Notti returned around half an hour later, soaking wet and carrying a halfway decently sized fish. Kylo watched her come up to the entrance of the cave, slipping and laughing. He stood up, choosing to focus on this situation instead of what else was going on in his mind.
"What happened?" he asked, looking at her dripping wet clothing. She smiled, holding the fish up.
"I caught dinner," she said happily. When Kylo didn't respond, Notti laughed. "There's a small lake over the next couple of hills. I finally managed to chase this one into shallow enough water to grab it, but it took a while." Notti's voice began to tremble as she shivered. Kylo stared at the fish, his nose curling.
"Are we going to eat it raw?" he asked, unable to stop the distaste from creeping into his tone. Notti shook her head, looking outside.
"I think if we go deeper into the cave, we should be able to light a fire, at least for tonight," she said, the idea of a fire somehow comforting. She looked at Kylo, her face in shadow. "Do you think you could cut us something to burn?" she asked, and Kylo didn't answer, wondering what she was suggesting. He heard her laugh. "You think I couldn't hear you practicing with that thing in the forest? It's a quiet forest, Kylo. You could've brought back lumber at least once," she said. Kylo widened his eyes but scoffed, turning to the speeder.
"I'll be back," he said, riding the speeder out into the night. He reached the trees quickly, looking around before unsheathing his light saber. He hacked down a smaller tree, and it felt good to let go for a moment. He grunted and swung, the action not challenging but satisfying all the same. He moved the wood to the speeder without lifting a finger, bringing it back to the cave. He pulled the speeder into the cave, walking back to where Notti was.
She already had a small pile of tinder deep within the cave, and she added a few of the pieces of wood. She pulled two rocks out of her bag, and they sparked when she struck them together. Soon after, they had an impressive fire that filled the cave with light. Notti held the fish over on a stick, and the smell was enough to make Kylo's mouth water.
"Not that mushrooms and ilth aren't satisfying, but I'm looking forward to this," Notti said, and Kylo nodded. She took the fish off of the fire, splitting it open skillfully. She handed half of it to Kylo, and both of them ate eagerly. It was simple, but compared to their recent diet, it was divine. Kylo looked over at Notti, though she seemed to take little notice of him as she ate. He looked down, a twitch on his face.
"Could use some ilth," he said, and Notti froze, her eyes raising to look at him. She looked almost comical, her fish held in front of her motionlessly.
"The last time you tried to feed us, we almost died," she said. Her voice was flat, but there was a hint of sarcasm beneath it. She stared at him for a moment before smiling, even giggling. Kylo could feel the side of his mouth twitching as he huffed once, and Notti shook her head, smiling broadly as she ate her fish. She finished eating and threw the remaining bones into the fire. She studied the flame, watching it flicker.
Kylo watched her out of the corner of his eye, her bemused smile fading into shadowed grief. He knew what she saw in the fire, he saw it too. Teg burned in her eyes, and he knew she could imagine the Village on fire too. He sensed her desolation, the ashen feeling in her heart now held cutting into him.
"I'm sorry," he said softly. Notti's eyes flicked to him, her cold face set in a determined frown.
"I want you to know," she said, "what happened to them isn't your fault. Those murderers are responsible, not you." Kylo avoided her gaze and she stood up, going to the mouth of the cave. She looked out, wrapping her arms in front of her. "I don't understand how people can do that," she said, her voice carrying though she spoke hardly louder than a whisper. Kylo watched her silhouette.
"The power of the Dark Side is strong," Kylo said, and Notti turned to face him. He could barely see her expression, but he could feel her conflict.
"The Dark Side?" she said. "The Dark Side and the Light Side. Those are the choices, right?" Kylo could barely comprehend the incredulity in her voice, but he nodded. She scoffed and came further back into the cave, leaning up against a wall. "I've never prescribed to that," she said, and Kylo hoped she couldn't see the shock on his face.
"What?" he asked, his voice betraying him for the first time.
"Light and Dark?" she said. "It's not one without the other. It never has been. You can't know what the Light is without the Dark, and the Dark, it's important." Kylo could hardly believe what he was hearing. "Life is not without Darkness. When you try to forget it, to push it aside, it makes it worse. Those on the Light side always seemed to want to eradicate the Darkness, but that's not how it works. Don't let the Darkness consume, but find the balance between the two. When everyone started thinking they were separate, that's when…" but she stopped. Kylo wanted her to keep speaking, he wanted to know what she had to say. Because for the first time in a long while, something made sense to him. He was desperate for that clarity, no matter how it came to him.
"Who taught you that?" Kylo asked. Notti laughed once.
"The man that saved me, his name was Jara," Notti said. "He was the one that brought me to this planet. His uncle had been a Jedi a long time ago, but he died when Jara was very young. Jara remembered what his uncle taught him, tried to find more from others. I didn't know the man long, but he taught me a little of the Force. Of the Light and Dark side. I never told him, but I didn't agree with the difference between the two."
"What happened to him?" Kylo asked, and Notti shrugged.
"He left not too long after he brought me here," she said. "I never saw him again." In the light, Kylo could see a sad smile on her face. Kylo turned to the fire, the warmth not really reaching him. He felt cold inside.
"No one's ever explained it like that," he said. He heard Notti walking and looked up. She sat down in front of him, crossing her legs. The fire reflected off her gray skin, her eyes. She stared at him, and he found himself unable to look away this time. Her head tilted, almost like she was studying him.
"You're so angry," she said softly. "I see it, in the way you walk, the way you speak. You're full of so much pain, but you won't recognize it. You just turn it into rage." Kylo found he couldn't speak. Her shrewd eyes bore into him as she leaned slightly closer, continuing in a hushed voice. "You are allowed your pain, Kylo, even if you follow the way of the Light. Pain doesn't always mean Darkness, sometimes it just means you're alive." He stopped breathing. "Don't let that pain devour you, but don't bury it. That's how the Darkness wins."
Kylo stared at Notti, the unremarkable woman. Just looking at her, there was nothing truly extraordinary. She couldn't control the Force, she didn't have power like he did. She was an ordinary woman living in a forest. But somehow, someway this woman knew more of his heart than anyone he'd ever met. Her dark eyes could see his soul, he knew that much. He felt his heartbeat crashing against his chest. She smiled, soft and kind, a look no one had given him in a long time.
Kylo nodded once, unable to articulate a response. She was too much in this moment, and Kylo stood up. He walked to the edge of the cave, pausing. He looked back at Notti, and she was turned away from him, her face to the fire. He sensed no malice, no manipulation. Just a warm acceptance, no expectation.
He left the cave, walking into the night. He didn't quite know where he was going, but he had to get away, at least until morning. He walked to the lake Notti found, watching the moon cross over the surface as it traced across the sky. He didn't think of much, just let his mind go blank in the night. When he returned to the cave, Notti was fast asleep next to the embers of the fire, her sleeping face glowing slightly in the light.