Chapter Nine – Part Two;
Each nightmare was usually different, but they all had the same outcome. I'd leave James in many different ways cause he'd be angry at me in many different ways. But lately, they slowly started to become the same. The same nightmare of me about to slit my wrist, James barging in and yelling at me. It was useless and horrible, but it's not like I could help it.
"I hope you guys have a great weekend…" The teacher smiled. I continued to play with my thumbs, not listening to the woman who stood at the front of the class room. The only thing that mattered while the sounds of the clock ticking filled the room was the fact I would be going home soon. I waited impatiently, wishing the weekend would just come. Eventually the bell rang throughout the school, making me and all the other students quickly stand up to gather all of our things.
'Go on, kill yourself. I bet no one would even notice you useless swine' James' sentence from those awful nightmares popped up out of nowhere, making me cringe and almost drop my stuff.
I sighed and gathered my things, about to exit the classroom. "Wait-Kendall." The teacher said suddenly. I stopped and turned around, holding the door as other students walked out.
"Before you go, the principle wants to see you." I nodded, waking out of the classroom without another word. I walked through the halls, going past students and teachers. Everyone was a little sadder without Mr. Garcia's familiar face around every corner. It was kind of depressing in a way. To be honest I was starting to miss seeing his cheerful face.
I walked to that same, familiar and brooding building. I held my backpack on my shoulder then walked in. There were a few people here and there, but they didn't really bother me. I walked up to the woman who sat behind the reception desk. I rested my hands on the desk then leaned over the rather tall counter to look at the woman.
"Hey- uhmm- I'm here to see-"
"-Kendall? Glad you could make it. Please step into my office." I turned my head and smiled at the principle before pushing off the desk and awkwardly walking to her. She smiled at me, letting me follow her into her office.
We walked in, the room being lit brightly from the large windows. Her office was rather bright and colourful, but it was scary all the same. She sat down at her desk, letting me sit in front of her. I sat in the chair, smiling at the woman in front of me.
"Did you want to see Rebecca any time soon?" She asked with a friendly smile.
"No thank you, I can get by on my own." I smiled.
"Now, with Mr. Garcia losing his job, you realise what yours and Mr. Diamonds relationship is risking? Right?" The woman smiled.
"Of course I know, we've both known from the start. There's nothing going on between us anymore, I'm just staying at his house until mum calms down…" I lied. I looked down at my feet, hoping that she believed me.
"Interesting, I'll have to take your word on it as I'm not keen on losing another staff member." She smiled.
"Don't worry- uhmm, can I leave now?" I asked cautiously.
"Yeah, of course." She smiled before returning to the paperwork on her desk. I was a little confused as to what was so important about me seeing her, especially when it was for something as short as that. Before I left, I turned back to look at her.
"Hey- uhmm, what do you think nightmares are caused by? Just out of curiosity…" I nervously asked.
"Nightmares? Well, I think that all dreams are either cause by our greatest desires or fears. Even weird dreams like going to the shops to buy ice-cream. Maybe deep down, like, at some weird point of the day you wanted ice-cream. But you didn't get any and you just continued with your day. The desire for ice-cream may have reappeared in your dreams. As for nightmares, they're just weird things that you're afraid of being put into an image…" She answered, looking down at her paperwork.
"What do you think about people getting nightmares like- under certain circumstances? Like, say if someone were to get nightmares when not sleeping in a certain spot…. Is that possible?" I questioned carefully.
"Well, I honestly don't know. Maybe if you're in an unfamiliar place… How come? Are you having weird nightmares?"
"Pfft- no, not at all. It's just for a science paper." I smiled. "Thanks anyway Ms. Wainwright." I smiled as I walked out the door. I tried to walk down the hall as fast as I could, but I stopped as I almost ran into a large guy.
"Woah- sorry!" I said as I looked at the guy.
"Only dogs run into people…" The man growled loudly.
"Hey- who are you to call me a dog?" I spat back before I walked away.
"I-"
"-Gustavo! Don't harass my students!" The principle yelled. The man glared at me through coloured lenses before scoffing and walking away.
"He ran into me," he whined softly. I rolled my eyes then continued with my leave.
I left the school building then walked to the carpark. I decided that I'd go visit Logan on my way home. I stood by my car for a moment, looking at the school then at the other people in the car park. I sighed as I thought about James, and when I thought about that stupid nightmare. I wondered what would happen if I actually did kill myself… I used to wonder about that all the time before I met James, all because I wasn't happy with my life.
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
As I drove, I couldn't shake the thought away from my mind. What would happen if I were to actually disappear one day? Would anyone really care? Like, mums got some weird grudge against me, and I could take away everything James has in one swift movement. I shook my head as I concentrated on the road, pulling into the mental ward.
I exited my car, closing the door and approaching the building. I slipped my hands into my pockets, the cool air growing chillier by the second. The sky was slightly dark and dreary, I was sensing some colder weather later tonight.
I entered the building, taking note of how bleak and boring it was. It was awfully similar to a regular hospital but it was full of people who either couldn't tell the difference between their fingernail and their leg to people who thought carrying around a painting of a bible was the only thing that mattered in the world. It made me feel out of place, making me worry for Logan.
I asked a woman behind a barred counter if I could visit said brunette. I only had an hour max. The woman led me down a few halls, deciding it would be alright for me to visit Logan in his room.
The hall stretched out in front of us. It seemed to grow longer the more we walked. I walked past many different doors, windows and people. The whole building made me feel uneasy, but I needed to see my best friend. We reached a room close to the end of the 'never ending' hallway. She knocked on the door, then slowly opened it up.
"Hello Logan, you've got a visitor. I'll be back in an hour to collect him." The woman spoke sweetly. Logan sat at a small desk pushed against a window. He sat there, staring out the window lost in thought.
"That's funny, no one visits me." Logan said with a sad smile.
"That's a lie- I always do." I retorted, the sound of my voice making Logan instantly turn around and run at me. He hugged me tightly, knocking the breath out of my lungs.
"Took you long enough!" He yelled. He took a step back and smiled, gesturing to his bed. "Take a seat, go on- sit down. Can you please bring us some water?" Logan looked at me then the blonde haired woman at the door.
"Only this once," She said sternly before walking away. I sat down on the bed, watching as Logan sat in his desk chair and faced me. I looked at his face, realising it was getting worse every time I saw him. It was as if this place was making him sicker instead of better. His hair was an absolutely crazy mess and dark rings hung under his eyes. His skin was pale and sickly.
"Are you alright?" I asked.
"Not really… To be honest. I'm so tired, like, I can't sleep at all. I've been having the worst nightmares ever…" Logan admitted as he played with a blunt pencil on his desk.
"Nightmares?"I leaned forward, suddenly very interested in what he was talking about.
"Yeah, nightmares about Carlos… Nothing bad, just him leaving me. Nothing much." Logan stated as he looked down. I didn't know how to react of what to say. "Have I missed much from school? Has mum woken up yet?" Logan asked.
"No, but your dads coming home in a few days. I think… School just sucks, and it's kinda lonelier without Mr. Garcia around to light it up…" I answered.
"I'm a bit lonelier without Carlos to light me up…" Logan slammed the pencil onto the table with his palm. "Ugh- I miss him so much. I mean- these dreams aren't helping. I never had them in his house." Logan groaned.
"I don't know if this is a good time to state it… But I know what you mean about the nightmares… I mean, I get them all the time but with James… I only get them when we're not in the same bed." I admitted.
"That's so fucking weird-"
"-what did I tell you about using that language in my building?" The woman asked as she suddenly appeared with water and two cups. Logan instantly burst into tears as the woman spoke. The woman rolled her eyes then walked out. I stared at Logan, confused with what I should do with him.
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I genuinely felt bad for Logan. I felt like the way he felt was partially because of me, but I couldn't help that. I drove home, going through my usual afterschool routine. I parked the car, walked up to the apartment, went inside and dumped my shit by the door, got food, procrastinated against doing my homework then fell asleep on the couch.
I turned over on the couch at the sound of rustling in the apartment. James didn't usually come home until a little before 5. I opened my eyes to see James in the kitchen.
"What're you doing? Are you making dinner? I just ate…" I said groggily as I pushed myself into a sitting position. I must have caught James off guard as he was quick to wipe the empty, sad expression off his face to smile.
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
"It's almost seven. You sleep way too much," James stated as I slowly walked to him. I felt like a zombie, and I prayed I didn't look like one. I lazily approached James then wrapped my arms around him in an even lazier fashion. I nuzzled my nose into him and breathed in his scent. He smelt of deodorant and slight sweat, but it smelt good anyway. A little like oranges to be precise.
"You look lonely… Don't be lonely…" I shook my head and closed my eyes, just holding him.
"By the way I'm not cooking, I'm cleaning you-"
"-did you listen to me? Don't stand around looking lonely if I'm a part of your life. Okay. So, what's bothering you?" I asked before I yawned and stretched out my body. I moved to sit on a bar stool as I watched James finish what he was doing.
"I just think… We need to leave out all the rest. Okay? I love you, and you love me. That's all we need, right?" James asked sadly.
Leave out all the rest
"Of course it is," I yawned with a smile. "And if 'the rest' get to us, we can just learn to love again. Okay? I love you so much James, like, it literally hurts… Sometimes. But you get me, right?" I asked the last part feeling slightly annoyed.
And we can learn to love again
James stared at me for a moment before he sighed and stopped what he was doing completely. He grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the door. I groaned and forcefully followed him. He grabbed a set of keys before we walked out the door. Holding hands in that hallway was more dangerous than anyone could fathom, and it was super annoying.
He pulled me to a stairwell, then opened the door. He practically dragged me up the stairs, I had eventually given up as I wasn't completely awake yet. So in the end he grabbed me and threw me over one of his shoulders as he walked to the top of the stairs.
He opened the door to the rooftop and stepped out, putting something in the way so we could get back in. We moved to some old bricks that were over by the edge of the building. By this point he had put me down and we were sitting, staring at the small town as the sun had finished setting over it.
"Look. We need to leave out all the rest, okay. None of the people down there can matter to us." James said as he pointed out at Minnesota. He sounded more like he was trying to convince himself rather than me more than anything else.
"But why? Why do we have to? Why can't they just leave us?" I whined as I grabbed some rubble and threw it off the building.
Just give me a reason
Leave out all the rest
we're not broken just bent
and we can learn to love again
"Kendall," I turned my head in response to my name. The area around us had definitely gotten cooler. I could feel the tips of my ears and nose freeze. They were probably red, just like James'. James cupped both sides of my face, then leaned forwards. He pulled me closer to him, kissing me with dry, cold lips. I kissed him back, allowing our lips to rub together like sticks and create a warm fire burning with passion.
Just give me a reason,
He slowly pulled away then rested out foreheads together.
Just give me a reason,
"James, please…" I closed my eyes and rested my hands on his biceps, breathing slowly as my heart sped up in contrast.
"I love you…" He said shakily. "And we're going to leave out all the rest, alright?"
"Alright…" I embraced the moment, deciding what I had right here, was just enough. Having James being this close to me, this was the only thing that mattered in the whole world right now.
And I never wanted to let it go.
Even though I was confused, and was never going to have all of my questions answered. Knowing that this right here was enough, I knew that was all I truly needed.
Just give me a reason...
... To leave out all the rest
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~ I sat here and stared at it with tears in my eyes like 'no, I can't believe I'm finishing it'. Thanks for sticking with me through the whole thing, and if you're new, thanks for reading! I hope you all enjoyed Give Me a Reason to Leave Out All the Rest, based off P!nk and Nate Ruess' song Just Give Me a Reason and Linken Park's song Leave Out All the Rest. I own neither song of BTR, just the idea. And just in case you're wondering, yes, I'm working on a sequel. Well, it's more so the Cargan half of the story. Here's a link to what I've written and posted so far; s/10515921/1/I-m-Like-a-Far-Away-Chance 3 Thanks heaps for reading again – Bebo ~
Just Some Kames Fluff to Leave You With;
~ Authors PoV ~
"If I, fall for you… I'll never recover… If I, fall for you… I'll never be the same~" James' beautiful voice rang through the schools music room. Kendall smiled as he leaned against the door, listening in from outside. James always played piano at lunch times, it was his favourite thing about the school. The large grand piano played each key perfectly as he sang along.
Kendall spent every lunch James spent in the small room sitting outside, listening in on his lovers beautiful voice and perfect piano skills. He closed his eyes, blocking out the world as he listened in. The song stopped halfway through, making Kendall groan and move to stand up. As he did, the door swung in, making Kendall fall back.
"I believe my piano requires assistance," James said in the 'fanciest' voice he could muster.
"Jesus- I was sitting there." Kendall whined as he stood up. James smiled, helping his boyfriend into a proper standing position.
"And now you're not. Instead of listening in, why don't you just come and join in?" James grinned excitedly as he pulled Kendall inside the music room. He closed and locked the doors behind him, giving Kendall a quick peck on the lips before returning to his piano.
"Go grab a guitar." He smiled. Kendall nodded, grabbing a guitar then pulling a stool next to him. He got comfy and looked at James' sheet music, seeing the guitar chords written on top. He then looked at James and watched as he started to play the song from where he had left off. Eventually Kendall joined in, allowing their instruments to flow together.
"I think about you every night and day~" James would look at his piano then back at Kendall every now and then, the biggest, most beautiful and ridiculous smile ever being pulled onto his face. Kendall smiled back, strumming and adding small backup vocals, only making the song all the more beautiful for the two to enjoy together.
The song slowly came to an end, making Kendall smile widely like the huge idiot that he is.
"When you think about it, we fell in love here." James stated as he played a random happy tune. Kendall blushed a little, finger picking some strings to match the joyful tune.
"I guess we did," the two laughed a little. James leaned over Kendall's guitar, giving Kendall a chaste kiss before returning to the piano.
"I love you Kendall…" James smiled cheerily. "You're my one Kendall." Kendall leaned over his guitar to place a soft kiss to James' temple.
"And you're my star," he whispered before sitting up right. James blushed like crazy, shuffling his sheet music as he awkwardly tried to pull himself together. "Hey- calm down." Kendall laughed.
"I fucking love you Kendall. So, so much," James said breathlessly. The very sight of Kendall really was breath taking to James. Just as it was for Kendall when he saw James. They took each other's breath away. They stole each breath from each other, so that in return, each breath they gave back could be full of the strong love they had for each other.
"I love you too," Kendall grinned the smile that James loved to see most. The smile where the corners of Kendall's eyes and the bridge of his nose would crinkle. The smile where you could see his dimples. The smile that showed James that he had truly stolen Kendall's heart.
And he never intended on giving it back.
the end :)
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