Author's Notes: First, I have to say a massive thank you to all my wonderful reviewers. The response to my question was well met and I'm happy to say we are all in accord. Thanks to those who have read my one-shots as well. More at the bottom, for now, Read, Review, & Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine a part from Gabriel and the plot (not even the words of wisdom).
"Blessed are the hearts that can mend, for they will never be broken."
-Albert Camus (also quoted in One Tree Hill :D)
Pansy stopped trying to free herself and studied him. She memorized the green in his eyes, the hard lines on his face, his mess of black hair. A minute later, she blinked her eyes furiously and began her futile struggle again, trying to regain her senses. Yes, she was very attracted to Harry Potter, she'd be an idiot to deny it. She had been watching him for weeks during their sessions, eyeing him as he bent over the potion, his face scrunched in concentration and the way that his finger traced the words on the page as he read the potion. Also, she had become immensely jealous of Hermione Granger, despite the fact that everyone knew her and Weasley were a shag away from curing her uptight pretentiousness.
Finally, Harry loosened his grip, but her arm remained in his hand, her struggle ended, her basic motor functions ceasing. His eyes were seductive, suggestive, and Pansy wanted nothing more than to give into her recent, rather kinky, fantasies.
"You don't like me at all, Parkinson, not even one bit, isn't that correct?" he said at last, softly, the atmosphere fragile and impressionable.
She nodded. "In fact, I'd even venture to say I hate you."
"Good." Then he pulled her to him fast, his lips crashing down on hers, stealing her breath from her lungs. They hadn't broken apart until the timer had sounded.
Pansy smiled at the memory. Her and Harry had had a few good snogs before their sessions and education had come to a crashing halt, thanks to You-Know-Who and the war. Pansy had avoided him avidly over the past six years. In the war, she had stayed at home with her parents, trying her best to avoid it. All the Parkinson's wanted was their status and their money and the only guaranteed way of keeping both was to avoid all conflict. However, Pansy had found herself unable to fight the curiosity anymore and had wandered over there today, just to see him. One look, she had told herself, and then she would leave.
As she recalled Harry's lips on hers, his tongue assuaging her mouth, her moan echoing in the office as they pulled back, breathless, Pansy knew she had done anything but satiate her hunger. After all these years, she still yearned for Harry Potter and the unpleasant ache between her legs reminded her of just how much. She had been with many men over the years, especially since the war had ended, but none of them had kissed like Harry. She groaned and rolled over, burying her face in the pillow, incredibly turned on and slightly frustrated. She would have Harry Potter no matter what she had to do.
"Ginny, get out of here!"
"No, Ron, I'm not leaving you."
She was back in the Great Hall, lights of every color shooting through the air. Ron yanked her down underneath a table. He turned a serious face on her, his gaze tired and defeated.
"Gin, please, I'm begging you to leave."
"How can you possibly ask such a thing of me?" Ginny reached a hand out and touched his cheek gently. A scream echoed somewhere and they both pulled their eyes to Hermione's unmoving form on the stone floor, Lucius towering above her, a sneer on his lips. He flicked his wand and she screamed again in pain, her wand dangling from Lucius' other hand. Ron's jaw clenched and he found his sister's gaze again.
"Please, Ginny. We'll win, I promise, but I need to know you're safe. You've done enough, love." He engulfed her in a hug, then pushed her towards the door. Ginny ducked out of the hall, unnoticed. She stopped outside the doors, her resolve wavering. She didn't want to walk away like a coward, but she knew if she stayed she would only be in the way, with Harry and her brothers worrying about her. Ron was right, she had done a lot in the war, perhaps the final battle was not the best place for her to be. However, there was an incredible sense of guilt weighing down on her as though she had made this decision before and it had been the wrong one. For a moment, she considered barging back into the fray.
Finally, her shoulders slumped defeated and she raced down the front stairs and into the crisp night air, tears streaming down her face as she left her loved ones behind in a fight for their lives. She stopped by the edge of the lake and fell to the ground, praying to any god to keep everyone safe, that they would be victorious. Through her veil of tears and incomprehensible mutterings, she saw a head of blonde detach itself from a tree and retreat into the Forbidden Forest.
Ginny sat up, her forehead soaked in sweat, her breath ragged. Taking several deep breaths to calm her thundering heart, she scanned her room, trying to get a grip on her bearings. It was just a dream, like all the ones before. Still, the reality hit hard as she remembered with stark clarity that the gods had not honored her request. They were dead. Hermione. Ron. George. Fred. Percy. Bill. Mum and Dad. Remus. Sirius. Dumbledore. Tonks. Neville. Luna. Cho. The list went on and on.
The tears wouldn't stop after that. She pulled her legs to her chest and tried to calm her heaving body. It had been two years; when would the pain go away? No matter how she tried to distract herself with work or with Gabriel, she couldn't stop seeing their faces and hearing their voices. She pulled herself out of bed and slithered into her robe, grabbing her wand and heading for the door. She still had a few people left in this world to rely on and she was tired of crying alone.
The late night visitor was a surprise, but certainly not unwelcomed. Harry caught her just as her sobbing frame collapsed to the ground after he opened the door. He dragged her inside and shut the door, settling both of them on the couch. Running his fingers over her wild tresses, he tried to soothe her, letting her tears soak his t-shirt. "Ginny, love, it's alright."
She pulled back, her face, red and tear-stained. Shaking her head furiously she gulped, trying to fight the tears desperately now. "No, it's not. They're never coming back, Harry. And the pain, it won't…I can't..."—she sniffled loudly—"I miss them so much."
He pulled her head into his chest again. "I miss them too, all the time. We both lost so much, Gin, more than anyone should." He hugged her tightly again him, trying to keep his own tears from slipping down his cheeks.
"When will it stop hurting? When will we be able to live normally?"
He sighed. "I don't know if it will ever stop hurting. We can only hope that with each day, the pain ebbs more and more until it is nothing but a dull reminder of all that we've survived. I don't think we're meant to live normal lives after all we've seen, Gin."
She pulled her face out of his chest and looked up at him, her eyes red and blotchy, searching his for answers that Harry could not provide. He touched her cheek gently, wiping away the trace of a lingering teardrop. "I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this, Harry. I don't know how many more mornings I can wake up and pretend everything is okay. I don't know how many more smiles I can paint on or how many more laughs I can force out past the overwhelming guilt. We lived and they didn't."
"We have to try, for them. We have to live for them. They fought and died so that we could live happily, equal no matter our bloodline, without constant fear."
Ginny closed her eyes against the guilt, against the pain. "But at least you fought, Harry. That last battle, I—"
Harry's hands tightening on her shoulders stopped her short. "You did nothing wrong, Gin. Ron made you leave. Don't you dare blame yourself."
"Why did he want me to leave, though? Hermione was there fighting as was Luna and Cho…."
He sighed and ran a hand through his thick black hair. "Neither of us would have ever tried to dissuade Hermione from fighting; besides she was part of it all from day one. She knew the risks in being my friend. Cho and Luna chose to fight with the Order."
"As did I."
"But you were his sister. And we knew that you had already suffered so much because of Voldemort your first year at Hogwarts. Ron made you leave because he was afraid that Voldemort would use you, Ginny. He knew your weaknesses and as such you were more vulnerable than anyone else."
Ginny pulled away from him and looked away, staring out the window into the black darkness. "I was not the same girl I had been in the dungeon, Harry, nor am I now. I am not the little girl madly in love with you, nor Ron's gangly sister, nor Tom Riddle's plaything."
Harry sighed at her defensive tone. "Of course you're not. Look, we can't change what happened, Ginny. Yes, they're gone. I wish more than anything it were otherwise. I would trade my life for theirs in a heartbeat, but life just doesn't work that way." He grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him again. "We have to stop living with our regrets and our 'what if's. And remember, Gin, that whenever you feel alone, I will always be here for you. I know I'm not your family, but I will always take care of you."
She gave him a small, sad smile and reached up to kiss him on the cheek. "I know, Harry. Thank you. It just gets to me sometimes." Harry nodded in understanding.
Harry chuckled and pulled Ginny to her feet. "Come on, you can stay here tonight."
Ginny crawled into Harry's bed and let him pull her against his body, wrapping his arms protectively around her waist. She sighed. It felt right, safe being with Harry. He was all that remained. Harry was the reminder of everything good that Voldemort had taken. He was Ron's roguish smile, Hermione's chastising glance, Fred and George's twinkling eyes. He was the smells and sounds of the Burrow at Christmas and Dumbledore's knowing blue gaze. Harry was the living memory of everything Ginny had once cherished so much, things she had taken for granted, things she would give anything to get back.
Harry was right, however. There was no time-turner that could change what had happened and bring them back. She had to move on for them, as Charlie had insisted. Tomorrow she would try to rise above her demons. Tomorrow, she would sincerely try to pull herself from the dark abyss and live again. She owed it to them and to herself. After all, she was Ginny Weasley, and Ginny Weasley would not be defeated.
Author's Note: Next chapter will be up shortly, it is already written, until then however I would LOVE some reviews! Next chapter, one very interesting development and the long-awaited turning point in D/G. :) Oh yes, now you want to review so I'll update faster ;).