Chapter 10 - Absolve

Benson Residence

Friday Evening, May 23

Calling Rhett, they agreed to meet for a late dinner at 8:00. That would give her time to get home, shower, change and meet him at the restaurant. She was still tired from the little sleep she had gotten last night and the day had been long and hard, but the shower invigorated her somewhat.

Olivia and Fin had found Daniela Kushnir's mother, sister and brother. They were heartbroken at the news. Olivia thought that after nearly nine years of telling families the worst news anyone could ever hear, that this was among the worst things she had to do in her job. The wail of sorrow from a mother's soul had to be the saddest, most heart wrenching sound upon the face of the earth.

Munch and Elliot had put together a flowchart of some of the financial records, showing how they think the money was laundered, seeming to come from a much more respectable source. They would begin working that angle intensively Monday when the banks opened. Olivia and Fin were to question Zhanna Tarasov and Mona Petrovsky again. Lake would be tying up some loose ends on a case that came up late in this afternoon. But Cragen had insisted every one take off Saturday and get some rest.

Even after the events of last night, Elliot being there for her and what he told her this morning, she was still giving him the cold shoulder. Yes, she was glad he had been there for her, but that did not wipe away the pain of his betrayal over what he said about her mother. She still was not sure how she was going to deal with him about that and for now not speaking to him seemed to work fine. She did not have to deal with it. And it was much easier to work with Fin.

She was meeting Rhett at a diner that he remembered liking as a kid, so the dress was very casual. She chose some dark jeans and a cream colored long sleeved cotton blouse that had sheer sleeves. It would be cool enough for the warm evening. She pulled out a pair of light tan sandals to go with her outfit. She brushed her teeth, put on her lip gloss, sprayed a bit of perfume, did her hair again and headed for the door. Opening it, she was astonished to see Elliot standing there, his hand in mid-air about to knock.

"You got a minute." He asked, looking her over, realizing she was about to leave. She was so pretty. He did not remember having seen that blouse before. He was mildly irritated that she apparently had a date.

"Actually, no. I have plans." Her words were short. She did not move from the doorway.

"Going out alone? You shouldn't be out alone!" He warned, upset.

"I'm catching a cab and meeting someone, Elliot. I won't be alone. I promise." She told him.

"Okay...okay...I won't take long...look, it's been nearly three weeks...we can't...I can't keep going on with this hanging over my head...especially not now...not with this threat against you...the squad...I'm sorry about what I said about your mother, Liv...uh...Olivia. I never meant for it to come out like that...I know you don't blame her for what happened...I never meant for it to sound like I did and I never meant to hurt you...you gotta believe that. Please, Li...Olivia. Please. Tell me what to do to make this right...I can't...I can't just leave things like this between us." His voice was quiet, pleading.

He was begging her and his eyes clearly showed he was in agony, just like she had been. Was. Before all was said and done, he would drive her insane . This man. "I don't know what to say, Elliot. You really hurt me. I feel like you betrayed my trust...you and Cragen were the only ones that knew she was drunk...I just don't know how I feel about this...about you right now." Unable to hold his gaze, she played with her keys.

"Please, Olivia...there has to be something I can do so that you will absolve of my sin! Please!" He held his hands out in front of him, palms up, as though begging. He was. He would do anything to get her forgiveness. At this point, he did not care how pathetic he might look or sound, either.

"Absolve?" She snorted. "I'm not a priest, Elliot...I'm not even Catholic!" She smirked, trying to lighten things. It did not work. He was clearly upset by her continued holding of this grudge.

He sighed deeply, running his hands over his face. She took a quick glance at him. He was so handsome. So...so Elliot. He was biting the inside of his cheek like he always did when he was upset or hurt or nervous. She knew he was definitely upset and hurt and very likely nervous, too.

"You know I can be a real jerk sometimes...you know that better than anyone. Please...just, please, let us be okay." His voice had become soft and quiet. He looked so sad, so dejected. She wanted to hug him and tell him it would be okay. They would be okay.

"That's the first thing you've said in months that we can agree on." She could not help herself, she felt a tiny smile tugging at her lips.

"Well, that's a start...so are we gonna be okay?" He asked cautiously, hoping she would say yes, grinning just slightly to match her smile.

"I don't know...we'll have to see." She looked at him and then her watch.

"Oh, yea...you gotta be somewhere...can I walk you out?" He jammed his hands in his back jean pockets and looked at the floor.

"We have to go out the same way..." She shrugged and shifted her purse on her shoulder.

When they reached the front of the building, she hailed a cab. "I can drop you off..I'm parked just down the block..." He told her.

Her head snapped toward him and she rolled her eyes. "Yea...not a good idea, huh? Listen...even if you can't forgive me...please know that I am sorry." He sighed. "Well, I'll see you later, Olivia."

Her cab pulled up to the curb, he opened the door and held it for her. As she started to get in, he turned and began walking down the street. "Yea...see you later." She said to him.

Standing by the cab holding the back door open, she watched him. His shoulders drooped and his walk lacked its normal confidence and bounce, his normal swagger. The sight tugged at her heartstrings. He tugged at her heartstrings. What was she going to do with him?

"Hey, El!" She called out. He stopped and turned. "We'll be okay...okay?"

Grinning, he gave her the thumbs up sign. "Thank you for that, Olivia!" He stood there looking at her for a long minute before he turned back and started walking again.

"Hey, El!" She called out again and he stopped and turned again. "My friends call me 'Liv'!"

He grinned the Stabler smile and she felt her heart melt. "Goodnight, Liv!"

"Goodnight, El." Smiling, she whispered into the night.

- - - - -

Stabler Residence

Friday Night, May 23

Kathy waited until Elliot arrived home to eat dinner with him. She could not help but notice that he seemed to be in his own world. Of course, there was really nothing unusual about that, especially not lately. Months after he came home, it seemed as though he had given up even pretending to try to have a normal relationship with her. And in the last several weeks, he seemed even more withdrawn. She knew better than to question him and certainly not to press him, but at times she did just that.

"Honey...are you okay? You were awfully quiet during dinner." She cut two pieces from the red velvet cake she and Lizzie had made earlier in the afternoon.Putting them on small dessert plates, she set them on the kitchen table. Going back to the counter, she took down two mugs and poured coffee into them.

He was watching her, but her actions did not really register in his mind. He heard her talking, but he didn't process the words. The only thing he could think of was that Olivia had called him 'El' and said they would be okay and had given him permission to call her 'Liv' again. A smile teased at the corner of his mouth, growing into a full-fledged Stabler grin as he let out a short breath of air through his nose.

Kathy smiled slightly. "Elliot? What's so funny? Elliot...?"

The smile became a frown as his eyes focused on his wife's. He knew she must have spoken to him but he was sure he had no idea what she said. Holding two forks in her hand, she was looking at him like he was crazy.

"What?" He asked, realizing she expected him to say something.

"Why would you say that?" She stared at him, her eyes full of confusion.

Now, his eyes mirrored the confusion in hers. Say what, he wondered? He did not remember saying anything to Kathy. He couldn't have, because he was no idea what she had said to him. Not even a clue.

"What did I say?" His blue eyes caught hers.

Kathy tilted her head to the right, her eyes squinting, as she searched his face, trying to see if he was serious. Did he really not know what he said, she thought to herself? Slowly, she repeated what he just said moments ago.

"You said, 'goodnight, Liv'. Why? Why would you say that, Elliot?" Though her voice sounded calm, she was anything but.

What? He said that out loud? He tried to remember saying it. He couldn't. This was bad. On many levels. Bad that he could not remember saying it. Bad that he would say it at all. Bad that Kathy had heard it. Very bad. He knew she was fighting for control of her emotions. He knew the anger was there, just below the surface. Building. Waiting. For release. Upon him. Aware that whatever he said next would be the wrong thing, he tried to think of how to stall for time. Maybe, with enough time, something profound would form in his mind. Then he would share it with Kathy, she would understand and they could avoid what he was sure was going to be one heck of a fight.

"Elliot...answer me." Kathy laid the forks on the table by the plates of cake.

He sat there wishing she would just sit down so they could eat their cake, drink their coffee and just talk. Did they ever used to talk? He honestly could not remember. They had been so young when they got married and Maureen came along barely seven months later. It seemed the only conversations he could remember with her revolved around babies, kids, doctor bills, car repairs, house payments, school scuffles, discipline of one of the kids, etc.

Had they ever talked about anything other than these things? He had no memory of it if they had. He and Liv talked. Or they used to. About everything. Anything, nothing. In the nine years they had been partners, he knew about more about her than he did about Kathy in nearly twenty five years. How sad was that, he thought. He considered Olivia his best friend, shouldn't his wife be his best friend? Kathy thought so. But how do you force something that just is not there? How?

"I...I...don't know what to say, Kath." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Are you sleeping with her?" She asked quietly, her eyes burning a hole through him.

"No! How many times do I have to tell you, there is nothing going on like that with me and Olivia! Nothing!" He slammed his fist down on the table and bellowed, his face red, the vein in his neck bulging.

"Well...why else would you say something like that right here in the middle of our kitchen unless you were seeing her?" She snapped back angrily. She had a legitimate question, he knew.

"I don't know!" He hollered back because he really did not know.

"You were obviously thinking about her, because you sure weren't paying any attention to me or what I said." She could holler, too, and she did.

He did not know what to say, how to explain what he said. He figured he might as well be truthful. It certainly was not going to make things any worse. He stood up from the table, ran his hands over his head and let out a deep breath.

"Liv and I...we haven't been getting along very well the last couple of months...actually close to a year...I don't know..." Years, actually, he thought to himself. "I disagreed with her theory on the case we're on now...and she got really mad at me..."

"It's not the first time you disagreed with her. So why would that cause trouble between the two of you?" Kathy was perplexed.

The trouble is I'm in love with my partner. It started years ago, Kath. Exactly when, I'm not sure. In some ways it seemed sudden...in others it seems like it was always there, from the first day. I was terrified she would be hurt or worse when Eric Plummer and then Richard White stalked her. I realized how much she meant to me; I chose her safety over the life of a little boy during the Gitano case.

I was only a little jealous when she slept with Brian Cassidy but then I started getting upset when she had an occasional date and then insanely jealous over Dean Porter. I thought I would die when she asked for another partner and went to computer crimes. And when she went undercover and I could not see or talk to her or know if she was okay, I nearly lost it. I just don't know, Kathy. I don't know when my feelings for her changed from partner and friend to head over heels in love. I'm sorry. I tried not to but I did anyway. If he had the guts, this is what he should tell his wife. But he was a coward, so he didn't.

"Because...I...uh...I said things about her mother...in front of the squad...things that were private. She wouldn't speak to me for weeks and then last night...last night...we got it straightened out. I was thinking about that...the last thing I said to her was 'goodnight, Liv'."

He looked down at Kathy. She was poking the piece of cake with a fork, not eating it. She did not look up at him. "So, it bothered you so bad that she wouldn't speak to you that when she finally did you can't quit thinking about it?"

"Look, Kathy...I don't know how to explain it...she's my partner, my best friend, we've been at odds for a long time now...heck, she even told me not to call her 'Liv' anymore because only her friends called her that...then last night when I told her goodbye and called her 'Olivia' she told me her friends call her 'Liv'. That's how I knew things were okay between us...I guess...no, I am relieved that we're okay again. That's all it was, Kathy." He told his wife, knowing deep in his heart, that was not all it was.

"Where were you?" Kathy took a sip of her coffee.

"What?" He knew what she wanted to know.

"It's not a hard question, Elliot. Where were you? At work, out in the field...at her place? Where?" She demanded

He hesitated before answering. "At her place...I...I went by after work to try to patch things up."

Kathy was smashing the cake with her fork, mixing the icing and cake together. She continued this for a long minute. She put the fork down on the plate, stood up and put her right hand to her neck, rubbing it. Finally, she looked at Elliot and nodded.

"We're at odds, too, Elliot. If you put half as much effort into our marriage, or finding out how I feel as you do into worrying about Olivia being upset with you and not speaking to you, just maybe things would be okay between us, too." Her eyes held his and he saw the hurt as well as the resignation that filled them.

She picked up her plate and mug and took them to the sink. Putting the uneaten cake down the disposal, she rinsed them and put them in the dishwasher. Walking back past Elliot to leave the kitchen, she stopped and looked at him. He stared back at her. Her smile was weak as she shook her head slightly and brushed past him.

Reaching out, he took her arm. "Kathy..."

"Elliot..." She sighed heavily. "Don't." Pulling away from him, she headed up the stairs.

- - - - -

Jolene's Diner

Friday, May 23

Putting the menus back in place, Rhett looked at Olivia. He could look at her all night. Just sit and look. "What?" She asked, becoming a little uncomfortable with his gaze.

Not realizing what he was doing, her question caught him off guard. "Oh...sorry...it's just that you absolutely capture me with your breathtaking beauty. I could stare at you all night!"

Reaching across the table, she popped his arm, as she rolled her eyes at him. "Get out of here! You're crazy!" He could see the blush sliding up her neck to her face.

That was one of the most attractive things about Olivia Benson. She did not realized that her beauty was such that it caught nearly everyone's eye. She was, by anyone's standards, a natural beauty, with or without makeup, evening gown or jeans and t-shirt. Exotic, from her flawless olive skin, her big, expressive brown eyes, her wide, white smile, thick chestnut colored hair to her shapely body, she was gorgeous.

"Crazy about you!" He laughed and winked at the waitress who had just come to the table.

"Hi, I'm Amy. Are you ready to order or do you need a couple of minutes?" Amy was young, thin, blond, chewing gum and she kept looking at Rhett and smiling. Olivia found it amusing.

"Two cheeseburgers, two orders of chili cheese fries and two shakes, one chocolate and one strawberry." Rhett smiled at Amy and winked again. She blushed, smiled , winked and pulled their order from the pad.

As soon as she was gone, Olivia, grinning, leaned across the table. "Flirting right here in front of me?" She teased him.

"What can I say? I just bring out the animal in women!" He laughed.

"I was talking about you flirting, not Amy!" She corrected him, winking several times in a row.

"I was just being friendly so we'll get good service." He smiled, defending himself.

"Oh...I can just imagine the service she would like to give you." She wiggled her eyebrows up and down at him.

"You think?" He asked innocently, looking around for Amy like he was interested.

"I don't think...I know. But she has to get past me first...and I have badge!" She pointed her index finger at herself and nodded at him.

"And a gun." Rhett reminded her.

"When I get finished with her, a gun won't be necessary." She smiled sweetly. They both laughed.

"Did you make much progress on the film last night?" Olivia wiped at some left over crumbs with a napkin.

"Actually, we now have about three-fourths of the it put together. It went a lot smoother than these things normally do. We should have it completed within the next couple of weeks." He leaned back and stretched his arms over the back of the seat. "How about your new case? Or can you talk about it?" He asked.

"I can talk about it...just not the details. Technically, it's part of the Tarasov case. We know it's connected, we just have to find out how and why. It was a long, rough night and today has been pretty much the same." Bringing her hand up, she pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.

"I wish there was something I could do to make it better for you." His voice was soft.

She smiled and looked up. "You already have...just by being with me."

Their meal came. Amy continued to flirt with Rhett. As they were leaving, she came over to them and told them to come back soon, but she kept her eyes on Rhett. He leaned over and motioned for her to come closer.

"You are a very pretty young lady, but...my mother..." He glanced sideways at Olivia and watched as Amy looked over at her, too. "...she thinks you are too young for me. And you should always listen to your mom!" He winked again, took Olivia by the arm and they left.

Outside the diner, Olivia howled with laughter at what he had done! "Mother? Mother? You tried to pass me off as your mother! I can't believe you did that to me! To her! Poor thing! She'll probably cry herself to sleep!"

"Hey, I left her a big enough tip she won't care what I said to her. But I bet she'll think twice about flirting in front of anyone's date again!" He laughed.

"Okay...I guess you absolved yourself with the tip." She agreed, taking his hand. "There's a cab." She pointed to their right.

"It's not that far to your place. How about we walk back? It's a nice night and we can talk." He suggested, as he pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

She was thinking about Elliot and Cragen and the mob and that she said she would be extra cautious during this investigation. "Ummm...you know, I am really tired...I'd rather take a cab, if you don't mind..."

Rhett thought he sensed something about the way she responded that was not quite truthful. Looking deep into her eyes, he let it slide. "I don't mind at all." He raised his hand up and motioned for the cab.

- - - - -

On the way up to her apartment, a couple of young boys ran out of an apartment, slamming the door. The sound startled Olivia and it was clear she was shaken by it. Rhett put his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to calm her, puzzled by her reaction as well as concerned. Something was not right. It was unlike Olivia to be skittish, jumpy over anything, especially something as everyday as a couple of kids and a slamming door. She was definitely on edge, the question was why.

Once inside, she turned to him. "Want some coffee?"

"I can always go for a cup of joe." He grinned.

They went into the kitchen and Rhett took the pot, filled it with water and poured it into the reservoir of the machine. He then put water in the tea kettle and set it on the stove to brew. Olivia pulled two mugs from the cabinet and set them on the counter near the pot. She put a filter in place and opened the coffee canister. As she started to scoop the coffee into the filter, Rhett noticed her hand was shaking. As she dumped the second scoop, he put his hand over hers, took the scoop from her and brought her hand up between them, closing his around hers. He closed the compartment and turned the pot on.

His eyes were filled with concern as he looked into hers. "You're shaking...what's going on, Olivia?"

Breaking the gaze, she tried to pull away. "Nothing." He held her tight.

"Olivia...we've been together nearly every day for the past three weeks. I know you well enough to know something's not right. I knew it when you insisted on getting a cab. I know I'm right, so, let's hear it." The look he gave her was tender, not angry or demanding.

"Okay...okay. You're right." He loosened his grip and she pulled away, turning from him. Running her hands through her hair, she whirled to face him again.

He leaned against the counter, near the stove, waiting for her explanation. Wringing her hands, she opened her mouth but nothing came out. She put her hand to her mouth and shook her head.

"Olivia...whatever it is, I'm here...and I'm not going anywhere. We'll face it together." He hoped he was conveying how strongly he felt.

"You can't say that...you don't...you don't understand..." She hated what she had to tell him because it affected him and how he lived his life. And she was afraid he would want nothing more to do with her. This would be the part where her job ruined their relationship.

"I can say that. Tell me." He said quietly.

"The case I'm working...you know, I'm the lead detective...we have evidence that the owner of the bar where the victim works has connections to the mob and the situation appears to have crossed state lines...meaning the Feds will be brought in and possibly take over the investigation." She explained.

"The mob? Feds? Sounds serious...but that's not what has you upset, is it?" He did know her well, she thought, looking into his intense blue eyes.

Shaking her head, shifted her weight to the other leg. "We received a threat...Cragen's out of sorts about it...and to tell you the truth, so am I. But only because it didn't just threaten those working the case...it threatened anyone close to us, as well." She felt sick just telling him about it.

He stepped closer, he pulled her into a hug. "We'll be okay. And not even the mob can't make me quit being with you. They'd have to break every bone in my body, tie concrete blocks to me and throw me in the Hudson, to keep me away from you." He teased.

"Rhett! Don't say things like that! This is serious! And I have seen just that happen!" She was upset at how lightly he seemed to take the threat.

"Sorry...I know it's serious...I just hate seeing you so upset." He kissed the top of her head.

"I've been threatened before, even stalked a couple of times...but it's different this time. This time it involves someone who could be hurt because of my relationship with them. Someone I care about." Tears were welling in her eyes and she blinked to keep them from falling.

"You care about me? How much do you care about me, Olivia?" He smiled lazily at her.

Pulling back from him, her gaze traveled his face. "Enough that I think it's time for you to call me 'Liv'!" She kissed him quickly on the lips and turned away.

"Anything you say, Liv!" His eyes were bright with happiness.

He grabbed her and pulled her back, capturing her lips with his, kissing her slowly and tenderly. She melted at his touch and wrapped her arms around his back, erasing any space between them. Just as the kiss was becoming heated, the whistling of the kettle startled them, causing them to break away.

Olivia turned the stove off and took the kettle from the eye. Pouring a cup of the steaming water into a cup, she opened a tea bag and dropped it in. Rhett made his coffee and they took their drinks to the living room.

Sitting side by side on the couch, Rhett put his arm around her. "How was the threat made? Can you tell me?"

"A note left at the crime scene." She sipped her tea, holding it with both hands.

"What did it say?" He was staring off into the room.

"I told you...it was a threat." That she was evading the question, did not escape his notice.

"Did it say what they would do or name anyone specifically?" He wanted to know what she was keeping from him.

Standing up, she put her tea on the lamp table, and faced him. "Look, Rhett. If you're worried about something happening to you because of me...and you don't...want...don't want to see me right now...or anymore...I...I...uh...totally understand...there will be no hard feelings." She brushed her bangs behind her right ear with one hand and wiped tear away with the other.

Jumping up from his seat, he grabbed her arm, but she pulled away and turned her back to him. "No! No! I'm not going anywhere, Liv! I already told you that. That was not even a thought...I...I..just want to know if anyone...okay...if you were specifically mentioned in the threat. Not because I want to run, but because I care about you, Liv. A lot."

Turning to face him, she took a deep breath. "I was mentioned by name." She whispered. "And anyone close to me and then any one else investigating."

"You the only one mentioned by name?" He felt a wave a fear sweep through him

Silently, she nodded and looked down. Someone was threatening Olivia and he did not like it one bit. The threat was serious, in and of itself, but that she was named, concerned him. Someone had seen her and taken the time to find out her name. That bothered him greatly. He tried not to let on to her how disconcerting this was to him. He would die to protect her. That's how much he cared.

He put his arms around her and this time she threw her arms around his neck and held him tight. "We will be fine, Liv. We'll be careful and it will all work out."

Across the street, in a darkened apartment, a repetitive sound filled the air. Click. Click-click. Click. Click-click-click. Click. Click. Click-click. After several minutes, a different sound took it's place. The digital sound, signaling the camera had been turned off.

- - - - - -

A/N: Your reviews keep me pumped! Keep me writing! I want to be the next new best-seller author! LOL! I will give each of you a share of my fortune...no matter how minuscule! How are you liking the story? " ) Bensler