AN: Thank you to every single person that reviewed the last chapter. I love you all so much! The last chapter was a tough one to write, because of the emotional range of it. When I created Dylan's story, I knew that the subject was sensitive, I almost backed out of writing it, because I didn't know how the readers would react. But as you guys usually do, ya'll completely supported this story, and made me feel completely overjoyed and happy with your warm responses. I'm sorry that I made some of you cry! But since I'm so committed to building these characters and sending them on a journey together, I plan on mixing the sad with the happy, and the larger than life characters, with the tragically real. It's emotional and rewarding writing this story, but it would be dead without you guys. Viva0los0sacapuntas- Your review really made me sad. I wrote these two chapters for people like Isaac. Gone far too soon. Thank you for sharing his story. I just wished it ended differently. 4EverAndEver- Jake, lol. The smut is coming I swear. I'm not that wicked of a girl where I'd rate this story MA and not deliver ;) I just have to wait for the right time, because if Jake and Ed rush into sex...or Ed starts sleeping with someone besides Jacob right away, that would be totally unrealistic to me. So trust me okay. I'll bring the goods when the time is good. Lol. Tash- Everything is going great in my life, and it doesn't hurt that I have such great readers and reviewers like you.
So once again thank you to every single one of you, new reviewers, faithful reviewers, everyone. Once again this chapter is told from Edward first person, and Alice third person. He does come out in this chapter, and some reactions will be interesting. That's all I can really say. Take care until I'm back for the Thanksgiving update, which hopefully won't make anyone cry...just laugh ;) –Maddie
Disclaimer: I own nothing, Stephenie Meyer owns all.
Chapter 10- Speak
Alice's POV
Her heart was racing as she ran down the street.
Alice's bright yellow dress stood out in the blinding sea of gray business suits, emotionless faces, and hurried bodies. Her legs felt weak, and her lungs were desperately grasping for air. She couldn't go any further. She had been looking for him for the last few hours, but he was nowhere to be found. Hopelessness, an emotion that she refused to consume her, was sinking in like a morphine drip.
Alice pushed on. She squeezed through the crowd allowing the impending time clock to keep her moving. The sun filtered through the colorless sky, blinding her with its lemony glow, but she ignored the brightness. Alice stopped abruptly and scanned every rooftop, and that's when she finally saw him. She tore across the street, her dress flowing wildly around her legs, and her brunette tresses falling into her eyes.
She couldn't stop. She had to keep moving. Maybe this time she could save his life? Once inside the building, Alice raced up the stairs. The climb seemed to take forever, but when she got to the door on the top, she crashed her tiny body into it. The door swung open and she saw him, Dylan Keller, standing at the edge, and peering down.
"Dylan," Alice said loud enough for him to hear her. She didn't want to yell and startle him.
His shoulders sagged a little.
Alice's eyebrows furrowed. Something about him was different? She took a step closer. Her heart was beating furiously. "Dylan, please come down from there," Alice raised her arm and stretched out her hand towards his back. "Just take my hand okay. Please Dylan."
"It's too late Allie,"
A shiver convulsed through her body. Suddenly the sun had slipped back into place behind the cumulonimbus clouds. Alice froze scared to death to move. All she could do was close her eyes and pray like hell that she would wake up soon. She was dreaming. This wasn't real.
"You know it's really peaceful up here," Edward said softly. "I just wish that there was a little more sun." He smiled tragically, "And a bright blue sky. It would be nice to see something beautiful before I die."
"Just a dream. Just a dream." Alice chanted.
"Alice,"
Edward's voice hand changed. His tone was shakier now and riddled with fear. When Alice opened her eyes, she realized that Edward had turned back into Dylan. He was still perched on the ledge, but his green eyes were wide and staring straight at her.
"Alice," He said again.
"Yes, I'm here." she snapped out of it. Tears stung her eyes. "I'm here." Alice repeated wiggling her fingers, "Just grab my hand Dylan. Don't do this."
Dylan's eyebrows furrowed. "When I was younger I used to always pretend like I was superman." He grinned. "I would find a red sheet, tie it around my neck, and jump from the highest place I could without hurting myself." He looked down at Alice's shaking arm. "I think that this is probably the highest I ever tried to jump from. Alice you should go." Dylan smiled softly. "I'll be okay."
"No," Alice insisted. Tears were dangerously close to falling. "You can't seriously expect me to leave. I know that we barely know each other, but what about the people that love you. Imagine the hole that's going to be in their heart when they found out that you committed suicide."
"I'm not committing suicide," Dylan said his face falling a little.
"Dylan jumping off a building is suicide."
He blinked with difficulty. "And if I went through with this. Does that make me a bad person to you?"
Alice struggled to find the right words. "Giving up is the worst thing that you can do. If you don't fight for yourself then how do you expect to survive?" She bit her lip. "Dylan this is just high-school. Can you really just jump off a building, and ignore the fact that you have your whole life ahead of you? What about college, marriage..."
"Oh yeah my parents would love it if I married a dude."
"Well then fuck your parents." Alice cried. "It doesn't have to come to this."
"But I'm so tired." Dylan said looking down. "I've fought all my life, and I just..." He pulled at his shirt. "If everyone was like you then maybe I could be happy." He wiped underneath his eyes. "I just hurt too much, and I don't know how I can make this okay, when the people I love can't even bear to look at me anymore."
"Then you can come to my house." Alice said quickly. "You know my mom, Esme Cullen, she used to teach you...and my dad is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. You can stay with us until you get back on your feet."
Dylan squeezed his eyes shut. Tragic tears spilled down his reddened cheeks. "I still will never understand why you're being so nice to me. You listened, and offered me a place to stay. Why?"
"Because I have a brother, and if he ever got so low, where he felt like his only option was to commit suicide, then I would feel so empty." Alice was crying now. "I don't think I would ever recover from losing him, and just thinking about it makes me feel so sad." Her lips trembled. Alice wiped at her eyes. "It gets better Dylan. Life isn't easy. But you can do it. Just grab my hand."
Dylan cried quietly to himself. Alice inched forward. "If I jump...if I die like this, do you think that I could still get into Heaven. Because I think so. I hope so."
Alice couldn't answer that question, because she honestly didn't know the answer to that. "Give me your hand," she repeated. "You'll be okay. Everything will be okay."
"And what if I didn't jump." Dylan stared back at her through glassy eyes. He looked impossibly more like a young boy. "Do you think that I could be happy, and find some way to start feeling again, because I feel so numb, and so cold, like I'm already dead."
"But you're still alive. You're breathing, and you'll be fine." Alice was now close enough to touch his hand. "C'mon, just reach out your hand. Don't think about it. Just reach out, and do it."
Dylan stared deep into her eyes, and he pulled his hand back, holding it to his chest. "I almost believe you." He reached out again.
Alice quickly took his hand. The sun snuck from in between the clouds again beaming down on their forms. She tugged him gently away from the edge, but his stance was resistant. Dylan didn't budge. Alice tugged again, careful not to be too forceful.
"I'm sorry Alice but I was already gone before you tried to stop me." He released her hand and then he took a step back, his feet were now precariously hanging over the edge. Dylan closed his eyes, "Thank you for being there for me Alice."
Before Alice could do anything Dylan spread out his arms and fell backwards. "No!" she screamed. Alice ran to the edge, and all she saw was Dylan sprawled on the sidewalk below, with blood everywhere. She screamed at the top of her lungs.
***
She was being shaken awake.
Alice tossed and turned. She felt hands circle around her arm. Her eyelids opened. The first thing she noticed was the intense sunlight. What time was it? She then realized that Bella was perched beside her bed. Bella's brown eyes were filled with worry. Alice opened her mouth to explain the dream, and then she realized that she couldn't talk.
She forced a smile, that couldn't even begin to explain what was wrong, and pushed herself out of bed. Bella searched around for her dry erase board. She wrote, "Are you okay?"
Alice didn't have the desire to use the dry erase board to explain her dream. She had been having that dream for the last couple of months. It was always the same. She was running in a dress to stop Dylan from jumping, and ultimately she was never successful. But something bothered her in particular about this dream. Edward was in it. When she was younger, Alice used to have these horrible nightmares about losing Edward. Whether it was in a fire, a horrible car accident, or by that creepy clown It.
She would always wake up just as he appeared in the gutter with his sharp brown teeth. "Alice we all float down here."
She shivered. The dreams had stopped for some time now, and the last thing she wanted was for them to start up again. Even if it was just a dream, she didn't want to think about losing Edward.
Alice quickly glanced over in the direction of the clock. Her eyes widened in horror. Oh my god! She had a test in her eight o' clock class and she was already twenty minutes late. With no time to spare, Alice threw on a trenchcoat over what she was wearing, and slipped on some flip-flops. Frantically she grabbed two pencils and a pen. She was out the door in seconds.
The elevator was crowded so she took the stairs. She was late. Alice ran outside into the wet November weather. She walked as briskly as she could, trying not to attract attention to her vagabond getup, but then she gave up trying to be discreet. She was late, and she was not going to fail this test. Alice started to run. Her class was all the way across the freaking campus!
A blonde male on a bike cut her off. She looked back at him slightly irritated, until she realized that it was Jasper. She smiled warmly at him and waved. There was so much that she wanted to say, because this was the second day in a row seeing him. Jasper pointed down to her flip-flops. Alice shook her head embarrassed and pointed down to her wrist. Trying to explain failingly that she was late.
Jasper stared ahead and pointed in the direction of the library. Most of the buildings were around there. He looked back at her, his lips parted. Alice assumed that he wanted to ask her if she needed to go in that direction? She nodded. Jasper signaled for her to get on the back of his bike. Alice stared at him confused.
He picked up on her cluelessness, and showed her where to place her feet. Alice followed his hand gestures, and mounted the bike, she squeezed onto his shoulders tightly. Jasper nodded, and then he took off. The wind and rain whipped around them.
***
Edward's POV
---
I was sitting in the back of the classroom taking notes. I had arrived to class late, so I didn't get a chance to pass out the pamphlets before the professor started lecture. I was fail. The door swung open and Emmett McCarty stepped in. My eyebrows furrowed. What the hell was he doing here? I came to this class almost every day, and I hadn't seen him once. I absently started to write everything the professor was saying down. But my attempts were in vein, because despite the fact that a hundred or so people were in this room, Emmett came straight to me.
He moved quickly up the stairs towards me.
"Ouch dude you stepped on my foot!" some guy complained.
"Then you should've moved your penny loafers when you saw me coming." Emmett answered unremorsefully. Once he reached me he leaned over and placed his book bag in the seat on the other side of me. I couldn't help but to notice how good he smelled. He smelled outdoorsy and masculine. Emmett sank in the seat beside me. "So what did I miss?"
I just smiled and shrugged.
Emmett licked his lips, "Did Jacob ask you not to talk to me baby boy?"
I narrowed my eyes at him.
Emmett grinned. "I knew I could get your attention by bringing up that dumb Jacob Black kid, or calling you a nickname." He leaned over, placing his strong arm on my desk. "So what's up?"
I continued to ignore him.
This was all a joke to Emmett because he wrestled my pen out of my hand, and squeezed my fingers tightly. If I could I would hurl a few choice words at his ass. They would probably start with bitch and end with fuck you. I narrowed my eyes at him.
"There it goes." Emmett said softly almost singing. "That evil glare that targets all of your hot aggression towards me." He smiled handsomely, his deep dimples appearing in his cheeks. Emmett was still holding my hand. "I thought we got along famously on your birthday Georgia. So there is no need to be so territorial with me."
I wiggled my hand out of his and snatched my pen back.
"Hmm," he mused reaching for my dry erase board. "What is this? Did you bring toys to class to entertain me?" He clicked his tongue, "While the kiddie boards are fun, I do prefer toys of a more sexual nature."
Emmett was acting like a child. Incredibly annoying and fidgety. He drew something on the board and then placed it back on my desk. I looked down at the crude picture of some guy with unruly hair, probably me, swallowing a dick whole. My lips thinned and I narrowed my eyes at Emmett.
He was smiling, not maliciously, but instead as if this was a joke that we were both supposed to be in on. I didn't hate Emmett. I even felt drawn to him in a strange way, but above everything, I didn't understand him. He could be sweet sometimes, and then an asshole on every other day in between.
But he did treat me better than most people he talked to.
"Why are you ignoring me?" Emmett said. "Big guys need love too."
I smiled a little. I reached in my book bag for an eraser and handed it to Emmett.
"You don't like my pretty picture?" He asked with mock surprise.
I shook my head, no.
"Aww well," His hands closed over mine as he took the eraser from me. Emmett cleaned off the white board, and then took another marker. He drew me a heart. "Is that more kiddie friendly?"
I didn't respond.
Emmett folded his arms behind his head and kicked his legs up on the chair in front of him. "This class is so boring! I'm so bored that I would rather sit through an episode of that god awful Secret Life of the American Teenager show." He spoke loud enough for the professor to hear him.
The professor stopped in her tracks.
"What did you say?" she asked icily.
Emmett sat up with a devious smile. "Oh huh? Are you talking to me? Or the guy in front of me, you're kinda short so I can't tell."
"You said that this class was boring?"
"Oh yeah I did say that. Boring as a turd." Emmett answered.
She crossed her arms, "Well if this class is so boring then why don't you try teaching this information. Get out of my class!"
I glanced at Emmett trying to gauge his reaction.
As usual he was unruffled by authority. Emmett stood, but not before glancing at the pamphlets on the edge of my desk. His clear blue eyes met mine and then he looked away. Emmett made his way to the front of the classroom without his book bag. He was all class clown, and confident badass rolled into one.
"We are talking about the civil war correct?" Emmett asked.
"What are you doing?" the professor demanded.
"Well?" Emmett scratched his head comically. "You did invite me to the front of the class to play didn't you."
"Fine. You want to play games. Well then we can play games." The professor smiled evily, "Emmett McCarty correct."
"The one and only mamacita."
She cringed and then turned to the class. "Emmett McCarty has just volunteered himself to test your knowledge, and since he's never here this should be interesting. Get in groups; come up with questions, preferably hard ones, and in ten minutes, Emmett McCarty will answer all of your Civil War questions. Every wrong answer he gets is docked from his participation grade." The professor laughed evily, "Mamacita that,"
Emmett chuckled, "All I got to say is bring on the bacon, 'cause I got the skillet pan. Batter up bitches."
Emmett really was one of a kind. I wondered to myself how did he get away with all of this? Anyone else would've been kicked out of the University of Maryland for insubordination.
"And while you guys are coming up with questions no doubt to sink my perfect GPA, I need you guys to listen up." Emmett found me again in the crowd. "My friend, James Dean back there," He gestured towards me, "He's supporting a cause, I don't know what it is, because he can't actually speak now, but he has pamphlets." Emmett gestured me towards the front.
The professor's mouth dropped. "You can't pass out pamphlets in the middle of my lecture."
"What lecture?" Emmett smiled innocently. "The class is working in groups, and we have nothing but time on our hands." He gestured towards me again.
It was sinking in that Emmett had purposely planned this. He must've pieced together what I was doing without me actually explaining it. I forced myself to stand, feeling just as much of a rebel as Emmett. I swallowed and made my way down the stairs to the front of the classroom.
"Take one, and pass the rest around." Emmett said. He nudged me, "My ruse was brilliant wasn't it. Initiate asshole response to a frustratingly boring lecture, rile up the professor in the hooch boots..."
I took one glance at the professors boots; which snaked up her leg, with what looked like buckles fastened tightly, all around the leather design. The boots looked more appropriate for a job turning tricks in Baltimore, than in a classroom.
"Exactly hooch boots." Emmett continued.
I started to hand out the pamphlets. Completely thankful for Emmett. After I was finished I went back to my seat. Since Emmett had done this for me, I felt compelled to stand up beside him and answer all the questions for him. But I couldn't because I had no voice.
When the time was up the students grilled Emmett. They asked him questions that even I didn't know the answer to, and I was a history buff. I was shocked though because Emmett was perfectly calm up front as he answered all of the questions. He even got cocky and gave the students more answer than they asked for. The professor was not pleased, because Emmett obviously made her look stupid, and he wasted a lecture day.
At the end of class Emmett still remained undefeated.
"I hope all of you were listening because there will be a quiz next class." Emmett grinned proudly and then he looked towards me again.
I started to gather my belongings, but a circle of students had collected around me.
"I think it's pretty awesome that you're doing this." A guy said. He reached in his pocket and handed me a five-dollar bill. "I would give more, but short notice."
I smiled appreciatively. More students dropped off cash and change.
After they were gone only Emmett and I were left in the room.
I gazed up at him. Did he have to insist on always surprising me?
"I'll keep one of these pamphlets for myself." He said. Emmett grabbed his book bag. "See you around Cullen."
I grabbed his arm before he could leave me. After I had put all the money in my bookbag I wrote down, "Thank you Emmett." And held it up to my chest.
He nodded slowly, "You gave me a good excuse to disrupt this stiff ass class." Emmett looked down at my hand still wrapped around his arm. "Hmm," he mused again.
I let him go.
"And you couldn't speak anyways when I was bothering you." His cheeks flushed. "I was expecting you to cuss me out from here to my Aunt Trudie's trailer park in Tulsa, Oklahoma, but you didn't. So I knew something was up Eddie." Emmett swallowed. "So yeah...since you couldn't speak, I spoke for you, and you know how loud my voice is."
With that Emmett left me.
***
After class Alice texted me to meet her in front of the student union. I found her with Bella and Jasper. They had a table set up facing the doors. Some other people that I didn't recognize were with them. When Alice saw me she gave me a big hug. It was frustrating to see her, and not be able to exchange one word. I couldn't ask her, how her day was, and why Jasper was suddenly around so much.
Jasper waved at me, and I waved back. Alice rubbed my arm and then went back over to Jasper; together they handed out pamphlets to students walking out. Bella left the desk to come over to me. She nodded her head. I nodded my head back. Together we took a seat.
I should be using this silent time to think through what I was going to say to Alice tonight. I watched her, she was actively tracking down every student she could. Jasper was looking at her again like she was the sun in the center of his solar system.
Bella elbowed me.
I raised my eyebrows in her direction.
She tilted her head towards Rosalie Hale, who was strutting over in her typical, "My name is Rosalie Hale, and I'm so fucking awesome," fashion. Bella not to subtly snuck away.
"Ohh it's the hobbit!" Rosalie said to Jasper.
Jasper actively ignored her.
Jasper wasn't short at all, so I had no idea why Rosalie called him a smurf or a hobbit. Probably just to establish his place beneath her. She took a seat beside me. I was almost afraid to move, one wrong movement could mean death. I smiled a little. At least I could find amusement somewhere with this day.
"God I'm so glad the rain finally stopped." Rosalie crossed her long legs. Guys walking by stopped to observe her, one even crashed into a pole. Rosalie snickered, "Stupid boys."
I smirked.
"I imagine girls do the same thing when they see you?" Rosalie asked a bemused smirk etched on her face with pink lip-gloss.
I shrugged.
"So I guess you guys can't speak for this..." she shrugged carelessly. "Whatever peace campaign you guys are doing."
Alice appeared out of nowhere and handed Rosalie a pamphlet.
"Light reading." Rosalie said with a tight smile. "Thanks Aisha, I'll put that with the rest of my homework, and make sure to get to it by Christmas."
Rosalie had to be purposely messing up Alice's name at this point. That was rude of her.
"Edward the only reason I'm over here is because I owe you and your sister an apology." Rosalie's face was pained as if it was the hardest thing in the world to say sorry. "I was selfish, and I used your birthday as an excuse to seek revenge. I learned my lesson. Never again will I involve innocent bystanders in my vengeful plots, just Emmett, and the weak fools that piss me off."
Rosalie Hale was another interesting person. That was quite the apology.
"Oh and one more thing. Emmett was telling me that you're from Georgia, so if you're not planning on going home for the Thanksgiving Holiday, then you're more than welcome to join us, and you can bring your friends."
I couldn't imagine eating Thanksgiving over at Rosalie's. She would probably put thumbtacks and nails in the turkey.
Rosalie smiled. "My parents are in South Africa for the holidays, so I'm not going back home to an empty Manhattan brownstone, and Emmett isn't going back to Alaska this year."
I nodded.
"Think it over. The holidays shouldn't be spent in a 4 by 4 dorm room with bad Chinese Food and cheap beer." She reached in her purse. "This is all the loose change I have." Rosalie gave me a hundred dollar bill. "For whatever the charity is."
***
Later that day I stepped back into my dorm.
Jacob was listening to rap music and cleaning up his side of the room.
I stood by the door speechless. It was a good sign that he was listening to rap music, because rap music equaled a happy Jake, but the cleaning?
Jacob poked his head from underneath the bed where he was pulling out papers and trash. "Edward."
I smiled.
"Guess what." He closed the door and grabbed me by the hand.
His touch sent electric jolts through my body. I didn't dare wiggle my hand free. He was happy. My Jake was alive in his eyes. We sat down on his bed. Jacob was still holding my hand I didn't even realize if he still knew that.
"Hooked on Edward works!" He gushed like he was in a corny 1990's commercial. "I was failing. Man I was dumb as shit. One F here, three E's there, and then I brought Hooked on Edward." Jacob paused to smile wide, "And mama look I got A's! You don't have to send me back to first grade."
I grinned and shook my head at him. I gave him a 'Huh' expression because I was so lost.
His thumb was stroking my hand.
The air in the room was quickly exiting.
Jacob let my hand go. It fell lifeless in my lap. He went over to his desk and removed a dark blue folder, which he handed over to me. "Without you Edward, I would be homeless and on the streets, selling my body for tacos and Chimichangas."
I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. This was why I loved this guy. He made me laugh. Laugh so hard that I felt like my insides were about to burst. He just filled me with so much happiness, and I was addicted to that.
"Open the folder E. Cullen,"
I eyed the folder with pretend fear. I set down the folder.
Jacob stared back at me disappointed. "Cullen its good news?"
I reached in my bookbag unable to keep this thought to myself. I wrote down on the dry erase board that I would burn after today, "Happiness looks good on you,"
Jacob grinned even wider. "Well my happiness is all because of you. This semester might not end in flames after all."
I opened the folder and my mouth dropped. Jacob had got back a paper that I had helped him on, he wrote it, I just supplied some ideas to get him thinking. He got an A.
Jacob started to beatbox, and then he improvised some rhyme about how awesome I was. He pulled me up by the hand and gave me a hug. I grinned stupidly and rubbed his back.
"So how is the campaign going? Have you made enough money to make it rain hundred dollar bills in that shelter?" Jacob asked, obvious care apparent in his big brown eyes.
I could tell that he supported what I was doing. I swallowed hoping that he would still be this jovial tonight when we talked. I went to my bookbag and emptied out all the money I had collected on the floor.
"Pennies?" Jacob scowled. "Who the fuck gave you pennies."
I smirked. Every penny counts.
Jacob pulled a Nike shoebox from underneath his bed and put the money inside. "Safe keeping until the end of the day. This is College Park not Savannah, if someone knew you were walking around with all this money, they would rob your ass twice and take off running like a thief."
He was right. We put the money in the shoebox and I placed it on my desk.
"I'm going to get some exercise in." Jacob said.
I nodded.
"Did you want to join me?"
As tempting as that sounded I decided that I'd rather stay inside and finish some work. Being around Jacob, especially when he was carefree and happy, only made me want to talk to him more. But I couldn't. So I would stay here...and wait for tonight.
***
Alice's POV
---
She and Jasper were inseparable today. They were watching TV now.
He kept nodding off. Alice thought it was adorable because every now and then Jasper's head would roll to the side, and then he would violently jerk, look at her, and then act like he was awake the whole time. Whenever Jasper glanced at her Alice always pretended not to notice.
He was breathing in and out slowly. Jasper did look so exhausted. His skin was pale, and dark purple circles were underneath his eyes. She didn't know what tomorrow would bring, but she hoped that he would still have time in his busy schedule for her.
Jasper was one of those rare guys that treated her like a lady, without any ulterior motives. He carried her school books, gave her rides on bicycles even when she looked like a trenchcoat and flip flop wearing bum, and he made being around him so effortless.
Alice had given up on love secretly after sophomore year of high school. She had met a guy named Kevin who came off as a really good guy. Alice knew him for a few months before they started dating, and as soon as they became official, Kevin became all about sex. She said no, because she wasn't ready, but Kevin didn't take no for an answer. One night he tried to force himself on her, which resulted in Alice calling Edward.
Edward found them, and kicked Kevin's ass so badly, that people actually called the cops on him. Edward and Alice were just fifteen then so at least that incident didn't get on Edward's permanent record. Since that incident that was when Edward started being super protective of her. But she assumed that Edward saw something in Jasper that made him back off a little.
Alice's cell vibrated on her press. She reached for it. Her mom sent her a text.
"Your father and I are in the area. Surprise ninja attack. We're taking you and Edward out to dinner. Love You, Mom."
Alice's cheeks warmed happily. She quickly texted her back, calling her sneaky, and promising to have Edward ready, and presentable for dinner. As Alice texted her back, Jasper let out a little sigh and then he rolled over on his side. He rested his head full of curly blonde hair on her shoulder.
Her heart stopped. She closed her eyes and smiled. Alice tried not to move. Jasper was obviously very tired so she would let him sleep. An hour had passed and Jasper was still sleeping on her shoulders, his legs curled up like a child, and his fist balled up by her leg.
Alice started to get drowsy herself.
***
A week had passed since Dylan Keller's suicide.
Alice sat in the classroom they used after school for Haven with her hand rested against her cheek. Most of the students that helped her out had been skipping the group all week. And it wasn't like it mattered. Since Dylan Keller's suicide she hadn't seen any students. Alice saw people in the hallways looking sad, a few had even decorated Dylan's locker with hearts, and well wishes wherever he was. She brought flowers and placed it right by his locker.
Everything felt so abnormal. Getting up in the morning was hard. Because every time she closed her eyes, she thought about Dylan. He was gone. He would never breathe again, or see something as simplistically beautiful as a full moon shining amongst a night full of stars.
He was in an eternal slumber, and he would know this world no longer. Alice wasn't sure what to do with the pain she felt. It slightly reminded her of the sadness she had experienced when Elizabeth Masen died. Alice was young then, but she remembered Elizabeth's kindness, and the way she treated both her and Edward.
Alice couldn't grasp the concept that she was gone back then, even though her mom explained that Elizabeth was in Heaven. Alice felt a tear slide down her cheek. More than anything she wished that she could just take back the last couple of days, and have them never happen.
The door closed.
Alice glanced up taken off guard. She saw Dylan's best-friend Tom standing at the door. Her first reaction was to lash out and tell him to leave, but that would be irresponsible of her, considering what this club stood for. Alice looked down at her desk. "Are you lost?" she asked with a slight edge.
Tom walked towards her and took a seat. "Dylan talked to you right before he..." Tom struggled for the words. His brown eyes were impassive. "What did he say."
Alice clasped her hands, "It doesn't matter now does it."
Tom bit his lip. "What do you mean it doesn't matter? Why wouldn't it."
Alice remained tightlipped.
"He was my best-friend." Tom whispered.
Alice's eyebrows furrowed.
"I just messed up once. Just once." Tom squeezed his eyes shut to keep from crying. "I just needed some time to deal with it. He was my best-friend, he is my best-friend, and I thought I knew him." Tom placed his hands to his face. "I just needed some time but he didn't even give me that! He just went to a fucking building and jumped off!"
Alice felt her heart start to accelerate and the tears were threatening to fall. "Tom please, maybe I shouldn't be the one that you to talk to about this. There are guidance counselors and..."
"I don't want to fucking talk to a guidance counselor!" Tom yelled. His face twisting in anger. "I want to talk to you!"
Alice raised her hands to tell him to stop but it was too late. She was already crying. "Yes I was the last person that talked to him!"
Tom's lip trembled. "What did he say to you?"
She angrily wiped at her tears.
"Alice," Tom begged. "What did he say."
"You hurt him." Alice delivered through gritted teeth. "You were the only person he could trust and you turned your back on him."
Tom squeezed his eyes shut and he looked down. "He's gone...and he doesn't even know how wrong he was..." Tom looked into Alice's eyes and then he started to sob uncontrollably, his whole frame was shaking. "It's too late to wish that I could've been there, that I could've changed everything, and that he could still be here." Tom wiped at his eyes. "He died hating me."
"He didn't die hating you." Alice bit her lip. "He died hating himself."
Tom balled his hand to his mouth. "When he told me I just didn't know how to react. At first I tried to deal with it silently, but then he told me that he loved me...my best guy friend in the world told me he loved me! What was I supposed to do with that?" Tom looked back at Alice sadly. "I guess I'm just here because I need to know if you made him feel a little better."
Alice took in a deep breath. "I tried...but he needed the people closest to him to get through this."
Tom furiously wiped at his eyes.
Alice pushed her chair back and went over to Tom. He started to cry harder.
"I know you think that I'm a horrible person..." he banged his fist against the desk, "But I would've came around, if he gave me the chance, I would've came around. Because he is important to me. He's been my best-friend forever and now he's gone."
Alice reached out to place a small hand on Tom's back.
"I'm so sorry."
"Dylan is gone." Alice paused as Tom struggled to breathe.
"It hurts. I feel like my whole body is on fire and I can't put it out. For years Dylan must've held this in, but I guess he never felt like he could tell me. And when he did...I completely turned my back on him."
Alice knelt beside Tom and took her hands in his. He cried for a while, she lost track of time, but she stayed with him, until he couldn't cry anymore.
***
Edward's POV
---
I went to my first LGBT meeting with Alice.
Bella and Jasper were also there.
We had made a clearing in the middle of the room. Everyone stood in a circle with their dry erase boards in their hands. We all wrote one word to describe our experience being silent and by saying that word aloud, our silence would be broken.
"Alone," Alice said. "I was surrounded by the people I love all day, but I couldn't even say hi to them." She looked down. "I realized how much I have to say today." She looked at me, "And I can't keep anything in, because I have so many people that love me, and it's nice to know I can give them some of the weight, whenever life gets a little tough."
Alice then threw her dry erase board in the middle of the floor.
"Sad," Bella said next. She tossed her board with Alice's.
Jasper said, "Happy."
I glanced at him like he had lost his mind.
"I'm happy because I met Alice Cullen." His cheeks reddened. "If it wasn't for her then we wouldn't have done this today. She is truly inspiring." Jasper cast his eyes on Alice, "For every person filled with hate, there is at least one that reminds you why you should never lose hope." While still keeping his eyes on Alice, he threw his board into the pile.
It was my turn now.
My board didn't have anything on it, but the heart Emmett had drawn earlier.
"I felt love." I clenched my jaw. I wasn't the best at public speaking. "I was sure that today would be difficult, but even without my voice, my friends showed me in different ways that they were there. My sister gave me a hug, Bella sat down beside me and stayed until the grinch came." Both Bella and I laughed, because only we knew that I was talking about Rosalie. "Jasper waved, Jacob made me smile, and Emmett reminded me why you shouldn't judge people by their covers,"
I shoved my hands in my pockets. "But if I wasn't surrounded by the people I just named I would've felt empty....and alone." I looked at Alice who smiled sweetly back at me. It was unavoidable now, everything that I had been holding inside, I had to tell her.
***
"Edward!" Esme Cullen cried as she threw her arms around me.
"Mom," I wrapped my arms around her. I was glad that my parents were here, but I was also stunned because I had no idea that they were coming. "Next time can you give me a heads up?" I grinned.
"Happy eighteenth birthday." She continued. Esme linked her arm in mine. "How has college been?"
"Great. I've had nothing but freedom." I said.
Esme nodded, her smile still remaining. "Your father is in the car." She smoothed down my hair, and fussed over my black sweater and jeans, like a typical mom for a few minutes. She wanted a report on everything from my classes, to my friends, and finally on me. I answered her as thoroughly as possible. Her smile never faltered.
"Mom," I said quietly.
"Yes?"
"Could we talk for a second?"
Esme's eyebrows furrowed. "Of course we can."
She looked instantly worried. I hated worrying her.
"Edward what's wrong?"
"People, people," Alice sung as she pushed open the door leading to my room. "Alice Cullen has arrived." Alice did a little twirl showing off her black and grey dress with a bow around the hip. She threw her arms around Esme. "Mom we got to get you out of here and fast, you look like a college student, so the guys might start pouncing."
Esme smiled a little. "You look beautiful Allie," He eyes wandered back towards me, "Your father is in the car Alice. Do you think Edward and I could talk first before we join you?"
Alice glanced from my mom to me. Her smile had fell immediately. "Edward what's wrong?"
Her tone told me that she wanted to know why I needed to talk to mom privately. Excluding her.
I flipped off the light in my room. "I guess we can just talk about it at dinner."
"Are you sure," Esme mouthed.
"Sure," I said with a nod.
***
We ate at a seafood restaurant in Silver Spring.
The night was still unusually nice for a day in November. All the stars were out, and the clouds that had plagued the morning were gone. The stars twinkled beautifully. Everyone was talking and laughing but me, because I was waiting for the right time to come out.
"Edward," Carlisle placed his hand on my back. "You're so quiet."
"Sorry Dad." I said distractedly. Just then I noticed that Alice was looking at me. Now that I was out of my trance I realized that in the playback of conversation, Alice hadn't said much either. I bit the inside of my cheek and looked away from her.
"Your mother and I brought you a new guitar for your birthday Edward." Carlisle announced.
I smiled. "Thank you."
"It's in the back of the car. Don't forget to take it with you before we leave." Carlisle's hand remained on my back. "And we have two other things to announce." He looked at Esme, whose face was radiantly lit by the flickering candles. "Dear, did you want to tell the kids?"
Esme looked at both Alice and I and she smiled widely. "Two things. Your father applied for a position at John's Hopkins and we just found out that he got it."
Alice's mouth dropped. "Dad!"
Carlisle grinned modestly. "I hope you guys don't mind your old parents being a little closer."
"Not at all," Alice got up and hugged him tightly.
I watched as they embraced. I reached out and Carlisle took my hand. I was happy that they were going to be closer.
"And Alice you might want to stay standing." Carlisle said. He looked at Esme.
"You guys are going to have another brother or sister." Esme said all in one breath. "I'm pregnant!"
Now it was my turn to look shocked. "What?"
"I'm pregnant." Esme repeated.
"Mom...wow," I said speechlessly. That news made me smile.
Alice squeed loudly and hugged our mom next. I stood up and went over to give our mom a kiss on the cheek and a hug as well. When I took my seat again I felt the heavy burden in my chest rise back up.
Carlisle asked Alice about the charity. She told him that it was successful and that she alone had raised three hundred dollars. My stomach twisted and I felt like I was going to be sick. Carlisle told Alice that both he and Esme had raised money at their jobs. I closed my eyes, and took in a deep breath. The truth was pounding against my ears like a drum begging to break free.
I could speak now. I had too. I had to tell the truth. My family was here. The time couldn't be more perfect. I had to just let it out. Say it. Scream it. However, it got out, I just had to unleash it. In the darkness of my mind I saw Alice's smile. I then saw her tears when Dylan had committed suicide, she cried to me, and begged me to tell her everything. She said she would always be there, like she knew I would always be there for her.
"I have to say something." I said over everyone. My eyes were still closed. Everything was still and silent. Speak. Just say it. I bit my lip.
"Edward?" Carlisle had reached for my hand again.
I opened my eyes and looked at every face. Esme was worried. Carlisle's expression was soothing, calm, serene, ready for whatever and Alice...her expression was the most heartbreaking of all. She looked sad, deeply sad, and I hadn't said anything yet. I looked into Alice's eyes. I didn't want to cry. I hated crying. I loathed it actually.
"I am um..." I licked my lips. My throat felt so dry. "I..." I took in another deep breath. "I'm gay."
There I said it. All in one breath.
Alice stared into my eyes for a while longer. Her eyebrows furrowed and she nodded slowly. She then looked away. Alice reached for a piece of bread and she methodically layered it with butter. She took a few bites and then she looked away from me. Alice looked at our parents. I could see the tears from the corner of her eye.
I felt my heart sink like a weight. I'm so sorry Alice. All the good news had been overshadowed by this. My parents were moving to Maryland, Alice and I were going to have another sibling, but this trumped everything.
For a few moments I felt like I was floating alone. And then Esme pushed back her chair. She walked over to me. I felt small and scared. I couldn't even bring myself to look at her, because all I could think about was Alice, and how she couldn't even look at me. That hurt.
"Edward," Esme whispered. She took my hand in hers. "Sweetheart."
I couldn't talk. I felt like if I did I would fall apart and start crying all over the place. But I really didn't want to do that. Esme wrapped her arms tightly around me. I clung onto her blouse, breathing in her perfume.
She held me protectively. "Thank you for telling us."
It was as if she already knew.
"It's okay," she cried. "It's okay, you're okay."
I stared into her eyes. "I am," She must've thought I was going to cry.
Carlisle took my hand again. "You know what I think."
Esme was still holding onto me tightly so I couldn't see him, but I could feel his hand touching mine.
"I think that you're still our son, and we love you all the same."
It was as if he knew too. They were both waiting for me to come out, but Alice, she seemed to be the only one in the dark.
***
Alice's POV
---
Jasper and Bella sat on her bed.
"Alice?" Bella asked gently.
"How long has she been like this?" Jasper asked concerned. He leaned forward and touched Alice's cheek. "Allie?"
At that moment Alice snapped out of it. "Yes?" Alice wrapped her arms around her body. "Is the heat on? It's so cold in here."
"The heat is on. You turned it on." Bella pointed out. "As soon as you came in."
"I did," Alice stared at Bella confused. "I'm sorry, I just...why didn't he tell me?" she bowed her head. "I would've been his biggest supporter. I am his biggest supporter." She looked at Jasper, "But I just feel so sad because he kept it in. All this time I've been doing Haven, and Silence for Dylan, and he never felt like he could tell me, my own brother."
"Maybe because he wants to protect you?" Bella suggested.
"Protect me from who? Him?"
"No," Jasper said understanding where Bella was going with this. "You're so bright and lively Alice. You make people happy, and I think Edward kept this from you because he didn't want you to worry. He thought maybe he could protect you from thinking that he could turn into the next Dylan Keller?"
Alice looked down. "I would never think that." She wiped at her eyes. "I feel like such a fool. How could I not have known my brother was gay." The thought had been in the back of her mind, she had questioned it before, but it hadn't really gnawed on her conscious until now.
"Edward loves you more than anything." Bella said. "He would never hurt you."
Alice knew that was the truth. She just needed more time to get herself together. "Jasper can you do me a favor?"
"Anything."
Alice stared at him for a few moments and then gave him a tight hug. It was the way that he said anything, as if it was an afterthought. He would do anything for her. She leaned away and looked into his eyes. Jasper still looked so tired. She tucked her unruly blonde hair behind his ear. He was so beautiful.
"Could you tell Edward that I'm going to stop by his room later tonight. If he asks why I didn't come, you can tell him the truth. I don't want to cry when we talk, because I'm happy for him, but it just hurts to be the last to know." She shook her head. "Wait you shouldn't tell him that. I should."
"I'll tell him." Bella volunteered. "And besides this is Edward we're talking about. If he really wants to talk to you Alice, he'll come anyway."
"Or he'll give me my space." Alice said knowing better. "Just because he probably thinks I'm mad at him."
***
Edward's POV
---
I strummed the chords on the new guitar my parents had given me. My cell phone vibrated on my press. I placed the guitar down on my bed and went to get the phone. Alice had sent me a text.
I still love you Edward Scissorhands. But I wish you told me sooner.
Her text made me feel better.
My phone vibrated again.
I'm coming over later. And as punishment I'm going to make you have an Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant movie marathon with me.
I texted her back telling her to bring on the torture. In my heart I knew that she was still hurt, which was why she wasn't here now. Alice liked to be clear-headed and rational, at least when it came to anything but my love life.
She was totally irrational there. In a month it was safe to assume that Alice would be setting me up with guys left and right. I was still a little anxious though because I wasn't used to this. Being completely open, and out.
The door opened and the one person I had been waiting for all day walked in. He was drenched with sweat, and looking so fucking beautiful.
"So have you finally got back your pipes Ariel?"
I smiled. "Yeah I can sing now."
"Then sing to me baby." Jacob teased.
"Jake, could you sit down for a second?"
He paused.
"I have something I want to tell you."
Jacob's eyebrows knitted together. "Okay...but why do you sound so serious." He was still grinning.
I swallowed.
"Edward you're freaking me out." Jacob laughed desperately. "What's up?"
"I'm gay."
Jacob stared back at me silently. It was as if he was looking right through me. He suddenly looked scared. "But you like Bella."
"I never told you I liked Bella." I said honestly.
Jacob waved his hand stepping back, "Um I..." He took in a deep breath. "Why are you telling me this."
I looked down. My heart was twisting. "Because I..." I was about to tell him that I loved him, but the words suddenly felt like acid in my throat. He didn't love me. That was surer than ever now.
"Edward," Jacob said.
I just looked at him.
"Are you trying to kill me?"
I didn't know what he meant by that.
"Kill you. I would hurt myself a thousand times before I hurt you." I said honestly.
Jacob blinked, "I have to um..." He stumbled backwards. "I've got to go."
***
The day was done, and I was still standing, although barely.
At least I would never have to go through this again. I came out, and I was burned only slightly. But Jacob's reaction did leave third degree burns on my heart. I wasn't sure what I was expecting from him? A kiss, or a hug, definitely not, but I was hoping for a talk at least. We supposedly understood each other. He told me I was like family to him, so then why did he run out on me when I needed him the most.
I was masochistic as fuck right now, and honestly the only thing I wanted to do was chain smoke, I hated cigarettes, and drink cheap beer. But I wasn't so desperate to give into the pain. In the morning I would wake up, and time would keep moving as it always did. I would be fine. I was Edward Cullen and I was indestructible.
I was also good at making jokes tonight, because I wasn't indestructible. Just heartbroken.
"You were a little too easy to find." Emmett said approaching me.
"You were looking for me?" I said quickly trying to give the illusion that I was okay.
"Sure," Emmett said with a wide grin. "Do you mind if I take a seat." Before I could say yes or no, he sat down, and on my hand, I might add.
I pulled my hand back.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to squish your hand with my sculptured gluteus maximus."
I had to laugh a little.
"So why are you sitting out here looking all downtrodden and cute?"
"And why are you here?" I questioned.
"Like a true superhero, I heard the Edward Cullen distress call and I respond. Duh."
"So you're here to save me." I said dryly.
"No I'm not the kind of superhero that saves lives. Too righteous and blah."
I moved my mouth to the side. "So?"
"I read your pamphlet." He handed it back to me. "Did you know that kid."
"I'd seen him around." I said slowly. "Alice knew him more than me."
Emmett studied my eyes. "You look sad."
"No I don't."
"I can give you five minutes before I have to start charging you." Emmett started the timer on his watch. "What's up?"
"I'm not talking to you. I can't."
"Why not?" Emmett asked. "You talked to me after I fucked up my pectoral muscle, and ended my football season prematurely. And when Rosalie was acting like a crazy bitch at that restaurant, you stayed with me. Don't think I haven't noticed these things."
I studied his eyes.
"C'mon for the sake of stolen pink cupcakes."
I smiled sadly.
"What do I got to do? Steal you some more."
"Only if you promise to get caught and locked up in jail...for a cupcake."
Emmett flashed his dimples.
"You're right about me." I said without looking at him. "I'm in love with..."
"Jacob," Emmett spat.
I glared at him.
"No offense against you." Emmett looked down, "Just because I like you doesn't mean I got to like him."
"What reason do you have not to like him?" I asked Emmett.
Emmett declined from answering. "What did he do when you told him?"
"You didn't answer my question."
"I don't ever answer your question straight up." Emmett answered honestly. "We've done this tango before Cullen. You're a smart boy. You know the drill."
I licked my lips. "He told me I was killing him."
Emmett snorted, "A little melodramatic aren't we Jacob. Where is his Oscar!"
I smiled a little. "Stop joking. That hurt. Jacob's response."
Emmett looked down and took in a deep breath. "Even though I don't like him, I have to admit that he's a good guy. He cares about the people in his life, and he'll never turn his back on you." Emmett said all of this like it was weighing him down. "But..."
Emmett suddenly leaned forward. I held my breath. "But who's to say that I want to play by Jacob Black's rules and wait for him?" He inched closer and placed his hands on my arms. My heart rate accelerated past the point of control. I should stop him. Tell him that I wasn't into playing games, no matter how fragile my heart was right now, but Emmett squeezed me tighter, and for a second I felt healed.
I couldn't trust him as far as I could throw him, but he had been amazing all day. I expected Emmett to stop just short of my lips, but he didn't. Emmett went for the homerun. He took me in his arms like I was his and he crushed his lips against mine. The smoldering heat of feeling him so close burned a brand new hole in my chest.
He kissed me hungrily, greedily, crossing all the boundaries that I shouldn't have given him permission to pass. But he did it, and he left me feeling feverish. His tongue slid inside my throat, and he leaned deeper into me. I was falling backwards, but he caught me in his strong arms. I could feel his dick hard against my legs, and his stubble brushing my lips and cheek.
This was wrong.
Emmett stole one last kiss, biting down on my lip. I grunted swearing that he had drawn blood. When he stopped I was unable to open my eyes. My heart was still beating savagely. He was breathing hard and holding me protectively in his arms.
"You looked like you needed a pick me up." Emmett kissed my cheek, and then my forehead. "Why don't you tell Jacob I kissed you, and see how he reacts to that." Emmett snickered, "I bet you, he'll go Texas Chainsaw Massacre on my ass in seconds flat, like he owns you."
I placed my hand to his chest, feebly trying to push him away.
"You're stronger than that honey." He said.
He said honey mockingly like I was his bitch.
"I ought to fuck you up for that." I said hoarsely.
"Then fuck me up." Emmett said back. He leaned away from me. His full lips were swollen and red with desire. "You asked me why I came here, and no it wasn't to deflower you."
I scoffed.
"I improvised the kiss. But I didn't improvise this." Emmett handed me a folded piece of paper, which looked like a check. "I hope that you raised a lot of money for Dylan." Emmett nodded. "Well my work is done, and thank you for the kiss, we have to do that more often."
I watched as he walked away from me, the moonlight falling down on his perfect form. I should be angry that he stole a kiss, I should chase after him and tackle him to the ground, and mess up that pectoral muscle some more, but I couldn't. I breathed inwards still feeling his lips on mine, and I opened the check.
My mouth dropped. Emmett wrote a check out to Alice's charity for 1,000 dollars.
Make my day and review!