Here Lies Justice
Chapter X: Surrender
- - -
"Ryuk-san, if a human destroys a Death Note, would it consequently kill every human that has come in contact with it?"
"Nope," Ryuk answered, in the middle of devouring an apple L had given him. "But that would be kinda interesting…"
"Yes…" L murmured, nestling his thumb between his lips. "Interesting, indeed…"
Fake rules?
- - -
"Kira's notebook. Another notebook…" L, sitting against the arm of the couch, caught Light's wide-eyed gaze.
"Yours, Yagami-kun?" He kept his tone as cold and clipped as possible. L refused to allow Light to use the fact that the detective was infatuated with him as a basis to weasel his way out of consequences. L was distancing himself, building up his emotional walls.
"Ryuzaki—"
"Please, by all means, call me L," the raven-haired detective said placidly, "and I shall call you Kira."
"Where did you get that, L?" Light clenched and unclenched his fists, horror rising in his chest. He didn't even bother denying the fact anymore; he didn't even protest against L's statement that he was Kira.
"It was precisely where you said it would be, Kira-kun," L responded serenely, holding the Death Note above his head in a two-fingered grip. "Is there a problem?"
Ryuk snickered in the background, sensing the younger man's rising aggravation. Light was cornered now, beginning to panic. For his own twisted reasons, whatever they might be, he still cared deeply for L and consequently felt ridden with guilt. After all, the detective had confessed his feelings to Light earlier that day, and what Light had done was the ultimate slap in L's face. Light berated himself for his own idiocy; had it not been for his slip-up, perhaps someday he would have been able to admit the feelings that mirrored L's, the feelings that had finally awakened from their dormancy. Then perhaps they could begin to rebuild what they had lost.
No. We're on opposite sides of the spectrum. We don't belong.
It was a dangerous game Light had gotten himself involved in; he had just about fallen on the knives he had been playing with. One mistake left him helpless as a cornered animal, brain scrambling to weave coherent excuses. Light reminded himself that, despite the older man's emotions, L would stand by his Justice and would show Light—Kira—no mercy.
What if I confess to him now? Then it will only seem like a sad attempt to take advantage of him to save my ass. But it can't end like this; I have a world to create… And L…
Ultimately, his identity as Kira had royally screwed up everything for him; he remembered remorsefully what it felt like to hold L, to wake up beside L, to kiss L, to fight with L over sexual dominance, to spend his time chained to L every second of every day…
Both held flawless poker faces, each slowly falling apart beneath the surface but stubborn enough to refuse to show the other any weakness.
"Light-kun." L's tone was gentler now, and the fact that he was now using Light's first name was not lost on the younger man. "There is no doubt that you are Kira, so please save your lies and protests. I can see you thinking."
L prodded the side of his own head for emphasis. "There is no need to do so. Just hear me out, please. Despite your deliberate, repeated, worldwide murders, I do not wholly blame you for becoming Kira."
Light narrowed his eyes. He had expected L to attack him or something; why was the detective being so understanding?
L ran a finger along the spine of the Death Note, feeling the tingling feeling once again; his hand was itching to hold a pen, to write, to use the strong and morbid power bound between the pages. After all, he was only human.
But L had better self-control than that.
"These Death Notes," L rested his calm gaze on Light, "are evil things, Light-kun. Even I was tempted for a moment to use the murder notebook. After all, it's the most reasonable human response to coming into contact with the supernatural."
Light shifted uncomfortably, folding his arms across his chest. Was L defending his case?
"However…" Light sighed inwardly; he had known a "however" was coming.
"…this does not excuse murder," L continued. An edge had returned to his voice. "What you did is immoral, illegal, and inexcusable, and there will be consequences. Do you understand?"
"The betterment of the world is immoral?" Light scoffed, arms crossed, a smirk gracing his features—the very definition of arrogance. "My creation of a perfect world is inexcusable? The rate of crime in Japan alone has dropped—"
"Seventy percent, Light-kun. Yes, I know," L responded disinterestedly as he scanned the pages of the Death Note in his hands. "You have been breaking the lawfor your own childish purposes."
"You act like this is all about me! It's for the betterment of th—"
"You are the very picture of a selfish child abusing his power to play god." L lifted his eyes from the notebook and met Light's angry stare. "Do you disagree? Isn't that what you were doing?" L's eyes narrowed fractionally. "Playing god?"
The truth in L's words stung.
"I wasn't playing god," Light spoke up in his own defense, hating the fact that L had the upper hand.
In a twisted way, Light found it marginally reasonable to compare his current situation to being topped in bed; he certainly was "taking it up the ass" now, wasn't he? It had all caught up with him, and thoughts of the possible consequences were turning his stomach upside-down. Life in prison—if he was lucky. Likely he'd go insane that way.
Death sentence—ironically, Light was terrified at being subjected to the very same treatment he doled out on paper.
How many hundreds, thousands, ten thousands, hundreds of thousands… How many people had he killed, really? What kind of punishment did that merit?
"L," Light held his arms out in front of him, palms upturned. "You can understand this, can't you? This world is rotten, filled with rotten people doing rotten things. I'm using the power that was given to me in order to make this rotten world a better pl—"
"Light-kun," L intoned, sounding horribly bored with Light's little speech.
"—place," Light continued, irritated at the interruption. "And if I didn't do it, who—"
"Light-kun."
"—who would?" Light continued, flinging his arms out wide. "I had to—"
"Light-kun."
"I had to do it!" Light had raised his voice to a shout to drown out L's interruption.
"Light-kun, you are saying useless things." From every angle, L had the upper hand, and they both knew it. "A murderer is a murderer. A human cannot be a god."
Light kept his mouth sealed tightly. He was running out of things to say, pitted against the only man who had the ability to leave him at a loss for words. He was about to speak, but he closed his mouth as L held up a hand for silence.
"Do you believe in redemption?" L asked softly, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a strawberry-flavored lollipop. His spidery fingers slowly peeled the wrapping away, and he slipped the lollipop into his mouth, sucking on it thoughtfully. "Do you believe people can repent for their sins?"
"A criminal is a criminal," Light responded, casting a sideways glance at Rem, who was watching the scene unfold.
"A criminal is a criminal," L repeated, grasping the lollipop stick between his thumb and forefinger. Pulling it out of his mouth for a moment, he mused, "And a murderer is a murderer. A murderer is a criminal. Kira is a murderer and, therefore, is a criminal. According to you, a criminal cannot repent for his sins. Therefore, could we not also say that Kira deserves to be destroyed for the 'betterment' of the world? Isn't that so, Light-kun?"
Light grimaced, pinned down and slapped in the face again by his own words. A growing sense of desperation had rooted itself in the corner of his uneasy stomach; of course there was some way he could weasel himself out of his predicament. If things got ugly enough, Light was confident that he would gain the upper hand in a physical fight and would ultimately be able to take the Death Note from L. There was his other fallback—the small piece of paper concealed in his watch. In the worst possible scenario, Light would be forced to trade for the Shinigami Eyes if his life was in complete danger. And then there was Rem, too.
Light glanced across the room, catching the Shinigami's eye and giving a subtle shake of his head.
No, don't kill him. Not now, at least; L and I are the only ones here, and once the rest of the investigation team members come back and find L dead, their suspicions will immediately turn to me. That'll only land Misa and me in deeper trouble.
Light convinced himself that his logic was the only reason why he didn't want L dead. There were, of course, certain…other reasons, but Light closed his mind to them.
One should not love his enemy.
Light exhaled slowly, collecting his thoughts. L looked perfectly content, sitting on the couch and twisting the lollipop around his mouth with his tongue. Light wasn't standing close enough to notice the faint twinge of unease in L's black eyes.
"L," Light began, carefully selecting his words, "there are very simple mathematics involved in my logic. This world is terrible, corrupt, collapsing. Why? Because of the immeasurable number of terrible people doing terrible things. Subtract the rotten people and you cleanse the world."
"I suppose murdering innocent people is part of your agenda as well?" L asked darkly, turning his accusing onyx eyes on Light.
"Some people got in my way and had to be eliminated. The end justifies the means."
L shifted his weight slowly, placing one bare foot on the ground after the other and lazily rising to his feet. Still clutching the Death Note to his chest, he took one bold stride towards Light, speaking around the lollipop stick in his mouth, "What 'end' are you aiming for?"
"Justice; a world in which only good people—"
"Good people? As determined by what standards, Light-kun?" L's fingers tightened around the edges of the notebook. "Your judgment? Your pathetic god act? You have murdered people sharing this very same desire for 'Justice,' as you call it, merely because they stood in the way of your serial killings. Your sense of 'Justice' is warped beyond repair. Due to your inexcusable actions, you are no better than the criminals you destroy."
Light clenched his teeth, giving up on trying to sway L's opinion.
"So, what are you going to do?"
L smiled blackly, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a pen, dangling it in front of him like a pendulum. "I have many options at my disposal. Kira could be dead in forty seconds."
"You wouldn't," Light hissed, hand instinctively roaming to the watch around his wrist. "You love me. You wouldn't."
"I don't love you," L retorted, holding eye contact. "I don't love Kira."
"Then you lied?" Light narrowed his eyes into a malicious glare.
"I said I don't love Kira, but I do believe I am in love with Yagami Light," L clarified, breaking their staring contest and staring at his feet.
"Really. Who am I, then?" Light inquired, placing his hands on his hips and cocking his head slightly.
"At the moment, I believe you are Kira," L answered evenly. "Either way, my affection for Yagami Light will not jeopardize his consequences."
Acting out of what Light guessed to be disgust, L flung the Death Note across the distance between them. It landed, sprawled at Light's feet, face-up and open. Lines of names stared blankly up at Light, black ink contrasting starkly with the white paper.
"What will you do, Light-kun?" L perched himself on the arm of the couch, sitting in his usual odd fashion. His eyes narrowed challengingly. "Kill me?"
"There are cameras everywhere," Light snapped, curling his hands into fists as he glared down at the notebook. "And you know I don't know your name."
"You will have to act soon, whatever you do." L pulled his lollipop from his mouth, pinching the stick between his thumb and index finger as he used it to point towards the door. "Everyone else will be arriving back here shortly."
Light bent down, sweeping the Death Note into his grip. Immediately, Ryuk shifted into focus, hovering over L's right shoulder.
"It's been a while, Light." The Shinigami gave a wheezy laugh. "Things not going according to plan?"
Light shot a venomous glare at Ryuk but decided he had more important things to do. Light closed the distance between them and placed his hands on L's shoulders, bending down a little so he and the squatting detective were at the same eye level.
"Please don't touch me," L interjected, withdrawing from the contact. He could almost feel the words burning his throat, halfheartedly wishing he could take them back but knowing he shouldn't.
Light waved the Death Note in L's face. "Here. Take it."
"Kira does not want his murder notebook?" L nestled his thumb between his lips thoughtfully, grasping the Note precariously between two fingers and removing it from Light's grip.
In response to Light's cold, trapped silence, L spoke up. "I see several courses of action that can be taken. Firstly…"
L held up one thin, pale finger. "…I can write your name in the notebook and kill you."
The detective raised a second finger as Light scowled at him. "Secondly, I can arrest you. Your best bet would be life in prison, if you're lucky enough. Or, the more likely option—you will receive the death penalty."
"Is there an option that doesn't end with death?" Light asked through clenched teeth.
"Thirdly," L continued softly, pretending not to hear him, "we can reach a compromise."
L reached into the pocket of his jeans, pulling out a lighter and flicking life into it. The flame danced tauntingly in front of Light, burning dangerously close to the corner of the notebook L was holding in his other hand.
"You wouldn't do it," Light scoffed, placing his hands on his hips. "It's evidence. You need it."
"Really?" L shifted the lighter, holding the little flame closer to the Death Note. "We have another murder notebook, as you know. There is no need for a second one." L gave a humorless smile. "What is your decision?"
Light's anger was eating away at his composure, and he was barely able to restrain himself from hitting L. He was only held back by the thought of the ever-present cameras tracking every movement from all angles.
Obviously I'd choose the option that doesn't involve death… There must be some kind of trick here. He must have taken steps to assure I wouldn't be able to get my hands on the other Death Note, so that third option would keep me alive but render me powerless. Then Kira would disappear… Either way, he wins.
And I can't trust that he'll keep me alive, either. L's a liar.
"Can I trust you?" Light spat, glaring daggers at the disheveled detective perched precariously before him.
"I certainly don't trust you."
For some reason, that simple statement made Light feel as if someone had punched him hard in the stomach.
With a swift movement of L's hand, the flame made contact with the corner of the Death Note and Light watched in mortification as his plan caught fire and was incinerated right in front of his face. His role as Kira vanished before him, and he was rendered helpless as the charred remains of his Death Note fell to the floor at his feet.
This wasn't how it was supposed to go; Misa was supposed to dig up the Death Note and take on the responsibility of killing criminals. She was supposed to have L's name and be able to write it when Light ordered her to do so; he, Kira, was supposed to win.
"You didn't give me much of a choice," Light seethed as L pocketed the lighter once the notebook had completely disintegrated.
"I had a feeling," L announced, completely ignoring him, "that something was odd. It was too convenient for you and Amane-san; immediately cleared of suspicion. Sometimes it is advantageous to question the rules. Interestingly enough, Ryuk-san told me that there is no such penalty of death for destroying a Death Note."
"Shinigami often lie," Light hissed through gritted teeth, focusing his spiteful glare on Ryuk.
"Yet I am very much alive." L gave a cocky smile. "Did you know, Light-kun, that the thirteen-day rule is a lie?"
Of course I do; it was my idea…
"Even if I did not have concrete evidence against you, I was planning on eventually testing the notebook to test the validity of this particular rule." L's eyes were glued to the small pile of ashes on the floor. "You have been arrogant and careless, and you have lost."
L lifted his eyes to Light, gazing morosely at his former lover.
"Where's the other Death Note?" Light's hands were balled into tight fists, anger contorting his face into a mask of utmost malice.
"I burned it." Casual tone, deadpan face.
"You what!?" Light's eyes widened in horror. Both his Notes were destroyed—burned into the ground, gone forever. The only fragment of power he had left was the piece of the Note sealed inside his watch. "But you said—"
"You are Kira no longer," L stated simply. "I've saved you. Do you see?"
"That's great, L. Thanks a fucking lot," Light hissed, flexing his fingers. He wanted so badly to smash his clenched fist into L's smug visage, wanted to show L that he didn't need a Death Note to fight back as Kira. It was a foolish, last-ditch effort to retain his lead role in the "holier-than-thou" act. Right now, Light couldn't care less that there were cameras tracking his every move.
A half-smile graced the corners of L's lips. "You're going to hit me."
Perfectly on cue, the force of the blow sent L flying backwards, off the arm of the couch and onto the floor. The lollipop became lodged in his throat, and the detective began to choke. He scrambled to his knees, leaning forward, one hand on his stomach and the other clutching at his throat. After a few breathless seconds of sheer panic, he spat out the obstruction, panting on his hands and knees.
"Watari isn't going to be very pleased with that," L remarked, fighting to steady his shaking voice as he glanced at one of the cameras positioned in the corner, where the ceiling met the walls.
Light grabbed L by the collar of his shirt. "I don't care about what Watari thinks. I don't care that he's watching us. Listen…"
Light leaned in close, eyes narrowed. "You've exposed me as Kira. You've solved the case. You've destroyed my means of carrying out judgments."
"Yes, I have," L answered placidly.
"But what have you gained?"
L remained silent, gazing blankly at Light.
"What have you won, L?" Light tightened his grip on the collar of L's shirt, dragging the detective to a half-standing position.
"I've saved lives," L returned faintly, bowing his head to avoid eye contact.
"I know you don't care about that." Light grabbed a fistful of L's hair, jerking the detective's head up and forcing their eyes to meet. "The only reason you involved yourself in this case is because it interested you. You don't give a damn about people's lives. What is it that you really want?"
"Nothing," L replied defiantly. "You should be thanking me, if anything, for letting you off so easily."
"Nothing?" Light ran his fingers through L's hair, hate and love twining together to form some twisted combination of the two. "I was under the impression that you love a certain Yagami Light."
"You aren't—"
"You said it yourself, L." Light was more resigned than angry now. His thoughts were knitting themselves into something that resembled optimism as he continued, "I'm not Kira anymore. If that's true, then what the hell is holding you back from me? If you're just Ryuzaki and I'm just Light, what the hell is so wrong with it all?"
Something sparked in L's eyes, gone as quickly as it had come before Light could identify it. "Is that a confession?" An air of smugness had returned to his voice.
"Fuck you, L," Light whispered, closing the gap between their lips with a swift kiss.
Ryuk's background cry of "WOAH!" barely registered on either of their radar.
"Hmm? Is that a confession, too?" L asked, raising a brow. A smirk played on his features; an air of giddiness had suddenly overturned most of his coherent thoughts. He knew Light could be putting on an act, but the rush of heat felt like it did so long ago, and Light's demeanor seemed to have shifted. L was a fully functional lie detector; his gut twisted up whenever he had a feeling that Light was lying.
But at the moment, the only feeling in his stomach was a lurch of euphoria.
"Maybe," Light answered in response to L's question. "However…" His glance flickered to the door. "I would hate to be interrupted. Let's move to a more appropriate location."
Without hesitation, Light scooped L up in his arms, heading off in the direction of their room.
"Put me down," L demanded, completely robbed of his dignity. He was hardly in any position to struggle, and Light merely tightened his grip. Realizing that attempting to escape was useless, L surrendered and sulked in silence.
Upon reaching their room, Light nudged the door shut with his foot. He was still quite angry with L for shattering his image as Kira and destroying his dreams of a perfect world. Light wanted to make it hurt, but not terribly much.
"I'm topping," Light whispered with a sadistic grin as he dropped L down onto the bed—the very same one in which they had committed their little sins every night in the precious time before Light's memory had gone to hell.
"You're—"
Light cut him off with a swift kiss to the mouth, pinning L's wrists down to the mattress. It tasted partly of artificial strawberry flavoring, and partly like something vaguely familiar—a taste that sent beautiful tremors of nostalgia shuddering through the younger man. Light released L's wrists and snaked his hands up the detective's shirt, causing L to gasp at the fleeting, feathery touches. Light seized his chance, slipping his tongue into L's vulnerable mouth. After a short moment of wide-eyed shock, L responded with equal enthusiasm, allowing his eyes to droop shut as his tongue twisted itself into Light's.
They broke apart for a moment, hearts thudding offbeat, breath coming in staggered gasps.
"You're a sore loser…" L murmured thickly, breathing unevenly as he stared up at Light.
"And you aren't?" Light whispered against L's neck, smirking as the detective trembled beneath him at the contact.
"I have never argued otherwise," L stated simply, gathering himself and shoving Light off of him, pinning the younger man onto his back. "Who's winning now, Light-kun?" he murmured tauntingly, giving a reminiscent smile as he was reminded of a past that was now making itself very real.
Light laughed as a wave of ecstasy jolted through him. His bright eyes were filled with life as he experienced the first rush of non-malicious happiness he had felt in what seemed like forever, and as L gazed down, he deduced that Light couldn't possibly be faking, despite the brunette's excellent acting skills.
Even as he laughed, The Death Note fragment still lurked against Light's wrist, a constant reminder that he wasn't finished yet. Kira was still very much alive, living in the tiny recesses of his watch. A flicker of power still lingered, and Light knew he wasn't completely done for just yet.
No; right now it's just Light and Ryuzaki.
Right now, we're not enemies. Right now, it's all okay.
"I'm still topping," Light said sweetly, reaching up and grabbing at L's shirt, lifting it over the detective's head and discarding it haphazardly on the floor.
"You wear too much…" L muttered, ignoring the previous comment as he began to undress Light, pulling off his jacket, followed by his shirt.
"Sorry for not restricting my outfits to two pieces," Light retorted, watching L's hands as they fumbled with the buttons. Once L had finished, he tossed the clothing to the floor, where it landed in a crumpled heap beside his own.
L began his assault immediately, lunging for Light's neck and trailing slow, measured kisses down its length and to Light's chest. He continued his languid tirade of affection, mouth continuing to travel downwards as he began to undo Light's belt, struggling to keep his hands steady.
Light glanced sideways at the bedside table, catching a glimpse of the chain and handcuffs that used to bind them together coiled up on the tabletop. His eyes flicked back to the ebony-haired detective, who was focusing all his attention on Light's midsection. And then he got an idea.
Letting out little hisses of pleasure here and there, Light focused his thoughts together and reached out for the chain beside him, blindly looping it around the headboard behind him. By this point, L had worked his way all the way down, carelessly tossing Light's belt aside.
"Wait," Light murmured, grabbing L's arm and pulling him close, snapping the handcuff around the detective's wrist.
"L-Light-kun, what—"
Taking advantage of L's dazed state, Light snapped the other cuff around L's opposite wrist, flipping the detective onto his back.
"I told you already." Light kissed L reassuringly, pulling away with a smirk. "I'm topping tonight."
"That's cheating," L interjected sullenly, squirming halfheartedly against his bindings.
"Since when have I ever played fair?" Light returned smugly, unzipping L's jeans and sliding his hand inside, eliciting a strangled moan from the handcuffed detective.
"Valid…ah…p-point," L whispered, squeezing his eyes shut and stifling another moan. Frankly, he really didn't care that he would be bottoming; as long as he was here with Light, and they were…
"Nnn… Light-kun…" L arched his back, feeling the warmth of Light's mouth on him, feeling himself burning at the contact. The chains binding his wrists jingled as he writhed in pleasure, clenching tight fists around the cool metal.
Outside the bedroom, hearing the very audible sounds coming from inside, Rem and Ryuk exchanged glances.
"That's a surprise… I didn't know Light swung that way. He always had, like…ten girlfriends at a time," Ryuk remarked with a snicker, poking his head through the closed door to get a view of the action inside.
"That's disgusting. Don't watch." Rem grabbed Ryuk by the arm and yanked him away from the bedroom. "Misa's not going to be happy if she ever finds out about this…"
"Ah, god! Light-kun!"
Ryuk cackled, taking one last glance through the bedroom door before floating off to raid the kitchen for apples.
Humans are…
…interesting.
- - -
A/N: Zomg, Ryuk loves yaoi pr0nz and bondage! XD
Sorry for the slow update; I've been insanely busy lately and I had a huge block this weekend (terrible excuse, I know…). But hey, the chapter itself is much longer than what I usually write (also, terrible excuse). I extended it because I didn't want to be mean and leave a LightxL/LxLight cliffhanger. D:
-slaps Light and L- And it's about freakin' time, you two. I've been wanting to write some yaoiness between you two for AGES. I haven't steeled myself enough to write full-out smut (I'm sorry…I apologize to the WHOLE WORLD!), but meh. It's LightxL. With bondage. XD Still adorable and yaoilicious (that's a pretty awesome word).
:D
Oho, but it ain't over yet, kiddies… Kira ain't dead yet! I've had more inspiration for the plotline of this odd little improv fic. :D There shall be fluffiness and then…PLOT (hopefully)! :D
Ryuk the yaoi fanboi. I cannot get over that. XD Sorry, I'mma shut up now…
As always, thanks for reading!