I woke up that morning, not really expecting the day to be out of the ordinary. I looked out the window to see that it was cloudy, and I could hear somebody making breakfast in the kitchen downstairs. I knew it was Eric, because Mom was in Los Angeles for a conference and Dad was skiing in the Rockies with Ritchie. I looked at my clock absent mindedly to see that it was just after 10:30 in the morning, much later then I usually slept in. I threw on a tank top and a pair of basketball shorts and headed to the kitchen. Eric stood at the counter eating a waffle drenched with syrup. He turned to see me standing there.

"Hey little bro." He greeted, "I made waffles if you want some."

"Thanks." I said, "I haven't had waffles in a while. It's always pancakes."

We sat at the table together, and I loaded my plate.

"How are things with Benji?" I asked.

"They're going well." Eric said happily, "I went to see his band play, and we went out to dinner afterwards. It was great."

"I'm glad to hear that. You deserve it." I said.

"Yeah… I really like him Connie." Eric said softly, "I haven't been this happy in a long time."

"I'm glad." I said, "You don't deserve to be so sad all the time."

"Thanks baby brother." He said.

"Is it weird?" I asked, "The age difference?"

"Not really." Eric answered honestly, "Age doesn't matter anyway."

"That's what Jude said." I said absently.

"Your boyfriend is a smart kid." Eric said with a small smile.

"Except for math, yeah." I said with a small laugh, "I'm way better at math."

"How are things between you two?" Eric asked, "Still going strong?"

"Yeah." I said, "Everything's still great. Better, even."

"How so?" He asked.

"He told me he loved me." I said a goofy smile stretching across my face, "And I said it back."

Eric looked stunned for a moment, before he started smiling.

"Aww. My baby brother is all grown up and in love." He teased.

"Yeah. I am." I admitted, blushing lightly.

"I'm happy for you." Eric continued seriously, "I remembered when I first realized I was in love with Andy. There's no feeling like it, man. That feeling you get when they walk into the room, and suddenly you can't look at anybody else but them. When you kiss, you can't breathe but you don't care if suffocate, you almost welcome it as long as the kissing continues. You feel electricity in your veins with every touch. You can lay next to them in bed and just stare at them for hours, memorizing every detail, falling even further in love with every passing second. That feeling you get when you know, without question and beyond any shadow of a doubt, that you would destroy anybody who attempted to do them harm…"

His eyes had glazed over slightly as he spoke.

"You okay?" I asked.

He startled slightly and sighed.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He said.

"You're right you know." I said, "Every word of it. That's exactly what it's like."

An hour later, I walked into the Adams Foster house as I always did. Jesus was asleep on the couch, lulled to sleep by the light melody that Brandon was playing on the piano. Mariana and Callie were at the kitchen table doing homework.

I walked up the stairs and found Jude's door ajar. He stood in front of his shelf, and in his hands, he cradled a small black plastic gaming system that I recognized immediately.

"Is that what I think it is?" I asked, taking my backpack and sitting it by his bed.

"Yep." He said simply with a small smile, "The PSP you gave me. See?"

He held it up for me to see.

"I'm surprised you still have it." I said, "And there's still not a scratch on it."

"Well, what did you think I did with it?" Jude asked sassily, "Throw it away or hit it with a baseball bat? Of course I kept it. It was the first real gift I had ever gotten. I just wish the battery wasn't dead."

"Why don't you charge it?" I asked.

"Well, it might be because the giant goofball blonde that gave it to me never gave me a charger." Jude joked.

"Oh. Shit, sorry about that." I said, "I'll bring it over tomorrow."

He smiled and kissed my cheek in thanks. We both sat down on his bed, and I wrapped his hand in mine.

"I remember the day I gave it to you." I said softly, "You were so small and cute, standing there in your button up shirt and slicked back hair… and look at you now. You have grown up so much. When we met, I could have lifted you above my head with no problem. Now… look at you. You're…"

"Taller? More buff?"

"…Gorgeous." I finished, "Absolutely gorgeous… and well, yeah. Taller, more buff and longer hair."

Jude laughed, and leaned into kiss me on the lips lightly.

"I love you." He said, "And that was smooth."

"I try my best." I said with a wink, "And I love you too."

He laughed again.

"I remember my first thought about you." Jude said gently, "I didn't think you were real, and I'd never met anybody like you before. After the nail polish, and you sticking up for me, I almost thought you were a hallucination. Nobody ever bothered to actually look at me and see me for who I was. You did that. I could be honest with you and not be judged. I could be who I was. Then you gave me this, a game system that cost $200 brand new, just because you saw I didn't have much stuff… I knew that it would kill me to let you go."

"If only they could see us now." I said.

"Who?"

"Our younger selves." I clarified, "If they only knew what they would become. What they would go through, and the pay off."

"I think if anybody had told me what you would become to me, I'd have called them insane." Jude said honestly, "When I first got here, I thought I'd be in another home within months. I didn't think I'd ever be able to have a significant other."

"I didn't either because, well… you know how Dad was." I agreed, "Despite all the crap we went through, I wouldn't change a thing. We're in a good place now."

"I agree." Jude said.

He took my other hand in his, and I noticed that his nails were, again, devoid of nail polish.

"You haven't worn it in a while." I said softly, "Our war paint."

"Haven't needed to." Jude said simply.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"It was sort of a safety blanket." Jude explained, "I wore it when I was expecting a battle or trouble or stress. Our war is over, so I don't really need it."

"Fair enough." I conceded, "I like it though. I've been thinking about doing mine again."

"I never did ask you where you got it from." Jude realized, "The nail polish you wore that day at school. I was too busy trying not to tackle you with a bear hug. I probably would have if I wasn't afraid I'd scare you off."

I laughed at that.

"You wouldn't have scared me off." I assured, "Would you have made me blush? Oh, hell yeah. But you wouldn't have scared me off."

"Anyway though, where did you get it?" Jude asked.

"I waited until both mom and dad left for work and then I swiped it from mom's bathroom." I explained, "They were both gone not to long after I woke up, so I took it and put it on about fifteen minutes before I left for school."

"How'd your dad take it when you came home?" Jude asked.

"HA!" I guffawed, "Did you really think I'd ever let him see that? Oh, hell no. No fricken way, babe."

"How did you cover it up then?" Jude asked.

"I had soccer practice that day." I explained, "Because I had a game that Saturday before I was supposed to come over to yours for the project…"

"Oh yeah, right. I remember that. You told momma that you won." Jude said.

"Exactly." I continued, "Well, it rained a bit during the afternoon. I knew I couldn't let dad see my nails, so I would have to get dirty enough to go straight to the shower when I got home. Sooooo, I dove headfirst into a mud puddle before I walked home."

Jude snorted and laughed.

"Yeah, dad took one look at me, face palmed, and just pointed right up the stairs." I continued, "I barricaded myself in the bathroom and turned the shower on while I sat on the toilet and cleaned the polish off. Took a long time too, it's a bitch to get it off. After I got all cleaned up and showered I'd been in there for two hours."

"Wow."

"Yeah, so it didn't go off without a hitch." I said, "Dad poked at me all night about it."

"Why? What did he think you were doing?" Jude asked.

I could feel my cheeks heating up.

"Um, well… he thought I was, uh… you know…"

Jude just looked confused.

"Oh, you sweet innocent little thing." I thought to myself

"They thought I was jacking off, okay?" I blurted, feeling my face heat up and knowing that my face most likely resembled a tomato in color.

Jude didn't react at all like I thought he would to that statement.

I expected him to choke on his own breath and turn red as a freshly boiled lobster, and stammer over his next word. Because it's Jude we're talking about here. Sweet, innocent, cinnamon roll Jude Adams Foster.

But no.

"There's a nice mental image."

I did a double take, because I could not believe what I was seeing and hearing.

Not even thirty seconds ago, I had thought of him as a "sweet innocent little thing". But Jude had actually said that… and now he was smirking at me.

"Who the hell are you and what have you done with Jude Adams Foster?" I asked, only partially kidding.

He started laughing.

Very hard.

"Stop laughing at me!" I pouted.

"I-I w-w-wish y-you could se-e-e the look on y-your f-face right now!" He guffawed, practically rolling around.

"I can't believe you just said that!" I shot back.

"Oh please, like you haven't thought the same about me before." Jude teased, "Your favorite thing about us going to the beach together is seeing me with no shirt on."

"Hey, I… Okay, you've got a point." I conceded, "It's just, we've never really talked about this kind of thing together yet. I mean, we got carried away at your birthday, but we never really talked about it afterwards."

"Do you want to?" He asked.

"I think we need to." I said, "Make sure we're both on the same page."

"I agree." He said, "What we did that day, I liked it, and I know you did too. We almost pushed each other over the edge, to put it bluntly. I don't think I'm ready for anything more than that yet. We're still so young."

"I agree." I said, "We shouldn't rush these things. We've got years to figure these things out."

"We need to be careful about it." Jude said, "I know we have parents who are far more laid back than others, but…"

"…We don't want to get caught in a compromising position." I finished, "Agreed. It'd take years of therapy to recover from that."

"For them too, not just us." He interjected.

"I think Dad would have a heart attack…" I guessed.

"And Eric would laugh himself silly." Jude finished.

I nodded.

"Okay… change the subject?" He asked.

"Oh definitely." I agreed, "Video games?"

"Video games." He agreed.

Twelve hours later, we were at the beach with Taylor, Daria, Evan, Mikey and Jimmy. We sat in a circle in the sand on our towels on a more secluded part of the beach near the pier where nobody usually went. It was the first time in a while that all of us have been able to get together and have a day out. We'd spent the whole walk from Jude's house to the beach talking and bantering.

We'd all just sat down when Jude turned to Evan.

"How's things at home?" Jude asked.

"Much better." Evan said with a sigh, "Mom filed a restraining order against Dad. He's not allowed within a hundred yards of us."

"So he's following it?" I asked.

"So far, yeah." Evan said.

"Good. Good riddance to him." Jude said, "One thing I can't stand is parents who hurt their kids because of their sexuality. I had enough of that in foster care."

"I thought you didn't know you were gay until you met Connor?" Taylor questioned.

"I didn't, but that didn't stop them." Jude answered, "My last foster dad was a real piece of work. He beat the crap out of me."

"Why? What did you do?" Taylor asked.

Jude shot a look at me, before taking a deep breath.

"I tried on a dress because I was bored." He said quietly, "And he caught me. Beat me. Callie had to stop. Beat his car with a bat."

"Shit, dude…" Evan groaned.

"Don't worry about it. It was a long time ago now." Jude assured, "I never have to see him again, and your dad isn't allowed near you again."

"He better hope I never meet him." Mikey growled, "If I do, I might stab him in the eyes."

"Don't be stupid." Jude rebuked.

"Yeah, Evan's stronger than you and he got the crap beat out of him." Taylor interjected in agreement, "You wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in hell."

I decided against voicing my opinion, because personally I agreed with Mikey. I shared a look with the others, and saw that Jimmy was nodding in agreement with Mikey while Daria was facepalming. Evan was keeping his face carefully blank, and hiding his emotions. He wore the same look whenever we played poker.

"Violence isn't the answer." Jude continued, "All it does is make things worse and cause more trouble, and the last thing my family and this group needs is more trouble and violence."

"He'd deserve it." Mikey insisted, "He beat the crap out of Evan! He deserves it…"

"You don't know what you're talking about, you fucking idiot." Jude growled, "Haven't you ever heard the saying: those who seek revenge better dig two graves? There's a reason for it you dunce."

"The hell I don't know what I'm talking about!" Mikey argued angrily, "Sometimes that's the only language people understand, and you clearly don't get it…"

Jude snapped. He leapt to his feet, and ripped his shirt off over his head. He threw his shirt over his shoulder.

"Out of all people, you say that to me?!" He shouted pointing to his chest, "How dare you!? These prove that I'm fluent in that language more than you could ever fucking understand!"

They were faint, but I could see the scars and so could everybody else. He turned around and displayed the scars that were on his back. The scars ranged from cuts, to burns.

"AND THESE!" Jude screamed, "So don't you DARE sit there and fucking tell me I don't know."

Mikey's eyes widened and he tried to backtrack but I reached out and tapped him, shaking my head when he looked at me to alert him to stay silent. Jude took a shuddering breath and calmed himself down enough to where he wasn't screaming. By no means was he finished though, as seconds later he launched into a rant.

"In all but two of my foster homes, I went through things that NO ONE, should EVER have to go through." Jude ranted, "Thrown bodily into a bathtub full of boiling hot water and screaming as it scalded my skin! Curling up on the floor in the fetal position while being kicked and punched! Having my hand burnt over a stove! Having to watch what I'm eating because I'm afraid my foster brothers have put fucking rat poison in it! Being so hungry that you're afraid you're gonna starve to death and crying yourself to sleep at night because you're terrified and hungry. Being locked in a tool shed over night at nine years old for wetting the bed! Screaming for mercy, and hearing it every time you close your eyes!"

Everybody stared at Jude dumbfounded. I was aware that this was the first time any of them had been subjected to Jude's temper, or had seen Jude snap.

"It's like ACID to your brain whenever you think about it!" Jude continued, "It's a pain that's bone deep and eternal. It never goes away! I take that pain, and I keep it deep inside. I let it police me, keep me in check. I use it as a reminder to keep myself from sinking down to the level of the scum that hurt me, because I know that all it takes is one moment of weakness, one second where your control slips and then you become the monster that you once cowered from, and that's something that you can never recover from because it slowly poisons your blood and mind into you've devolved into a violent beast."

His speech finally concluded, silence fell over the group.

"I had no idea…" Mikey said.

"No. You didn't." Jude said waspishly.

"How the hell are you still sane?" Mikey asked in amazement, "How have you never snapped? How can you not want revenge?

"You think I haven't thought about it?" Jude asked, "Of course I have. But going through with it would only lower me to the same level as that scum, and I promised myself a long time ago I would never do that. I will NEVER be like them. Ever!"

Mikey looked thoroughly chastised and sheepish.

"I'm sorry." Mikey said softly, "I didn't mean to upset you like that…"

"Well, here's a novel idea," Jude began with a growl, "How about you learn to think before you OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!"

I got to my feet and grabbed Jude's arm and pulled, dragging him close enough so I could wrap my arms tightly around him. I rubbed circles in his back to calm him, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his face in my neck.

"Calm down, baby." I soothed, "You need to calm down. I hate seeing you get angry like this."

"I know." He muttered.

"Take a few deep breaths." I said softly, and he did so.

After Jude calmed down, we tried to salvage the trip. We only hang around for about an hour before we give it up as a lost cause and headed home. Everybody but Evan peeled off and headed home, whole the three of us headed to Jude's house.

"I always wondered what you'd look like angry." Evan commented, "Now I know never to piss you off. You are scary as hell."

"Thanks… I guess."

None of us talked until we got to Jude's house and were walking up the driveway.

"That's my mom's car." Evan pointed out.

The hair on the back of my neck stood up, and I immediately felt uneasy. We walked through the door of the house and Stef, Lena, and Evan's mother Kate were all waiting for us. Kate looked exhausted, and as soon as she saw Evan she ran and grabbed him in an embrace.

"What's going on?" Jude asked.

Stef and Lena shared a look.

"Evan is going to be staying with us for a while." Lena said.

"Not that I'm complaining, but why?"

"It's for his safety." Stef said.

"What do you mean?" Evan asked confused.

"About an hour ago, police and fire units were dispatched to your house." Stef told him gently, "It was an inferno, and it's been ruled as arson. Your father is the prime suspect."

Evan froze, standing stock still.

"Your mother I going to be staying with your grandfather for a while." Stef continued telling him, "But she is worried that he will look there and she doesn't want him finding you. She's scared that he's going to target you. So she's asked if you could stay here for a while until we're sure it's safe, and Lena and I have agreed."

Evan started to shake uncontrollably, and he turned to me. I grabbed him and hugged him as hard as I could, comforting him in the same way I always do for Jude.

"It's going to be okay." I said softly, "We're not going to let him hurt you again, I promise."

"H-He's never g-gonna leave me alone." Evan whimpered.

"Stef's a cop, Evy." I reminded him, "You'll be safe here. He'd be stupid to try and come here."