DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters
I Only Have Eyes For You credit to like five million people who have sung it before, I don't even know who it belongs to anymore. But it's certainly not mine.
"Marley, do you want to share now?" Marley glanced up at Erin, the leader of her group therapy session and also the therapist who had joined her at breakfast the first day. She was smiling encouragingly at Marley, as were most of the other people in the circle of chairs.
It was now Thursday, Marley's third day in the program. This group therapy was already one of her least favorite parts. The day was divided up into different sessions—they had their therapeutic morning and afternoon meals, personal sessions with the therapists who they were seeing, and a couple hours of tutoring if they were still in school. They also had heavily supervised and personally designed exercise time, which involved more weight lifting than cardio.
For the group therapy, patients were divided into groups based on age—Marley was in the 15-18 age group, and it was the largest, of course. There were nine other girls and one boy. It was exactly what was to be expected of a group therapy session.
She even had to start out her sharing with a stereotypical greeting. "Hi, I'm Marley, I'm sixteen, and I was diagnosed with anorexia with a binge/purge subtype. I'm feeling okay today."
"Is there anything bothering you that you'd like to talk about?" Erin asked. "Anything, doesn't have to be ED related."
Marley bit her lip. "I mean…a few days ago I found out…because I'm taking this time off of school, I'm not going to be allowed to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance tomorrow. And I've been…I've been really looking forward to going, with my boyfriend and my friends…it's just…"
"Disappointing?" Erin offered.
"I guess," Marley said glumly, thinking how inadequate the word felt in this situation.
"I get that," said Rebecca, a pretty redheaded girl across the circle. If Marley remembered correctly, Rebecca was a 17-year-old bulimic, and she was a resident patient at the rehab. "Back when I first got diagnosed and sent here…realizing all the things I was going to miss out on…it just really really sucks."
Erin nodded. "Well the important thing to remember is that these aren't the only fun things that will ever happen," she said with a smile. "When you're better, there will be more dances, and more time to enjoy with your friends and your loved ones. And now you'll be able to enjoy it, rather than feeling dizzy and like you'll faint, or worrying about how to avoid the snack table."
Marley forced a smile and stared down at her hands as someone else in the group started to share.
"Blaine!" Marley exclaimed happily, when she saw her friend on her front step after answering the door that evening. She leapt forward, throwing her arms around his neck, and he squeezed her tightly back, laughing at her exuberance.
"Marley, I have missed you so much," he said with a smile. "I was so excited when you asked me to finally come over."
"I've only been gone for a few days," Marley scoffed as she stepped back to let Blaine in the door.
"It's seemed like forever," Blaine complained, rolling his eyes. "What do I do without my duet partner?"
"Stop," Marley giggled, lightly pushing Blaine's shoulder. "I'm glad to see you too."
She and Blaine went upstairs to Marley's room, after Blaine had given Mrs. Rose a quick greeting. They both sat on Marley's bed, facing each other.
"So the diagnosis was…" Blaine said.
"Anorexia, binge/purge subtype," Marley answered automatically, playing with the edge of her skirt.
"Explain that to me," Blaine requested, looking interested. "I mean…if you want to. I don't want you to if you're not comfortable talking about it."
Marley chuckled. "It's fine," she assured him. "I'm fine talking about it. Basically…I thought I'd be called a bulimic. But apparently, textbook bulimics don't restrict and starve on a daily basis, like I do. But they do throw up, like I do. It's kind of hard to explain," she said thoughtfully.
"So…basically you're a mixture of anorexia and bulimia?" Blaine offered helpfully.
"Yes!" Marley grasped at that. "Yeah, that's actually exactly it. Oh, hold on, I remember reading something about it in one of the stupid pamphlets they made me take in the hospital the first night." Marley leaned over the side of the bed and into her backpack, pulling out a pile of papers. She sifted through them until she found a pamphlet that had a logo for the Academy of Eating Disorders on the front.
"Here it is," she said. "'If an individual simultaneously meets criteria for both anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa, only the diagnosis of anorexia, binge/purge subtype is given.'" Marley closed the pamphlet and shrugged. "So, that's that."
"Interesting," Blaine nodded. "Here, turn around, I want to play with your hair."
Marley grinned as she tossed the pamphlet away and turned around so she was sitting facing away from Blaine. He and Marley could never hang out for more than five minutes before he started playing with her hair. "You know, for a gay man, you sure have a thing about long hair," she commented as Blaine started running his fingers down her long brown strands.
"I think it's an all gay men thing," Blaine joked. "That's why so many become hair stylists."
They lapsed into silence for a minute while Blaine started braiding her long waves. "Tell me about today," Marley suggested. "I so miss real school."
"Okay, uh, we had a test in English…" Blaine began. "I made a 100 on my history project…um, oh, I decided to go to Sadie Hawkins with Tina after all."
Marley's shoulders drooped. "Sadie Hawkins," she moaned. "I feel so bad I can't go."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Blaine apologized. "I forgot you wouldn't be there."
"Did they replace me in Locked Out of Heaven?" Marley asked.
Blaine bit his lip. "Yeah, Brittany's singing your lead, and Kitty agreed to take Brittany's place in backup. She finally came back to glee today after she realized that Ryder hadn't told anyone else about her…involvement in the situation."
"She's not involved," Marley declared sternly.
"Right," Blaine agreed with reluctance. "Anyway, we don't have to talk about the dance if it's gonna make you sad."
"It's not even the dance, really," Marley said. "It's that I want to spend a special evening with Ryder." Marley realized that she was speaking more easily to Blaine than she did to her therapist or support group.
"There's prom?" Blaine offered helpfully.
Marley looked at him over her shoulder. "Ryder and I are sophomores, Blaine."
"In the student council meeting the other week, we were talking about letting underclassmen attend," Blaine said with a shrug.
"What makes it special, then?" Marley questioned, bewildered by the idea. "Isn't prom supposed to be special because it's only something that upperclassmen get to go to?"
"It just seems stupid, because people just end up inviting their underclassmen friends to come as dates anyway, and the underclassmen who don't get invited end up left out," Blaine explained.
Marley considered that. "Well, prom's months away, anyway," she mumbled, facing front of her again.
Blaine finished braiding her hair, and draped the finished product over one of her shoulders. Marley reached up and ran her fingers down it, smiling. "You'll have plenty of special evenings with Ryder, don't worry about it," Blaine told her. "I heard that you might even be back in school next week?"
Marley grinned at the reminded. "Yeah, my therapist said that if I continue making progress, I should be allowed to leave the partial hospitalization program, and just go to sessions with her."
Blaine gripped Marley's shoulders and shook her gently back and forth to express his excitement. "Marley, that is so great! Good for you!" Marley, giggling, turned back around to face Blaine.
"C'mon," she said to him, tapping him on the knee as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. "Let's sing. Or something. Anything. Anything normal."
"Marley?" Looking up from her book, Marley saw her mom in the doorway of her room. She was wearing a pretty blouse and nice slacks, and her hair was in a neat bun.
"Hey, Mom," Marley greeted, pushing herself from her stomach to her knees. "You going somewhere?"
"One of the chaperones for the Sadie Hawkins dance backed out last minute, and they need a replacement," Mrs. Rose explained. "Principal Figgins called in a panic, saying he'd pay me overtime to come and fill in."
"Oh," Marley replied, unable to keep herself from casting a glance at her closet door, knowing that the beautiful green dress she'd picked out a couple weeks ago for the dance was hanging in there, untouched. "I thought I still wasn't allowed to be at home alone?" she asked, somewhat bitterly.
"You're not," Mrs. Rose agreed.
Marley's face fell. "You're not going to make me go to Grandma's, are you?" she asked. "Mom, she makes me play bingo."
"No, you're not going to Grandma's," Mrs. Rose said, starting to smile. "But you won't be by yourself, either."
"Then who…" Marley trailed off as Mrs. Rose stepped aside, revealing who was standing behind her in the hallway. "Ryder!" Marley squealed, launching herself off the bed and into his open arms. "I didn't think I'd see you tonight!" she gushed. "What are you doing here?" She pulled away from him, realizing that he was dressed in a very nice black suit. "You look great, are you on your way to the dance?"
Ryder shook his head. "Nope. I'm with you tonight."
"But…I can't go to the dance," Marley said, shooting a look at her mom for confirmation of this.
"Unfortunately, no, you still can't," Mrs. Rose agreed. "I tried getting Principal Figgins to make an exception, but no luck."
"Marley, I told you. I don't want to go to any dance that you're not at with me," Ryder insisted.
"Then why are you so dressed up?" Marley questioned, smiling as she ran a hand over Ryder's tie.
"Well, a little birdie told me that you had a perfect dress picked out for the dance," Ryder said slyly. "And that you now had no occasion to wear it."
"Tweet," Mrs. Rose joked. "I'm going to head out then, kids. Behave. Ryder…keep an eye on her."
"Of course, Mrs. Rose," Ryder agreed with a smile. Marley kissed her mom's cheek before Mrs. Rose descended the stairs and they heard the front door close.
"So really, you're a glorified babysitter," Marley teased, running her hands up Ryder's arms.
"I'm not exactly getting paid," Ryder argued.
"I'll pay you," Marley murmured, one of her hands tangling into Ryder's hair as she brought his lips down to hers for a kiss.
Ryder only let it last for a few seconds before pulling away. He waggled a finger in her face. "Ah-ah-ah," he chastised with a smile. "You heard your mom. Behave."
Marley grinned at him. "So am I really putting on my dress?" she asked, getting excited.
"Absolutely," Ryder told her. "You and I have a reservation at Breadstix in an hour."
Marley felt her heart go through a series of flutterings—not good ones. "I already ate dinner, you know," she pointed out.
"I know," Ryder said. "We're going for dessert."
With a deep breath, Marley nodded. Every meal felt a little bit easier, but dessert—real dessert—was something she had yet to conquer. But her therapist, Dr. Martins had said that it would be a sign of true progress if Marley felt capable of eating junk food or cake or ice cream, or anything really unhealthy and calorie-loaded like that. It seemed ridiculous, to say that was her getting healthier—that by being willing to put unhealthy things in her body, she was becoming more healthy—but whatever she had to do to prove that she was committed to getting better and was making progress, she would do, or at least try.
"I'll be ready in no time," Marley told Ryder with a grin. "I'll just change and do my makeup."
"Your mom said I have to stand outside your door and you're not allowed to take a shower," Ryder informed her, somewhat unhappily. "Also, you have to let me in as soon as your dressed."
Marley felt her head come down from the clouds. "Right. The no-bathroom-door policy," she said in a monotone. "You know my mom has to sit in my room while I take a shower with the door open, now?"
"Only for a little while, though, Marls," Ryder told her. "Just until you've got your purging issues under control."
"I know," Marley sighed. "I'm just…I don't like giving up the little bit of independence I once had."
Ryder smiled sadly at her, and gave her one more sweet kiss. "Get dressed," he told her, and then shut the door.
The waitress set Marley's slice of chocolate cake down in front of her and smiled. Marley gave her a tight-lipped smile back. The waitress gave Ryder his cheesecake and then walked off, leaving the two lovebirds to themselves.
"You look so amazing," Ryder told Marley for about the fiftieth time that evening as he picked up his fork.
Marley smiled slyly. "Now, are you talking to me or your dessert?" she teased, picking up her own fork.
"Mm, that is a hard question to answer, because this does look freaking good," Ryder answered, and took a bite. He closed his eyes in pleasure. "And it tastes better. Oh my God."
"You're ridiculous," Marley laughed.
"How's yours?"
Marley bit her lip and took a deep breath. Ryder smiled encouragingly at her. She took a bite.
Oh Lord, it was like heaven. She couldn't remember the last time she'd eaten chocolate cake, and it was like nothing she could imagine. But even as she was enjoying the sweetness of the chocolate, she could also practically feel the calories and fat that were in the tiny forkful she'd bitten off.
No, she thought. I'm not going to listen to that. Dr. Martins said that I can choose not to listen to that. I love this cake. And I don't care how many calories are in it.
As if to solidify her resolve, she swallowed the bite, smiled at Ryder, and laughed. "Oh my God, it's amazing."
Ryder broke into a grin. "Great."
Despite her determination, Marley's inner voice kept screaming at her as she took a few more bites of her cake, each more slowly than the last. She couldn't help but start imagining this cake just sitting on her body as fat, weighing her down. Ryder, who had demolished his cheesecake slice, saw her turning her fork over and over in her hand, with half the cake still left on her plate.
"You can do it," he encouraged softly.
With a deep breath, Marley took one more bite, and then another, taking a long time to chew and swallow each. When she had finally swallowed the second bite, she stared at the amount of dessert still left on her plate and shook her head, feeling tears of frustration springing to her eyes at her literal inability to eat anymore.
"I can't," she told Ryder. "I can't have anymore. I'm sorry, Ryder, I did my best."
"Hey," Ryder murmured softly, taking the fork from her hand and setting it down on the plate and grabbing Marley's hand. "It's okay. You did such a great job. Look at how much you ate! I'm really proud of you, Marls."
Marley sighed and nodded, staring down at the table. Ryder squeezed her hand to get her attention again, and she looked back up at him. "I understand that this is a process," he said softly. "I know you're not going to get better overnight. You don't have to try to bounce back to normal right away."
With a smile, Marley blinked away her frustrated tears, and leaned across the table to brush her lips across Ryder's. They were lost in their kiss for a moment when they were interrupted by a soft hem hem.
Looking up, they saw their waitress standing there somewhat awkwardly. "Can I get these out of the way for you?" she asked, gesturing to their plates.
"Oh, yeah," Ryder said. "Go for it. Our bad." Ryder and Marley avoided each other's gaze for fear of laughing at themselves.
When their waitress had cleared their plates away, Ryder and Marley finally bust out into quiet giggles. "I'm so glad I'm here with you," Ryder grinned.
"But weren't you looking forward to performing at the dance?" Marley asked.
"It's cool," Ryder insisted. "Jake took my place in No Scrubs, and Blaine is singing my solo."
"Ryder!" Marley exclaimed quietly. "You had a solo? You didn't tell me!"
"It was going to be a surprise," Ryder admitted.
"You got a solo and you gave it up to hang out with me?" Marley asked, feeling touched.
Ryder squeezed her hand again. "Of course I did," he said. "I told you—the only reason I wanted to go to the dance was to be with you. And I wanted to do that solo so I could sing it to you. Why would I want to do it if you weren't even there?"
Marley noticed the karaoke machine being set up on the stage. She realized something. "Oh gosh," she murmured with a chuckle, glancing down at her and Ryder's joined hands to hide her slowly growing grin.
"What?" Ryder asked, a cheeky grin coming to his face as he realized what she had noticed.
"It's Friday night…at Breadstix," she said to him, smiling despite herself. "You didn't by any chance know that meant karaoke, did you?"
"What? Me? No!" Ryder laughed.
"Hey guys, it's now 8, which means it's time for karaoke," the DJ said into a microphone. "And first up, we have…Ryder Lynn signed up."
Ryder winced with a smile. "Ooh, caught red-handed, aren't I?" he teased. "You sit right here, Miss Rose, and let me serenade you now."
Marley cupped her hands over her mouth to hide her exuberant grin as her beautiful boyfriend took the stage, not needing the karaoke machine for the song he sang.
"My love must be a kind of blind love. I can't see anyone but you." People smiled and laughed as Ryder pointed directly towards Marley. She felt herself going gooey inside. Marley clasped her hands together and held them up to her chin, knowing she must look the picture of love-struck.
Ryder grinned back at her as he swayed in time to the music. "Are the stars out tonight?" he crooned into the mic. "I don't know if it's cloudy or bright."
"I only have eyes for you, dear.
The moon may be high
But I can't see a thing in the sky
I only have eyes for you."
Ryder took the microphone out of its stand and made his way off the stage, not taking his eyes off of Marley as he sang the next few lines.
"I don't know if we're in a garden
Or on the crowded avenue."
Ryder stood in front of Marley and reached out to brush her hair over her ear as he sang to her.
"You are here and so am I.
May be millions of people go by.
But they all disappear from view.
And I only have eyes for you."
Marley couldn't help but keep grinning as Ryder sang to her. It didn't even matter that there were people watching—just like the song said, they all seemed to disappear.
"I only have eyes for you," Ryder finished, and then placed his lips on Marley's in a kiss, both of them oblivious to the scattered applause from the other Breadstix patrons.