Fun Times in Frozen
In the week since their 'therapy' session things were kind of back to normal. Although Hans, Kristoff, and Elsa were all left mortified after having gone over each other's pasts, their dreams, and their fears revealed. So after a while Elsa had dismissed the good doctor and the castle was once again quiet. Although, now that Elsa thought about it, it was too quiet, "Hey have you two seen Anna?" Elsa asked coming into the dining room to have lunch with Kristoff and Hans.
"Uhm…no." Hans said.
"Yea I have not seen her since breakfast," Kristoff stated, "maybe she went into town."
"No she would have told me. Like we agreed upon." Elsa sighed out.
As lunch was being served there was a loud crash that radiated throughout the area, "What the-?" They all gasped out.
Just then Kai and Gerda came running into the room, "What is going on?" Elsa demanded as another crash was heard.
They looked at each other, "We didn't…we are sorry, but she was too fast for us. We were busy and-"
Just then Anna came bursting into the room, "You will never catch me alive coppers! This is a hostel take over!" Looking around at the shocked looks on their faces she pointed the sword in her hands at Hans, "You stand up! Hands in the air!"
Seeing the crazed look in the princess's eyes, Hans did what he was told, "Ok Anna let's take it easy and tell me what happened."
"You are in league with them! You are now my prisoner! March!"
"Help!" Hans yelled back to them as they watched Anna take him away.
"Ok what happened?" Kristoff asked looking back at Kai and Gerda.
"Her highness…she drank it…again…" Gerda spoke shakily.
"Drank what? You mean this has happened before?" Elsa asked as Hans let out a girlish scream.
"Yes, when she was younger…oh the horror!" Kai spoke in a dramatic like fashion, "The strongest substance known to mankind." He added his voice filled with doom.
Kristoff and Elsa looked at each other. Elsa could not remember hearing anything about this, "What happened?" She asked again.
Kai and Gerda looked at each other, "Coffee your majesty. Coffee is what happened." Gerda said dreadfully.
"Coffee?" Kristoff asked crossing his arms.
"Seriously?" Elsa asked.
Just then there was a cry radiating throughout the castle, "NO! Please! Not my pretty crystal pony collection!" Hans yelled in agony.
"Ok this sounds serious." Elsa said, "Let's go!"
Kristoff looked back at the servants who were holding each other. If Anna was like this now, what the hell happened when she was little?
They followed the yells and the smashes and suddenly came to Elsa's study. Peeking in they see Hans tied up in the car and a bunch of smashed figurines on the floor, "Tell me where the others are hiding and what they are planning!"
"I swear I have no idea what you are talking about!" Hans yelled. Then Anna took from a sack a pink crystal pony, "No! Not Cuddles!" Picking up a hammer, Anna placed the pony on the desk and brought the hammer down where it smashed to pieces, "NO! My mommy gave me that!"
"Where are they?" Anna yelled taking out what seemed to be the last figurine.
Hans was now in agony. He had no clue what the hell was going on, but now his most prized possession was going be to destroyed, "Please not Mr. Neigh Neigh…my grandma gave him to me when I was three! It is the last thing I had from her! Please not Neigh Neigh…" He was actually crying.
"Then tell me where they are!" Anna yelled, "NOW!"
Sniffling one last time he sighed, "Ok I'll tell you." Taking a deep breath again he watched as Anna gently placed the figurine on the desk. Then he said, "Do you know the muffin man?"
Anna had a look on her face and placed the hammer down, "The muffin man?"
Hans nodded, "The muffin man."
Anna scowled, "Yes I know the muffin man…who lives on Drury Lane?"
Hans again nodded, "Well she's married to the muffin man."
"The muffin man?"
"The muffin man!"
Anna sighed and started to pace, "She's married to the muffin man…" Then she suddenly stopped, "Wait a minute…who is married to the muffin man?"
"She is." Hans said.
"And who is this she?"
"Uhm…a girl is married to a guy who makes muffins for a living?"
"What does this have to do with where the Overlord and his evil demonic minions are hiding?" Anna asked.
Elsa and Kristoff could see that Hans looked scared. The distraction tactic didn't work…but why didn't that work? Oh yea because it was Anna…the Queen of distractions! Duh!
"D'OH!" He yelled in a Homer Simpson like fashion.
Elsa and Kristoff backed away slowly, "Ok this is bad. Anna is on coffee…" Elsa said as they slunk away from the door, not wanting to see more.
"So what do we do? Like have you ever had to deal with this before?" Kristoff asked.
"No, but based on Kai and Gerda's story, they have. Let's go."
Anna got a gleam in her eye. Both people were unaware of the eavesdroppers, "It would seem like I have to bring out the big guns…" She turned around and…
"No please…not that…anything but that!" Hans yelled, as Anna approached him with a bowl and a fork.
"Yes…that!"
"NOOOO!"
All of Arendelle's citizens turned to the castle at the yell it was that loud. A little boy and girl turned to their mother, "Mommy what is that?" They asked.
The mother sighed, "Just another day in the castle sweeties."
The trolls also heard the yell, "Why can't we just have one peaceful day?" Grand Pabbie sighed out as he cradled his head in his hands.
"Because then it would not be Arendelle if it was." Cliff answered.
"Not helping." Pabbie stated.
Two hours later…
Elsa and Kristoff failed at recruiting Kai and Gerda…in fact all of the palace staff…in the efforts to capture the princess, "I really do not have a good feeling about this." Kristoff stated, "Wouldn't it just be better to wait for her to crash?"
Once they had given up the recruiting efforts, they had retreated to Elsa's quarters. Elsa shook her head, "No…not if what Kai and Gerda told us is true when she had last drank coffee. Although what possessed her to drink coffee in the first place anyway?" She asked more to herself.
Before they could return back to planning Hans's rescue mission and Anna's capture, they heard thumps coming from the hallway and the door creaked open slowly, "Hans?" They gasped.
"Oh thank gods I found you guys!" Hans said his voice grave and gravelly. Taking in his appearance his clothes were tattered and his fire red hair was tousled…he literally looked like he was in a war. He reached out a hand helplessly, "Help." He wheezed out as the energy suddenly left him.
"Hans!" Elsa exclaimed as the man was about to collapse. Her and Kristoff ran over to him and helped him inside and sat him on Elsa's bed. Just what the hell had Anna done to him?!
"Dude…what the hell?" Kristoff asked shocked that Anna was capable of this.
"Anna…torture…me…broccoli…I had to eat it…no salt…no cheese…plain…just plain…the horrors...the pre-unadulterated pg13 horror." Hans managed out before crying into his hands trying to block out the nightmare.
The two people in the room looked at each other and Elsa asked, "How did she manage to do this?" The fifty million dollar question. Torturing people with vegetables in her mind was going overboard and a war crime!
Kristoff however was not understanding anything, "It is just broccoli. It is actually pretty good and-" Elsa slugged him in the shoulder, "Are you crazy?!"
Hans jumped up and shook him, "ARE YOU DAFT MAN? ANNA IS EVIL! SHE MADE ME EAT PLAIN BROCCOLI! I HATED BROCCOLI WHEN I WAS LITTLE AND I HATE IT EVEN MORE AS AN ADULT!" He calmed down somewhat and started over, "Anna is crazy I tell you. She is a weapon of mass destruction." Another crash radiated from the palace and they all looked at each other…this was not going to be easy.
Another Hour Later…
Anna took another sip from a canister…this stuff was good and heaven. In her current mental state, she did not know what exactly she was drinking…all she knew was that she wanted more. But she had more important things on her mind as she turned the corner, "HIYA!" Taking her sword, she swung it at the suite of armor, "Take that evil minion! I am Anna hear me roar!" Letting out another battle cry she swung her sword at her opponent, "Viva La Resistance!"
Off in the corner Hans, Elsa, and Kristoff watched as Anna was fighting an imaginary opponent, "Oh why did Papa let her take fencing classes?" Elsa sighed.
"You mean he trusted Anna with swords?" Hans and Kristoff asked at the same time eyes twitching.
"Well she kept hurting herself on them, I guess he figured the class would give her some type of respect for the weapon." Elsa shrugged, "Ok anyway do you two know the plan?"
Hans was still recovering from the broccoli torture, but nodded. Taking a deep breath he yelled over to Anna, "Hey!"
Anna turned around and saw him…but in her coffee induced haze, it was not Hans…it was something more evil, "You. So we meet again…"
Hans was no longer confused, but he was scared. Elsa and Kristoff had filled him in on what Anna's issue was when she was on caffeine and let's just say it was not pleasant, "Yes…we do." He said in a strong, yet uncertain tone of voice.
"Ready?" Elsa asked Kristoff.
"No, are you sure this is going to work?" Kristoff asked.
"No, but if it worked for Kai and Gerda, then it will work for us considering I am actually here." Elsa stated.
Kristoff was still uncertain, but he did not have time to dwell on it because his role was coming up, "You will leave our kingdom alone or else." Hans threatened.
"Your kingdom? You mean my kingdom!" Anna said furiously, "And or else what?"
"Or else your sister will suffer the consequences." Hans said dramatically and that was Kristoff's cue.
He yanked Elsa out of the corner and showed her to Anna and said, "Yes Princess Anna. I have your precious sister right here!"
"NO ELSA!" Anna yelled as she made a move to step forward.
"No!" Hans ordered and Anna stopped her movements, "Release the sword at once and back off."
"Do as he says Anna!" Elsa called out trying to sound fearful.
Anna looked at Elsa and Elsa felt her heart constrict as she saw the devastation on Anna's face. She actually believed this was real, note to self: NEVER EVERlet Anna near coffee EVER again. Anna tossed the sword aside, "Ok release Elsa…now!" Anna ordered.
"Not so fast." Hans spoke again, "As the almighty overlord I order you to-"
"No, I order you to release my sister!" Anna demanded furiously, "I refuse to lose her again!"
Elsa's heart continued to clench at Anna's declaration. Is this what it was like when she was six and had accidently drank coffee? The raging battle that her parents, Kai, and Gerda had against a small six year old. How did that turn out? Elsa thought to herself. Kristoff was trying really hard not to let Elsa go, he wanted to because Anna was so angry right now and he knew this plan was soon going to backfire any minute now, "Keep with that attitude then you will lose her."
And that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Anna let out a furious yell and tackled Hans to the ground. Kristoff immediately released Elsa and went to try and pull Anna off of Hans as she landed a fist right on his nose with a sickening crack! "Anna stop!" Kristoff yelled.
But Anna turned and tackled Kristoff to the ground as Elsa dragged Hans away, "THIS ENDS NOW TROLL DEMON!" Then she started landed multiple hits on Kristoff, who was trying desperately to get away from her.
"Aren't you going to stop her?" Hans asked Elsa as he covered his bloody nose.
She looked at him and saw that his eyes were already turning black and blue, yup Anna definitely broke his nose, "Uhm…No. I am not going to get in the middle of that." Elsa said slowly.
Hans looked at himself in the small mirror in the hallway and then back at the two rolling on the ground. Kristoff was still trying to get away and Anna was still trying to tear him apart, "Good call." Hans said finally.
"I thought so." Elsa muttered, "Besides she is running out of steam anyway."
Anna jumped up and Kristoff started to crawl frantically away from her, but then she started to kick him…hard, "YOU DO NOT CONTROL ME YOU GOD DAMN TROLL KING! I AM THE PRINCESS OF FREAKIN' ARENDELLE! TAKE THIS! NO ONE GOES AFTER MY SISTER LIKE THAT! VIVA LA RESISTANCE!" Just then she stopped and suddenly all energy left her and she collapsed on top of Kristoff, who let out a very hurtful grunt.
No one moved a muscle as Anna was snoring quietly on top of a very hurt looking Kristoff, "I hurt…oh I so very much hurt…"
Elsa and Hans approached the duo, "Oh yea she is out of energy." Elsa said smiling.
"That's good…can you get her off of me?" Kristoff groaned out pitifully.
"Dude you got the crap beat out of you." Hans said as he started to laugh but then winced.
Kristoff groaned as Elsa managed to pull Anna up. Anna groaned in response, "Elsa?"
Elsa, Kristoff, and Hans stopped, "Yes?" Elsa responded.
"My head hurts." Anna said.
"That is what happens when you come down from a caffeine high." Elsa responded.
"Did I save you and Arendelle from the evil overlord?" Anna asked.
Elsa smiled, "Yes snowflake you did. Now time to get you to bed."
"Ok…nighty nighty." Anna said dreamily and she fell asleep leaning on Elsa.
Elsa was struggling against her sister's now dead weight, but somehow she managed to drag herself and the princess away, "I am never letting her near caffeine." Kristoff groaned again as he attempted to stand.
"Dude never piss her off." Hans stated.
"HIYA EVERYBODY!" A new cheerful voice entered the area, but when Olaf took in the appearances of his friends he asked, "Uhm…what happened to you guys?"
"Anna." They both stated.
"You mean she actually did it?! And I missed it?!"
"Wait you knew about this?" Kristoff asked.
"Yea we were playing truth or dare…and I dared her to drink coffee. I mean she did not want to consider how she told me how she gets, but I told her about the rules and we snuck into the kitchens to drink the strongest coffee that they had." Olaf said happily ignoring the ever growing red angry faces of Kristoff and Hans, "But after she drank the coffee she ran off really fast and I lost track of her and decided to go to the city."
There was silence…
"What?" Olaf asked.
"Run snowman…run…" Hans and Kristoff said and Olaf actually got a nervous look to him and when the two men started to approach him, he ran, "MOMMY!"
The next thing the citizens of Arendelle and the trolls hear is, "GET AWAY FROM MY SNOW SON!" And there was mass amounts of snow fall.
"Mommy?" the boy and girl ask.
"Yes?"
"Can we move to the tropics?" They ask. The mother sighs.
"I vote we move to the tropics." Cliff states.
"For once I agree." Pabbie says.