After seeing all of my friends with their boys, I just realized something horrible: I might grow up to be that lonely old lady with twenty-something dogs. Not cats. Dogs.
Well, here's an exceptionally long chapter full of drama, kisses, and old-women who are very confused.

It was still hard to wrap my head around. That woman who resembled Envy so much had called Greed her nephew. I guessed that she was Lust and Sloth's sister, another aunt. How large was their family exactly? But she might not have been a good member of the family. Greed had literally paled at the sight of her, and then he glared harshly at her as she approached. When she tried to wrap her arms around his shoulders, Greed lashed out and grabbed her wrists, pushing her away harshly. Dante almost fell over onto the grass if Greed didn't keep his hands wrapped around her wrists.

Not wanting to intrude into business that wasn't mine, I quickly turned back to my house and went inside, closing the door. Dante. That was what she had called herself. And quite frankly, I didn't like being near her. There was something about her that creeped me out.

I went back over to the couch where my books had been thrown down and pulled the textbooks into my lap. I would have plenty of time to finish all of the assignments before Wednesday, so tonight wouldn't be a rush job. Which was good, considering I couldn't get my mind off of the fact that Envy was taking Winry on a date. This weekend.

If anyone is about to complain about how much their love live sucks, I'll kill them.

"So? Do you like him?"

That was the first question that Alphonse had for me the very second Dad left the room to get a drink. He had returned last night, and I was so upset that I actually let him hug me. He seemed to notice how I was off, but he seemed to dismiss it and left me alone. I was grateful for it.

"W-Why do you keep asking me that?" I asked back, hoping he would drop the subject. Alphonse simply smiled.

"Because he likes you." Alphonse twisted his hair in his fingers like he always did when he was nervous. "And I've never seen you cry over anyone but Mom and me. If you're getting this emotional over someone, that's a good thing, right?" He smiled at me and dropped his hair. "You know, he regrets asking Winry out."

"Then why did he do it?" I demanded, feeling the acid in my mouth. Alphonse was one of two people who could handle my sarcasm without feeling he needed to do say something back. The other was my father, who seemed like nothing would make him say something back. "If he knew he was going to regret it, why did he decide to go on a date with her?"

"To make you jealous, obviously." Alphonse laughed as I somehow managed to choke on my own spit. "He didn't say it, but it seems to have worked. Or, at least I'm guessing it worked." He shrugged.

"When Dad gets back, I'm gonna go get some water." I walked over and sat down on the bed beside him, leaning my head on his shoulder. I always wondered why I was born first if Alphonse was the one whom I went to for advice all the time. "I hate love. I want to kill it. I really want to kill it."

"Go for it," Alphonse replied teasingly, stroking my hair like he knew I liked it. "I'll back you up if it starts to fight back." I laughed.

"I'm back. There's a beautiful young nurse who's been telling me all about your progress, Alphonse," Dad announced. I jerked my head away from Alphonse's shoulder and walked past him.

"I'm going to get some water! I'll see you in a bit." Once I was out of sight from them, I broke into a run. I didn't want Alphonse to tell Dad about anything that I've disclosed to him. And if he mentioned Envy in front of him, I was definitely sure that he would start asking questions. And those questions might lead to that fateful night when we... Dammit!

"Ah! I'm sorry!" I said frantically. The nurse and I had collided when I spaced out,

and she had dropped all of the folders she was carrying onto the floor. I quickly fell to my knees and scooped them up for her. I was glad that none of the pages had fallen out. At least someone wouldn't accidentally be scheduled for an unnecessary amputation. "I wasn't looking where I was going. I'm so, so sorry!"

"No problem at all," the woman replied. I looked up as I handed her the files, my blood running cold. She looked exactly like my mother. Her hair was a few shades darker, but it fell over her shoulder the same way down her shoulder. Her eyes, however, were the same shade of purple as Envy's were, and her skin was lighter than my mother's light-tanned skin had been. She was almost like a Gothic-remake of my mother.

"Is something wrong?" she asked in a smooth voice. I swallowed.

"Um, d-do you know someone named Trisha? Trisha Elric?" I asked. Her brow rose.

"Trisha Elric? No, I don't think so," she replied. I sighed, feeling stupid. Of course not. She wouldn't know my mother. Because she wasn't my mother, no matter how much she looked like her.

"Oh, well then, sorry to bother you..."

"Elric?" She grabbed my shoulder suddenly. "Is your last name Elric? Are you Edward?"

Why did I feel like I was going to regret answering this? "Yes, ma'am, I am."

"Oh, wonderful!" The woman suddenly pulled me to her in an attention-grabbing hug. She placed the files into the hands of a nurse walking by. "Take these to the desk. I have to talk to someone. It's extremely important." She grabbed my wrist as the nurse struggled to comprehend the lightning-fast instructions being fired at her. I felt confused by it myself.

"Envy's aunt Sloth?" I asked in surprise. She nodded with a dark-painted smile. Her lipstick was dark purple, unlike Lust's pitch-black lips. "Oh, so now I've met everyone."

"Yes, we're quite the family," Sloth replied. "You haven't met all of us, though. I have a brother, Gluttony, who works up in the North. He's quite the hoot on Thanksgiving." She laughed, and I smiled back. My guess was he was the fat one in the family.

"So, who's Dante? Why isn't she given some sort of 'exotic' name?" I asked, using Winry's word. Sloth's smile disappeared.

"She's the reason Envy lives with us and the reason why he moved here." Sloth folded her hands on the table. We were in the hospital's cafe, drinking coffee and talking. I had called Alphonse to let him know that I ran into someone and was talking with them. I told him I would be gone for awhile, but I forgot to tell him not to mention Envy. I would probably regret that later.

"That's not what he told me." Sloth raised one of her brows. I continued. "He said that he dated a boy, but the guy got creepy and started stalking him. And that he put the boy in the hospital because he wouldn't leave him alone." Sloth narrowed her eyes.

"That boy cannot stop lying to save his life," she said with a heavy sigh. "He didn't have a boyfriend. His mother was too harsh to even let him out of the house except for school."

"Mother?" I asked. "Like, the one who's fighting to retain custody of him?"

"How many lies has that boy told you?" She ran her fingers through her hair. "His mother is the only one left who even thinks about him, however cold her feelings are. It's a shame that she returned."

" 'Returned'?" I asked. Sloth looked at me sternly.

"Yes, returned. Dante is Envy and Pride's mother. And she is a complete bitch." Sloth's lip curled as she talked. "Dante was an alcoholic. She drank herself sick and threw parties all the time. Envy and Pride are both illegitimate children because Dante would have sex with the men she invited to these wild parties of hers. Envy had to deal with the poverty and abuse that came with having her for a mother for what I would believe were the longest ten years a boy could ever experience." She placed her hand on her cheek.

"Dante? You mean the woman with the black hair?" I asked. Sloth nodded solemnly.

"Yes. She became pregnant after Lust had had enough of seeing her nephew come to her home covered in scratches and bruises and smelling like cigarettes. Lust called the police, and after a long week of interrogations and inspections, Dante was moved to a home where she was constantly surveyed until she had her child. After she was released from the hospital, she was taken to jail under charges for domestic violence and child abuse, as well as disturbing the peace with her parties. Envy came to live with Lust, Greed, and me and practically raised Pride like he was the boy's father," she explained, playing with her hair.

"Where does Greed come into this?" I asked. "Aren't they brothers?"

"No, Greed is Lust's son. He's in college right now, and he's living there because he is short on money now." She twisted a lock around her finger. "Envy seems to be ashamed of this, and I do not blame him."

"Then, if Dante came back..."

"She did come back," Sloth said as if I did not know this. "She told Envy she wanted him to come back home with her so she could raise him. There was a horrible fight last night. Dante actually hit Pride when he bumped into her by accident. I have never seen Envy get so angry in my life. If Greed hadn't been holding him back, I think Envy would have killed her."

"And I wouldn't have blamed him," I cut in to Sloth's surprise. "I have a little brother of my own. I hated it when bullies would beat him up in the schoolyard when they knew damn well that he was too sick for that kind of treatment. And once, they beat him unconscious, and the teacher had to call an ambulance to get him to the hospital. I nearly killed those brats if Winry hadn't stumbled upon the fight and stopped me."

Sloth laughed. I felt myself blushing, and I quickly took my gaze to the coffee getting cold in front of me.

"I can see why Envy likes you," she said. "You're... different."

"Likes me? Different?" I asked. Sloth laughed.

"He's really bad about showing his affection. He sometimes goes about the wrong way doing it. Like when he kissed you." My face turned red.

"D-Does everyone know about that?" I sunk low in my seat.

"Only Lust and me. He's too embarrassed about it to tell anyone else." She smiled at me. "I would appreciate it if you wouldn't tell Envy that I told you about Dante. He would be so angry and embarrassed." Sloth covered up a small blush on her cheeks.

"Y-Your secret's safe with me," I stammered. "Just... Don't tell my dad about the, uh, the kiss. I'm not sure how he'd react to it."

"Your father has a blonde beard, right?" She touched her chin. I nodded. "Very well, I'll keep it a secret. If he finds out through someone else, it's not my problem." She winked. I just laughed.

"Fine, fine." I checked my cell phone. "Oh, we've been talking for almost an hour. Al'll get mad if I don't return soon." I put it back into my pocket and stood up. Sloth followed me.

"I should get back to work too. I wasn't even supposed to take a break. The doctor is going to be very mad about my absence." She walked with me back to the elevators. "Well, he'll live. It not like there's been some sort of rush today. It's been quiet in town, lately, and there's not been much going on." She combed her hair out.

"Ha! Want to switch lives? I'd rather have one that's peaceful."

"Why?" Sloth shrugged as the elevator doors opened. "What good is living if you can't have a little excitement in the mix?"

"You took too long, brother," Alphonse said as I entered the room. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, whatever. I was talking with someone."

"Wouldn't happen to be my aunt, would it?" A dark voice asked. I froze and whipped around. Sure enough, my eyes immediately met with dark amethyst. Envy was standing by Alphonse's bed with his hands in his pockets. The dark sweatshirt he had left with me was draped over his elbow, most likely dry by now. He looked at me with less hostility than yesterday, but he still seemed angry. He shifted awkwardly.

"Um, y-yeah, it was. She sort of, um, dragged me out." I laughed, hoping to relieve the awkward air. Dad was sitting by Alphonse's bed near Envy. He seemed to sense the awkward air and broke the silence.

"So, Envy tells me you're classmates at school," he started, and Envy and I blushed. Did I mention my dad was not so good with small talk? "What classes do you have together?"

"Spanish," we both said quickly. I coughed.

"W-We only have Spanish together." I rubbed the back of my head. Envy shifted his weight again.

"Oh, how interesting." Hohenheim rubbed his beard. "You're much more polite than his other friends. Especially that Russell." My stomach curled and I glared.

"Speaking of Russell..." I turned to Envy. "I need to talk to you. Now."

"Why?" Envy shot back, eyes narrowed. So he was definitely still mad at me. That I could live with.

"Russel." I jerked my head to the door. "If you don't, you'll be quite surprised when we get to school tomorrow." Envy raised his brow before sighing. He said polite goodbyes to my dad and Alphonse (who actually winked at him) and walked out with me. We didn't speak until we got to a lobby down the opposite hallway. There was an old woman sitting down on a chair asleep, so I figured that it was safe to speak as loud as we could without yelling.

"Russell saw the kiss," I said quickly, dropping the bomb as soon as I was sure the old woman wouldn't budge. Envy turned bright-red at the mention of it.

"Y-Yeah, about that..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know what I was think when I did that. I was just acting stupid..."

"Forget about apologies for a minute!" I said. "He's now telling everyone I'm gay with you. I found out from Rose yesterday that he's been telling the whole school behind my back. Er, our backs."

"I'll fucking kill him." Envy turned, and I lashed out.

"Wait! Your grandfather'll have a cow!"

"He could have a whole barn for all I care!" Envy sighed and yanked his arm out of my hands. "It's my fault, anyways. If I hadn't done that, this wouldn't have happened. And I shouldn't have punched him either."

"Wait. You punched Russell?" I asked, thinking back to yesterday. "He didn't have any black eyes."

"I didn't say I hit his face." Envy curled his fist. "Knocked his breath out for a good while. He nearly passed out!" Envy grinned, and I couldn't help but laugh. Imagining Russell lying on the ground while trying to suck in air like a fish out of water definitely made me feel better. And hey, if push came to punch, I could always ask Envy to back me up. At least we had a common enemy.

"Again... I'm sorry about that." Envy sighed. "I just... Well... Um, how do I put this...?"

I blushed and fiddled with my hair. Was I honestly going to tell him I liked the kiss when he was supposed to be dating my friend? No. Because that would make me bad. I would be taking my friend's crush away from her, and she would hate me forever if I did. As happy as I would be to go out with him, I don't think I could do that to Winry. That would be too heartless of me.

"D-Don't worry about it!" I said quickly. "I don't hold it against you. And..." I began mumbling. Envy cocked his brow.

"Er, didn't quite get that, squirt," he said teasingly.

I ignored the urge to yell at him and took a deep breath, turning away from him.

"I don't kiss someone I don't like," I said slightly louder. Envy must have heard me then. His brow rose clearly, and I turned away. "I need a wall to bash my head into..."

"Oh no! You're not getting away that easily." Envy grabbed my arm. I made a point not to look at him. "That means you like me, doesn't it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said quickly. My face was hot. Envy laughed, and he suddenly became silent.

"You know, I might be leaving soon." His voice was quiet. "My mom... She ended up with the custody... She wants to go somewhere else." Here he was lying again. I was sure that meant that Dante wanted him back. And that he didn't have much choice in the matter.

"What?" I turned back towards him.

"Yep. Well, that's just if the court approves of her request. So far, they're looking it over, but Lust is seriously against it. And she's not too quiet about it either. She's told me at least eight times she'd rather have me buried alive than go live with Dante." He laughed. "And I'd rather be buried than live with her."

"Huh..."

"Yeah. Kind of depressing." Envy pushed hair behind his ear but failed as it fell back in front of his eyes. "I'm glad you're not mad at me. I would have been regretting that if I had left without apologizing."

"Greed seems to be mad at me, too. Please be sure to tell him that you're not mad at me, and please ask him not to kill me." I put my hands together. "He looks like he's about to drag me into a dark alley and cut my throat open. And I wouldn't put it past him to do it." I felt at my throat. Envy laughed.

"I'll tell him to lay off." He smirked. "On one condition."

"Oh God, what is it?" I rolled my eyes and looked over at him. He smirked.

"One more kiss? Please?" He gave me a small grin. I paused. Then I snickered. He glared. "At least I'm asking this time!"

"I'm definitely glad you're asking this time." I sighed. "Fine. Whatever."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. If you don't hurry up, I'm going to change my mind." I crossed my arms. Envy laughed.

"I could always force it on you again."

I was about to reply to his comment when he quickly bent down and kissed me flat out on the mouth. Again. And instead of thinking of fighting him off, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Oh. My. God. That boy could really kiss. I felt like my knees were about to buckle. And the next thing I knew, we were French kissing. I didn't mind it at all, feeling his tongue moving rhythmically against mine. That, along with his hands running though my hair, was enough to turn me into - you guess it! - a complete gummy bear.

"My, my, isn't that odd?" a cracked voice said. Envy and I tore away from each other as quickly as we could. The old woman was awake in her chair now. She was watching us like we were her own private actors, her hands in her lap and a small, innocent smile on her face. Envy and I both blushed. "I have never seen a couple where the woman was taller than the man."

"W-Woman?" Envy asked in horror, his face turning red.

I had never laughed so hard in my life.