging from what I have left, I'll be finished on Chapter 13. Oh, and Skye makes yet another appearance, and I compliment her fic, "Dante's New Chibi". READ IT BEFORE MINE LEST YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! …And because hers is the best.
CHAPTER 10: Round 3 of Guybrush Threepwood, and Griffon
Dante Quickly hopped up one of the shafts, Armed the Nightmare B, and fired at Griffon, screaming "DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!"…
Of the 13 shots fired, two hit. Not even scathing Griffon.
"Dante you suck." Ifrit said, looking at Griffon. "Wait! I got an idea!"
"If it's anything like The Sub-Machine Rocket Launcher idea, let's hear it." Alastor said.
He whispers in Dante's ears. Dante then Equips Ifrit, Charges, and Dante's, Ken's and Ryu's portrait appear on screen (ala Marvel vs Capcom 2). Ryu and Ken hop on screen and…
"Haduken!!" The all shout, releasing huge Fireballs. Griffon's health bar drops 66%, and falls from the sky, wingless. And, Damn, that HAD to hurt, smashing into a column like that
"Thanks Ryu, Ken." Alastor said.
"No problem." Ken and Ryu said simultaneously. They left the area, via portal. 4 seconds later…
"Thanks!" Dante said, smiling like a complete goofball. Alastor and Ifrit sigh.
Griffon starts twitching.
"You…son of a….BITCH!!!!" Griffon said, trying to get off his back. "You SHOT…My wings off! NO ONE DOES A STUPID-ASS THING LIKE THAT AND LIVES!!!!" After numerous tries of getting off his back, each failing miserably, he sighs. "Uh, a little help here?"
Dante looks at him, then the big blue thing in the center of the Coliseum. He walks over to Griffon, and picks him up.
"Hey! Watch it, Demon-punk! My back hurts enough!!" Griffon shouts.
"Really? Does this help?" Dante said, hurling Griffon onto the Blue Thing. Griffon hits the blue thing, rolls onto his stomach, and loud snapping noises are heard.
"YEOUCH!!! WHY YOU STUPID SHIT!! I OUGHTA TEAR YOUR SPINE OUT, AND—" Griffon then notices the gentle numbness that is in his back. "Hey, my back stopped hurting! Thanks kid!"
There's a large, whistling noise coming from the sky. A larger column falls down and smashes right into the back of Griffon, and even louder snapping noises are heard.
"That better?" Dante asked.
"Yes, thank you!" Griffon says in a high-pitched voice. He cleared his throat, and said in his normal voice, "I can't feel pain now."
"Or anything else. Hahahahaha!! Griffon's gone numb!!"
"That's it!! O Master Mundus! Give me strength to defeat the son of Sparda!!"
Three orbs appear in the sky.
"YOU HAVE FAILED ME, GRIFFON!! AS PUNISHMENT, I SHALL GIVE YOU THE WORST PUNISHMENT EVER…!!" The Orbs said.
"Watch Barney the Dinosaur for all eternity?" Griffon said, in total fear.
"YES!!"
"NO MUNDUS!!! PLEASE!! DON'T MAKE ME WATCH THE DEVIL!! ANYTHING BUT THE DEVIL!! NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Mundus teleports Griffon away, to watch Barney, the Dinosaur who took Satan's job. Satan now works in a McDonald's somewhere, flipping hamburgers, boiling fries, and filling sodas.
Back on Mallet, Dante just stands there. Trish walks up behind him, and taps him on the shoulder. Dante, Ifrit, and Alastor turn around, see Trish…or at least her face, and scream pretty darn loud.
"Dante, calm down! It's me, Trish!" Trish said. Dante and Co. stop screaming, and looks around.
"Oh. We knew that." Dante said. "Did you see that!? Mundus tortures his own Men!! I can't believe him!….I wanted to watch Barney!!!!"
Trish goes wide-eyed. "You're kidding right?"
"Nope!"
Alastor shocks him. "(SAY YES, DAMMIT!!)"
"I mean, uh, yes."
"Good, well, there's a cog that you need to get back to the Castle in the center column. I'd get it if I were you."
Trish disappears in yellow lightning, leaving Dante with Alastor and Ifrit. Dante attempts to leap into the column. At the top, his foot catches the edge, and he lands face first onto the lift. As the lift goes down, he remains on his face, and his boots and forehead drag along on the walls. As he gets up he sees the cog, he steps towards it, and falls on his face again, and this time he grumbles. When he grabs the Cogwheel, he turns and…trips over his own feet, onto his face yet AGAIN. This time he blasts the ground with Ifrit's fireball ability. It goes through The center of the earth, China, the Milky Way Galaxy, and time.
Somewhere on Tatooine, Anakin Skywalker is Pod-Racing almost about to win, when a huge beam comes out of nowhere, and knocks out the links between the Pod and the engine (the thing that keep it from going backwards), and goes careening out of control. When he thinks nothing could make this any worse, he goes into reverse. He smashes into the other Pod Racers, shattering them on impact, and hurling the Drivers 30 feet in the air. Anakin ends up heading straight at Padmé, Jar Jar Binks, and Shmi. Realizing this, with his all-powerful force abilities, he ejects from his pod. Padmé and Shmi get out of the way, but Jar Jar asks them where they were going. Well, Jar Jar's only answer was the revving engine of an oncoming Pod Racer, which smashed him into the wall, turning him into a nice new Wall Decoration. There is a huge cheer from the entire crowd.
"My, that much anger on one floor?" Alastor said, chuckling.
Dante doesn't hear the mockery, he's still thinking of the Barney TV show, in which Alastor zaps him for it. He then forgets all about tripping, and everything after, and continues on to the Castle. Standing just before the Draw Bridge, was a figure, wearing a Darth Vader coat…
"So, we meet again, Dante Sparda, for the last time!" It was Guybrush Threepwood!
"How many times do I have to mutilate you?!" Dante said, reaching for Alastor.
"3 Times."
"Ah."
"This shall be our final fight…"
"No shit, Sherlock. What is it now? Insult Poker? Gin Rummy? Hand-to-Hand? Monkey Kombat? …That sucked by the way."
"No… Insult Lightsabers." He takes out the Ultimate Insult (It's a 12-inch statue made of an award for swimming, Monkey Headed mug from Planet Threepwood, wearing a copper pirate hat) and turns it on. A Green Lightsaber blade comes out of it.
"Oh yeah?" Dante takes out a blue thunder sword, with Bat-wing hilt, and a icy-blue gem embedded in the handle of it. Yep, It's Alastor. "Wait, doesn't the Ultimate Insult only work on Pirates?"
"Well, I made a few changes…like the ability to cut through solid objects." Guybrush slices one of the stone blocks in half with the Ultimate Insult.
"Cooooool!"
"Now, before you die, son of Spidey..
"Sparda."
"Whatever. I must say something."
"Go ahead…"
"I was your father's brother's cousin's former roommate."
"…What does that make us?"
"Absolutely nothing…which is what you shall soon become." He puts on his weird Darth Vader like Helmet.
(Swords clash)
Guybrush: "My sword has been considered a lethal weapon!"
Dante: "Sadly, your BREATH should equally be reckoned!"
(Dante swings, and cuts off Guybrush's cape)
Dante: "I've got a sword with your name on it!"
Guybrush: "No thanks I have my own!"
(Guybrush misses Dante's ducked head by an inch)
Guybrush: "You're the ugliest creature I've seen in my life!!"
Dante: "Oh really? I'm guessing you haven't seen your wife."
Guybrush: "…touché."
(Dante gets Guybrush's coat arm, but still misses)
Dante: "Or Trish in that matter…Uh, give up now or I'll crush you like a grape!"
Guybrush: "I would if it would stop your WINE-ing!"
(Guybrush stabs at Dante, who dodges, and stabs his trench coat tail)
Guybrush: "OH NO LOOK OVER THERE!!"
Dante: "What? A Three-Headed Monkey?"
(Dante flips behind Guybrush and slashes him in the back)
"OW!! DAMN!!" Guybrush shouts, stumbling around and gushing blood like a living geyser. He takes a purple Vial out of his pocket "Must…inject….G- Virus!" He stabs himself with the vial, and grows twice his size, and gets really long claws, and bright red eyes.
"Ooooooh SHIT!" Ifrit, Dante and Alastor said at once. Dante turns to run, and gets stabbed by G-Guybrush, putting three clean holes in him and his coat. He then throws him 12 feet away. Skye makes another appearance, and flips onto G-Guybrush's shoulders and starts beating on his head with the Chibi Sephy from her (not mine) fanfic "Dante's New Chibi". (Which is a very good fic by the way)
"Ow…ow…ow…ow…ow…ow…" The Chibi says each time he hits Threepwood's head.
G-Guybrush picks Skye off his and throws her behind Dante.
"HEY!!" Dante shouts, With his Unlimited DT Ready. "If you don't apologize to her VERY SOON, I'm gonna do something so HORRIBLE, so EVIL, so VILE, so NOT NICE, IT'LL MAKE A NAZI SCREAM AND RUN LIKE A HELPLESS LITTLER GIRL!!"
G-Guybrush flips him off. Dante goes DT, and whoops the living shit out of Guybrush, constantly switching between Alastor and Ifrit, and blasting him with The Grenade Launcher, and Nightmare B. Skye calls out to Dante, and tosses him an Anti- B.O.W. Linear Launcher. (RE C:V fans rejoice) Dante aims…
"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmme……!!!!!"
…Charges…
"Ovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!"
…and Fires. A freakin' huge-ass beam shoots out, into G-Guybrush, who stops, expands, explodes, and now goes great on toast. Skye hugs Dante, and disappears. Dante uses the Cogwheel, and enters the Castle by the now lowered drawbridge.
Somewhere in the Underworld…
"Where is the Son of Sparda???" Mundus shouts from his throne.
"We have him on radar sir!!" A marionette responds.
"Take me to the radar!"
Mundus follows the Mari, stops and speaks.
"What the hell is this crap?" He points to the weird circles connected to lines, which lead to squares and other stuff on the screen machine's screen. "You call THIS a Radar??"
"No, sir. We call it Mr. Coffee." The Marionette points to the Sign above the machine, which says Mr. Coffee. "Wouldn't you like Coffee when viewing the radar?
"DAMN STRAIGHT PUNY FOOL!!!! …I mean, yes. I do."
After getting his Coffee, Mundus follows the Marionette to the Machine called Mr. Radar. There's a blip on screen in the Main Hall.
"Set off the Trap." Mundus said, grinning.
"Setting the trap, sir!" The Marionette said, pressing a button.
In the Main Hall…
"Well…" the Castlevania guy said. "It took me a few hours, but I'm back together again*!
*This guy exploded in Chapter 6.
Suddenly, the huge Woman Statue topples over.
"F**k." Said the Castlevania Guy.
SQUISH!!!!!!!!
This is, like, my Longest Chapter, so far. If you haven't read "Dante's New Chibi" by Skye Quisame, shame on you! She's a much better writer than me!(This is my first fic.)
Dis—(arms Rocket Launcher and fires multiple times, leaving Disclaimer in a smoldering pile) SHUT UP, DAMMIT!!! Uh…I don't own Barney the Dinosaur. (Thank god!!!) Or STAR WARS: Episode 1. Judging from what I have left, I'll be finished on Chapter 13. Oh, and Skye makes yet another appearance, and I compliment her fic, "Dante's New Chibi". READ IT BEFORE MINE LEST YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! …And because hers is the best.
CHAPTER 10: Round 3 of Guybrush Threepwood, and Griffon
Dante Quickly hopped up one of the shafts, Armed the Nightmare B, and fired at Griffon, screaming "DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!"…
Of the 13 shots fired, two hit. Not even scathing Griffon.
"Dante you suck." Ifrit said, looking at Griffon. "Wait! I got an idea!"
"If it's anything like The Sub-Machine Rocket Launcher idea, let's hear it." Alastor said.
He whispers in Dante's ears. Dante then Equips Ifrit, Charges, and Dante's, Ken's and Ryu's portrait appear on screen (ala Marvel vs Capcom 2). Ryu and Ken hop on screen and…
"Haduken!!" The all shout, releasing huge Fireballs. Griffon's health bar drops 66%, and falls from the sky, wingless. And, Damn, that HAD to hurt, smashing into a column like that
"Thanks Ryu, Ken." Alastor said.
"No problem." Ken and Ryu said simultaneously. They left the area, via portal. 4 seconds later…
"Thanks!" Dante said, smiling like a complete goofball. Alastor and Ifrit sigh.
Griffon starts twitching.
"You…son of a….BITCH!!!!" Griffon said, trying to get off his back. "You SHOT…My wings off! NO ONE DOES A STUPID-ASS THING LIKE THAT AND LIVES!!!!" After numerous tries of getting off his back, each failing miserably, he sighs. "Uh, a little help here?"
Dante looks at him, then the big blue thing in the center of the Coliseum. He walks over to Griffon, and picks him up.
"Hey! Watch it, Demon-punk! My back hurts enough!!" Griffon shouts.
"Really? Does this help?" Dante said, hurling Griffon onto the Blue Thing. Griffon hits the blue thing, rolls onto his stomach, and loud snapping noises are heard.
"YEOUCH!!! WHY YOU STUPID SHIT!! I OUGHTA TEAR YOUR SPINE OUT, AND—" Griffon then notices the gentle numbness that is in his back. "Hey, my back stopped hurting! Thanks kid!"
There's a large, whistling noise coming from the sky. A larger column falls down and smashes right into the back of Griffon, and even louder snapping noises are heard.
"That better?" Dante asked.
"Yes, thank you!" Griffon says in a high-pitched voice. He cleared his throat, and said in his normal voice, "I can't feel pain now."
"Or anything else. Hahahahaha!! Griffon's gone numb!!"
"That's it!! O Master Mundus! Give me strength to defeat the son of Sparda!!"
Three orbs appear in the sky.
"YOU HAVE FAILED ME, GRIFFON!! AS PUNISHMENT, I SHALL GIVE YOU THE WORST PUNISHMENT EVER…!!" The Orbs said.
"Watch Barney the Dinosaur for all eternity?" Griffon said, in total fear.
"YES!!"
"NO MUNDUS!!! PLEASE!! DON'T MAKE ME WATCH THE DEVIL!! ANYTHING BUT THE DEVIL!! NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Mundus teleports Griffon away, to watch Barney, the Dinosaur who took Satan's job. Satan now works in a McDonald's somewhere, flipping hamburgers, boiling fries, and filling sodas.
Back on Mallet, Dante just stands there. Trish walks up behind him, and taps him on the shoulder. Dante, Ifrit, and Alastor turn around, see Trish…or at least her face, and scream pretty darn loud.
"Dante, calm down! It's me, Trish!" Trish said. Dante and Co. stop screaming, and looks around.
"Oh. We knew that." Dante said. "Did you see that!? Mundus tortures his own Men!! I can't believe him!….I wanted to watch Barney!!!!"
Trish goes wide-eyed. "You're kidding right?"
"Nope!"
Alastor shocks him. "(SAY YES, DAMMIT!!)"
"I mean, uh, yes."
"Good, well, there's a cog that you need to get back to the Castle in the center column. I'd get it if I were you."
Trish disappears in yellow lightning, leaving Dante with Alastor and Ifrit. Dante attempts to leap into the column. At the top, his foot catches the edge, and he lands face first onto the lift. As the lift goes down, he remains on his face, and his boots and forehead drag along on the walls. As he gets up he sees the cog, he steps towards it, and falls on his face again, and this time he grumbles. When he grabs the Cogwheel, he turns and…trips over his own feet, onto his face yet AGAIN. This time he blasts the ground with Ifrit's fireball ability. It goes through The center of the earth, China, the Milky Way Galaxy, and time.
Somewhere on Tatooine, Anakin Skywalker is Pod-Racing almost about to win, when a huge beam comes out of nowhere, and knocks out the links between the Pod and the engine (the thing that keep it from going backwards), and goes careening out of control. When he thinks nothing could make this any worse, he goes into reverse. He smashes into the other Pod Racers, shattering them on impact, and hurling the Drivers 30 feet in the air. Anakin ends up heading straight at Padmé, Jar Jar Binks, and Shmi. Realizing this, with his all-powerful force abilities, he ejects from his pod. Padmé and Shmi get out of the way, but Jar Jar asks them where they were going. Well, Jar Jar's only answer was the revving engine of an oncoming Pod Racer, which smashed him into the wall, turning him into a nice new Wall Decoration. There is a huge cheer from the entire crowd.
"My, that much anger on one floor?" Alastor said, chuckling.
Dante doesn't hear the mockery, he's still thinking of the Barney TV show, in which Alastor zaps him for it. He then forgets all about tripping, and everything after, and continues on to the Castle. Standing just before the Draw Bridge, was a figure, wearing a Darth Vader coat…
"So, we meet again, Dante Sparda, for the last time!" It was Guybrush Threepwood!
"How many times do I have to mutilate you?!" Dante said, reaching for Alastor.
"3 Times."
"Ah."
"This shall be our final fight…"
"No shit, Sherlock. What is it now? Insult Poker? Gin Rummy? Hand-to-Hand? Monkey Kombat? …That sucked by the way."
"No… Insult Lightsabers." He takes out the Ultimate Insult (It's a 12-inch statue made of an award for swimming, Monkey Headed mug from Planet Threepwood, wearing a copper pirate hat) and turns it on. A Green Lightsaber blade comes out of it.
"Oh yeah?" Dante takes out a blue thunder sword, with Bat-wing hilt, and a icy-blue gem embedded in the handle of it. Yep, It's Alastor. "Wait, doesn't the Ultimate Insult only work on Pirates?"
"Well, I made a few changes…like the ability to cut through solid objects." Guybrush slices one of the stone blocks in half with the Ultimate Insult.
"Cooooool!"
"Now, before you die, son of Spidey..
"Sparda."
"Whatever. I must say something."
"Go ahead…"
"I was your father's brother's cousin's former roommate."
"…What does that make us?"
"Absolutely nothing…which is what you shall soon become." He puts on his weird Darth Vader like Helmet.
(Swords clash)
Guybrush: "My sword has been considered a lethal weapon!"
Dante: "Sadly, your BREATH should equally be reckoned!"
(Dante swings, and cuts off Guybrush's cape)
Dante: "I've got a sword with your name on it!"
Guybrush: "No thanks I have my own!"
(Guybrush misses Dante's ducked head by an inch)
Guybrush: "You're the ugliest creature I've seen in my life!!"
Dante: "Oh really? I'm guessing you haven't seen your wife."
Guybrush: "…touché."
(Dante gets Guybrush's coat arm, but still misses)
Dante: "Or Trish in that matter…Uh, give up now or I'll crush you like a grape!"
Guybrush: "I would if it would stop your WINE-ing!"
(Guybrush stabs at Dante, who dodges, and stabs his trench coat tail)
Guybrush: "OH NO LOOK OVER THERE!!"
Dante: "What? A Three-Headed Monkey?"
(Dante flips behind Guybrush and slashes him in the back)
"OW!! DAMN!!" Guybrush shouts, stumbling around and gushing blood like a living geyser. He takes a purple Vial out of his pocket "Must…inject….G- Virus!" He stabs himself with the vial, and grows twice his size, and gets really long claws, and bright red eyes.
"Ooooooh SHIT!" Ifrit, Dante and Alastor said at once. Dante turns to run, and gets stabbed by G-Guybrush, putting three clean holes in him and his coat. He then throws him 12 feet away. Skye makes another appearance, and flips onto G-Guybrush's shoulders and starts beating on his head with the Chibi Sephy from her (not mine) fanfic "Dante's New Chibi". (Which is a very good fic by the way)
"Ow…ow…ow…ow…ow…ow…" The Chibi says each time he hits Threepwood's head.
G-Guybrush picks Skye off his and throws her behind Dante.
"HEY!!" Dante shouts, With his Unlimited DT Ready. "If you don't apologize to her VERY SOON, I'm gonna do something so HORRIBLE, so EVIL, so VILE, so NOT NICE, IT'LL MAKE A NAZI SCREAM AND RUN LIKE A HELPLESS LITTLER GIRL!!"
G-Guybrush flips him off. Dante goes DT, and whoops the living shit out of Guybrush, constantly switching between Alastor and Ifrit, and blasting him with The Grenade Launcher, and Nightmare B. Skye calls out to Dante, and tosses him an Anti- B.O.W. Linear Launcher. (RE C:V fans rejoice) Dante aims…
"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmme……!!!!!"
…Charges…
"Ovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!"
…and Fires. A freakin' huge-ass beam shoots out, into G-Guybrush, who stops, expands, explodes, and now goes great on toast. Skye hugs Dante, and disappears. Dante uses the Cogwheel, and enters the Castle by the now lowered drawbridge.
Somewhere in the Underworld…
"Where is the Son of Sparda???" Mundus shouts from his throne.
"We have him on radar sir!!" A marionette responds.
"Take me to the radar!"
Mundus follows the Mari, stops and speaks.
"What the hell is this crap?" He points to the weird circles connected to lines, which lead to squares and other stuff on the screen machine's screen. "You call THIS a Radar??"
"No, sir. We call it Mr. Coffee." The Marionette points to the Sign above the machine, which says Mr. Coffee. "Wouldn't you like Coffee when viewing the radar?
"DAMN STRAIGHT PUNY FOOL!!!! …I mean, yes. I do."
After getting his Coffee, Mundus follows the Marionette to the Machine called Mr. Radar. There's a blip on screen in the Main Hall.
"Set off the Trap." Mundus said, grinning.
"Setting the trap, sir!" The Marionette said, pressing a button.
In the Main Hall…
"Well…" the Castlevania guy said. "It took me a few hours, but I'm back together again*!
*This guy exploded in Chapter 6.
Suddenly, the huge Woman Statue topples over.
"F**k." Said the Castlevania Guy.
SQUISH!!!!!!!!
This is, like, my Longest Chapter, so far. If you haven't read "Dante's New Chibi" by Skye Quisame, shame on you! She's a much better writer than me!(This is my first fic.)