need to know: there is no possible way I could ever express how truly sorry I am for taking so very, very long to update a story right in the middle of some of the biggest parts. I was crushed with writer's block that turned into an rabid fear of the plot. I kept telling myself it was too complicated to complete and there was no way I would be able to write it the way I wanted to and continued living in fear for who knows how long. Horrible thing, self doubt, isn't it? thankfully I have a persistant editor and friend who guilt tripped me with "I keep checking to see if the email for the next chapter's come every morning so excited and sure it will be today.. then it isnt." I think she was lying. but it worked, right? I would also like to say my hesitation has been resolved in this chapter but, I dont think in all honesty it has been. I kind of dodged the bullet. Not to worry though, I am fairly certain I know what to do! It just wont be in this chapter. but I will never go that long without updating ever again. please forgive me!
thankyou isnt enough: but i have to try. thank you so much for all the continued reviews and supporting comments. every single one of you that took the time to give me some much needed encouragment helped find a piece of my muse and brought it back. I cannot begin to tell you all how much your support has meant and I hope beyond hopes that my stories will suffice.
reviewers: you rock face. please keep it up. I really need them at a time like this. now go and enjoy!

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The surge of nothingness Sam felt weighing down on his body was oddly comforting in comparison to the restlessness he had been coping with in the absence of Dean. A cool buzz seemed to present itself over the less inclining vividness of reality. He surrendered, pleased with the new scenario of no responsibility, no pain, no anything.

"Don't touch him."

The hollowed voice filtering through his blanket of black sounded hauntingly familiar.

"Don't fucking touch him!"

The voice repeated itself, louder, firmer than before. The pure malice dripping from each syllable was inescapably obvious. The fact did little to subdue the comfort Sam felt at the familiarity of it.

Dean?

"Get away from him."

Get away from who?

"NOW!"

Dean obviously meant business from the tone of his voice. He could hardly remember the last time such a stern and absolute resounding hatred had coursed through his brother's voice. The memory of yellow eyes quickly banished the question of why it had risen to such a sound in the first place. Sam needed to wake up. He felt himself panic when he realized that he couldn't force his eyes open, couldn't move, couldn't do anything but listen through the layer of echoes he was forced to remain beneath.

A hand was gripping his jaw.

Why does it hurt?

Fingernails bit into his skin, revealing the slightest prickling in Sam's semiconscious mind. He had no recollection of grimacing but did all the same. It hurt much more to physical Sam than it did to mental Sam, whether he knew it should or not.

"Let him go!"

Make it stop.

The fingernails dug deeper, one in particular penetrating the soft flesh on the underside of his jaw, the opportunity to delve deeper too becoming to pass up. The pain was dull to Sam's mind but thicker than before. Physical Sam visibly clenched, tensing in response.

"Please..."

A greater panic swelled deep inside of Sam. Had Dean just said that? Was his voice really that broken, completely separate from the commanding tone that had previously comforted him?

Sam blinked, abruptly pulled away from his last ounce of protected unconsciousness. Light invaded his vision, coaxing him from the dark, only to assault him with the full amount of pain he had been receiving throughout his stages of waking. He had no idea nails could go so deep.

"Dean?" Sam's voice was soft and weak as the only thing he could think of or bring himself to say passed through his lips. His head pounded mercilessly from the back of his skull. Sam was confused; fucking lost.

Sam's vision slowly regained its clarity as Dean's ghostly pale features morphed to a single image against the opposite wall. He blinked at the recognition of why his brother was standing unevenly against the wall. His knees were loose and unbalanced; he was incapable of holding his own weight yet he remained standing. Dean's expression was hard to read as he attempted to mask himself back into his game face, failing miserably to deny the horror in his eyes but managing to withhold the brunt of his emotions. He seemed to turn an even paler shade of white at the sight of Sam's eyes opening to his own personal hell, oblivious to the sheen of sweat coating his skin or the dark circles around his sunken eyes. He struggled with a renewed sense of meaning, a futile attempt to free himself from the invisible bonds. Sam swallowed against the pain surrounding his jaw line and blinked dark eyes in Dean's direction, instantly settling the older sibling into an empty resignation and allowing him to regain his breath without saying a word.

With Dean's breathing steadying itself and the sting of nails in his skin, the presence to his immediate left became a more pressing matter. Sam stole a glance in the direction of the owner of the hand that still held tightly to his jaw, forcibly inclining his head. A haughty brunette with an unshakable smile met his eyes. He didn't have the slightest inkling as to who, or what, she was despite the foreboding shudder he felt travel through his spine.

He involuntarily choked out a grunt as the nails retracted, violently carving more damage as they veered viciously towards the woman and lengthened the marks. He could feel the sticky substance of blood heating his skin and swallowed the small cry that threatened to spill from his lips. It had hurt, but ordinarily wouldn't have been enough to cause him to express the pain. Sam found his current state of confusion and bitter waking a poor excuse for his moment of verbalized weakness as his brother became taut and renewed his struggle. Guilt tugged at his insides.

"Stop fidgeting," the woman spoke sternly as if chiding a small child. She turned to Dean with a mocking expression of worry as she closed the distance between them. "You're liable to hurt yourself worse than I already have." Dean grimaced a hint of a smile in response and gave a slight tug against the supernatural restraints in defiance. "On second thought," she murmured as she eased her hand to his sweltering shoulder, pleased by the expectancy in his body as he tensed in preparation for the pain, "maybe it's just what you need." Sam's graveled string of curses fell on deaf ears as Dean felt himself close up to the outside world away from the pain. He grit his teeth and kept his eyes tightly shut, stuttering the enforced groan of pain with resistance and self disgust. The pain only worsened as the utensil of torture wriggled itself deeper into the wound. Dean's throat closed in a defensive reaction to the pain that sent his mind reeling and brought bile to the back of his mouth. His back had arched against his restraints, bringing his actions to an awkward halt before his body could properly brace itself, and inflicted an even greater amount of pain. His voice raged in a continual battle to refrain from screaming with a begrudging groan that rose through his clenched teeth and unknowingly sent shivers down his brother's spine.

Fuck.

He couldn't breathe.

Meg's fingers dug into his back as she pressed her thumb farther into his shoulder, mocking his expression with her mouth slightly agape and brow furrowed as if she were thoroughly concerned with his well being. She paused in her pursuit of digging into flesh to gain a clearer view of the way he was handling the pain, eager to see his breaking point. Dean's response to the reprieve he received was immediate as he thrust his jaw open to gulp the air he desperately needed so fast he only managed to bring himself into a fit of coughs that jarred Meg's finger in his shoulder, tilting the world all over again. He struggled to ease the hammering in his chest and the rushing sound in his ears that threatened to pull him away from reality; away from Sam who thrashed violently against his own bonds directly across from him with a wild look in his eyes. He could barely make out the slow movement of Sam's retreat to the commanding force and rise of his chest as his eyesight doubled, cleared, and doubled again. His lips managed to form his brother's name but failed to voice the call. Meg followed his shaky gaze, knowing he was attempting to connect with his precious baby brother, and stepped between the siblings with a smile. He was increasingly confused from the lack of oxygen, continuing to search for Sam through the body blocking his vision until the demon gripped his face with her free hand, jerking his attention to her deceitfully human eyes. He was physically sickened by the smell and feel of sticky blood, Sam's blood, still clinging to the tips of her fingers.

"It's rude to ignore a lady, you know," she stated casually, holding firm to the sides of his face as he jerked stubbornly against her grip before shoving his head nonchalantly to the side. She knowingly smeared remaining crimson into his skin as she released him.

Dean snorted, allowing his eyes to settle on hers. "Funny," he managed to croak, unable to complete his insult. He could barely make out the expression plastered on Meg's face, let alone hold the legitimately threatening glare he intended to.

He found himself facing a different direction over his right shoulder, fighting back the black edges that seeped into his vision. He was vaguely aware of the cut bleeding from the corner of his mouth, but much more wary of the coppery substance filling it. He spit blood, squinting at the brief moment of pain as he shook his head and righted his jaw, turning to stare indifferently back into Meg's eyes. "Lady-like," he muttered just loud enough for the sarcasm to be heard.

Sam winced at Dean's slurred speech and strained voice. He could see the woman's right hand gripping his shoulder, penetrating his wound, and he knew who she was and all the sins she'd committed. He felt his stomach drop the instant she touched his arm, forcing sketchy memories belonging to someone else, memories he had forced himself to forget, rushing to the surface. Memories of Sam's finger on the trigger and Dean slung into the wall brought a lump to this throat. Blood on his knuckles as he slammed his fist into Dean's head again and again stung his eyes as he strained to keep his focus on the here and now, incapable of fighting off the images. The memory of Sam's hand warmed by the blood of his brother as he dug deeper into Dean's shoulder, deeper into the bullet hole he had created, forced him to look away, afraid he'd break in half if he watched it happen a second time. All had been memories he never truly lived through and had no ability to control during the possession. The worst thing was that he knew the demon torturing his brother only feet in front of him was aware of the similarity; that she was counting on it. The growing lump in his throat prevented him from swallowing the guilt that continued to boil in his chest. There was a part of him that knew it was irrational to blame himself for the wrongs she had done with his face, but a greater part couldn't help but dwell on all the reasons it could be.

Dean's breathing hitched at the slight pressure he felt renewed in his shoulder, barely managing to force his eyes back open to face the blackened, soulless ones that met his gaze in place of the sparkling blue pair that preceded them. The true nature of the being hovering inches from his face grinned malice in response to his banter as she leaned over his right side to allow him a clear view of his brother over her shoulder. "I'm going to tear him open," she whispered as calmly as her eager voice would allow, "I'm going to tear him open and let you watch him bleed from the sidelines too weak to even attempt one of those self-sacrificing stunts of yours." Dean struggled to hold Sam's frantic gaze and focus on his brother instead of the words he heard echoing in his head. His hearing was growing thick and her words became slow and hollowed before they could reach him. She paused, her breath hot in his ear. "No matter what I do, it's nothing compared to what you do to yourself, right?"

The words were too muffled to fully comprehend as the world seemed to slow to a halt in Dean's eyes. The image of Sam suddenly struggling violently against his bonds, screaming an unheard threat with fear in his eyes, was the last thing he saw before his vision was torn from his skull in a rushing surge of pain.

Meg curled her thumb into the uninjured tissue of his shoulder, slowly digging her way through the skin, savoring the sticky crimson spilling into her palm. Dean's voice was lost in the broken scream of pain he had no hope of controlling coming from his mouth, spilling forcefully past his clenched teeth as he kept his head thrust back away from the pain. There was no air, no light, no up, and no down. There was only the inescapable agony crushing down on all sides in the form of the tiniest weapon shredding through his skin from the inside out.

Sam's screams went unheard.

Please be okay...

Dean was unable to acknowledge the let up or the sickening finale of nail biting through previously unscathed flesh, leaving a lengthy gash of equal depth in its wake. Nor was he capable of hearing his brother's frantic cries as he was allowed to slip to the floor and welcome the exhaustion that threatened to overtake him with labored breathing.

"Poor Dean," Meg was in his ear, examining the blood soaking the better part of her hand, "already giving up." She lowered her voice to a whisper, "Already alone."

Dean struggled to respond with more than in incoherent slur, anger filtering through his hazy excuse for vision. False memories of his brother's deaths dug deeper than any physical wound could ever go, ravaging his already cracking soul with a heavy fear and sickening hatred.

Dean grunted in a second attempt to speak, gritting his teeth in rage.

"What was that?"

He swallowed to regain his shaky breath, "Fuck," the smallest hint of a painful grin playing on his cracking lips, "you."

Meg's smile faltered, eyes narrowing in resignation before she rested her hands on her knees and rose to her feet. She scowled at his determination and stubborn spirit, connecting her foot with his gut, forcing him from the ground to the wall as his body failed to fully absorb the shock. She turned away from his grunt of pain and futile gasps for air to face the remaining Winchester with a wry grin.

Dean struggled to keep his eyes open, terrified of the way his vision continued to falter. He pressed his palms against the floor, wiling himself to stand and fight, knowing the only reason he was no longer pinned to the wall was justified as he failed to lift himself an inch from the ground before reconnecting with the cement. He bit back the scream that caught in his throat in anger and self resentment, panic settling in his chest at the thought of passing out; the thought of leaving Sam alone with Meg and her promise. He was dimly aware of his head resting against the floor and lack of mobility in his arm. Everything was loosing focus and fading fast. A shrill buzz filled his ears, slightly masked by the muffled silence unconsciousness often brought, drowning out the conversation between his brother and the demon.

Dean's mind fought desperately against his body to keep his eyes on his doubling brother and the demon before him, but try as he might, his eyelids only grew heavier and his breathing became slower. He couldn't even voice his anger, his hatred, or his undeniable fear in his state of semi consciousness. He could only blink in desperation, unable to move as his vision went black.

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also: I have a new story up and waiting for reviews. if you have some spare time and your need for all things Winchester as not been fulfilled, I would really appreciate a review of One Fateful Night's chapter one. I hate to say it, but story alerts and favorites arent really the same as getting a review, and One Fateful Night has gotten quite a few adds, but only two reviews. It saddens me to great extents. go check it out if you can!