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J is for Jersey
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Danny's leg bounced up and down to its own rhythm as he sat alone, anxiously waiting for the announcement that his flight was ready to board. The long banks of chairs were mostly deserted, adding fuel to Steve's argument that no one from Hawaii ever visited New Jersey. Danny had no rebuttal to that particular argument at the time. He was really just looking forward to the nearly-empty plane, hopeful that he wouldn't be seated next to someone who would insist on chatting him up during the almost ten hour flight to Newark.
He wasn't in his usual chatty mood, and would rather not explain why he was leaving paradise for New Jersey. He'd rather not have to share his story to a stranger of why, after spending nearly two years in Hawaii, he was finally going home.
Steve had kindly driven him to the airport, and then found a lame excuse to escort him through the terminal, even going so far to use his means and immunity card to get himself through the security checkpoint. He sat with Danny for thirty minutes, probing him for details about New Jersey, his family, anything to get Danny to perk up. And though Danny appreciated his friend's efforts, he wasn't in the mood to rise to the usual banter they shared, and they spent most of their time together in silence. Eventually, at Danny's insistence that he could walk to the plane on his own two legs, Steve left Danny in peace, wishing him well on his trip home.
Home.
Danny was certain that if he added up the minutes he and Steve had debated the finer points of Hawaii versus New Jersey, the total would be astonishing. Danny defended, and would continue to defend, the state of his birth until the day he was laid in the ground. It had been twenty-two months since he had stepped foot in New Jersey, but he could still remember it like the back of his hand.
Steve liked to quip about how scenic Hawaii was. Look at that rainbow, Danny... Can't beat that view, Danny… New Jersey doesn't have sunsets like these, Danny. The head of Five-0 could certainly get carried away. And though he would groan and mope and dismiss his friend's apparent mission to get him to fall in love with Hawaii, Danny did secretly accept that Hawaii had a certain charm. But it would never hold a candle to his beloved home.
Home.
Danny's one, and only true rebuttal to Steve's nonstop jabber about Hawaii, was that the SEAL had never been to New Jersey. He had never stood at the end of the peninsula in Cape May, watching the beautiful sunset beyond the horizon. The skies would be filled with the sounds of migrating Sandpipers and Terns, squabbling over Bluefish in the bay's waters. Steve had never walked along the boardwalk in Atlantic City, taking in the sounds of music wafting out from the House of Blues, or the smells of elephant ears, or the taste of salt-water taffy. He had never gone fishing or canoeing down the Great Egg Harbor River, taking in the rare beauty of the tea-colored water or the abundant striped bass just begging to be caught.
Steve didn't know Jersey at all. But Danny did. He used to dream about it all the time. The sights. The sounds. The smells. Family. Friends. His dreams were less and less frequent lately, but he would never forget where he came from. He could never forget his home.
Home.
He sighed and shifted uncomfortably in his chair, searching the walls for a clock. Surely it had to be nearly time to go. As he scanned the area, a familiar face stepped into his vision. Danny smiled and shook his head slightly as the figure approached and sat in a chair directly across from him.
"How did you get in here?" Danny asked, and his friend grinned.
"I flashed my badge at security."
Danny didn't ask for any more explanation than that, because really… was any more necessary?
"Chin Ho Kelly," Danny began, shaking his head. "McGarrett used the same technique. Who knew immunity and means would come in so handy for the two of you?"
Chin's grin only grew as he settled back against the seat, stretching his legs out in front of him, crossing his feet at the ankles. Danny watched his colleague get comfortable in the plastic chair in front of him and laughed.
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you off."
"You didn't have to do that."
"I wanted to," Chin said with a shrug and a slight wave of a hand. "You didn't say when you were coming back to the island, so I thought I'd sit with you until your flight left."
Danny searched his friend's timeless face. Though Chin was older than Danny, he had a way about him that exuberated youthfulness. His calm and patient demeanor was a staple in everything he did, and his experience and logic earned him the respect of everyone he worked with. But behind his quiet behavior, Danny could see something else reflected back to him in the Hawaiian's eyes. Chin's facial expressions were not as frequent as Steve's, and so have gone unnamed by Danny, and this was one he was not used to. It harbored uncertainty and doubt.
"I am coming back, you know."
Chin regarded him for a moment before planting his feet on the floor and sitting up straighter in his seat.
"Some of us aren't so sure," he admitted.
"What?" Danny asked, surprised. "Who?"
"Kono. Me." Chin paused. "Steve."
"Steve left not ten minutes ago. He didn't mention anything."
Chin's eyebrows shot up.
"You really expect him to?"
"No, I suppose not." Danny confessed softly. "Well, have no fear. I will return. I just need to take care of a few things at home first."
Home.
"What was that?"
"What was what?"
"That look."
"What look?"
"When you were talking just now. You made a face."
Danny huffed and waved his arms dismissively toward Chin before gesturing toward himself.
"I do not make faces, my friend. You have me confused with our fearless leader."
"If you say so, brah." Chin settled back in his chair once more. "So, do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really."
Danny bit his bottom lip and looked away from Chin's searching stare. He already knew why Danny was heading back to New Jersey… all of Five-0 did. He had received the phone call when the team was at lunch yesterday afternoon. His father had had a stroke. He wasn't going to make it. His mother in tears, begging Danny to come home.
Come home and say goodbye.
"Ever since Matty…" Danny began suddenly, not sure where this urge to explain himself was coming from. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Chin perk up slightly, but he made no other move. "Ever since Matty left, things have been… strained with my parents. My dad was angry I couldn't stop him. My mom was hurt that I couldn't bring him home. Things finally got back to normal, but then Rachel and Grace went back to Jersey, and I stayed here. That was the straw that broke the camel's back, I think."
Danny didn't look at Chin. He couldn't. He still felt ashamed over that episode of his life. He didn't regret it, but he knew he could have handled things differently. And even though the baby wasn't his and Rachel and Grace were once again living with Stan, in his family's eyes, the damage had been done. Danny had chosen work over family. He had chosen Hawaii over New Jersey.
"My family supported me when I came out to Hawaii in the first place," Danny continued, unprompted by Chin. "But when I had the chance to come back to the mainland with Rachel, and didn't, they just didn't understand. They still don't. My mom even told me a few months ago that it isn't too late. She thinks I could still mend things with Rachel and move back to New Jersey."
Danny isn't sure why he's telling all of this to Chin. He hadn't even told Steve most of it. But Chin, with his looks of understanding and support… it was just too damn hard not to confide in the guy.
"I am coming back, Chin," Danny explained again. "I just need to… to fix things first."
Chin managed a small smile and nodded in understanding. Just then, the announcement was made that Danny's flight was boarding. He stood, reaching down to grab his carry-on bag before turning to head toward the gate. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he turned to see Chin standing right behind him.
"There's something I've wanted to say to you for awhile. When I first learned of Steve's father's murder, and the fact that a haole had been put in charge of the case, I was really upset." Chin put his hand up when Danny started to interrupt, silently asking him to allow him to continue. "I thought there was no way a mainlander could possibly come in and run a decent investigation into a good man's death."
Chin's eyes bore deep into Danny's as he paused a moment and sighed.
"I was wrong about you, Danny. You are a good man and a great detective. Five-0, and Hawaii, is lucky to have you."
For the first time in a long time, Danny was speechless.
"I just wanted you to know that before your trip home."
Home.
Danny shook his head.
"I am home, Chin."
The admission even surprised him. But as the words tumbled out of his mouth, he knew them to be true. He kept telling himself he was going home, but every time that word came up, it didn't feel right. New Jersey, simply put, wasn't his home anymore.
Danny almost said something snarky to cover up his sudden proclamation of love for Hawaii, but as he saw the glint in Chin's eyes and the smile that lit up his whole face, he held it back. Instead he held out his hand, and Chin clasped it, shaking it warmly.
"Goodbye, Chin. See you soon."
"Aloha, Danny."
Danny turned and walked to the ticket agent, who smiled and scanned his ticket, wishing him a good flight. As he boarded the plane and found his seat, he sighed and closed his eyes. He already knew he was going back to New Jersey to say goodbye to a part of his life. Maybe it was time to say goodbye to another as well… time to let New Jersey go and fully accept Hawaii as his home.