Thank you all so much for the lovely comments, so sorry for leaving it so long to update, its been a busy week! Going to be updating more regularly now! Keep reviewing with ideas, it keeps me going! Next few chapters are going to be a little slow in terms of Zax moments, but keep with me! I'm trying to build up relationships with other characters as well as just the two of them :)

XX

"Your working?!" came a disapproving tone, as it had every other day for the past 6 days

"I'm working" Max had bluntly replied, staring into the mirror in the staffroom and drinking some water slowly. Robyn furrowed her brows.

Max was usually the type of guy who would take a sick day if he had a slight twinge in his head, and now something major had happened to him, he was just acting like nothing was wrong.

That was more of a code red then him calling in sick would of been, because it meant it was building up but he wasn't dealing with it. It was even worse that nobody knew, she couldn't confide in Lofty, Cal, Ethan. She couldn't help him, he was avoiding her. But it had caught up with him last week when he had stormed out, and it was going to at another point, she just didn't know when..

It had been a week since Max had talked to Connie, and he was working. He kept his distance, did his job, went for a pint with Cal & Lofty after work now and again, talked about mindless rubbish, girls, cars, goals. He had avoided anyone who might make his demeanour crack, which included Robyn, and now Zoe

He had caught them both staring while he was on shift, both watching for him to crack, to break down. He was even more determined not too. He was strong, he loved Zoe, he didn't want to be seen as a pet project that needed help, looking after. He wasn't that guy, he was the guy who she had fun with. Or the guy that she did have fun with. Either way, he couldn't pull her into this mess like he had last week.

He tried not to think about his dad, which was easier said then done. He had spent a couple of nights sleeping in his office, trying to detach himself. He had sat into the night, looking at photos, looking at the letter. Thinking about all the missed opportunities, wondering whether he should of tried to get in touch. But he still couldn't think of any answers, he had no new information. He had checked his dads Facebook, which had been used once. He laughed, the letter did say he wasn't into social networking. He wished he had been, at least he could see what sort of life he led. Maybe even what had led him into writing...

Whenever he did think about him properly, his head went to a dark place, a place that he wasnt always sure that he could get back from. He had still been drowning his sorrows with vodka, beer, cider, shots. He had gone on two nights out, before giving up and stumbling into the town centre, feeling as lost as ever

So now, he put his feelings in a box and buried in, and that was where it was staying

"Max, my man!" came a voice, breaking his thoughts. He turned to look at Cal, who was giving him a smile. He knew that smile. Cal wanted something

"This better be good"

"Take Ethan out for a pint after work" he asked, it was more of an instruction then a question, which always seemed to be the case when Cal needed a favour. Not that this was too bad a favour

"Why?" he asked. He was happy to hang out with Ethan, he had just wondered what Cal was up-to

"Ive met someone. Taylor's her name..anyway I wanted to have her round the house but Eth wont leave for the night"

"Does it really matter if he's in his room?"

"Would you love having a girl back when Robyns in the next room?" he raised his eyebrows, and Max shook his head, a little disgusted

"Ok. No. Fair. Consider it done"

"Top man" he had got himself a clap on the back, in addition to watching as Cal bounced off like an exciteable puppy. He laughed. That was the triumphant bounce around the hospital that he had seemed to adopt when he realised Robyn and Lofty were on double shift so he had a few hours alone with Zoe. He sighed. He wished Zoe was still at his side, he had a feeling things would be easier if things between them were like they had been months ago.

Zoe was trying to file through some paperwork, she sighed and quickly glanced to the ED, wondering how Max was. She hadn't spoken to him since he stayed at hers last week, and every time she looked at him, he looked away. She knew she had to wait for him to come to her, if he ever would again, but it didn't stop her worrying

"Zoe? Sorry am I bothering you from what is frankly, nothing" came Connie's voice, she had watched Zoe stare outside the window for about 5 minutes, while she had tried to speak to her

"Sorry, go on" she said, absent mindedly, slightly amused. Connie didn't usually try and get her attention, or talk to her

"I was just saying. We now have no lawsuit, updated paperwork, we are up on our targets. Calls for a bottle of wine"

"You can say that again" Zoe smiled, folding her arms and standing up for a moment, going to the water dispenser

"Fancy it? My treat, I haven't had some adult company in forever apart from Audrey, and she's not really the most interesting person due to the fact she doesn't like me" she offered, and Zoe tried to mask the shock. Connie wasn't usually one to offer drinks, or any sort of activity outside of the hospital

"Yeah sure, sounds good" Zoe smiled, politely, it might be nice to have a night that wasn't her, in the boat with Dylan and his dog. It would be a night that she wouldn't be watching her phone, wondering if Max would ever call, and ask for her help.

It had also been ages since she had had a girly chat, not that she could visualise herself having one of these with Connie at the minute. Maybe after a few glasses..

"What is going on with you?" Connie asked, narrowing her eyes at her colleague. She didn't know her very well, but she knew Zoe was more focused then this

"Nothing"

"Is it a man?" Connie kinked an eyebrow up and gave her a grin

"God no"

"Then what is it?"

Luckily for Zoe, she was interrupted by a knock on the door, she saw Robyn standing behind it through the small pane of glass that was on there. She nodded to let her in

"I just need a quick word" the younger nurse said, nervously, and Connie nodded

"Max shouldn't be working" she said, simply, quickly, "you don't know why and I cant tell you why but-" she carried on, bumbling a little. Connie held up a hand to silence her

"He has informed me of recent circumstances" Robyn immediately folded her arms and looked puzzled

"And hes still working?" Robyns eyes bulged out a little, and Zoe could tell that Robyn thought that Connie had made him work, she could see by the way her chest started to heave and her face started to turn a little pink that she was about to start arguing

"he insisted. I shouldn't be talking about him with you" she responded, curtly, before glancing at the door, hinting for Robyn to leave

"he's my brother, and he's a ticking time bomb, you need to sign him off!" Robyn retorted, looking at Zoe for support, who shrugged

"We cant make him not come in Robyn, he's just working through the pain and when it gets to a point he cant, he can have as much time off as he needs. Isn't that right?" she gestured to Connie, who nodded. Zoe knew that Robyn needed Connie's reassurance as well as hers. She admired her in a way, she was sticking up for Max, something she wanted to do himself. He shouldn't be at work, under any circumstances. It was just prolonging the obvious, the obvious being that Max needed to try and process and recover from this. She was the only other person that knew Max well enough to the extent that she knew he was just burying his feelings and his head in the sand. The difference being that Robyn could talk to Connie and just come off as a concerned sister, where as Zoe would face question after question

"I told him that myself. Dr Hanna's keeping an eye on him, don't worry" she said, a text flashing up on her phone. She was momentarily distracted, and Zoe watched as Robyn glanced from her to Connie, who was still engrossed in her phone

"Looks like it" Robyn mumbled quietly, before leaving. Which was probably a good thing, as Connie was about to reprimand her

Zoe struggled for a moment, internally. She did to a degree agree with Robyn, he shouldnt be at work

"For what its worth, she's right, he's going to crack soon and it'll be even worse for him" Zoe commented, sitting down

"For gods sake, what am I meant to do, frog march him out? He's a grown man Zoe, he makes his own choices and unfortunately that includes mistakes" she shut the draw on some of her admin, before walking out, shaking her head a little

"I need coffee" Zoe had heard her say as a parting comment, and she rolled her eyes

Max sat in his office, he was taking a lunch break, not that he felt like eating. He picked up the one piece of post he had received in the past few days, which was a letter inviting him to his dads funeral, in his old town.

The old town was a place he had not been to in ages, and he didn't desire to. He always went to Robyn's for christmas, and any other family occasion on his mums side of the family, he would avoid.

His only memories there were gangs, drugs, and his own stupidly that let him to naively taking these drugs. Nobody was his friend in that town, he had just kept his head down so he didn't get beaten up

He had never had the strongest willpower, he had always just wanted to fit in, and because of this he had always ended up in odd situations. He would be the one who smoked the extra tote to demonstrate the effect, he was the first to upgrade to cocaine, he was the first to fail an exam, to bunk school. The gang used to push him into things without him even realising it was happening. he was the Guinea pig, and he had always paid a high price for what he had considered at the time an easy life.

There was a small, soft knock on the door, and he wondered who it was.

Connie, Robyn and Zoe never "softly tapped" they always thumped the door or just came in. He quickly shoved the funeral details onto a desk as the door opened, and he saw Ethan

Ethan gave him an apologetic smile

"Cal said you wanted to see me?" he enquired, and Max had to shake his head. Cal was practically setting them up, it was like they were at school. He must be serious about this "Taylor"

"Wasn't anything too exciting" he commented, watching Ethan look around the room before sitting on the bed next to him "just wanted to know if you wanted a pint later on, your shift finishes the same time as mine"

the blonde nodded "sure, why not. Cal's got his new lady-friend round so I suppose its best off I'm out the way for that"

"hows things going with Honey?" he changed the subject, looking at the slightly troubled look on Ethan's face

"to be honest, they aren't really going. Something almost happened the other day but-"

"don't tell me you can only talk to her with a drink inside you? Thats a bit borderline tragic"

"sadly it seems a little that way. I do agree, it is tragic"

"just..go and get coffee from her, chat"

"i am, I've had 3 today and I still haven't managed to ask her out" Max chuckled a little, and noticed Ethan's eyes drift towards his desk, looking over at the flyer. His face contorted into confusion, Max saw him trying to work out what was going on

"Is this a patients?" he asked, and Max stared at the ceiling knowing that he couldn't lie his way out of this one, Ethan was too smart, too observant, he could see him piecing it all together in his head now, him walking out his shift, him running out the party. he wasn't exactly the picture of discretion.

If anyone at work that was his friend had to find out, he was happy it was Ethan. Both men knew who it belonged to, but he was giving him the opportunity not to talk about it

"No mate, its mine" he admitted, staring at the door "my dad" he said, in a monotone, and Ethans eyes widened

"I'm really, really sorry to hear that" he replied, sincerely "was it recent?" he asked, also looking at the door, nothing that Max didn't want eye contact right now

"last week"

"thats awful. I remember when my mum died, and I found out when I was here. Its hard to carry on sometimes. It was almost impossible to that day" Ethan had replied, shuddering a little, and Max felt his respect for the other man surge

He hadn't told him that he shouldn't be at work, he hadn't been lectured or told how to feel. Ethan had just emphasised, and that was all he had needed

"it can be. But I'm better off round here then sitting at the pub, thats how I see it"

"yeah, I was better off here. The alternative was watching Cal drink himself stupid every night. Sometimes I think he still does. Either that or he goes to town and brings girls back every night"

"thats only a temporary fix"

"if you- if you never need to talk about it, or, well, anything. Just let me know" Ethan had told him, Max responded with a smile, watching as Ethan's pager went off. He got off the bed and went to leave

"Thank you" he told the doctor, who gave him a nod and a quick smile, before scooting off with a quick "see you later"

Max went to the coffee cart, seeing Honey bouncing around, and occasionally peering around the corner

"Looking for a certain Doctor Hardy are we?" he teased, watching her face drop and turn into a indignant expression, as she started to blush. He knew what was coming next; denial

"What? No" the younger woman crossed her arms and immediately looked in the other direction

"You don't fool me" he smirked back, and she faltered and laughed a little

"Am I that obvious? I don't think I am, I've been doing it for weeks and nobodies noticed-oh god-i just said that" she took to her stool and sat quickly, burying her hands into her face in embarrassment

"its alright, your secrets safe with me"

"too right, I always see you staring after Hanna" she commented, and Max tried to conceal his laugh

"I do not"

"Do too, I've seen it. Anyway, Ethan isn't interested, he made that clear. He's come here for 3 coffees and not said a thing thats not to do with my macchiatos"

"Might just be nervous" he commented

"Might just not like me..anyway, what do you want?" she asked, starting to clean up a little bit around the area

"just a hot chocolate for me, I'm not really a coffee guy"

"awww-"

"less of the aww and more of the marshmallows" he responded, and she laughed a little before starting to make his drink

"Honey..triple shot expresso when your ready" another voice joined the conversation, a familiar voice. He smiled, before watching Honey smirking at him. He jerked his head towards the corner that she had been watching, and she grimaced and turned around, starting to make the drinks

"coffees not good for you" Max told Zoe, who had just made the order, she turned around to him

"still on the hot chocolates, or is it vodka?" she commented, watching Max's face drop a little. She immediately felt guilty for snapping, she hadn't meant to. it was just odd for her how he could block her out for a week and now here he was, trying to banter with her.

Honey shot them a questioning glance

"or that could just be me" she joked, falsely laughing, which Honey seemed to accept as she turned back around, turning her attention elsewhere

"nice to see your talking to me again" she said, quietly, standing a bit closer to him

"its not on purpose" he told her, sighing a little.

It was true, he didn't want to ignore her, he just didn't want to talk about it at the moment. Honey put both of their drinks on the counter, which they both took and sipped, their mannerisms identical. Honey chuckled before moving back to her tidying

"well you know where I am" Zoe mumbled, before starting to walk away

"Actually, Zoe!" he raised his voice a little, before running to catch her up, she turned around, surprised

"I need a few days off next week. Its-well its the funeral" he said, quietly, his eyes fixed on his cup of hot chocolate

"ill sort it" she said to him, before putting a reassuring hand on his arm "it'll be ok"

He took a shaky breath. The feel of her hand on him, he almost felt like it would be ok for moment.

He wanted to confide in her, that he was scared of his old town, that he was scared of the people, the temptation, the memories. He wished she could come with him, but he knew it was unthinkable now.

"thanks" he replied, deciding not to speak. Zoe had seen him try and speak, and then he came up with that. She knew if things were different that he would of confided in her, but it wasn't that way anymore. She closed her eyes as he walked away, wishing that everything was different. But it wasn't

"Best, birthday, ever" Max panted, as he took in the view outside the window, Zoe had taken him to Blackpool for his birthday, it was far away, they could almost act like a real couple. They could be tactile, they could hold hands, hug. She had taken him to a restaurant which had turned more into a drinking session, before they decided to take it back to the hotel. He knew he would never get bored of seeing that glint of desire flash in her eyes, the devilish, dirty smile that she gave him before she slipped the room card in

"you sure you wouldn't of preferred a surprise party at the ED? I could make that happen"

"Don't you dare" he chuckled, ruffling her hair a little, she wriggled out of his grip before he swung his hands around her waist, pulling her back in, still laughing

"i could tell her about the shoe" he mock threatened, watching as she pretended to gasp

"Now, thats not on" she replied, a drunken smile playing on her lips

"I wonder what people would think if they did find out" he mused, and she closed her eyes a little. She hadn't even thought of that in the last few weeks, it was their bubble. She didn't want anyone to know at the moment, people knowing always seemed to complicate things. That and the fact she didn't know what this was yet

"the boys would definitely think I was punching" he grinned at the thought of it, and she shook her head a little. Men.

"you haven't told anyone have you?" she asked, as the wind from outside blew in a little, cooling them down

"Nope" he shook his head, wondering to himself if it would really be that bad if they went public. He didn't need to ask her the same question, he knew out of the two of them, she was a lot more concerned about people finding out. She had more to lose. He hated that the fact he was a porter essentially blocked them from being in a relationship. He knew that people would look at Zoe differently for dating him professionally and personally, and he hated it.

She nodded, before curling into him a little more

"I'm glad we christened Blackpool" she murmured into his chest, knowing that she was veering onto a touchy subject, she sighed contently as he pulled his arms around her

"as I said, best birthday ever"

"you heard anything from your family?" she asked, and he knew immediately that that was Zoe's way of asking about his dad

"Mum and Robyn, couple of aunties. Thats about it" he admitted, pushing her hair away from her face and resting his head on hers. She stroked his hand a little

"Thats all you need" she gently replied, stroking his thumb and putting her hand in his

"that and this is all I need" he nodded, nuzzling into her and starting to snooze a little. She smiled. It was a long time since she had felt needed. Even longer since she started to depend on another person a little for happiness. She wasn't sure which was scarier.