Four years ago…
I am dying.
I lay slumped upon a warm pool of my own blood, inside the smashed passenger compartment of the car.
Mom and Dad died like this. How fitting that I will die like them. In this, at least, I am truly their child.
And now I will join them. I will no longer be alone.
But:
"Help me… someone… anyone… please save me… I don't want to die…"
I hear a slight noise, the kind made by a small animal in hasty motion. With great effort and pain, I open my eyes.
A cat pads over to my side. Its fur is the purest white save for a red mark upon its back, and its ears are long and floppy like a bloodhound.
Oh, great, it came to eat my eyeballs while I'm still alive.
I shut my eyelids. If the cat wants my eyeballs, it will have to work for them. This is the only resistance my dying body can offer.
[Make a contract with me and become a magical girl.]
In my last moments on this ugly, beautiful world, I regret being an anime and cosplay fanatic. That's because I can hear Emiri Katou-chama making me an offer I can't refuse.
[If you make a contract with me, I will grant you one wish.]
A wish? That would be nice. I'm dying, anyway, so what do I have to lose by grabbing a knife by the blade?
"I wish to stay alive," I whispered. "I wish to stay connected to this ugly yet beautiful world."
And I hold what little breath remains in my body in the faintest hope that a miracle would indeed take place, that I would survive, that I would be saved.
[Oh,] Emiri-chama pipes up, [It appears I made a mistake.]
A mistake? I force my eyes to open again. The cat is still there for some reason.
Wait a minute. I've never seen a cat with a bushy tail like that of a fox. And it has four ears, not two. It has two normal cat ears, but sticking out of them are two more ears that are long and floppy with three pink tips and golden rings halfway down its lengths. And its eyes are beady pink buttons with maroon irises.
This isn't a normal cat- or a cat, for that matter…
[You are incompatible with the process of conversion into a magical girl,] Emiri-chama tells me.
I knew it. Why did I even dare to hope in the first place? There are no miracles. Promises are meant to be broken. I can't become a magical girl.
After all, I'm a-
"Hoop Bind!"
Blue bands of energy wrap around the white cat. I look beyond the captured creature, look for the source of the cry. In the back of my mind, I realize that the world seems to have gone dark and quiet like the grave. No wonder no one cared for my cries back then. In this dead space, in this sealed reality, no one could hear me scream.
Two girls, grey-haired and bright-eyed, approach me. They look identical save that one has longer hair. For some reason they give off the impression of being cat-like. One of them, the one with longer hair, is gesturing with her right hand. A circular array of blue light slowly rotates before her.
Is that... magic?
Closely following the girls is a tall gentleman of Caucasian descent. He shares the same shade of grey hair as the twins, and wears a thick moustache and a chinstrap beard with distinguished dignity. His outfit is dark blue and looks to be military, and his right hand totes a sturdy-looking metal briefcase.
He glares at the cat. "An Incubator," he says with such coldness that I shiver. "I should have known you'd be here."
His companions openly hiss at the cat. "How dare you take the form of a cat?" spat the girl with shorter hair. I only notice now that she has cat ears, real and proper cat ears, erect and twitching in anger. And at her, umm, behind is a matching tail that is currently standing on end.
"You give us good cat familiars a bad name!" agrees the other girl, the one who sustained the Hoop Bind spell. She, too, has the same enraged ears and tail.
They're not human. And they're talking to the cat. The old man called it 'Incubator.' Is that what it's called?
I hear Emiri Katou-chama talking again. Her voice seems to be coming from the Incubator, but the thing's cat-like lips do not move. Psychic abilities?
[I did not expect to encounter members of the Dimensional Administration Bureau here. Your organization does not have an established presence in this Unadministered World. Why are you here?]
"Earth is my home," the old man replies. "I will not let you sacrifice it for your own ends."
[I do not understand. We are seeking to preserve the universe from entropy. Surely your Bureau would be supportive of our objective?] Incubator asks.
"Your goal is laudable, but your method to achieve that end is despicable," the old man sneers. "However, I will give you this much: You gave me the idea for my own desperate plan."
[What do you mean?]
"Sacrifice one to save the many, the few to save the rest. That is how you think."
[It is only logical to pursue the most efficient resolution to a problem,] Incubator agrees.
"Then you would understand if I took a few pages from your book, in more ways than one." The old man has unlocked his briefcase. He takes out a thick tome wrapped in chains. The brown leather front cover of the book displays a golden Schwertkreuz, a cross-shaped emblem with pointed arrowhead arms, an insignia that originated in my homeland.
[That is the Lost Logia known in Ancient Velka as the Buch der Dunkelheit,] the Incubator says.
My mind reels. Those are German words. My native language.
The Book of Darkness...
It sounds like a terrible thing. Yet why do I feel sad when I see it bound by chains like this?
"Correct," the old man replies. "And since you know what this is, then you can hazard a guess as to what I am planning."
Incubator tilts its head in what might have been a charming gesture had it been a character in a Shaft anime. [There is no fundamental difference between the logic of my plan and that of yours,] it pointed out.
"I will not disagree with you. I am a tired and desperate old man who has seen enough death in my lifetime to last him a hundred lifetimes. My plan is not the kindest, nor is it the neatest. But it is the only one I have, and it will have to do." The old man's smile is bitter and full of self-loathing. "And the difference between your plan and mine, Incubator, is that it allows me to punish you for the crimes you committed. A clean death is too good for the likes of you. So you will be doing community service for all eternity. Your Linker Core should be able to fill up a page or two of the Book of Darkness. That would be efficient use of my resources, yes?"
Incubator did not reply.
"I suppose that is the closest your kind can approximate fear. Aria?" The old man sounded even colder than before. "Rip out its Linker Core."
"Of course, Father." The cat girl with the shorter hair swiftly stepped up to the blue-bound Incubator. "I'm going to enjoy this, Kyubey," Aria growled as she got down on one knee and held her right palm over Incubator's body. "You are not."
Another glowing blue circle appeared beneath her hand. Aria pushed her hand and forearm into the circle, which swallowed up her limb.
Still bound by the blue ribbons, Incubator squirms like an earthworm swarmed by fire ants. But the really disturbing thing is that its face remained expressionless throughout its apparent agony. I can no longer hear the voice of Katou-chama, and I am sort of thankful for that small mercy.
Aria breaks into a wide, cat-like smile. "Got you, you little monster." She slowly draws her arm out of the circle, the limb encountering some sort of resistance. When her hand emerges, I could see a glowing white ball clutched within her fingers.
So that's what a Linker Core is...
"White," the old man murmurs. "The color of death in this country..."
With a sharp motion of her arm, Aria yanks her hand and her prize away from Incubator. At the same time, the cat-like Incubator goes limp on the pavement.
She killed it... and yet I have the feeling it had it coming…
Rising from her crouch, Aria takes Incubator's Linker core to the old man she called 'father.'
"Releasing contract restriction system to Level One," he chants. "Situation C."
The chains around the book loosen. The tome flips open. Blank pages flutter in the night breeze.
Someone speaks up in archaic German. The new voice is female and artificial.
[Lassen Siesteuern Kunst Einschränkung Systemedrei... zwei... ein, erkannte Genehmigung der Situation C. Beginn der Cromwell Aufruf. Fähigkeit Beschränkungen aufgehobenfür den begrenzten Einsatz, bis der Feind gemacht wurde still.]
Years of living in Japan have made my German rusty. The physical and mental shocks I've experienced have dulled my mind. But I manage a translation.
Release Control Art Restriction Systems three… two… one, approval of Situation C recognized. Commencing the Cromwell invocation. Ability restrictions lifted for limited use until the enemy has been rendered silent.
It is the most beautiful voice I've ever heard. It is also the saddest I've ever known.
Why are you sad?
The Incubator's white Linker Core floats away from Aria's hand and heads towards the Book. It sinks into one of the pages, which fills with the same strange inscriptions that decorate the cat girl's magic circle.
[Geschreiben,] the Book says. [Blatt ein.] Downloading. Page one.
A few words murmured by the old man tighten the chains wrapped around the Book of Darkness. The leather-bound covers of the magical tome reluctantly slam shut.
The poor thing...
"Good riddance to bad rubbish," Aria mutters. I do not know if she is referring to Incubator or the Book. But if it is the latter- then I feel... angry...
Her twin sister is talking to the old man. "Father, is everything all right?"
"Everything is according to plan, Lotte." He kneels beside up. This close to him, I can clearly see the lines of age and worry etched into his forehead- and the relief evident in his eyes. "I am sorry, my child," he says. "I only arrived now. But you are safe now."
I weakly swallow to clear my clogged throat. My tongue licks at my trembling lips. "Who are you?" I moan.
"My name is Gil Graham." He gently rests the Book of Darkness upon my bleeding chest and his hand upon my forehead. Both book and hand feel warm upon my skin. "I am a mage."
.
The Present Time
It had been a long and fruitful year for fifteen year-old Mami Tomoe. She became a magical girl, saved plenty of people and the whole of Mitakihara City, met and fought and befriended a dark magical girl, established first contact with a dimensional police force, overcame a threat to the universe, and entered her second year in junior high school with flying colors. If anyone deserved a break, she did.
And she did take breaks. She shared Earl Grey tea and peach cakes with her classmates and cute juniors during the After-School Tea Time Club. She attended conventions, with her parents accompanying her whenever their busy schedules permitted. She traded video mail with Fate through the occasional "pony express" courier ship, because Earth lay outside the reach of Mid-Childa's ComStar inter-dimensional sea HyperPulse Generator communications network. And she had a KitKat, too. The popular confectionary went well with certain blends of tea.
Yet Mami worked just as hard throughout her second year as a civilian volunteer duly deputized by the Dimensional Administration Bureau. She went through a marathon of her father's John Woo heroic bloodshed movies. She played first person arcade shooter games like Time Crisis, The House of the Dead, Keisatsuan Shinjuku 24ji, and Silent Scope. She even dared to cosplay as the lush Rushuna Tendou from Grenadier, down to hiding fake bullets in her Victoria's secret compartment. (Her initial choice had been the far more modestly-clad Noel Vermillion of BlazBlue, but Mami happened to be more... talented than the 2D fighting game gunslinger.)
There was nothing wrong with mixing business and pleasure. And it gave Raging Heart plenty of material for new weapons and combat scenarios. The good didn't rest on their laurels; the wicked knew no rest.
After all, if this were an anime, Season 2 was sure to start soon.
.
"Demon Cannon Girl-"
*static*
"-Magical Girl Lyrical Mami ~Aces of A's~ begins now..."
.
The Many Lives of Mami Tomoe
Story Tenth
Demon Cannon Girl
.
Disclaimer
Haruhi Suzumiya –SOS Brigade Chief, God, and Author Apparent in Sheo Darren's stories- gnashed her pearly whites. She was currently dressed, styled, tattooed, and armed in the manner of Mimawarigumi vice captain Nobume 'Mukuro' Imai from Gintama, with whom she shared a voice actress.
"Why am I handling the disclaimer for this?" she demanded. "I didn't write this! This fic isn't in the Haruhi section! It's a Madoka fic!"
"Regardless, Suzumiya-sama, my request still stands." Airi -Infernal Temptress and recently-acquired wraith assassin French maid of the absent Author- bowed respectfully. "Darren-sama is... indisposed. Please take over for the moment."
"There's no way you're getting me to cameo in this fic to blurb on behalf of a moeblob who isn't Mikuru-chan!"
"Darren-sama also bid me to tell you that you can consider this as practice for when you ascend to Authorhood."
"Why didn't you say so immediately?" Haruhi whipped her katana and tanto out of the extra-long scabbard they shared. "Listen up and listen well because I won't repeat myself! Sheo Darren doesn't own Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Magical Girl Lyrical Madoka A's, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, or the other various media that he is copping!" She smirked. "I'll see you in the Author Apparent's Notes section!"
.
chapter the first
for want of a nail
.
The eerily familiar sensation that washed over her skin jerked Mami out of her light evening repose. "A Barrier," she murmured, instantly awake and aware.
Her mother, Vivienne, was fast asleep, and her father, Jun, had the night shift at his workplace. The Barrier would have written them out anyway, which was for the best. Mami did not want to endanger her family.
Near her bedside sat a basket. Inside her closet dwelled a neatly rolled-up futon. Both lacked their occupant. The vacancies made her richly-furnished room deserted, made her feel empty and even alone.
Yuuno had yet to return from Mid-Childa. The young archaeologist had been summoned by the DAB to testify at Fate's trial regarding the Jewel Seed Incident.
It felt lonely without him at her side. Yuuno had made her dream come true, made her the magical girl of her dreams. He taught her the basics of her power, guided her as she exceeded his own power and his wildest expectations, and guarded her back during battles.
In a way, this was her first flight, her very first mission on her own.
Yet she did not stand alone in the vast garden backyard of her home. She was never alone.
"Raging Heart," Mami murmured to the ruby jewel that she tugged free from the twine necklace around her neck. "Let's go."
[Yes, my Master. Stand by, ready.]
The resulting sphere of pink energy served to defend Mami from dangerously genre-savvy villains who dared to interrupt her transformation sequence. In addition and more importantly, the opaque privacy curtain hid her from sight during the next few rather embarrassing moments.
Her pajamas peeled away like golden flower petals plucked by covetous fingers. Her underwear quickly followed suit, leaving the sixteen-year old girl wearing a full body blush from head to toe.
"A mage's civilian clothes," Yuuno had told her during one of his earliest lectures, "Are stored inside a pocket dimension. If something overcomes your Barrier Jacket, your civilian clothes would automatically return and replace them."
Mami trusted him. If he said she wasn't going to accidently get the reputation of being a stripper, then she wouldn't. Still, she couldn't help but teasingly ask Yuuno if he also ended up naked during his transformation sequence.
"I didn't show you my naked body, Mami!" he had wailed like a girl while curling up into a fetal ball and turning his back on the half-startled, half-amused Mami. "Please don't shoot me in the face with a Divine Buster Rifle again!"
Yuuno-kun... Thank you for everything …
Physically and psychologically buoyed by the power she and Raging Heart possessed, Mami could forget her nakedness and loneliness. She drew upon her massive mental repertoire of magical girl transformation sequences and a brief flirtation with ballet to perform a graceful dance routine to the sound of a heavenly Latin chorus.
Solti ola ii amaliche cantia masa estia~
Magical power flowed out of her Linker Core, twirled around her body, and solidified into frills of justice. Mami had instinctively based her Barrier Jacket on her school uniform during her first transformation. Raging Heart borrowed images from her subconscious to doll up her outfit with a feather-adorned beret (Mami liked nice hats,) long finger-less gloves, a bustier that amplified her most prominent physical assets, pinstripe thigh-high socks, and slim girl boots.
"Magical Girl Lyrical Mami Tomoe!"
Within this Barrier, her only companion was Raging Heart, the only audience that could enjoy her one-girl show. But the solitude made it all the more important for Mami to proclaim her title and name. She was a real magical girl. She would do her duty.
"Raging Heart, begin Long Range Scan."
[Yes, my Master.]
Readings indicated that the Barrier encompassed the entirety of Mitakihara City. Its size, power, and sustenance required either multiple mages or a powerful and experienced mage.
Like Precia Testarossa…
Mami shuddered. Precia was gone, if not dead, never to return from that black abyss that she had dragged poor Alicia into. And this Barrier did not fit the style of that madwoman. Rather, Barriers in general did not fit Precia's furious style. Fate's lunatic creator (Mami refused to consider that woman to be anything like a mother to her friend) had seemed totally dedicated to shock-and-awe offense that made her friend's lightning spells seem like static electricity in comparison.
Neither could this Barrier be the work of the DAB. They knew of Mami's presence on Unadministered World #97, as well as of her limited but existent authority. Admiral Lindy had filed the proper paperwork. At the very least, any Bureau personnel present on the planet would have informed Mami of their intention to raise a Barrier in her very hometown lest she accidentally shoot them in the face with a Divine Buster Rifle.
She briefly considered the slim possibility of a hidden Earth-based magic society that had finally chosen to make its presence known tonight. But Mami doubted such a closeted culture would employ a Barrier spell similar to the Mid-Childan-style alternate dimension currently in effect.
Similar was not identical. Raging Heart was unable to extrapolate on the Barrier's exact nature. This unknown worried Mami. So did the high possibility that the caster possessed intentions like Fate's- or worse.
Time to find out, she decided, and time to show the flag. Once she was airborne, Mami deliberately generated the most palpable energy signature she was capable of. It was the magical equivalent of a police cruiser's wailing siren and flashing lights.
A loose formation of gun drones combed the airspace ahead of their mistress. Their cameras and sensors fed their take directly to Raging Heart, which then correlated and translated the data into a form that Mami could comprehend. Information was ammunition and one could never have enough dakka.
The primary suspect, who floated within the eye of the uncanny storm, proved to be a young girl around nine years of age. The child's clothes were an odd synergy of gothic Lolita fashion and Gothic plate armor, exemplified by a knightly helm sporting bunny head decorations. Her Device was equally peculiar in appearance, resembling a polo hammer far more than a proper war hammer.
She reminded Mami of a black widow spider nesting at the heart of its beautiful but deadly web, fragile in appearance but incredibly deadly, patiently waiting for -and even outright inviting- some unsuspecting fly to flutter into its domain.
The girl wasn't the one who raised the Barrier. Even a novice (if abnormally powerful) mage like Mami could tell that she wasn't diverting a single erg of energy to maintaining the alternate dimension. Someone else was doing that for her.
I'm outnumbered... I need to be very careful…
Mami made sure that her Divine Buster Rifle was visible but not held in a threatening manner. As she looked into the other mage's face, Mami saw that the younger girl had startlingly brilliant blue eyes and red hair tied up into two pigtails.
"Unidentified mage, I am Mami Tomoe, a volunteer duly deputized by the Dimensional Administration Bureau." She held up her DAB deputy badge, the hard-earned proof of her authority. "I am in charge of Unadministered World 97. You are in violation of DAB law. Please identify yourself and your reasons for deploying a Barrier in an area populated by non-magic users."
The girl glared at her. "An agent of STAB!" she practically spat. Her Japanese was mostly neutral, tinged by a hint of what sounded like a Kansai accent.
Mami sighed. Chrono would have probably been offended by that comment. She decided to take offense on behalf of the absent agent.
"It's DAB," she corrected, "not STAB. And the spikes on the shoulder pauldrons of DAB officers are not villainous."
The girl ignored her. "Graf Eisen!"
[Jawohl!] responded the hammer she gripped.
Count Steel? Roger? That was surprisingly good German from the unknown girl and her Device. Mami herself was part-Westerner on her mother's side, explaining her blond hair. She knew more than enough German to find her way through 'Doitsu.' And Raging Heart also served as a universal translator… in more way than one.
"Sind Sie aus Deutschland?" she asked. Are you from Germany?
The girl responded by lunging at Mami with her polo hammer. "Tödlich Strafe!" Deadly Punishment!
Great, the DAB deputy grimly thought after dodging that blow. This girl is probably evil. People who use 'Deadly Punishment' as an attack name can't be good.
Then again, Fate and Bardiche also seemed like villains when I first met them…
First contact failed. Again.
Mami hastened to open the distance between her and her attacker. "You're under arrest! Deactivate your Intelligent Device, Barrier Jacket, and Barrier, or I will use force!" She repeated the riot act in German. "Sie sind verhaftet! Deaktivieren Sie Ihre Intelligent Device, Barrier Jacket und Barrier, oder ich Gewalt anwenden!"
If the hammer girl ever understood the warning, she ignored it. Instead she assumed a stance akin to a tennis player about to launch a serve, her hammer Device held like a racket. Metal spheres appeared between the fingers of her free palm.
She's doing it wrong, Mami randomly thought. A polo hammer is swung underhand, not overhead…
Unknowing (and probably uncaring) of Mami's opinion, the hammer girl smashed the quartet of silver bullets towards the DAB deputy with a cry of "Schwalbe Flieger!"
"Fin Funnels! Tiro!" All six attack drones went on full automatic fire. The resulting phalanx of pink beams slagged two of the supersonic spheres, the Schwalbe Flieger providing unpleasantly tougher than the typical Mid-Childan magic missile.
Mami hastily diverted three of her Fin Funnels from active point defense to creating a triangular shield to block the first surviving Schwalbe Flieger. She bore witness to the rather terrifying sight of the spinning sphere burrowing into the pink wall of her Protection. Her faltering shield exerted sympathetic pressure on her mind and person as sustained application of kinetic energy forced it back.
Her remaining Fin Funnels realigned themselves and vaped the third Schwalbe Flieger at point blank range. The melting sphere quickly shredded itself upon the Fin Funnel Shield. Taking a hint from her father's Full Metal Panic sci-fi light novels, Mami then adjusted the placement of her Protection spell so that the last Schwalbe Flieger hit it at a steep angle. Meeting the magical equivalent of sloped armor, the sphere got deflected into the wall of a building.
For the first time since this crisis began, Mami silently thanked the fact that her opponent had raised a Barrier beforehand. Conventionally repairing that pulverized wall would have been expensive and time-consuming.
Hammer girl was keen to collect on that unspoken favor. The hostile magical girl careened towards Mami, her advance covered by her Schwalbe Flieger volley. Green bands of energy encircled her legs, propelling her through the air faster than Mami's own Flier Fins.
[Flash Move,] Raging Heart reported as it hastily carried its mistress out of the way of the descending hammer.
Enough was enough. "My turn." Mami commanded her Fin Funnels to counterattack. The half dozen gun platforms scattered to surround her attacker. "Tiro!"
The same multi-vector attack had forced Fate to desperately jink and dive through a lattice of pink beams. The hammer girl, however, only yelled "Panzerschilde!" The green energy field that surrounded her body shrugged off the blasts.
This girl's Barrier Jacket and shields must be stronger than Fate's if they can resist my beams on armor piercing mode, the increasingly-concerned Mami thought. But by how much?
It was time to call forth a new system of measurement. "Divine Buster Rifle! Stun Mode!" She carefully aimed her massive cannon, waited for the trill of a lock-on, and pulled the trigger with a cry of "Tiro!"
Mami was relieved when the alarmed hammer girl dodged her attack. If she had shrugged that off, I would have been very worried... Hmm, did I graze her?
Indeed the hammer girl was lacking her strangely-adorned helmet. She had gone pale and wide-eyed, and was even shaking from her pig-tailed head to crimson-booted feet.
Ah, Mami thought, I have her attention now.
The naive DAB deputy could be forgiven for mistaking anger for fear. The two emotions often came together, distance on the Lantern emotional spectrum notwithstanding.
"Put the hammer down," Mami crisply ordered, "and surrender."
"You want me to put the hammer down? I'll put the hammer down, all right... right on top of your skull!"
Mami flinched. She had witnessed a similar snarl on Precia's face right before Fate's lunatic mo- ah, creator threw herself and Alicia into an abyss of no return. It was not one of her favorite memories.
"Ladepatrone!" the hammer girl yelled.
Load… Cartridge?
[Jawohl!] Graf Eisen answered.
The sound of a gunshot jolted Mami. Only then did she spot the hatch on the half of the girl's Device -Graf Eisen, she recalled, the name of a German battleship from World War II- sliding down in a familiar way to reveal a port, which spat out a small cylinder before the hatch covered it once more. The mechanism resembled and acted like the slide of a semiautomatic pistol.
Oh. Oh, dear.
[Explosion!] Graf Eisen announced.
The redhead's hammer transformed. A blunt business end gained a cruel spike. The other end of the bludgeon now sprouted rocket nozzles.
"Raketen Hammer!" the hammer girl howled before charging forth, the rockets on her weapon igniting.
Mami hastily gathered all six of her Fin Funnels. "Fin Funnel Shield!" Her constructs encased her opponent within a pyramidal force field. At the same time, shesummoned her second Divine Buster Rifle, intending to let her opponent have both barrels of her second strongest Bombardment spell, the same attack that had nearly defeated Fate.
Screaming like a banshee, the hammer girl slammed her rocket hammer Device into the plane of energy barring her way.
The combination Bind-Protection spell shattered like brittle glass. So did Mami's confidence. She frantically brought the Twin Divine Buster Rifle to bear on her onrushing foe, the Beam Bayonets stabbing out like spears, but the bulk of her gun slowed her down.
"Beam Bayo-"
"DIE, BITCH!"
The rocket hammer chewed through the Twin Divine Buster Rifle like a power drill through plywood. Golden metal screamed as if in pain. Ruby crystal cracked and splintered. In a heartbeat, Raging Heart had been crippled worse than the time Mami raced Fate into sealing that overcharged Jewel Seed.
And then the drill hammer caromed off the abused Intelligent Device and slammed into the blouse of Mami's Barrier Jacket, which flickered and then flared as it grudgingly gave way-
[Reactor Purge,] Raging Heart warned right before it detonated the fading Barrier Jacket, explosively separating its mistress from her attacker with a bright and loud flash of energy.
The next thing Mami knew, she was sprawled on her back upon the shattered concrete street. Debris and pain stabbed into her entire body. She tasted blood in her mouth, and her throat seemed to clench from the sick taste.
Fighting down the urge to vomit, she directed her wavering gaze at her torso. The blouse of her Barrier Jacket was gone, leaving her in the form-fitting white undergarment that so resembled a one-piece junior high swimsuit. Out of the corner of her tear-clogged eye, she could see her tattered headgear hanging upon a nearby protruding I-beam.
What was the receipt number of the Jewel Seed that hit me?
Glass and cement crackled beneath the approaching boots of the merciless hammer girl. The moonlight cast a sinister light upon the brutish redhead.
Mami had managed to hold onto the pistol grip of the wrecked Twin Divine Buster with her right hand. But when she tried to raise the weapon one-handed, Raging Heart had never felt heavier. Too heavy. Her arm had gone numb. Numbed arm. Numb arm. Narm, naaarrrmmm...
Instead, she raised her left hand, the unarmed one, the limb trembling as if palsied, as she pleaded for mercy.
"S-s-stop..."
The seething hammer girl raised her weapon for an overhead blow that would cave in Mami's skull.
She's going to kill me... I'm going to die…
Her vision went black and then white. Superimposed upon the suddenly faded figure of the hammerloli blood knight was a white cat-like creature that spoke in a voice that reminded Mami of the super cute voice actress Emiri Katou.
[Make a contract with me and become a magical girl!]
W-w-what?
It seemed so familiar, too. Was this what it meant to die? To see an alternate life flashing before her eyes before all went slowly, inevitably, eternally dark?
No. No. No, no, no, no, no!
I don't want to die, Mami silently sobbed as the world around her grew dim and cool. I want to live!
[Thunder Rage.]
"Thunder! Rage!"
The bright light at the end of her darkening tunnel vision proved electric gold. It reminded her of the sun. Of lightning. Of lances of photon energy and raging thunder and smashing sparks. Like-
Like the unbound mane of the girl standing before her, standing between her and her attacker, black cape and white skirt flaring in a dramatic and sexy way, unyielding stance declaring that the enemy shall not pass unless it was over her cold, dead, bondage swimsuit-clad body and broken Intelligent Device.
"Fate?" Mami whimpered.
"Who the hell are you?" the hammer girl exploded.
Fate Testarossa glared Photon Lancers at the girl- no, the target who had hurt Mami, her Mami. She angrily hefted Bardiche. The wicked crescent moon of energy that served as the blade of the Scythe Form Device sizzled furiously.
"I am her precious."
And she attacked.
.
While the newest member of the DAB covered them, Yuuno tended Mami's numerous wounds. "Rest easy, Mami," he told her. "You're safe now. We're all here."
"Thank you, Yuuno-kun." She managed to match her words with a weary smile. "Welcome back."
"I'm sorry we're late. Dimensional Sea traffic was slow and the Barrier slowed us down even more."
"Don't apologize. You did your best. And you're here now. I'm glad you're here."
Alas, their quality bonding time was soon disrupted by an unexpected and unpleasant development.
"(Yuuno, Mami!)" Arf rang the alarm over their psychic network. "(More enemies have appeared!)" After an angry intake of breathe, she added, "(They managed to break Bardiche!)"
"Oh, no! Fate's in danger!" Mami struggled to get back on her feet, only to gasp as a fresh surge of pain tumbled her into Yuuno's arms. "We have to help her," she gasped.
"You won't do any good in your current state, Mami. I'll go," the young archaeologist offered. "I can hold my own. All we need to do is hang on long enough for Amy to unravel this Barrier so that the Asura can send in reinforcements."
She couldn't argue with him, not when he used that surprisingly manly tone on her. "Just be careful, Yuuno-kun," Mami begged. She could withstand physical injury; she couldn't stand seeing her friends get hurt.
"Don't worry. I'll be careful." After casting a dome shield on Mami, Yuuno recalled something Chrono did last year. "I'll be back," he promised alongside the appropriate thumbs-up gesture.
Armed with the memory of his friend's giggle, he entered the fray, relieving the pressure on the embattled Fate by intercepting an attack meant for her.
"Raketen Hammer!"
"Protect Shade!"
Really, Yuuno wished Mami had shown him GaoGaiGar before Evangelion. If he was going to yell out his attacks (or, in his case, his defenses,) he would rather quote a hot-blooded show about courage transforming a 1% chance into 100% rather than a teen who possessed enough issues to fill several volumes. Besides, his spells and energies shared the same color and role as the King of Braves' force field.
"Tsch," the hammer girl scowled. "You're tougher than that girl..."
Yuuno was not easy to anger. But attempting to crush his crush was equal to mashing one of his dusty, unused, forgotten berserk buttons.
"Chain Bind!"
The hammer girl easily dodged the linear attack that whizzed past her head. "Where are you aiming?" she taunted.
"Behind you," Yuuno shot back. "Chain Retract."
SWISH!
Yuuno's Bind spell retracted at high speed. Along for the ride came a manhole cover that he had been aiming for in the first place. Said item was made of good, thick steel and caromed off the back of the hammer loli's equally thick skull.
CLANG!
"Ow!" She clutched her head and hat in a protective way. "Sankt Kaiser damn it! What was that?" she demanded.
"Don't underestimate an archaeologist," Yuuno advised while brandishing the manhole cover as if it was a discus.
.
Watching the battle from within the safety of the bubble shield, Mami fretted. Arf was evenly matched against her opponent while Yuuno appeared to be toying with the girl who had injured her. But Fate was barely able to keep up with the pink-haired swordswoman and Bardiche had incurred almost as much damage as Raging Heart, and that was after Fate's device had implemented its Regeneration protocol.
"Everyone... they're fighting so hard for me... and I can't do anything to help them," she lamented to herself.
But she wasn't alone.
[Master. Call me Starlight Breaker Satellite Cannon.]
Twisted metal groaned out a tortured medley that prompted the wincing Mami to flinch and shudder in sympathy. A shower of flakes and shards of golden alloy pinged off the floor. But Raging Heart did not complain as it completed the painful transformation into the heavyweight siege cannon mode. [I can be shot,] it promised.
Mami wiped away the tears from her eyes. Her poor Raging Heart had suffered so much for her, because of her. But it had not yet given up. It would keep on fighting to the very end.
She could do no less.
"Thank you, Raging Heart. Let's show them a Tiro Finale they'll never forget!" she urged.
[Affirmative, Master.]
"(Yuuno-kun, Fate-chan, Arf!)" Mami broadcasted her plan on their mental communications network.
Her friends immediately vetoed her reckless plan. But Mami quickly persuaded them that her plan was the only option- and that it would work.
"(All, right, Mami,)" Yuuno reluctantly agreed. "(We'll do it your way.)"
"(Promise me you'll be careful, Mami,)" Fate insisted.
"(Thanks, Yuuno-kun. Don't worry, Fate, I'll pace myself.)"
Trusting in her friends to hold off the enemy for the thirty seconds Raging Heart needed, Mami summoned the collector panels that drew mana from her surroundings. The force field that Yuuno left in place to protect her quickly broke down, the shield designed to protect against external foes, not energy siphoning from within.
"Hnghhh..."
Casting a spell had always spread a warm sensation from Mami's bosom and throughout her body. According to Yuuno, the rise in ambient and body temperatures was a side effect generated by her Linker Core when it converted her energy calculations into functional spells. More powerful spells, such as the bombardment magic Mami was so fond of spamming, gave off correspondingly greater amounts of heat.
She had previously run the risk of overheating during the assault on the Garden of Time. But even back then, her Linker Core had not grown so scorching hot that her chest burned as if the blood coursing through her heart and veins had turned into napalm.
Mami grit her teeth to cut off any complain or protest. Fate had put up with far worse over a longer time. So had Raging Heart, who had broken itself twice by now on her behalf. If they could withstand worse, then she could endure this trifling pain.
[Kaixa... Faiz... Fourze... V3...]
And then Raging Heart went into the electronic equivalent of a frothing rant as it screamed at the top of its normally melodic voice.
[Cyclone! Joker! Heat! Metal! Luna! Trigger! Fang! Skull! Accel! Eternal!]
"Raging Heart?" Mami was alarmed by her Device's apparent lapse into psychosis. "What's wrong?" Was the damage to its systems proving more than Raging Heart assumed? Had she just irresponsibly wrecked her partner, her friend?
To her relief, when Raging Heart spoke again, it had recovered its typical cool-under-fire tone. [I am fine,] it reported before continuing its countdown. [Double... The First-]
"Kyaaahhh!"
A hand protruded from Mami's torso. Her left breast found itself in the clutches of groping fingers. The paralyzed girl let out a helpless moan as the hand experimentally kneaded her nubile flesh once, twice.
"Ugh," was the complaint from a place so far away yet also intimately immediate. "She's younger than me, but her mammies are already way bigger than mine..."
Veins bulged upon Fate and Yuuno's foreheads. "MAMI'S MAMMIES ARE MINE!" the reformed dark magical girl and the archaeologist furious bellowed together as they very nearly broke past their startled opponents.
"Shamal!" the hammer loli yelled as she hastily fended off a manhole cover used as the business end of a killer yoyo. "Hurry up and drain that girl dry already!"
"Hrghmph!" agreed her pink-haired companion, her response muffled by a face full of blinding cape as her blonde opponent dashed past her.
Fate and Yuuno's responses were unprintable. Their efforts redoubled in vigor and violence.
"I'm sorry..." The offending hand released the moaning Mami's breast, sank back into her chest-
And then Mami started screaming for real as what felt like her soul was ripped out of her body.
"MAMI!"
Her friends' horrified cries pierced through the hazy veil of pain strangling her consciousness as surely as the hand gripping her Soul Gem-ah, no, her Linker Core, the pain was making it so hard to think straight...
So did the complete countdown of her Device. [OOO,] Raging Heart finished, pronouncing it as 'Ozu.'
"T-T-Tiro," Mami hissed as her finger desperately applied pounds of pressure to the trigger. "FINALE!"
Her final shot lit up the dark sky, tearing apart the veil of illusion draped upon her beloved city. The pain within her chest subsided into a faint burn. She even managed to force her bleeding lips into a satisfied smile.
I... did it... My friends... are safe... I can-
And then the blessedly sweet oblivion of unconsciousness devoured her whole, though not before mercifully granting her a glimpse of Fate and Yuuno hastening towards her falling form.
.
To be continued
.
Author Apparent Notes
"At last!" Haruhi crowed. "After seventeen pages in Microsoft Word, I'm free!" Still cosplaying Nobume, she brandished her mismatched blades at the protagonist of this fic. "It's time to conquer Madoka!"
Mami produced a Krispy Kreme glazed donut. Haruhi's mouth instantly engulfed the bait, very nearly biting off Mami's fingertips in the process.
"Darn it," the Author Apparent grumbled through a mouthful of chewy confectionary. "I've gone full Nobume... I should never go full Nobume…"
Airi assumed the role of exposition girl. "Darren-sama originally planned this to be a single chapter, 'Aces of A's,'" she began. "He expected the project to match the 25-page Starheart chapter in length."
"He always bites off more than he can chew," Haruhi grumbled before swallowing the last bit of donut in her mouth.
"Pot," Mami pointed out, "meet kettle." She did, however, proffer a cup of tea to wash down the snack.
"Thanks, Tomoe-san."
"You're welcome, Suzumiya-san."
"In addition," Airi elaborated, "If one can map Darren-sama's current mental landscape, it would be akin to Muv-Luv Unlimited: The Day After or Shingeki no Kyojin. Those are not for those with stomachs that aren't cast out of iron or nerves forged from steel," she warned.
"I was expecting comparisons to Saikano or Saya no Uta," Mami thought.
"Those are heart-wrenching romantic tragedies," Haruhi argued. "Sheo just wants to do a Tenth Doctor and blow up Pompeii or drown the spawn of the Racnoss Queen."
"I thought that was more of a Ninth Doctor, the one who destroyed Gallifrey and Skaro."
"I thought the John Hurt Doctor was the one who did that, not the Cristopher Eccleston one."
Airi let out a small diplomatic cough. "To make a long story short, Sheo-sama decided to divide this story into several chapters. His intent is to create a mini-arc, Demon Cannon Girl, to make up for the passage of strange aeons when even Death has died."
"What's with that morbid statement?" Haruhi snapped. "I thought Sheo had applied the Alastor=Chtugha=Ion treatment of the Chtulhu Mythos to his stories?"
"But that would invalidate Saya-chan," Mami remembered.
"The shoggoth or the vampire? And if she's the latter, is she the one from The Last Vampire or the one in Blood-C?"
"Yes." After giving the mathematical answer, Airi bowed. "With that said, please enjoy this first instalment as well as its accompanying bonuses."
.
OMAKE
Crossover
It was the end times. The end of days. The open door through which poured the roiling Sea of Golden Chaos to consume all which existed. One of those days when Sheo Darren, Haruhi Suzumiya, Yukari Yakumo, Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg, and Xellos got really, really bored and trollish.
Mami Tomoe, Lyrical Magical Girl, stared at Mami Tomoe, Green Lantern of Starheart and Alastor, who gaped in return at her alternate self.
[Ring-chan and the other Raging Heart told me that there were days like this,] Starheart noted.
[Fourth Dimensional Wall breach detected,] Raging Heart stated. [Proceeding with Operation: Dutch Boy.]
And to the sound of a detonated Cartridge and green flames, hilarity ensued.
.
OMAKE
Crossover
The world has ended.
London. Paris. New York. Tokyo. And Mitakihara. The civilization that grew from the intelligence of mankind has vanished without a trace. All because mankind created two gods- one the pony-tailed blue giant of a Witch known as Dikeido, the other the equally gigantic gothloli-gowned shade titled Kriemhild Gretchen- who then got into a catfight due to the latter referring to the former by the name sported by her adult video parody.
[You're going down, Kaname-chan!] Dikeido shrieked as she yanked on both of Gretchen's ponytails. [No one calls me Hahiru and gets away with it!]
[Try harder, Suzumiya-san!] Gretchen snarled while trying to rip Dikeido's lone, longer ponytail out of her scalp. [You're just jealous because you only got a Brigade while I founded a Church!]
[Shut up, you Crystal Dragon Jesus!]
[At least I'm a form of Jesus unlike you, Little Miss Azathoth!]
[Virgin!]
[Slut!]
[Useless!]
[Geese!]
[Fifty Shades of Gray fan!]
[Twilight fan!]
That struck a nerve. After all, this version of Dikeido didn't stem from the Haruhi in OverMaster's Unequally Emotional and Rational story.
[Reminiscent Memories fan!]
The invocation of Sheo's extinct Gundam Wing fic (an abomination that the Author had deleted out of shame for the awful writing) silenced the shrieking mad world as a line was crossed not once, not twice, but thrice.
Waterfalls of acid poured from all seven of Gretchen's abyssal eyes. [That's too far, Haruhi-san,] she sobbed into the continent-wide palms of her clawed hands, [Too far...]
[I'm sorry, Madoka-chan…] The ashamed blush on Dikeido's cheeks set fire to what little remained of the atmosphere. [I didn't mean it,] she promised while embracing the other monstrosity.
"Well, fornicate," Kyubey succinctly summarized as the eldritch abominations began the first round of vigorous apology sex.
"Damn you, Dikeido!" Narutaki swore as reality and sanity, which had barely endured the catfight between two eldritch abominations, suddenly broke down into gibbering fits over the ensuing yuri scene. "This is your fault!"
"I'm in despair!" Homura's Soul Gem flashed nonstop as it went from murky to clean and back again. "Watching this NTR scene between my Madoka and Crazy Hirano has driven me into despair! But when I realize that giving into despair will turn me into a Witch and allow me to join them in a threesome, I regain hope and my Soul Gem gets cleansed! And that drives me into despair all over again!"
"Please make up your mind, Akemi-san," Kyubey sighed. "You're wasting energy as it is."
.
Up Next!
chapter the next
This is the life. Surrounded by a warm family and good friends... I hope this never changes or ends...