Hello!

After yet another mammoth absence I have returned with Part 9. Think of Part 9 as a transition chapter, it's the breathing space that I needed to get to the mess to come and my way of getting Leah back where I needed her to be, she has a part to play in what is to come that's quite important but I've always wanted her to have more opportunities and to live a little life.

Thank you all for the reviews, they motivate the creative mind and have stopped me ripping my hair out many times so please keep them coming. I am hoping to have Part 10 up in two or so weeks but I've hoped for lots of things but keep watching this space, I will be back!

All That's Left Is A Girl (and Part 9 for now)

Part 9

It had been five days since I sat in Jacob's living room.

I hadn't heard from him since then and by agreement I hadn't sought him out.

Edward had disappeared without a backward glance and who could blame him.

The Quileute Wolf Pack hadn't tried to contact me and I hadn't tried to contact them.

Matt had gone fishing with my father in some weird attempt to make Charlie like him.

I had been left to entertain myself or as Matt hoped, take some time to relax.

All it did was give me time to think about how little things had changed in the world that I had grown up in. Forks, was so similar to when I left that I sometimes wondered if there was some strange time warp around the town. The dinner had the same food served by the same servers. The grocery story sold the same products and the same prices. The little bookstore and coffee shop had managed not to be taken over by a chain like Starbucks or Barnes and Nobles. If it hadn't been for the likes of Angela's little hippy boutique and the changes that Mike had made to Newton's I might have believed a little more in my time warp theory.

It was an unseasonably warm day at least for spring with temperatures climbing into the late seventies so I had taken advantage of the lack of rain or a cloud in the sky and curled up outside on a deck chair in the backyard. I had started the morning by finishing the artifact cataloging that I had brought with me, defrosted and then put steaks in a marinade to go with the broccoli and mashed potatoes that I planned on making for dinner, had a quick lunch of left over spaghetti and then indulged myself with a little red wine, dark chocolate and Pride and Prejudice. Really anything to get my mind off the itching splint that Carlisle had insisted had to stay on my arm for another three days and the fact that I was alone again. At least Carlisle had relented and taken the hard cast off.

Jacob had been a taboo subject in my father's house and my attempts to talk to Matt about everything that had happened with Jacob and Melika had been quashed. He didn't want to talk about or have to deal with anything to do with the Quileute Pack unless he absolutely had to and that more than included Jacob Black. I felt bad about it too because I was sure his reluctance to deal with them had to do with the fact he missed his own Clan and Jacob was one of the main things that was stood in the way of me changing my mind and all of us returning to the welcoming seclusion of the Clan.

I heaved a contented sigh, closing my book.

I loved the moment that Elizabeth realized that she was in love with Mr. Darcy. It was a moment of complete devastation where she felt that all hope for love had been lost and that her own circumstances were beyond repair.

What I never understood was why in books it always takes moments of complete devastation for the heroine to realize that she is truly in love? Why can't a story just start with a love so strong that nothing can tear it up and it stay that strong from the start of the story to the finish? I guess that made my own turning point a little ironic. Jacob's life wasn't in danger when I realized that I had fallen in love with him, mine was.

Soft foot falls echoed against the side of the house, the light breeze brought the scent of disinfectant, old blood, vanilla and lemon body wash and caramel floating from behind me. I smiled despite myself but stayed still. The footsteps were slow, each foot placed gently and deliberately one in front of the other in an attempt to sneak up on me or test my reflexes or perhaps both.

"Trying your hand at sneaking around Clearwater?" I asked, setting my book on the ground under my chair.

"I'd heard that you really are a wolf girl now, can't say I believed the rumors right away." Leah said as I turned to look at the tall Quileute girl standing behind me, her arms crossed as she looked at me quietly apprising me.

"Do you now?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"I hoped for your sake it wasn't true." She smiled at me.

"Leah, it's good to see you!" I exclaimed getting quickly to my feet and hugging her. She laughed hugging me back enthusiastically. "What are you doing here?"

"Sam made me come home from school. Seems like there was another wolf pack running around on our territory. It's freaking him out, he wanted reinforcements." She raised an eyebrow at me as I stepped back. I couldn't say that I was surprised that Sam was calling in the reinforcements but it did sting a little.

"I understand that but what are you doing here as in speaking with the big bad enemy?" I asked, glad to see her but unsure what to expect.

Leah had hated me and I had hated her attitude when I first met her. Only problem was that we both understood each other. Leah and I had a rough start but in the short time that I was with the Pack and allowed to be with Jacob, her and I had found a way to be friends. I had always been sure that she missed having a bond with another female after Emily betrayed her in her eyes with Sam. It turned out that we had been what each other had needed. I had even managed for a while to bridge the gap that separated her and Emily; unfortunately it hadn't lasted after I left.

"Being that we are both destructive elements to the Pack I thought that we could use some safety in numbers. That and Charlie loves me." Leah grinned wickedly. "So tell me about the wolf thing?" She pulled a chair up alongside mine and leaned in like she figured the story would make for juicy gossip.

"Only if you will tell me about medical school Dr. Clearwater." I bargained sitting down again.

"Sure but somehow I think your story is going to be a lot more interesting." She draped herself almost lazily in her lawn chair.

"Where to start?" I shook my head. "I met Dan and Matt in Collage."

"And they are the other werewolves?" Her gaze was steady like my story was the most interesting thing she had heard in years.

"Yes. I didn't know that when we first met, that they were werewolves I mean. Rosalie didn't like them much but then she didn't really like anyone I liked so that was no big surprise. I didn't realize that her instincts were telling her that Matt and Dan were dangerous." I laughed.

"If it's possible to like vampires, then I would have to admit that I didn't hate the blonde bitchy one like I did the rest of the Cullen clan." Leah laughed with me.

"Yeah, that's right Clearwater, laugh it up." I nudged her knee with my bare toes. "Isabella Swan is too stupid to know when she's hanging around werewolves."

"Yeah, yeah whatever. So what happened?"

"Matt was charming, good looking and so serious that it made him seem silly sometimes. He's smart and good with his hands and so passionate about the things that he loves. He reminded me of Jacob. He spent so much time pursuing me, just like Jake did and Rosalie and Emmett were gone and there was a collage party and lots of alcohol…" I sighed. The rest didn't need to be said, the implication hung in the air along with the blush that reddened my cheeks.

"Oh my god Swan, you didn't?" She exclaimed, throwing her head back and howling. My face was burning I was blushing so hard. That was the part of my own tale that I didn't like. I wasn't known for making great decisions but it was the first time in my life I had gotten drunk and had a one night stand.

"What? Like you never did anything stupid all in the name of trying to get over Sam or even back at him?" I protested knowing that I had talked her out of many a hair brained idea to make her Alpha's life a misery.

"Wasn't preaching that. Shit, ask Paul what it was like to be on the receiving end of Sam's wrath. To this day I let it slip into my thoughts just to torture them both on occasion." She nudged me back. It was my turn to laugh. At least I didn't feel so bad any more or so stupid.

"Well I got increasingly drunk at said party and Matt took me home and somewhere in the middle of sex he bit me." I shrugged. "It shouldn't have been a big deal. I remember being pissed that he broke the skin but I went to sleep without a problem. It didn't even really hurt. The problem was I didn't wake up for seven days after I fell asleep that night." I looked down at the grass.

Thinking about what happened was hard sometimes. It was just that there was so little choice in the situation for me. I got drunk, made a mistake and woke up in a bed that I didn't recognize in a country that I wasn't from and I was being told I wasn't me anymore. I was a werewolf and with that came a set of responsibilities that I was in no way prepared to except.

"I'm sorry." Leah said. I could see empathy all over her face. She knew what it was like. To be a girl with a plan one minute and have the future ripped away from you in the next. I had been lucky that there were no Alpha Orders shackling me to a position that I couldn't leave or crazy instincts that demanded that I fight to the death for strangers and people that I hardly knew.

"Me too. There isn't any pain. You just fall into this crazy deep and dreamless sleep and then you wake up or you don't. If you do that's when the fun starts. If you don't they find a way to take care of your body." I shrugged. "These Clans have more members and secrets then the Masons or the Mafia. Most of the time you wouldn't know a Clan wolf from a human."

"Then how did you end up living in South America?" Leah was frowning. I didn't blame her, finding out that there are other beings that are supposed to be fictional aren't so fictional after all. It had come as quite a shock to me too, especially when added to the discovery that my Quileute friends were shape-shifters rather than werewolves with the potential to be so much more than their legends and knowledge had limited them too.

"I woke up in the north of England, in this huge manor home that must have been built at the dawning of time and that has been the seat of the Wainwright family for god knows how many years. Matt was so happy that I woke up and excited that I had made the Change successfully that he didn't seem to understand why I wouldn't be thrilled. He told me I was a werewolf, that he had Made me and I was a part of his family's Clan." I explained. "Then there were these crazy rules and then they told me, oh yeah sorry but you can't ever see your parents again or the Cullens or finish collage. I was supposed to spend a year in England learning how to be a werewolf, then since Matt had Made me, which is like some primal way of staking a claim, I was to be mated to him in some crazy Clan ceremony evolving blood and flesh and we all know how well I do with blood. Together we were to move back here, find a place to set up base and head up the American side of the Wainwright Clan."

"Whoa, that's a bit heavy to wake up to." Leah looked shocked. "So that's what you were doing in South America? Sitting in a Mayan palace playing at werewolf princess?"

"Oh god no!" I groaned inwardly at her lack of knowledge of ancient Native American civilizations. "After the first full moon, when I realized that it wasn't all some sick twisted sort of joke, I called Rosalie and had her put me on the first plane back to Oregon. I didn't want to be a part of the great Wainwright family legacy. I wanted to be an anthropologist; I wanted to spend birthdays and holidays with my parents and friends." I shook my head.

What I hadn't known about was the collateral damage.

The minute I called Rosalie and made arrangement to reject the Clan and go back to my life, I ended life as he knew it for Matt. Clan doesn't abandon their own but they do banish them to teach them a lesson under certain circumstances. There is nothing worse than being Clan and being alone. According to Ian Wainwright wither I wanted any part of the Wainwright family or not I was Matthew's responsibly. He would not be welcome within Clan holdings until either I was dead or I had decided to take my place within the Clan. That was the responsibility that I lived with every day.

"That's some fucked up shit." Leah shook her head while managing to look a little miffed. I didn't expect her next question. "You went to school in Oregon?"

"Yeah. " I laughed. "Gooooo Ducks! Where did you think I went Timbuktu?"

"I never gave it a ton of thought I just figured that you were far far far away from here." She shrugged. "If I'd known you were that close Swan I would have found a way to go visit you."

"Yeah, sure, over Sam's dead and decaying body." I stood up abruptly. "Come on, I'll get us some sodas."

"Lately I feel that that arrangement would benefit a lot of people." She muttered under her breath. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to hear it or not so I didn't say anything in reply. Things between Sam and Leah were never going to be perfect or perhaps even comfortable. "So you're an anthropologist?"

"Yeah. Well, right now I'm a research assistant at this Inca temple site in Peru. It's the first time it's been properly excavated. It's really interesting stuff actually. We're getting a lot of pottery right now but there have been some small human bone fragments collected to." I nodded.

"And you're a werewolf?" She accepted the cola that I pulled out of the refrigerator and swung herself up onto the counter top.

"Only when I have to be." I shrugged.

"And there is no pack-mind?" She gave me a dead pan look.

"This is starting to feel an awful lot like a fishing expedition." I frowned; leaning against the kitchen table and popping open my soda. "Did Sam send you here for intel?"

"Really?" Leah looked disgusted and more than a little annoyed. "Fuck off Bella. I haven't seen or heard from you in years, only ever heard that you were 'doing okay' from Charlie. You were supposed to be my friend but you up and disappeared on me too, no forwarding address, nothing." She made annoyed looking quotation marks with her fingers as she glared at me. "I've missed you Bella so when I find out that you're here and drop in to find out what's happened in the last six years of your life I can't just be interested in your life; I have to be spying for Sam? Sam of all fucking people?"

"Yeah Leah, life is a mess here. I don't know all of the rules for the lines that I'm walking any more. Sam hates me more than ever and I broke the agreement that I held with him. If I were him, I'd be looking for intel so that he could work out if we were a danger to his people and if there were more of us then it had appeared." I put my soda down on the counter almost aggressively and ran my hands through my hair, mimicking a movement that I had picked up from Jacob years before.

"You're fucking paranoid." She bit out in response, her posture still stiff but there was pity in her eyes. "I'm not spying for Sam. I promise you that. Anyway, Jake told me about your agreement with Sam. It was fucked up that he made you do that and just for the record, all the Pack like and respect your father, no one will let him get hurt."

"You're right, I'm paranoid but I won't apologize for asking. You would have too if you were in my shoes. It's not just me anymore; I have to protect my father, my Clan." I rubbed the toe of my sneaker off the linoleum flooring.

"Maybe I should head out." Leah looked at me through partially lowered lids. The defensive walls that I recognized so well in her were rising.

"You don't have to. It's just been a while since I saw a friendly Quileute face." I took a deep breath and went for the peace maker. "No," I answered her question from earlier. "We don't have a pack-mind. Sometimes I think that having a pack-mind would make life a lot easier but then I remember what you and Jake used to tell me about the lack of privacy. I don't think I'd like it all that much."

"Why do you only phase during the full moon?"

"Why do you want to know Clearwater? Is this twenty questions or something? I thought we were going to talk about you." I sipped at my soda and leaned up against the counter top opposite her.

"Woopy, I'm going to school to be a doctor. It's so exciting. Exams and classes and working for 48 hours or more straight. I'm either taking care of vomiting children or have my arms up to my elbows in some dude's insides. There's lots of blood and viscous fluids involved which we both know you don't do well with. I spend most of my life exhausted and at the back of my mind I know that once school is over duty will have to take priority again. I was only allowed off reservation to go to school because it would benefit the Pack in the long run, once school is over, no more freedom for me. There we talked about me; now answer the fucking question Swan." She gave me another one of her famous dead pan looks.

"Fine, because it's the only choice that I can make. I try and live as normal a life as possible except for one night a month. The night of the full moon." I shrugged, getting frustrated. "I don't get to decide if I'm a werewolf, I will live longer than almost everyone that I know; according to everything that I know the knowledge that everything that I know will be gone will one day drive me so mad that the Clan will have to kill me for my own good. So I only Change once a month. It's my way of controlling who I am."

"You are what you are Swan. Trust me, after a while it's better to embrace it and enjoy what you can or you'll just stay miserable forever. Sometimes it's all about making the best out of a bad situation." She gave me an annoyingly knowing expression. It wasn't just me that had changed over the years, it seemed that my friend had a much more pragmatic outlook on life then she used to.

"You sound a little too much like Matt." I grumbled.

"Maybe we have a point then." She winked at me before her face grew serious once more. "What's happening with you and Jake?"

"Nothing" I shrugged.

"Nothing?" She raised her eyebrows at me. "The council are in an uproar. Billy and Jacob aren't talking anymore and Sam is out for blood. That doesn't sound like nothing to me."

"I saw him. There was an unfortunate incident where we all crossed paths as wolves. If the rest has happened since then, I don't know why or what Jake's been up to." I shrugged, not looking her in the eye. The kitchen floor and its need to be cleaned had suddenly gotten very interesting to me. It was easier than looking at her and seeing the pity that I would be on her face. "I came and spoke to him the way that I was asked to. I thought that we had hashed things out but he's not been in contact since. I have five more days to spend with my father and then I am leaving again for Peru. Don't make a big deal out of something that isn't." I shook my head and turned away from her.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." She sounded sincere and it pissed me off.

"Don't! Just don't!" I growled at her and stalked out of the room, back outside.

For a moment I had let my brain run off on a tangent that had hurt my heart. I closed my eyes and let the heat from the sun heat my skin. A light breeze lifted the hair off the back of my neck as I took a deep breath. The air was full of the scent of pollinating trees, the lawn that my father had grudgingly let Matt cut two days before and the spicy sweetness of the red cedars mixed with floral scent of the sage bushes that lived on the far side of the yard. It was comforting and I had released my own anger before opening my eyes again and looking at where Leah was sat in a chair a few feet away from me.

"I do know what it's like." She said.

"I know." I nodded. "For a moment it was all so right. Jake and Bells. Almost like nothing had changed. I had hoped that it would mean that we could at least be a part of each other's lives. Maybe part of my heart got carried away. It's only," I took a deep breath and considered my words carefully. "I mean, wouldn't it be worse if Emily told you that she didn't love Sam?"

"I don't know. I mean perhaps if I was still an outsider it would. If I wasn't part of the Pack maybe. The problem is the phasing and the hive mind. I have to see through Sam's eyes just how much he loves Emily, watch him make love to her or comfort her or just enjoy her presence in his company."

"I guess it doesn't get much worse than that." I agreed, offering her a weak smile which she returned.

"Do you ever wish that you had let your bloodsucker bite you and end your life?" She asked. I paused and thought seriously about her question.

Edward was the most beautiful creature; his skin was silken smooth and made of marble. His eyes turned from the most brilliant shade of gold to the deepest black. He smelled like snow and the perfect glass of chardonnay, evergreen trees and granite. He was consistent and constant and unchanging. He loved me the same today as he had since the moment that I entered his heart and professed that he would likely love me that way all throughout eternity.

I could have been a marble statue, as perfect today as I had been the day I was turned and for the rest of all time. I could have lived through the centuries unchanging and unaffected with a man that loved me. Trying to imagine what that would have been like was painful in its own way. There would always be a lot of pain where Edward was concerned and it wasn't just Edward's pain. I would always wonder on some level if I had chosen the wrong person, the wrong life even if I didn't regret my choices.

"I would have to say that on occasion I had thought about what life would have been like." I nodded.

"Do you wish you had?"

"No. Not really." I shook my head. "I loved Edward, part of me still does but I was not as ready to die as I thought I was. There would have been too many people to miss."

"So instead you are an immortal werewolf princess." There was laughter in my friend's voice and I couldn't help but smile too. She had latched onto the image of a werewolf princess and wasn't letting it go. I could understand why, on some level it was a rather romantic notion.

"I'm not immortal. At least not from what I understand. We live a long time, centuries some of us, but eventually we will die. I'll probably die sooner than Matt or Dan. The Made only last a couple hundred years before their circumstances drive them mad and they are humanly euthanized." Her laughter stopped and she looked grim then her face changed.

"Don't you see? You have an answer to your own problem!" She said.

"Ask Jake to keep phasing and wait until Melika had lived her life." I shook my head. I had already thought about that so many times since being bitten. "No. It's not realistic. I wouldn't ask Jacob to endure the kind of life I will, watchiing all of your friends and family slowly fade away and die in front of your eyes and I'm not really all that into playing second fiddle."

"Yeah, I understand." Leah nodded. I was sure that the same thoughts had not been far from her mind at one point or another. I wondered how long she had thought over the same solution that I had. It had had me pacing the floor for weeks, almost picking up the phone, almost writing a letter, almost, almost… She took a deep breath and so did I. She was remembering too and pushing the memory as far from the moment as possible.

"We are a pair of bitter old women aren't we?" I shrugged and offered her a smile. She nodded, offering me one back. There was support sometimes in not speaking about something. We both understood that.

"So what? I'm pretty used to being a bitter bitch. You should be alright with that too or are you suggesting that we do something about it?" She asked.

"Maybe we should turn into crazy cat ladies that never leave their homes and drink far too much wine." I threw out a suggestion.

"How about a different plan? 'Cause cats don't like me and thanks to school I've seen too many side effects of being an alcoholic to give it too much thought as a life choice. Anyway, do you know how much alcohol it takes for a werewolf to get drunk and stay drunk?" Leah replied.

"Murder?"

"Too messy and you would feel guilty for the rest of your life and we would still be second best." She shook her head and I frowned at the insinuation that she wouldn't feel just as guilty as I would. She didn't have to say it but I knew that she would carry a guilt just as deep as mine.

"Then you will be a doctor. The world's best pediatrician or maybe a surgeon. You will bury yourself in your work until one day you meet this amazing guy who will sweep you off your feet, you will have a huge family and it will make all this pain worth it." I smiled at her.

"And what about you?" Leah's imagination was never as good as mine.

"I will work on a couple of digs as a research assistant before going back to school to get my doctorate. I will spend a few years in the field before possibly turning my attention to teaching somewhere until my age and my looks are too far separated from one another. After that, I dunno, perhaps I'll take a look at being a werewolf princess living in the middle of a jungle." I shrugged and she smiled at me.

Leah's cellphone rang.

"What?" She answered sharply after looking at the caller display. She went from relaxed to tense in half a heartbeat. It could only mean one thing. "That is none of your business!" Her face darkened. "Absolutely not! You don't get to control my life too, remember the agreement! So why the fuck are you on the phone with me?" She snarled. There was a pause and she looked over at me, her eyebrows creasing. "You son of a bitch! Yeah, fuck you, whatever."

"You gotta go?" I asked as she unceremoniously hung up on Sam.

"Stupid Pack shit." She nodded.

"You mean Sam the all-powerful is snapping his fingers?" I winked at her and for a moment she let a smile touch the corners of her eyes then it was gone. "I'll see you later?" I asked as Leah glared at the phone and then shoved it back in her pocket.

"Yeah I'll be back later Swan. Don't get yourself in any more trouble. I'd like you to stay in one piece." Leah and I headed to the front of the house where her little green Honda S2000 was parked.

"I think we have more to worry about with you. Don't kill Sam or anyone else without me around to help remember." I winked at her and she laughed.

"Say hey to your dad for me and let him know that I'll be back for a beer sooner rather than later."

"Yeah. Give my greetings to the Pack."

"Sam will love that." She shook her head.

"Wouldn't want them to think that I've disappeared." I grinned as she closed her car door and gave me a wave.

I turned and headed back for my yard and my book. The image of Leah's Mayan werewolf princess bringing a smile to my face.