Jenna drifted out of sleep, warm, comfortable, snuggled up into the curve of a man's back. He was facing away from her, her arm slung over his hip, his arm resting on top of hers, their fingers intertwined.

Her first thought was that it was Mitch, but even before she opened her eyes, she knew otherwise. Mitch had never been this well toned, this athletic...even when he'd been in school. She opened her eyes, focusing on the shoulders just beyond her nose. No, definitely not Mitch. Mitch was not the color of cappuccino, he did not have a marked pattern of moles, and he did not have black hair.

Kaidan. It had not been a dream. It had really happened. Good, bad or indifferent, it was the truth. "Morning." He breathed softly in the dim light, closing his fingers around hers gently.

What was there to say? He'd made it clear all that she'd had to do was walk away. He'd given her plenty of chances to reconsider, to back out. They'd both been stone cold sober...there were no excuses. She really just had slept with a man on the same day that she'd met him. "I don't suppose there's any chance in hell you'll believe me if I told you I'm not the sort of girl who does what I did last night?"

He turned over to face her, and for the life of her...it certainly looked like his hair moved independently of that shift...it flowed like grass in a breeze... she was losing it. She tore her gaze from that oddity and locked eyes with him.

"Yes, there's a good chance." He patted his chest, and she took the invitation, resting her head against him. They were in the largest of the two upstairs guest bedrooms, the bed that Jenna had first chosen when she'd arrived here. "I got the impression that was a first for you."

Damn, he just had to be a nice guy about it, too, holding her close. "I don't suppose there's any chance in hell that you'd believe me if I told you that I'm not the kind of guy who does what I did last night?"

"There's a good chance I'd believe it." She chuckled. Maybe she was just a fool, but he didn't come across like a player.

"See?" He kissed the top of her head. "Not so hard to swallow. But I would like to know why you did. I would hate to think you did it to convince me to not file a report. Not that I think the government would put much weight in one anyway, things the way that they are."

"You're going to think I'm stupid. Or crazy. Or both...probably both."

"Go on." He coaxed when her silence grew long, and she let go of a disgusted sigh. "I can deal with stupid. I can deal with crazy. But I need the truth."

"I've had a thing for you since I got here and found the pictures of you." She pulled from his embrace, sitting on edge of the bed, studying the patterns of the rug. "I knew...well, I thought I knew you were dead. But talking to you was better than being alone. You were gorgeous, I could see that. Well off. Probably smart. Everything I'd always wanted..." Oh, God. She just needed to shut the fuck up. "And then you were standing right there."

"Yeah...about that." He said, running his fingertips down her back. "You have to promise to forgive me for scaring you to death."

"I'm squatting in your house." He hadn't shot her where she stood. He hadn't beaten the crap out of her. He hadn't thrown her out in the snow. He'd given her the best lay of her life, and then carried her to bed.

He made a noncommittal, unconvinced noise at that, wrapping his hand around her stomach and giving her a slight pull. "Come back in here with me. It's not warm out there."

No, it certainly wasn't. She slid back in with him, letting his body heat wash over her. "So...why did you do it?"

"Why did I sleep with you if I'm not the kind of guy who sleeps with girls the first day he meets them?" He fell back onto his back, staring at the ceiling, and she let him find his way to the words. "Before I get started, I want you to know that I find you staggeringly attractive..."

Well, that was a nice start, but it sure sounded like it was leading into something less pleasant, and she steeled herself for the rest of it. "But yeah, I'm so damned tired of being alone. Of feeling like I've died. Of feeling like I should have died. I miss him so damned much. Last night was the first time when I felt like I wasn't still dying since...London."

No, it wasn't her imagination...his hair moved. By itself. She stared at it warily while his attention was focused on the ceiling above him.

"I wish I had a better...what?" He lifted his forearm slightly to stare at her.

"Your hair is moving. By itself."

"Yes, yes...it is." He smiled, running his fingers through it. "It's gotten way too long. Hey, not a big deal...see..." He took her wrist and moved her hand towards his head. It felt like she had rubbed a balloon across the carpet and had her fingertips just a centimeter away from it. "Carrying a charge. I'm a biotic." And his eyes begged for her to just accept it. And, given a logical, sane explanation, she was more than willing to. He waited, for something... probably more of a reaction than she was going to give him, before nodding thankfully when he realized that was all that she was going to say about it. "I don't want to lessen it, Jenna. You made me feel alive again, and that's a big thing."

"I get it. I guess that's a lot of why I did it, too. To feel alive. To not be alone."

"Yeah. I'd love to stay here all morning, but I need food." He stood up and walked towards the door, giving her a fine, fine show indeed as he moved away. He was, if possible, even better than she'd imagined... none of the pictures here had him in any sort of shorts or swim trunks. He was always covered in them, and that was a shame, because that was one fine piece of man flesh. He'd been very recently injured, those scars were new, but they fit the package. Military man, and they'd just come out of the other side of a desperate conflict.

"Ho, damn! Snow." He announced, and she frowned. Not exactly something she'd been looking forward to...dreading, more like it. They didn't get a whole lot of snow, but living as she was, every bit was going to hurt. "It's beautiful!"

Yes, yes, she'd have to give him that the view of him, buck assed naked, standing in front of the great windows looking down the valley, was indeed beautiful. The snow beyond...not so much.

"Food, huh? Hope you're not expecting anything fancy." She rescued her clothes from where they'd been tossed, and got dressed again. He did the same, getting back in the dark blue, mottled uniform he'd been wearing the day before.

"No, plenty of it would be nice, though. You have no clue how much I eat."

Well...it wasn't as if she could deny him. While most of what she had was no longer from here, wasn't exactly his anymore, that was only because she'd eaten it all and had been forced to range farther afield for more... from the empty houses, the orchards, the animals. He'd get a lot of it, and hopefully he wouldn't complain that it wasn't exactly 'breakfasty', but simply as close as she could manage. Jenna was a fine cook... but bacon and eggs, without bacon...or eggs...was beyond her.

He was not kidding when he said he could eat. Jenna was used to eaters, Mitch could pile it down with the best of them...until the best of them became Kaidan Alenko. But he was thin, recovering from injuries, it was all good. He tucked into three plates of fried rabbit, venison sausage, and baked apple rice pudding, inhaling every last crumb.

"How are you doing up here?" He finally asked, taking the plate into the upstairs kitchen and rinsing it off. "I know my parents kept this place stocked, but I also know how long you've been here. Even assuming you're rationing, you have to be running low. You give me game, orchard produce, and rice... Not that I'm complaining...compared to the protein bars and hospital paste I've been getting, it's fantastic, but..."

"I ran out of what your parents left here a couple of weeks ago. But this isn't the only house around, I assume their owners aren't coming back any time soon. Orchards, which brought the deer. A bear. Rabbits. It's tight, I have to admit that...but is out there any better? Vancouver?"

"Was hit hard." He admitted solemnly. "You probably are better off out here, for now. I don't know about Kamloops, but they hit everything. Hard."

That just confirmed what she was afraid of. "Who are you here looking for?" She sighed, she needed more time to try to wrap her mind around all of that. She'd had a volatile and often contentious relationship with her family, but she never wanted to consider all of them gone. Even Mitch, no.

"My Dad. My parents were headed here. They recovered my mother, she's in Vancouver, safe. But we can't find him." He bowed his head, his shoulders dropping in thought. "It's been months..."

She almost tried to say something inanely optimistic, then reined back on it and remained silent. No, his father probably wouldn't take a voluntarily time out from the rest of the world like she had...leaving a wife and son to worry after him. If he hadn't turned up in months, he probably wasn't going to ever turn up alive again. "I'm sorry." It sounded so empty, so lacking... but it was truthful.

"We weren't exactly close." He sighed, "But I'd like to find him. For my Mom. Just to know." He moved up beside her, resting a hand on her shoulder. "And you?"

"I haven't bothered to look." She stared out of the kitchen window, over the sink. It was so peaceful out there, calm, clean, white. So peaceful in here, he was easy to be with. His presence didn't rub against her, it didn't grate uncomfortably against her nerves like so many others' did. "I don't know if I'm afraid to know or if I just don't give a damn." She'd spent more time worrying about him than she had about those people she actually knew. "Nothing makes sense anymore. I don't even know myself, it seems. All I want to do is just stay here and let it all pass me by." He was going to hate her for it...

"Understandable. I can't imagine how terrible it was. I gave it a lot of thought, but I was far away when it happened. Always knew we were headed back as soon as we had a chance of making a difference, but that probably fell pretty flat to those we left behind." His hand fell to her hip and he pulled her up against him, resting his chin on her shoulder. "I think we're all fucked up, Jenna. The new norm." He remained silent for a long, long moment. "If I tell you something, will you promise to keep it a secret?"

"Who is there to tell any secrets to?" She wondered, but nodded. "If you tell me something in confidence, Kaidan, I'll certainly keep it that way."

"I didn't really come out here to find my father. I know he's dead. It was an excuse."

Jenna closed her eyes, resting her fingers against his cheek. Was she willing to hear this? But she'd figured it out in that moment, so what difference did it make to actually hear him say it? "You came up here to end it." She sighed, and his grip tightened around her. "Let me guess, been playing like everything's fine? Then got away from people by saying you were looking for your father?"

"Guilty."

"That would depress the hell out of me. I've already thought you were dead and gone. Finding out you weren't...and then you were..."

Somehow, that was a terribly wrong thing to say. He was not a lightly complected man, but he blanched white around his eyes and his mouth went back into that grim cut. "That..." He muttered, "Is something I completely understand, Jenna. More than you'll ever know."

"I know I don't really matter in this..." How could she? She hadn't even known him a full twenty four hours yet. "But I really hope you don't. Do you really want to die?"

"No." His answer was firm, immediate. "I want to live, but I don't want to exist. And last night was the first time that I felt like I was living...since London. So, thank you."

"Not a problem." Perhaps, not not perhaps, certainly it had not been her most brilliant decision, but really, what had it hurt? It had brought her joy, and given him at least one night alive instead of existing. One of those 'yeah, I was young and stupid, and wasn't it great!' moments to look back on later. No regrets, she'd wanted him from the time she'd seen the first image on the frame, and she'd gotten him...at least for a little while.

"So. Want to go for a walk with me? I told myself...if I lived through it all...I'd come here and take a walk through the first snow. There it is, the first real snow I've seen in years."

"Sure." Hopefully he would not recognize his father's coat...on her. Or maybe it wouldn't matter even if he did.

It was a beautiful day, clear, still, the trees frosted silver, the mountains bright against a pure, blue sky. "What are you thinking?" He asked after a long, companionable silence, moving through the ranks of trees, and she shrugged.

"Nothing you want to hear."

"Try me."

"I love it here." It was wrong to say that about someone else's home, his home...to his face. It was pathetic, and manipulative... I don't want to leave.

"It's home." He agreed. "When things got bad, really bad... I'd just think of finally being able to come back here. Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm not going to run you off. There's plenty here for both of us. Tell me about yourself..."

"Not much to tell. I'm pretty normal, as normal goes... chesty blonde bartender/waitress type...dating the same guy since high school, until he split my lip open. You know, the kind of girl who does nothing but disappoint Mom? The kind of girl who disappointed the boyfriend that Mom adored? Ah, God...Mom." In spite of it all, Jenna had to laugh. When had it all gotten funny? "The woman who thought going to college would be unrealistic and uppity...but set her heart on me competing in world class ice skating? I think I was born just to mess with her mind, really...just a perfectly incomprehensible disappointment."

He nodded, laughing with her, and it was a wonderful sound. "What would you know about disappointing your parents?" She asked, "Really? You're a college guy, no doubt. Smart. Bet they loved you to death."

A shadow passed over his expression, then cleared when he shrugged. "Well, if we're being honest, no. We had, and still have...problems."

"The boyfriend?"

"That's something they never knew. And Mom still doesn't." He admitted, helping her over a ledge of rocks and onto the high ground overlooking the property. "And no, Jenna...I never went to college. That was the original plan, but then real life happened. I was taken away from my parents...biotics then weren't really given the chance to turn the training down. It was compulsory, and it was hell...and then they closed it down. I came home, but I was messed up. They didn't know how to handle me, and I tried to handle it myself. Took me quite awhile to kick what I'd gotten myself in, spent time in rehab, left that straight to Marine recruitment. I didn't want to have enough rope to drop myself down that hole again. What my parents did know was that I was a freak, I killed somebody in biotics training, I developed a rather unhealthy crush on one of my classmates, I fell off the deep end, I did drugs, and then I went and enlisted three hours out of rehab. Yes, Jenna...I disappointed my parents."

And, like her, he didn't sound that terribly broken up about it, standing there, surrounded by beauty. "You skate?"

"I did."

"And...?" She stared at him, and he stared right back. "Hell. I've admitted I'm an ex junkie bisexual suicidal biotic marine, you know more of my secrets than any person alive now. You can at least tell me what happened there." He stated firmly. "Since we're being honest, and all."

"Not much happened there. I was good. Really good. But I wasn't great...and what she wanted from me required greatness. I simply didn't have it, I was willing to admit it...she wasn't." That blunt description of his faults should have bothered her, should have raised all of those doubts that had made her back away from men before. She was in the market for a good guy, a decent guy... "I'd gone as far as I was going to go. I wanted to look at my other options. To her, there were no other options. To her, I just wasn't working hard enough. I just hadn't tried hard enough. We fought the day after my last competition, and I never skated again. And that was the day I moved out, and moved in with the boyfriend." The biggest mistake of her life... but it paled in comparison to his admissions of guilt. And all of it paled in comparison to their situation now.

"Eh. We'll have to go one of these days. I used to be pretty decent myself...played some hockey. But you knew that."

"One of these days?"

"You don't think I admit every single one of my mortal sins to a person I don't intend on keeping as a friend, at least?"

"A friend." It had been so long since Jenna had had one of those. Even before the Reapers, she'd been surrounded by acquaintances, people she felt a need to get along with. Oddly, even her boyfriend had been one of those, just one she'd happened to be sleeping with... "I'd like that, Kaidan. I think I need one."

"You and me, both." He sighed, staring down at the valley below him. He touched his fingertips to her cheeks, flushed from the chill, and leaned in to kiss her.