Title: Dysphoria
Summery: Reincarnation isn't always like it is in the fanfictions. Sometimes, you end up in a body you would never expect to have ended up in. Sometimes, you end up in a body, that is completely wrong. SI OC
Beta: SirKnight
Notes: This story contains possible triggers, themes that may make you uncomfortable and rather erratic thought processes.
Sitting in the Hokage's office was nerve wracking, mostly because I had no idea why I was there.
It had been a week since Sakumo tried to kill himself. Apparently, he hadn't actually cut deep enough to do a proper disemboweling, thank small mercies. He was on suicide watch in the hospital, and I was currently living alone.
"Hello Kakashi-kun." the Hokage said, smiling. I twitched slightly at the -kun, but ignored it.
"Hello Hokage-sama." I replied, bowing from my seat. "May I ask why you called me here?"
"I understand that you have been referring to yourself as 'transgender'."
"Is that a problem sir?"
"No, but I do want to know, who told you the word?" I frowned.
"No one, I read about it, and used it to define what I've always felt."
"And what have you always felt? Are you sure you've always felt like a girl, and never a boy?" I frowned once more, looking at him, confused, as I answered.
"Yeah, ever since I knew the difference between male and female, I've always known I was in the wrong body." The door opened and a blond man came in, carrying a file.
"Ah, Yamanaka-san." I frowned even more. Okay, a mind walker? What the hell was going on? "I was hoping you could speak with Kakashi about hi-her gender issues."
"I'm a girl!" I snapped, annoyed. "What is going on?"
"Nothing Kakashi-chan." Yamanaka-san said, as he waited for me to get off the chair I had been sitting on. We left the Hokage's office, the blond said while leading the way, "We just want to make sure you're transgender. Sometimes people think they are, and have their chakra around their abdomens, but they aren't really in the end."
"I am."
"I know, we just want to make sure."
"Just because I'm a child-"
"Kakashi-chan..." he said, interrupting me. "I know you're thinking we're being insensitive, but it is possible for some people to lay a genjutsu on someone's thoughts, to make them feel like they are a girl or boy."
"Why would someone do that?" I demanded.
"For some clans, it's a way to discredit people. The Uchiha in particular often force their trangendered members into betrothal contracts, or will severely... 'punish' the person." said Yamanaka, shrugging. I frowned, as I followed him. "The Inuzuka's often disown their transgendered members."
"Wow... What about the Yamanaka?" I couldn't help but ask him.
"We are mind readers. It's quite simple for us to actually know the truth." I nodded, and followed, thinking a bit.
If the Uchiha didn't accept transgendered people... how did Obito accept me so easily? He's a kid, he would rely solely on the words of his parents, who raised him and sheltered him. Had he already made his own opinions? After all, he was two years older than me... but, that was still too young...
Did he even know what I meant, when I said I was a girl?
-0-
Apparently, making sure meant asking me over and over again what my gender was, and how I knew that while the body was male, the mind was feminine. That got annoying, but I managed. Soon, I was let go, and I went back to sitting by Sakumo's side, as he simply stared at the ceiling.
"They told me to remove all sharp objects from the house." I said, idly. There was no answer. "So, I did what they asked. No more knives, unless you count my kunai, but those I'm keeping at Minato-sensei's. So, I guess it's take out for a while."
"It would have been better if I died." Sakumo croaked. I snorted.
"Well, that's where you're wrong. Without you, I'd be stuck with Minato, and he can't clean to save his life!"
"The brat never got over that, huh?" a jovial voice asked. I turned, and grinned at Jiraiya, who grinned back. "Hey, kiddo, I wanna talk to your dad for a second, alright? Go... buy dango or something." I nodded, standing up and leaving. He was technically still my sensei for the time being. I had to obey him.
I didn't go back for a while, not until almost two hours passed. When I got back into the room, Sakumo was actually sitting up, and laughing.
"Kashi-chan!" he said, smiling at me. I grinned, and walked up to him, letting him ruffle my hair, and then draw me into a hug. "I'm sorry." he muttered into my hair, "I didn't think..."
"It's alright tou-san. It's alright, I understand." I didn't, but he needed to hear it from me, that I did. A little white lie never hurt anyone.
-0-
Time passes by odd when your father is on suicide watch. He was monitored like a hawk in the hospital, and later when he was out. When I left for missions, he was watched by ANBU, so there was no chance of any mistakes.
He did well though, and seemed to have gotten past his suicidal urges, though I often caught a melancholy look on his face. However, he was eventually taken off the watch, and he got a civilian job, because according to the law, any shinobi who displays suicidal tenancies cannot take any missions for a year. If they went on suicidal missions, most looked the other way, but to try and kill yourself at home... well, that was a different story all together.
I am proud to say that I ended up becoming more comfortable with myself as time went on. I still experienced periods of body dysphoria, a word I learned from the Yamanaka clan, after I got dragged into a discussion about gender versus sex. I had just been walking by when I heard the Yamanaka who had mind walked with me, explain it to the younger clan members. I stuck around, talking with them, and learned a lot.
I took an interest in gender and sexual identity, studying it when I wasn't training or with my father. I learned quite a bit from the Yamanaka clan, and some from books. I often spoke with Obito about it, trying to see what he thought about it.
"I don't get it." he muttered, as I read a book written by the Yamanaka clan.
"Hmm?" I asked, turning the page.
"You said that gender isn't binary, right?"
"Yes. Boy, girl, transgender, bigender, agender, genderfluid... there are many genders, more then we know." I said, shrugging. "It's the same as sexuality. Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, demisexual, asexual-"
"How do you know all this? You're eight." Demanded Obito. "I'm ten and I only know like three of those things."
"I read." I said dryly. "And I attend the Yamanka sessions they have once in a while."
"Still, why the large interest?"
"I... I..." why was I so interested? Was I repaying my debt from so long ago, when I was a bully? Was I learning to educate myself so I could try and stop prejudice? Was I learning for myself? "I... I don't know."
-0-
I became chunin a month before I turned nine, much to my glee. It felt awesome to wear the vest, and be known as strong enough to hold that position. I was still placed under Minato as a student, but I was happy. I had slowly started to dress more and more feminine outside my home, wearing skirts once in a while, with leggings, and feminine tops.
I got stared at... a lot. I was also rather cruelly insulted by some people, the loudest being a Uchiha papernin. I refused to even comment, and instead went on my way. Minato glared at the guy a bit, but didn't do anything. Being a Hatake was already getting me into trouble. No need to bring anymore hate into it.
"Do you want to change your name?" Sakumo asked the day of my ninth birthday.
"Huh?" I asked, blinking.
"Kakashi is a male name." he said. "So, do you want a more feminine name?"
I frowned, thinking. Kakashi was a male name, and more harder sounding than most Japanese female names... but while I shortened it to Kashi in most conversations, I never actually thought of getting rid of it. Part of it was because, again, I used a nickname most of the time, the other part...
Well, I kind of wanted to keep it. Kakashi had been such an important figure in the manga... I never thought of Kakashi, even though I was Kakashi now, being called anything other than Kakashi. It just didn't make sense to me. The sound of Aiko-sensei or Keiko or something similar, didn't have the same ring as Kakashi-sensei.
It was also because I'd stolen Kakashi's place in this world. I had taken his rightful place, and I wanted to honor him. He was dead now, and in his place, a woman stood.
A woman... a woman stood in the place of Kakashi. A woman, not a man, a woman, who was going to have to go through hardship in life to be seen as anything more than a freak, or a disappointment, or a confused little boy. She was going to have to be strong, and be able to face it head on. She was going to have to work past her anger and her hate, and though some days it would be hard and she may feel like giving up... in the end, everything would be worth it.
I stood there, dressed in a black skirt paired with leggings and a simple long sleeve shirt, and made one of the most important decisions of my life.
"I'll keep Kakashi as my name." He was a strong man, who had been through hell. I would do the name justice.
-0-
"Kashi-chan," Minato said, two months after I had turned ten. The year had been hard, as I had officially come out to the population of Konoha. Our house had gotten defaced many times, but now it was with 'tranny' or 'he-she' on it. I ignored it, and kept on moving on. I had some bad days, when I contemplated the sharp end of my kunai, but I refused to go that route. Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura needed Kakashi, and I would live for them, if I couldn't live for myself.
"Hai?" I asked.
"The Hokage has asked me to accept two new teammates." he said. I grinned under my mask, knowing instantly who they are. "We're picking them up today."
"Hai sensei, who are they?" I asked, following him, and ignoring the looks. I was wearing a skirt, having gotten into the habit of wearing leggings underneath, so I wasn't flashing anyone.
"Uchiha Obito and Nohara Rin." Well, this was going to be fun! I was extremely giddy as we went to pick up the two. I wasn't thinking about the future at that time, only about how awesome it was going to be to have my friend there with me, learning and growing to become ninja.
OMAKE- What if I had gone with Itachi?
"Why aniki?!" Sasuke sobbed, looking up at me with his big tear filled eyes. I stared at him, unable to think as my hands shook. "Why?"
"Because I'm not your aniki." I said, as I stared at him. "I'm not!" I felt my own tears rise to the surface, remembering all the pain and hate and anger I felt living in the Uchiha clan, unable to be who I was, being forced to conform to their beliefs. "I'm your onee-san."
-0-
Well... next chapter will be the fun one! YAY!
Okay, quick reason on me using the Inuzuka as being prejudice: I based this kind of on my brother, who is a biologist. He's fine with homosexuality, but gender issues make him uncomfortable. Why? Because while out in the wild many animals are homosexual (Look up sheep), gender issues seem to go against nature. As such, this is why the Inuzuka are prejudice, because it makes them uncomfortable.
Review please!