Author's Note: Nothing much to say here, except for a small warning. Moderate Artie self-bashing. Fully deserved, too, I might add. While I believe that at heart Artie is a good guy, a lot of the time he's just kind of a tool. Sorry if you're an Artie fan. Or a Bartie shipper, cuz I don't treat them kindly here, even though I do think that they're actually pretty cute together. I mean, come on. Magic freakin' comb! Totally adorbz.

Okay, so that was more than a small warning. Oh well. Here you go. Artie Abrams contemplates just how much of a jerk he truly is.

ARTIE

"Now I... I think I want her back."

It wasn't until Mr. Schuester assigned this... reflection, or whatever it is, that I realized how much of I jerk I am. I mean, I always knew that I'm not exactly the best person you're going to find in Lima, but I kind of figured being paralyzed at eight years old and being stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life kind of made that okay. I had a right to act however I wanted to when I'm stuck like this, right?

No. I really don't. And I didn't really realize that until I began considering what lie I regret most. Tina told me a thousand times that I'm a jerk, although mostly it was in an affectionate way because it was while we were dating. It wasn't until after she dumped me that I figured out that she actually meant it. And I actually deserve it too.

Truth is, I objectify girls. I say really bad things about other people behind their backs. I use my chair as an excuse for everything. I'm manipulative. I considered myself superior to almost everybody. Thankfully, that last one I changed pretty easily.

And perhaps worst, I use people.

Most recently, Brittany.

Brittany is great, but I don't feel anything more than friendship for her. It's completely horrible of me to string her along like this, I know. She's probably the nicest person in all of Lima, maybe even all of Ohio, and she doesn't deserve this. She deserves someone who will really love her. Who will take care of her, because God knows she needs that. Someone who will laugh all the ridiculous things she says instead of just rolling their eyes. She needs someone who would do anything for her.

She needs Santana.

Even though I know Brittany really does have feelings for me, it's no secret she's really in love with Santana. And I legitimately believe that Santana loves her back, despite the tough, HBIC, never fall in love demeanor she has. And bitch that she is, Santana would do all the things Brittany needs. Right now, I'm probably the only thing keeping them from each other.

Because I'm a huge jerk.

I want Tina back. More than anything. She was, no, she still is the love of my life. Maybe I just get too attached to things because of my paraplegia, but I really do love her. And I know she loved me once too, even if she did think I was jerk at the same time.

Let's face it. Given my condition, I'm not as likely find someone else to spend the rest of my life with, as say, well anyone else in the glee club. It's not impossible, of course, but how many women are likely to give me a chance once real life starts?

Not very. No one's going to give me a second glance when I'm not in high school anymore, except perhaps for a look of pity. That's why I need to get Tina back. She loved me once, and she can do it again, I'm sure. The only reason I'm going out with Brittany is to make Tina jealous. (Although you probably had that figured out already). Sadly, I don't think it's working. Tina doesn't really seem to care about Britt and I. Well, she did look mildly perturbed when she found out that we were actually a thing, but other than that, nothing.

It seems all my efforts are gone to waste. Which makes it even worse that I don't break up with Brittany. I'm letting her think that I actually like her. And while she may love Santana, I think it's possible she could fall in love with me, which would make the inevitable act of breaking up with her even harder. It's not like we would ever last anyway, though. Once Brittany actually fell in love me, Santana would be sure to swoop in and beat my ass. Even if she didn't, we just would not work in the long-long term. So yeah, that makes it worse for me to keep using her, knowing that Tina or not, Santana or not, this won't last.

But I know I won't break up with her anytime soon. Even as I begin to dislike myself more and more, I still need Tina. And Brittany is still my best shot at getting her back.

And I'm still a jerk. Life sucks.

Gah. Things got a little messy there at the end. :P. Ah well. I'm far too lazy to re-write it.

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