All You Could
Matt knew, had seen Kelly's devastation, could even feel it, at having to leave a young woman behind, to succumb to the fire that surrounded her. The fire had been out of control before they even arrived at the scene of the house fire but Kelly had tried desperately to reach the young woman who had been trapped by the fire despite the rapidly deteriorating conditions. Matt knew that Kelly, or any of the men and women would have tried their best like he had, but he also suspected that Kelly pushed himself further due to the young woman's resemblance to his fallen best friend, to Shay.
Truck 81 had been the last to leave the scene and return to the firehouse. Squad 3 had helped with overhaul but Boden had ordered them back seeing that Kelly's usual hardened exterior was faltering in the wake of the body retrieval despite how hard he tried to hide it. Matt was worried, rightfully so, knowing the spiral that Kelly had travelled down into after Shay's death. Some memories couldn't be erased, and it seemed the bad memories were the easiest to relive. Matt got out of the truck and stripped out of his turnout gear before he looked around the apparatus floor seeing every member of Squad cleaned up and at the table playing cards with the exception of Kelly.
"Where is he?" Casey asked knowing the rest of the members of Truck were headed for the showers, and he could understand the need to get clean but Kelly was his priority.
"He was in his quarters." Cruz answered, his own worry evident for his Lieutenant. Matt gave an appreciative nod of thanks and he walked away, heading for Kelly's quarters.
Matt went in search of Kelly once he found that his quarters were empty, he searched through the firehouse foregoing the locker room knowing that it was occupied by the various members of his team, and that he would want privacy. The feeling of panic was increasing as each place he checked showed no sign of Kelly.
"Casey." Herrmann called sensing his panic and having seen his worried eyes at the scene. Casey was on his second lap on the firehouse and was passing the common room once again heading for their quarters. Matt stopped as Herrmann made his way over to him.
"I was the last out of the locker room. Might want to check there now." Herrmann advised quietly knowing that Kelly had made his way in as he walked out, and he was in a state.
"Thanks Herrmann." Matt clasped his shoulder briefly before turning away and heading for the locker room knowing what Herrmann was saying without saying it.
Matt walked into the silent locker room and began to look around in search of Kelly. It appeared as though the locker room was empty until he checked the showers. He found Kelly sitting fully clothed in one of the shower cubicles staring blankly at the yellow tiled wall with his knees pressed up to his chest. His eyes were red rimmed and he was seemingly despondent. Matt kneeled down on the ground, moving into his line of sight but being careful not to startle him.
"Kel, you did everything you could. There was nothing else to do." Matt spoke softly, his concern heightened as he looked over Kelly and realised that he had suffered a nasty burn to his left wrist given the blistering that had already formed. "Kel, honey, you've got a second degree burn that we need to get treated." Terms of endearment were never used between the two men whilst on shift at work but given the situation the professional demeanour had slipped. There was no recognition as he didn't shift his gaze from the tiles.
Matt was running out of ideas and options, and his concern was only growing by the second. He stood up and stepped into the confined shower cubicle then shut the curtain behind himself blocking out the world around them. He stepped in behind Kelly and slid down so that his own body was trapped between the cool wall and Kelly's trembling frame. He wrapped his arms over Kelly's shoulders letting his hands rest over his clothed chest, and rested his chin on his broad shoulder. His actions seemed to spur Kelly out of his stupor but that bought an onslaught of emotions.
Kelly lifted his right hand to Matt's arm and wrapped it around softly, there was no power behind his grip. He let his head drop back against Matt's shoulder as his body shuddered. "She's dead." The cracking of his voice was heart breaking; if it wasn't for the silence of the locker room he wouldn't have been heard. Matt wasn't exactly sure whether Kelly was talking about the woman from the fire or Shay or both. "I know honey. There was nothing more you could have done. There was nothing any of us could do." He'd say it a thousand times for Kelly to hear, for him to believe if that's what he needed. "I couldn't save her." Matt tightened his hold knowing there was nothing he could do or say in the moment to erase the pain that Kelly was in despite how much he wanted too.
"Sev, honey?" Matt questioned softly, time had passed slowly but eventually Kelly stopped shuddering as his body was exhausted with the emotions that were coursing through it. His entire body had gone lax in his arms, and whilst it was concerning, Matt was somewhat relieved as well that Kelly was finally calming.
"Mmm..." Kelly was too exhausted, both physically and emotionally, to speak. He turned his head and softly pressed his face into Matt's neck inhaling the scent of smoke mixed with the body-wash that lingered on his skin.
"Let's get you up and to your quarters. You need to sleep." Matt kept his voice low purposefully. He wished he could take him home to their bed but they still had hours to go on their shift. He wasn't even sure if he was completely aware of where they were, where he had ended up. There was no protest so Matt carefully slid himself out from behind Kelly and stood up then helped him up, taking most of his weight as he learnt against him heavily. They made their way slowly out of the locker room.
"Need some help Casey?" Herrmann asked softly as he walked out of the laundry room and into the bunk room. His concern was evident for the exhausted Lieutenant.
"Could you get the door?" Matt was using all his energy to keep Kelly upright, and not to topple over. Herrmann nodded and moved quickly, opening the door widely and then closing it softly behind them once they were inside the small room.
Matt practically laid Kelly down on the bed then walked to the windows, turning down all of the blinds to give them privacy. He turned back to him and stepped forward, gently removing his boots and setting them on the floor. He waited a few minutes seeing that he had settled and his breathing had evened out meaning he was asleep. He gently treated the burn to his wrist then wrapped it, all without waking him. He wanted to stay but he desperately needed a shower himself and there was paperwork that had to be done. He slipped out of his quarters reluctantly, silently hoping that there would be no calls for Squad for a while, if not the rest of the shift.