disclaimer: following mentioned characters are based on the novel twilight, whose author is Stephanie Meyer, who I am not (sadly)

(A\n:the words in "Italian" is flashback)

Where I Belong

Chapter 10- Relationships

Dearest Bella

I know I know, I am about a month late to reply but its all school's fault. You have no idea what I went through as soon as I hit the Phoenix land. I totally forgot about the homecoming stuff. I was organizing it and all, so I was damn busy.

It's been so long but I still feel like I'll wake up and I'll be back in Forks. Man that place really got me hooked, you have no idea just how much I miss you hun! Well you can count on my re-appearance, I dream of coming to Forks like every day! It's like that place is calling to me!

Not only Forks Bells, I miss La Push too. That place was so welcoming and so warm, I had so much fun. How is everyone there- Billy, Charlie, Quil, Jake, Seth, Emily and Embry? How are they, Bells? How's Embry? Did he ever show up? What happened to him? I hope he did, and I really hope Quil beat the hell out of him! Seriously what the hell was he thinking?

Bells- I'm seriously worried about Em, please reply asap!

(p.s. - what's up with you and Jake? is everything fine? Gimme all the nottie details ;))

Love Ellie

I read Ellie's email for the tenth time now. What am I supposed to reply to that? What am I gonna tell her about Embry? How am I even gonna begin to explain?

I racked my head for an appropriate reply but came up blank! So I moved on to next email on my inbox. It was from Renee; I had just informed her of my recent recovery with Jake so she filled her mail with hell of a lot questions. I replied the questions that were easy to answer, others I just passed.

I shut my desktop down and walked to the bathroom getting ready for the school. I was putting a lot more excitement in my works now, all thanks to my Jake! The past month was really great, having Jake as my boyfriend, blush blush, was so great. I can talk to him about everything and anything. He makes me laugh; he makes me a fun person. He brings out the best of me; it was the best month of my life.

I know I've used that line before, but seriously I never thought I could have this much fun with one person. This past month kicks last best month's ass! I don't think I'm making a very good sense, but who cares, I'm happy, I'm jolly and I'm loving it!

Honk, honk!

The toothbrush fell off my hand as my legs took control over my body, I found myself running toward my room frantic, searching for the source of the noise. My eyes didn't settle at one particular thing, it was just plainly in emergency search mode.

And finally my eyes were in a relief mode when it found what it was searching for. Jacob Black. My Jacob, gosh! I don't think I'll ever get tired of calling his name. Even his name's so damn gorgeous, just like the man waiting for me downstairs, my man.

My lips stretched to a huge smile as soon as I saw the black bike with the man I love waiting for me. His eyes widened and his lips stretched to even a huger smile. He motioned his hands around his face and mouthed so damn clearly "looking beautiful, beautiful"

He chuckled a bit, when I flinched at the taste of not-so-tasty toothpaste in my tongue. Shit! I must be looking like a shit!

I ran to my bathroom and fixed myself as best as I could, I couldn't get myself to pay more attention as the honking from outside just got louder and louder. All I could think of was Jake waiting for me outside.

"Dad, no breakfast for me today!" I yelled as I ran towards the door.

When I was in a hurry to see Jake, even my clumsiness was afraid to get in the way! Charlie was quite used to this routine now. Neither Jake nor I have the patience to wait to gulp my breakfast when we could be spending time together. Whenever Jake decided to show up, I went school empty stomach. I seriously don't care; I mean I get to be with Jake.

"Yeah, got that!" Charlie yelled back.

I went out the door, my breath hitched to another level. I always loved the way he looked when he was standing that way waiting for me. His back resting on the seat and his long legs crossed out in front of him and his hand still aggressively honking the horn.

"Hey, gorgeous, what took you so long?" he said as he walked to me.

"Gorgeous, huh? I don't think I have toothpaste on my mouth and my hair isn't standing on its edge Jake!" I snapped.

Yeah, even fighting with Jake was heavenly.

"Yup, you don't but you still look beautiful" he said.

I don't think he got my point. Uh-huh… he was about to kiss me, and I swear once his lips melted on mine, I won't remember my point at all. With all my force, I moved away from him, pretending to be angry. Man, relationship makes you such a drama-queen.

"Aww, c'mon Bells. Are you mad at me?" he whined.

"Shut up Jake. Just take me to the god damn school"

What am I doing? Why am I fighting with him? I swear I'm not mad at him not even a bit, but fighting with him was one of the best parts of this relationship.

Jake quietly walked to the bike and started it, roaring it ordering me to take my seat. He was angry now. Great! Why am I acting so stupid?

I was cursing myself the whole way, why did I even start the damn thing when I wasn't even angry? PMS… has to be it!

When the bike came to an abrupt stop, I got off the bike slowly scared to face him. He must hate me right now; I'll be getting a beating if I tried something smart right now. I slowly walked away from him, feeling stupid as ever.

"Where do you think you're going?" he barked as he caught my hands.

Oh boy… this is bad. I slowly turned around, my face still facing the ground. I was thinking of how to start my apologies.

"I'm sorry Bells" I heard him say.

My heads snapped up and I found my caring boyfriend staring at me intensely. Why was he apologizing?

"No, Jake I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me; I know you were just teasing. I wasn't even angry…" but before I could complete my whining Jake cut me off taking my cheeks to his hands.

"Bells, you're wrong. I wasn't teasing…. I was serious. You have no idea just how much I wish I could see you wake up in the morning, you look beautiful all the time to me, and I mean it!"

My tears started falling down, told you it was that time of the month, as he hugged me tight into his embrace. I felt his warmth moving to me, my head buried to his chest. The sound of his heart beating in a steady pace was like music to my ears. This place that I was in, hands down my favorite place to be.

"I love you Bells" Jake whispered to my ears.

My breath choked in my throat, I was out of air. He loved me? I don't know if I was supposed to be happy or nervous about it, but I just couldn't find that little thing called voice to utter a single word to him.

"You're not in love with him Bells; you're obsessed with him even when he's not here!" Ellie yelled.

"You don't know what you're talking about El"

"Yes, I do. I'm smart enough to know what you're thinking Bells"

"Oh yeah what's that?" I snapped.

"You're not gonna give Jake a chance because you think Eddie- boy's here! Well news flash! He's not here!" Ellie yelled.

I thanked the universe that Charlie was running late with some case files to study about some bear attacks.

"How can you be so sure about that?" I raised my voice a notch.

"How can you be so sure that he's here?" Ellie snapped.

I had nothing to reply at that. Nothing would sound sensible to her.

"You know what, I promised you I'd go check that haunted house with you and we're gonna go visit that zombie ex-boyfriend of yours right now!" she said as she pulled me towards the door.

The loud sound of the bell ringing brought me back to present. Jake was in front of me, his hands fell to his side and his gaze was intense on me, but even so I could see just how much I'd hurt him. I was about to say something but he cut me off to it.

"Umm… Bella you need to get inside. I'll come to get you later. Bye honey" he said almost in a hurry as he kissed my hairline. His lips lingered on my forehead longer, I thought he was in a hurry, but he kissed my forehead for a good twenty five seconds, his warm breath sending electric vibe through my body.

I realized I had shut my eyes while he was kissing my forehead. I wanted to kiss him, his lips, explore his mouth with my eager tongue and feel that physical pain to be closer, more intimate to leave no space for even the air to pass through us. But I felt him loose his grip on me, let his lips slide down my cheek for a quick peck and suddenly I was cold. Jake was no more passing me the warmth of his embrace, when I opened my eyes he was starting his bike.

"Jake?" I stared in confusion.

"We'll talk later Bells. Get inside, you're getting late. Love you." he said as he roared the bike and left a pile of smoke through out the parking lot.

Even though he left, his face was clear in my head. He was hurt. I should've said something.

Jake made me feel complete, even with the hole in me. Jake saw that hole and accepted me as I was. He took the hole as his window to reach my soul, he'd said that himself. I smiled at the replay of our talk of the other guy. He never took Edward's name; even though I could take his name freely, hear his name without a problem now, it just showed just how much Jake cared.

Why didn't I say something? Damn… I hate it when I'm the reason for that look in his face. That look in his face always made me feel like I'm being tortured by getting boiled in hot pan oil or getting stuck inside a freezer. Painful!

I swore to myself that I'd fix this when I met him later in the evening, even if I had no idea how.

It seemed whenever I was waiting for the school to get over soon, the time always decided to drag itself just to have fun mocking me. It felt like I had spent a good eternity waiting for the lunch break to start.

As I took the badly filled plate to the table where my old groups of friends were talking enthusiastically about some bear-attacks, I found myself wondering what to say to Jake later.

"Bella, are you okay?" I heard Angela whisper.

"Huh?"

"You look worried, don't worry bears won't come to eat us here" she teased her voice still a whisper.

"Here?" I asked in confusion.

"Aren't you listening? The bear attack around the forest nearest to the town has been increasing. Almost half a dozen people are dead." She shuddered.

"Oh my god. I had no idea" I whispered back.

"Then why were you worried?" Angela asked again in that same low voice.

"Guy problem" I answered without even thinking.

It felt so odd, having a chance to discuss my guy-problem with another human being. In my last relationship I didn't have much freedom to talk about it, so this was something new to me.

Angela seemed shocked as well. It was the first time I ever bothered to mention my problems to anyone rather than myself.

"You wanna talk about it?" she asked looking worried.

And I did. I really did want to talk about it. I was so scared I had hurt Jacob that it was killing me inside.

"Jake just said that he loved me today. And I couldn't say it back to him" I whispered even lower.

Sharing things with Angela was fine, not with all the Forks High.

"Well… you just got out of one serious relationship. I guess its fine to be having second thoughts about it Bella." She said eyeing everyone making sure no one heard her.

She really understood my trusting issues with the gossip queens of the Forks High.

"I'm scared I might've hurt him. I mean he didn't ask me to say it back, but I'm really worried Angie"

"You worry too much Bells."

"Yeah… I've heard that before" I rolled my eyes. That was one of Jake's favorite lines.

"He really loves you, it's quite obvious you know we can sense it even if it's from three blocks away" she giggled as she started walking away.

"And can I be honest?" she asked when she saw me following her.

"Weren't you honest just now?" I arched my eyebrow.

"I mean can I be boldly honest?" she asked again.

I nodded, not sure if I wanted to hear it.

"I think Jake's hot! Sorry" she sheepishly admitted. "And I seriously think you guys have something so much more special than you know… your previous thing" she said.

Even she was considerate enough to not take names but I didn't have anything to say about her remarks. Those two relationships were simply not connected to me as far as I was concerned.

"I gotta run Bells. Hope you work things out with Jake" Angela said with a shy smile.

"Seriously Ellie, I don't think it's necessary. I'll work things out with Jake" I yelled as she drove my poor truck like she was punishing it.

"No… I'm leaving this week and I don't trust you with your way of working things out" she yelled with her infamous evil smile on her face.

I remained quiet, I didn't know what to expect as Ellie drove through the familiar path to the Cullen house. Charlie had handed her the directions.

I was so deep in my thoughts that I was confused as to why we stopped. When I realized we were there, my eyes produced an involuntary tear at the sight. I had never seen the beautiful grand house in such darkness. Right that moment, the place really did look haunted and seriously disturbing.

Ellie would've believed me if I had spilled the Cullen secret right then, the place looked like it belonged to bunch of vampires.

"You think someone's there?" she asked seriously.

"Of course not" I replied through my pain. That house was never in darkness.

"Well, they could be sleeping" she hushed.

"No, Ellie. You were right I was wrong, Edward's not here, no one's here. I should just really move on" I sighed as I rested my head on the window.

"I'm never wrong honey" Ellie smiled weakly and drove me back home.

Once again the loud sound of the bell ringing brought me back to present. The flashback made me ask myself a question. Why wasn't I ready? I mean I had admitted that he's the man I loved to myself just this morning. Why can't I just spill it? Why do I love those damn secrets so much?

Jake's crumpled face stared at me once again as I closed my eyes. It was like my insides were on fire. It was a hell in the making and I knew I couldn't bear it anymore. I was so happy that finally school came to an end, I was too eager to see my Jacob now!

(Author's note: so what do you think? Like it? Love it? Or hate it? Let me know!)