Helga: What is that thing!!???
Arnold: oh my god it can't be!!!! It's.....it's my cousin Arnie!!!
Arnie: (dull voice) Helga...don't...leave...me.. (snort..)
Helga and Arnold look at Arnie, but both seem unaffected.
"What's you're weird cousin doing here?"
"Beats, me" Arnold replied, "So, what exactly happened to you in the tower?"
"Well ...."

Helga sighed once more as she squirmed atop the stool in the tower.
"Keep still now." The woman standing behind her ordered as she went on weaving a pink ribbon into Helga's blond hair.
Helga grumbled, but did not say a word, lest the woman have the urge to go into one of her many rants about how lucky she was to be marrying their master Brainy. The woman had chattered nonstop since she had arrived an hour before. Her words were mostly about the man Helga was destined to marry, Brainy.
"I am sure that Master Brainy will be pleased when he returns." The woman stated, examining her handiwork form the looking glass in front of Helga's face.
Helga had to agree. Having worn the same pink dress and pink bow since she was three, Helga couldn't remember when she looked so pretty. She wore a white empire waist gown and her hair was done finely up in pink ribbons and white daises.
She beamed at her reflection in the mirror. In her mind she was imagining this was to be her wedding day to Arnold. Just then a heavy sigh escaped her lips. If only he were here to see her. Where were they holding him? She knew he was still alive. She could feel it in her soul. She just knew it.
"Hello?" A voice called from the entrance of the tower.
It was Brainy. Helga groaned.
He crossed the room to where his bride to be sat.
"I daresay," Brainy remarked, "You look wonderful."
Helga frowned.
"Leave us, Mistress." Brainy ordered to the older woman and she bowed before exiting the tower.
Brainy circled Helga as she sat on her stool, "Are you ready for our wedding, my dear?"
He put his arms around Helga and kissed her lips. Disgusted, she jumped off of the stool and moved across the room. Brainy smirked at Helga and grasped her wrist.
"What are you doing, Helga, my love?"
Helga shoved him away and he staggered back. Good, Helga thought, maybe if I act tough he will leave me alone. But, she was proved wrong when he grabbed her from behind, and kissed her hard on the mouth.
"Yuck!" Helga broke free and slapped him. In response, Brainy began to circle her, trying to intimidate her. Then in a rush he pushed her against the ground with contentious force.
"Get off of me, you creep!"
Helga wanted to punch his face like she had done so many times before, but he held her down with his strong arms. He then grabbed Helga by her hair and jerked her head back. Using the only power she could, Helga administered a swift kick to his groin.
"Ha ... you can't hurt me," Brainy grinned evilly, "No one can. A ha ha ... ha ha ha."
"Think again."
Helga kneed him again and this time Brainy collapsed on the ground, dead as a door nail.
"That's what you get when you mess with Helga G. Pataki."


"So, that's really what happened ... you kicked him in the balls and he went down?" Arnold asked astonished.
"Yep, Football head."
"You're an amazing girl."
'GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR'
"Oh yeah," Helga pointed to Arnie, "What to do with him?"

Arnie: (dull voice) Helga...don't...leave...me.. (snort..)
Helga: Oh no, THIS guy was the dragon?
Arnie: Please... don't... leave... me... I want you to be my baby's momma's momma... I want you to chew my plain-flavored gum... that's all ready been chewed...
Helga: GROSS!
Arnold: What? You made ME do it!
Helga: Yeah, but... but that's DIFFERENT! I LOVED you!
Arnold: It wasn't so great for me... Did you put that in your rat-scaring statue, too?
Helga: Uh... yeah.
Arnold: Oh.
Arnie: HELLO...? I'm still... HERE...! *snorts*
Arnold: I got an idea!

*Suddenly, a tall green-skinned man wearing a helmet and a jackass run up. *

Arnold: Shrek?!
Helga: Donkey?!
Shrek and Donkey: What?
Arnold: Okay, so now I got a NEW idea!
Helga: What?
Arnold: Well, if Shrek and Donkey are here, what's missing?
Helga: Fiona?
Arnold: NO! The big, scary, big fight scene against the DRAGON!
Helga: *sarcastically* Oh, silly me... *rolls eyes*
Arnold: Hey, Donkey, could you do us a favor?
Donkey: What kinda favor?
Arnold: Could you seduce my cousin? Thanks!
Donkey: No, wait! I-
Arnie: Hey there... stud. *snorts* Do you like... pain-flavored gum? *blink blink*
Donkey: *eyes getting wide* I LOVE plain-flavored gum...
Shrek: Oh, God. I'm going to go save the PRINCESS! You know, Princess Helga?
Donkey: She was just carried off by that wizard, Arnold!
Shrek: Aw, DAMN!

*Helga and Arnold escape from the castle and run back across the rickety old bridge. They stand panting at the other side. Arnold looks up and Helga. Helga meets Arnold's eyes. They both laugh sheepishly and...*

*They make mad monkey sex, right then and there*
Arnold- Helga!?
Helga- Huh!?
Arnold- you were just in a daze! What were you thinking about?
Helga- Oh, nothing!
Arnold- Well.. I...I'm glad you're okay!
Helga- Me too! How's you're back?
Arnold- Hurts like a bitch, thanks
Helga- Oh, poor baby! come here, I'll tickle it again!
(Arnold gives a baby-pouty face, and turns around to let Helga do her magic)

(Meanwhile in Pepper Land)
Arana- So, why did you almost cook them, Pix?
Pixie- I was under the control of Brainy!
Carm- that bastard! We'll get him!
Arana- Yeah!
Pixie- Yeah!
Carm- Yeah!
Pop- Yeah!
Carm- Hey, where'd you come from?
Pop- You invited me!
Carm- Oh yeah! Welcome to Pepper Land!
Pop- Thanks!
Carm- Well we'd better get ready for our show!

Pop, Carm, Pixie, & Arana- It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play...!

Gerald- Did you just hear something?
Phoebe- Nope.

And slowly Helga pulls Arnold close to her, Arnold doesn't pull away his lips only inches from Helga's, then Arnold remembers something...

Arnold: Helga, aren't we forgetting something?
Helga: (dreamily) what could we possibly forgetting Arnold?
Arnold: Where's Phoebe and Gerarld?

Helga: (still dreamily) Oh Arnold, my little wet blanket, I'm sure they're ok, now kiss me.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" ( screams are heard echoing in every direction.)

Arnold: (pulling away from Helga) Helga, that's Gerald and Phoebe!!
Helga: (reluctantly coming out of her stupor) They better be in major trouble...


(Arnold and Helga run toward the screaming, only to see Gerald and Phoebe tied to a tree)
Arnold: How in the world did this happen and why?
Gerald: Arnold, Helga! You need to go, this is a trap. Don't save us, go, run as far as u can.
Arnold: I can't do that!! I'm untying you both.
(Arnold goes to untie Gerald and Phoebe, Helga helping when suddenly, Arnold and Helga are caught in a trap and are dangling from a tree in a little rope sack.)

Gerald: I TOLD YOU!
Arnold: I wasn't gonna leave you there.
(An evil scientist takes the gang to his laboratory.)
Helga: So lemme guess, he's going to do an Experiment on us?
Pop: Yeah, so? You'll like the out come!
Helga: Okay, okay
Arnold: Um, evil scientist, what are you planning on doing????
ES: Well, I have this little time machine. I wanted to go back and study during the dinosaurs, but there's a side effect.
Helga: A side effect??
ES: Yes, a side effect. This can age you so if u had a past life, that's what you'll take up, and you can never come back. So, why have that happen to me, when I can just have it happen to someone else.
Gerald: And what's the chance of this really happening?
ES: 99.9%
Gerald: Great!!
(ES shoves them into his time capsule scared to death! He gave them a necklace so they could come back, eventually. ES punches a bunch of buttons and b4 u know it the room is speeding up, and speeding up, spinning round and round until they land with an umpf)
UMPF!
(They get up and look around)
Gerald: THIS is when the dinosaurs lived?
Phoebe: According to my calculations, we didn't travel back, we've traveled forward, and well, aged forward.
(Phoebe was right they were on planet earth for now. In Arnold's room, but they weren't 9. They were 18, and Arnold's room was in boxes)
Arnold: Looks like I'm going to college.

(They all look around the partially packed room. Helga stops at the sight of Arnold. He notices her looking)
Arnold- What?
Helga- ga....
Arnold- Is there something wrong?
Helga- Nothing's wrong!
Arnold- Why are you looking at me like that!?
Helga- You're....you're....
Phoebe- Incredibly handsome?
Arnold- What?
Gerald- Hey! What about me!
Phoebe- You strike my fancy, of course!
Gerald- (Smiles cool.) Hey, pretty mamma!
(Phoebe blushes)
Arnold- Really? I don't look bad?
Helga- Baa..bad? Gaa Gaa Goo Goo! Send me to pre-school! I want you, I need you, I love you! Take me now!!!
Arnold- (Laughing hysterically) Let me take a look!!
(Arnold look in a small mirror)
Arnold- Wow! Is that really me?
Helga- (Sucking her thumb) mmmHmm.
Arnold- You look really great too, Helga.
Helga- Huh?
Arnold- Take a look!
(Helga looks in the mirror)
Helga- whoa! This has got to be a dream! I don't wear makeup!
Arnold- well, maybe not in 4th grade...but we are what, 18 now?
Gerald- That sounds about right
Phoebe- I'm 18 and a half!
Helga- how do you know?
Phoebe- Cause I'm older than you.
Gerald- not older than me!
Phoebe- Am so!
Gerald- No way!
(They continue to bicker)
Arnold- You really are...
Helga- Insane, crazy, off the wall, troubled, hopeless?
Arnold- No!!! I was gonna say, beautiful!
Helga-...Oh. Heh, thanks.
Arnold- We'd make a pretty cute couple now...
Helga- You think?
Arnold- (Moving in closer) Yeah.
Helga- well, if you're sure...
Arnold- (closer yet) Oh, I'm sure.
Phoebe- Um, Arnold?
Arnold- (Not moving from his current position) yeah?
Phoebe- is there somewhere you want us to go?
Gerald- yeah, we don't really wanna watch you get all kissy face!
Helga- Kissy face! Yeah right. We were just talking
Gerald- Whatever.
Phoebe- Hey look, there appears to be some textbooks from high school on your desk.
(They group around Phoebe, who sits in a chair, and opens the textbook. It is a Health book)
Phoebe- Respiratory System....
Gerald- Bones, Bones, and more Bones...
Helga- The Human Anatomy...
Arnold- The Reproductive System...
Helga- Ooo, flip to that one, Pheebs!
Arnold- Huh?
Gerald- What's all that about?
Helga- You mean you both don't know!?
Arnold- Know what?
Helga- Where babies come from, for god's sake!
Gerald- Um...(Thinking of the stork)
Helga- No! Not the damn stork! How old are you!?
Gerald- How did you know I was thinking of the stork!? I didn't say anything!
Helga- I read your thinking caption.
Gerald- Oh.
Arnold- So...then, where DO babies come from?
Helga- Oh crimeny! I'm not gonna teach you!
Phoebe- I will. I think it's important!
Helga- Have fun.
(Helga goes and lies on Arnold's bed, and watches the sky turn colors into sunset)
Phoebe- See...
Gerald- Gross!
Phoebe- It's not gross Gerald! It's nature!
Gerald- Nature-shmature! That's nasty! I'm never having kids!
Helga- You CAN'T have kids! DOI!
Gerald- (Gives raspberry to Helga) Well thank god!
Phoebe- Yes, only females can have the children.
Gerald- This is too sick!
Arnold- I find it fascinating
Gerald- You would!
Arnold- (glares at Gerald) So what do the males do?
Helga- Oh crimeny! Wake me when you're done!
(Helga falls into a deep sleep.)
*Helga is walking through a field of Poppy's. They are beautiful, and there is a light scent of freshly cut grass. Ahead is a giant castle-like building, made of a shiny emerald green substance. Helga lies down in the field, and picks some flowers around her. There is someone humming near her. She looks to her side, and sees a beautiful man. 'Arnold?' she asks him. 'yes, angel?' he replies. this is weird, she thought. 'what are you doing?' she asks him. he doesn't answer, he just lightly touches her face. it tickles a lot. so much, that it wakes her up*
(She is still lying on the bed, but it is dark in the room, and someone is definitely touching her face.)
Helga- Arnold...?
Arnold: Sorry... I didn't mean to wake you up.
Helga: *stretches* Hmm... that's okay... was about to get up anyway. So, what's up? Is it night already? *looks around the room and notices that Gerald and Phoebe are not there, one thing it's dark... but she doesn't sense them anywhere* Where's Phoebe and Gerald?

Arnold-(still playing with her face) They're on a walk. Phoebe wasn't tired.
Helga-(yawn) oh. mmm...(giggles) that tickles
(Arnold does little swirls around her cheeks, then he runs a finger over her lips.)
Helga-What's gotten into you?
(Arnold smiles, but doesn't answer. He kisses her, the most passionate kiss yet! Helga feels as though she has melted into a little puddle of goo. They would have noticed Carm, Pop, Arana, and Pixie looking in the skylight with a huge tub of popcorn, but they were too into the heat of the moment.)

Carm- (To the readers) um, how far can I take this??? Hee hee, I'm feeling kinda dirty today! (and it's only 8:30am!) I won't get all graphic I promise, but I mean, come on! They gotta make they're "mad monkey sex" sometime!

(Helga's insides start to get very warm, and she is more conscious of her pulse now.)
Helga- (In between kisses) I feel...really.. weird...
Arnold- Yeah...me...too...
Helga- (Stopping him) Arnold...
Arnold- What is it?
Helga- You didn't happen to ....read about this...did you?
Arnold- (Blushing) uh...
Helga- (Laughs) well, you might have to inform me, football head!
Arnold- I thought you said you knew all about it!
Helga- heh....
(Arnold smiles, and kisses her again. She takes her hair binders out, and lets her hair flow down to the pillow below her.)

Pop- So, how far is this gonna go?
Arana- Shhh!!!
Pop- (Whispers) Sorry!