PART TEN
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"OPENETH THE FUCKING DOORS YOU LAZY FUGLY GOBLIN SLUTS!"
Sarah grabbed the Fox-dog and covered his mouth with her hand. He slobbered on her.
"Shh! We must go quietly!" she hissed.
Fox-dog ignored her, "OPEN THE FUCKING DOORETH!" he screamed, lifting up one of the Goblin's helmets to scream in his ear.
"You'll wake them up!" Sarah wailed, peeing her pants in fear.
"Well let them all wake up," Fox-dog answered, poking one in the stomach and then making a disgusted face when it farted.
"I shall fight them all to the death!"
"For my sake shut the fuck up!" Sarah whined, "PLEEEEEEAAASE!"
"Am I a coward?" Fox-Dog asked.
"I don't know," Sarah considered him. "You might be. I mean, I've only known you for like a short, like, while, like. So, like, you might, like, be a coward."
Fox-dog's face fell as he tried to descramble his brain.
Hulk, who was fed up of their pointless meandering, ran at the doors and knocked them open with his muscular green body.
"I smell trouble," Sarah said warningly, sniffing the air.
"Yumm Yumm," Hulk mumbled, "Fwied Fwogs Legs."
True enough there was a cluster of goblins gathered around a food vendor.
"OH NO!" Sarah screamed. "THEY MIGHT SEE US!"
All the goblins heads swivelled 360 degrees. They blinked at the intruders. Then they began to masturbate with crucifixes and spew pea soup while doing the spider walk.
"NOOOO!" Sarah cried, cowering behind Hulk.
Suddenly Dobby leapt out from behind a palm tree, dressed in a priests outfit. He pointed a wooden cross in the direction of the blaspheming goblins.
"The Power of Christ compels you!" he cried in an Irish accent.
"Your mother sucks jelly babies in hell!" the goblins taunted, their mouths frothing and their eyes glowing red.
Dobby gasped, how could they have known that?
"BACK FOUL CREATURES!" he advanced on them, holding the cross as if it were a weapon. "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!"
Then, as if by magic, Jesus materialised from the cross and gave the demonic goblins a good talking to.
"And if I ever have to come down here again I'll really get mad. I'll send you all to bed…early!"
The goblins began to cry, falling to their knobby knees in front of the bearded son of God.
"AND YOU'LL MISS THE X-FACTOR!"
The goblins' wails reached an inhuman level and Jesus smiled, pleased with his effect.
"Peace out!" he said, saluting Dobby before disappearing.
"Oh Dean!" Sarah ran forward and hugged Dobby. "Are you asking to be forgiven for giving me that drugged Pepsi and deserting me?"
"No." Dobby said flatly.
"Are you ashamed of yourself," Sarah pressed, "are you a coward? Is that why you saved us?"
Dobby sneered at her. "I didn't even notice you were here, retard. I've just taken up a new job as an Exorcist. The money's good, but if I had known I was saving you I might have waited until after they chewed your brains."
"I forgive you Devengari." Sarah announced, patting him condescendingly on the head.
Dobby rolled his eyes.
"DOBBO AND HULK FWENDS!" Hulk said, hugging Dobby and drooling all over him.
"Get the fuck off me!" Dobby snapped, pushing the great ugly creature away.
"UHHHHHHHH….." Hulk stared retardedly at the spot where his 'fwend' had just been.
"Here's your coke bottle Dobby," Sarah said kindly, handing it to him.
Dobby stuck it down his pants and then did a double take. "You got my name right!" he gasped, a spark of fondness beginning to flame in his bosom.
"What, Daspletosaurus?" Sarah snapped her gum at him.
The flame blew out, never to be lit again.
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
"Your highness! YOUR HIGHNESS!" cried a frantic goblin as it ran frantically into the throne room.
Jareth looked up from where he was bouncing Toby on his knee. "What?" he snapped.
"THE GIRL!" exclaimed the goblin. "The girl who wished her brother away and then changed her mind and entered the Labyrinth and made friends with Dobby and Hulk and some other thing and who fell into the oubliette and then got through to America's Next Top Model and then had sex with a delivery van driver and then got hit on by a strange junk creature and then attacked by possessed goblins and also, who drank some Pepsi and forgot everything."
Jareth glared at him. "What of her?"
"SHE'S HERE! AND SHE'S ON HER WAY TO THE CASTLE!" the goblin screamed, his face turning purple with urgency.
Jareth sighed and turned back to Toby.
"AREN'T YOU GOING TO SUMMON THE GOBLIN ARMY!" the goblin screeched.
"God no," Jareth laughed. "She's so incompetent she'll probably walk into a wall and miss her deadline. Now, fuck off!"
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Meanwhile, in the slums of the Goblin city Sarah was chilling with a strawberry sundae at one of the local cafes.
"This is orgasmic," she moaned, licking her spoon in an inappropriate manner.
Dobby nearly threw up.
"My lady," Fox-Dog pointed to the dusty clock on the counter. "Should we not be hurrying?"
"OH MY GOD!" Sarah slammed her spoon down and then stood up, kicking her chair out like a spoiled teenager. "I can't have ONE moment to myself, can I?" she glared at Fox-dog. "We always have to do what YOU want to do!"
"Simmer down psycho," Dobby said, watching Fox-dog's large brown eyes well with tears.
"FINNNNNNE!" Sarah screamed. "Lets go and save Toby. GOD!"
She marched off, kicking everything that got in her path, including a kind old granny who offered her a mint humbug.
"I DON'T LIKE MINT FUCKING HUMBUGS!" she yelled.
Soon enough they reached the doors of the Goblin palace. Hulk pushed them open. And the four of them entered the reception hall.
"Would you like to join the tour?" a friendly woman asked them.
Sarah punched her in the face.
"According to a rhyme I learnt when I was little," she announced, "the King is usually in the counting house, counting out his money. If there was a queen she would be in the parlour, eating bread and honey."
"I think you'll find the dickead in the Throne room," Dobby suggested while sucking on a cola flavoured chupa chup.
"Oh" Sarah's eyes grew big with the finality of the situation. "I must face him alone," she realised.
Dobby pulled up a chair and opened the sports section of 'The Goblin Times'.
"Ok," he said.
"Aren't you going to ask why?" Sarah demanded.
"Nope. Fuck off bitch."
Sarah huffed and puffed indignantly for a moment and then stomped off, heading towards the final confrontation, the ultimate boss, the conclusion, the denouement…..