Hey guys! Sorry I've been gone so long ;w; lots of crap going on. Btw have your tissues ready
Tadashi really doesn't know how he feels right now. He's barely breathing as the CT machine hums, scanning his body. The doctors and Honey Lemon are in the viewing room but no one is saying anything and Tadashi is left to his thoughts. How? Why? The questions are circling in his head like vultures and Tadashi thinks he might go insane.
When everything is done, Tadashi is let back into his room – where Jack promptly buries himself in Tadashi's arms, firing off a million questions at once.
"Jack," Tadashi tells him after Jack relaxes and pulls his lips from the doctor's. "I haven't seen anything yet and the blood work is going to take at least a week. And no, they can't expedite my tests – there are others who need blood work done first."
Jack sighs – that's just like Tadashi, always looking out for everyone else before himself.
"I'm scared." And it's the tiny voice that Jack says it in that kills him. Tadashi knows that he shouldn't – can't – give Jack false hope, knows that this is too big of an issue and he can't break Jack down any more than he probably already is. So Tadashi just holds Jack, runs his hand up and down Jack's back, and kisses his white hair.
"C'mere," Tadashi says and leads Jack to the bed. Jack leans heavily against Tadashi and the doctor says, "I don't want you to be scared, Jack, but I can't blame you if you are."
Jack doesn't say anything when Tadashi takes his hand and threads their fingers together.
"As scary as this is, I promise I'll try not to lie to you."
"Try not to?"
"It'll- be hard for me, Jack. I hate how uncomfortable this is making you as it is… How uncomfortable this is making everyone," Tadashi admits.
"Doctors really do make the worst patients, then," Jack says, forcing a laugh and Tadashi forces back a wince.
"But I owe the truth to you."
They're quiet for a while until there's a knock on the door and Jack doesn't have to look up to know it's Honey Lemon. He hears the flopping of a scan envelope and closes his eyes, waiting for the worst.
*!*!*
"Jack, calm dow—" Tadashi barely has time to get out of the way as a lamp smashes against the spot on the wall he was just standing in front of.
"Don't tell me to calm down!" Jack screams, grabs and throws whatever is within reach and all Tadashi can do is move out of the way. Tadashi is alarmed at Jack's behavior – the entire way home he was quiet as a storm rolling in and true, Tadashi expected Jack to be upset when they got home.
But not like this.
Their room is in shambles, the kitchen and living room not in any better condition. The dining room was the only place untouched – for now. Tadashi watches Jack fall to the floor behind their half toppled bed and hears him sobbing. God, Tadashi wants to go to Jack, wants to wrap him in his arms and tell Jack it'll be alright. But it's not alright, not going to be alright.
"You have a year – at most, Tadashi. We can do chemo, surgery – help lengthen the time you have left."
So Tadashi just walks out into the kitchen, slowly picks things up and puts them away before he decides to make spaghetti. Halfway through boiling the noodles Tadashi hears a sniffle and suddenly Jack is behind him, wrapping his arms around the doctor.
"Are you hurt?" Jack whispers with a hiccup and Tadashi shakes his head.
"No, I'm fine. Are you?"
"Not fine. I kinda cut up my hands…" Jack tells him and as soon as Tadashi is done draining the noodles he cleans up and bandages Jack's hands, kisses each of his knuckles.
"I love you," Tadashi says and for what it's worth, Jack doesn't look away.
But he doesn't say anything, either.
*!*!*
It's almost two weeks later – the blood work comes back positive, of course. As well as the biopsy.
Mesothelioma. Stage III.
Tadashi's read the result page at least six times over and Jack still barely says anything since the day they came home.
"The building collapse," Honey Lemon says. "It must've had asbestos in the walls. It was an old building. That combined with the dust, dirt, and God knows what else… Well. You know."
Tadashi thinks about Aunt Cass and Hiro – torn up and depressed. She's upset, which is understandable, and Tadashi is glad Hiro is there with her even if he's just as – if not more – upset.
"—ou sure he won't stay over?" Tadashi's pulled back into the conversation with Tooth and he shakes his head slightly.
"I'm not sure, actually. He's barely said anything to me but he won't make a move to go anywhere except for work," the doctor says into the phone, stirring a pot of green beans. "But I'm worried about… After all this."
"Why are you worried? You have it easy," Tooth says. "You die. The end. All worries gone." Her voice is sickeningly bitter and Tadashi lets himself make a noise of annoyance.
"Not about me. About him – Jack. About Hiro and Aunt Cass. About you guys. Sure I'll be gone but I'll be leaving a mess in my wake." It's not my fault. The unsaid words hang in the air heavily and Tadashi is only half certain Tooth is still there until he hears her sigh as if saying, "I know."
"A mess indeed."
*!*!*
"I've been thinking," Tadashi whispers into Jack's hair that night. Their room is mostly put back together – save for the lack of lamps.
"About what?" Jack asks after Tadashi thinks he's asleep.
"About you. About us. About… after. Jack, I don't want you to worry when I'm gone-"
"Don't," Jack says quickly, too quickly. He turns around and glares at Tadashi. "Just don't. I can't- handle this." Instead of saying anything, Tadashi kisses Jack, doesn't pull away when he bites his lip hard enough to bleed.
"Stop," Jack says, even though Tadashi hasn't done or said anything – not even moved to wipe away the blood on his lips or the tears streaming down Jack's face. "I love you, damn it. I love you so fucking much. You're such an idiot for doing your job but I love you. I love you and I wouldn't want you any other way. I love you…"
Tadashi just holds Jack, kisses back when kissed, and when they finally settle down again after Jack letting out his frustrations, Tadashi is smiling – after a brief coughing fit.
"Jack?"
"If you say anything about any time frame after tomorrow I'm going to—"
"If I asked you to marry me, would you say yes?"
"Ki— What?" Jack is lifting his upper half up from where he was laying on Tadashi to look down at the doctor with a look of what the fuck?
"If I asked you to—" Tadashi tries again.
"Yes. I mean, no. I mean… Why?"
"If I go into the underlying motives, you'll probably get pissed at me again. But for the sake of getting some sleep tonight, because I love you, too."
Jack doesn't know what to say. Doesn't know if he is supposed to be pissed or what. But right now Jack is trying to forget that in one short year – if they're lucky – his world is going to crash down around his ears. So, it's pretty much a no-brainer and he says, "Yes."