OKAY!

The quiz bowl and school projects are OVER. I only have 6 hour breaks during Tuesdays so that's when i rape my keyboard with all the ideas i have for the story...

ANYWAY i would like to thank all that reviewed, faved and followed! I LOVE YAH ALL!

Ps: Thank you so much Jinny the Kisaragi for being my beta reader. I couldn't have done it without you *tear slowly drops from right cheek*

So, here's the story!

The aura surrounding the medical bay was so tense and heavy that the firebug decided to skedaddle away as fast as he could.

Clopclopclopclopclopclopclop clopclop BANG!

There went the arsonist. That left only two people in the room.

The Scout wanted to do what the Pyro did, but he quickly threw that thought away when he felt Medic's eyes pierce through his soul.

Time to break the silence, he thought.

"I just want to say dat - "

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!" Medic took two steps closer to the sweating Scout, and nearly stepped on a jar filled with many little bird hearts. "Mein Gott! What is this doing on zhe floor?!"

The jar was picked up right away, and that's when the German's jaw fell.

"I... I… VHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LITTLE LABORATORY?!"

Scout paled as he explained. "I was just lookin' for some stuff! Yah got too many damn glass jars around, so I had tah throw them away so that I could get a hold of what I was lookin' foh."

"Why didn't you just set zhem aside in an organized way, dummkopf?!"

He scoffed, feeling so confident about his reason. "Of course I didn't organize dem jars because – OH FUCK SHIT WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF DAT?" The confidence in him evaporated, and was replaced by astonishment.

Medic slapped his forehead and crumpled to the floor. "Mir ist ganz elend… I knew I should've locked zhe room before I left…" He took a quick glance around the room but no, he couldn't dare look at how his prized little circle of comfort turned into a post-apocalyptic place.

Sensing that the German has seemed to simmer down, Scout scooted towards him and attempted to give him a pat in the back.

"Aw, don't be - "

"IF YOU COME ANY CLOSER I VILL KILL YOU!"

Oops, wrong move. He quickly backed away in a very Scout manner, and continued to speak. "All I'm sayin' is, I had to DO dis!"

"You had to destroy mein equipment and play around zhe medical bay like it vas some kind of playground?!"

The boy shook his head rapidly. "Nononononono I mean, yah see… uhm… I had tah do a check up."

Medic stood up heavily, feeling very stressed. The man straightened a fallen chair and sat on it with his face buried into his hands.

"Give me a good reason vhy you had to do zhis 'check-up'."

Scout tensed some more. "Because… erh, Miss Pauling called."

Medic's eyes popped right through his fingers.

"Miss Pauling?!"

"Yah… y'know, dat pretty little assistant of the damn witch." His face contorted when he remembered the Administrator. "Yep… she's like da sidekick of - "

"I know who she is, shweinhund! I just want to know vhy she called!"

The Bostonian in Medic's body shrugged. "She said somethin' about a monthly check-up. Ya know, da one yah do every month, where Soldier- "

"I know zhat too! Don't remind me of it!"

The boy glared at his former face. "Stop interruptin' me when I'm talkin - "

"Do me a favour and close your mouth."

Scout whined. "See? Yer doin' it again - "

"If you say anozher vord I vill saw your mouth horizontally 'till I reach zhe ears and then sew it back vith my largest needle… and I vould include your lips so zhat zhere vould be vone less noisy man in zhis place."

Scout felt an imaginary needle sewing his lips together… dang, that would be a VERY painful experience. He motioned his fingers and formed an imaginary zipper across his mouth., and gave him an annoyed look.

Satisfied, Medic stood up and picked some of the jars scattered across the floor.

"Oh my poor, poor chemicals… stop crying now, daddy's here."

A look of disgust radiated from the Bostonian. He sat on the medical bed like an obedient boy, waiting for the doctor to tell him what to do... unless he plans to kill him.

The situation was so ironic. If his teammates saw his scene with the Medic, without knowing about their switch, then they might have some new found respect for the changed 'Scout'… It was kind of unusual though, how the 'Medic' was being scolded by the 'Scout'.

"Archimedes? Plato? Descartes? Vhere are you?"

The man in a boy's body whistled a tune that made a bunch of doves land on a nearby open window. One of them had blood stains on its feathers.

"My children! Come to me!"

He whistled another tune that made the doves seem to recognize their 'owner'. Archimedes was the first one to approach him, and he landed on Medic's cap.

This made the German feel a bit peaceful amidst the chaos. "Aw, how nice of you to recognize me."

The bird bobbed up and down his head, then swooped to a nearby table. It made a stance that signalled that he was hungry and ready to eat some new kind of organ. Scout got startled as he witnessed a whole lot of doves swooping down to the Medic. The German gave them a warm smile, feeling very happy to be amidst his birds. The doves too, seemed to feel the same.

"Now dis is one side of da Medic dat I didn't get tah see…" thought the Scout. He rubbed his chin and analyzed the scene before him.

This is a very unusual case… He never got to see this crazy doctor smile a real smile before… But this is different, because he was staring at his own smiling face. It was the same beam he gave his mother when he received his very first baseball set.

He couldn't help but grin at them as well.

"Who vants some lunch? I bet you are hungry, mein birds!"

As if they understood, most of the doves stopped flying around and landed on the table nearest to the Medic. Some landed on his shoulders.

"Aw, looks like it's eatin' time!" thought the Scout. He has been very quiet since the Medic's last threat.

He enjoyed looking at the enthusiastic Medic. It was like looking at a bunch of kids excited and happy that their dad has arrived home late from work. He then remembered his dad, but quickly dismissed the thought. There was no time for him to regret broken bonds.

"Open your mouths!"

The way the birds acted reminded him of his brothers, the way they fought over something dad would bring home as a surprise. Archimedes flew to the top of Medic's head, which made the German smile some more.

"Oooh, you vant zhe first bite, don't you Archimedes?"

The bird cooed softly and bobbed up and down his head. There was no doubt; this was Medic's favourite bird. Ugh, that damn bird who probably knew what his lungs and liver tasted like. He still hasn't forgiven Medic for that stupid incident.

Suddenly, he felt like he and Archimedes are a bit alike…

Whenever his dad came home, he was the first little boy the man would hug and greet. After that, he gets a ride on his father's shoulders while the other boys struggled to get their dad's attention; some of them were more than naughty though… he remembered those 'accidents' he had when one of his brothers pulled him down from the tall man's shoulders and blame another boy for doing such a cruel thing.

Man, how he missed those assholes.

Scout rested his head on his hand as he watched the Medic act all fatherly with his doves. He unconsciously smiled warmly at them.

Shucks, what a beautiful scene.

"Are you all ready to have bloody birds' hearts for lunch?" asked Medic as he waved the jar that made swishy sounds. Inside was a bunch of tiny hearts. The doves made more 'crooing' sounds, indicating that yes, they were hungry little cannibals.

Fuck, what a disgusting scene.

His nearly barfed as he watched Archimedes peck on the heart of a bird that could have belonged to its mother or sister. Medic caught his action and went back to being his creepily evil self.

"Vhat is zhe matter, Herr Scout? Are you hungry too?"

He couldn't take it anymore. He needed a barf bag.

The German chuckled darkly and looked for a dry towel, for blood was stained all over his hands and Scout's favourite red shirt. He glanced at his cabinet and raised a brow when he saw a metallic tube that kept the cabinet closed to contain whatever heavy object that was inside it.

He didn't remember putting anything unusual inside his cabinet for his lab gowns.

The doctor became curious and tried to pull away the metallic tube with all Scout's strength. The Bostonian saw this, and suddenly he remembered that one crucial thing that he nearly forgot.

He swallowed his vomit (eew) and paled when Medic was close to opening his wardrobe.

"OH SHIT DON'T OPEN DAT - "

Too late. Soldier's body collapsed on the Medic, and both of them sprawled on the floor.

Medic's eyes grew wide. So did Scout's. Soldier's though, remained closed.

"HEEEERRRRR SCOOOOOUUUUT!"

Normally, the Sniper would be having a good time drinking around both the Cyclops and the labourer inside their messy little living room. The three men were comfortably seated on a worn out couch.

"And then I said 'HAH! I dinnae noo about thah!' Then ah walked away, and after a few seconds, KABLOOEY! There went me enemy's little sheep farm!"

Engineer's face was red from drinking. "That story never get's old, Tavish!"

Normally, the Sniper would have commented the way Engie did, and encourage Demo to tell another one of his childhood stories.

But the situation was not normal, and he was not the Sniper.

"Yeehaw", said Spy in a very indifferent tone. "What a good story."

Demo slapped the life out of Spy.

"Merde!" hissed the Frenchman. He made sure that neither the Engie not the Demo has heard that.

Demoman chuckled loudly. "Whah is wrong with yah, mate? Yah haven't drunk up yet!"

"I cannot drink any of that… that… low class liquor!"

"Yes yah can! Thah's just me bottle o' Scrum..." he suddenly lost most of his consciousness and banged his head against their table, spilling a few bottles of alcohol.

"Like I said mon cheri, low class", insisted Spy, with a hint of French accent.

Engineer chuckled to himself. He knew exactly what was wrong with the man. Ever since Medic and Sniper told him the truth, he had been looking at his teammates in a whole new kind of perspective. It was a bit fun too. Sniper very rarely curses in French, and seeing 'Scout' act like an old man was quite entertaining in an unusual way.

"Yah okay there, campground?"

Spy adjusted his hat and did a very Sniper pose. He knew that he had to be careful around the Engineer; this man was as sharp as his own butterfly knife, which was renamed to 'Bessie' by its current owner.

"Ah, I'm foine mate. I'm just not in the bloody mood for drinkin'.

Engie smiled. "Whenever you're not in the mood, it means something's up. What's troublin' yah, pardner?"

"Putain, this man is starting to interrogate me!" Spy groaned inwardly. He tried to mask his frustration and forced a very Sniper like smile.

The Texan didn't fall for it though; he knew exactly who this man really was.

"I'm tellin' yah mate, nothin's troublin' me."

"Oh I doubt that. You can tell me anything Stretch, I would want to help yah no matter what the problem is. Remember; I solve practical problems."

"Oh I doubt you can fix this 'ell of a problem, labourer." His French accent was no longer masked.

Before Engineer could say anything, the Spy raised his hand in an immediate manner, as if he sensed that something was wrong.

"Did you 'ear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Listen."

Sure enough, Engineer did here some kind of sound; the sound of classy shoes clopping slowly and carefully on the wooden floor. Both of the men turned towards the direction of the unusual sound, but didn't see a single thing.

Good. This was what Spy was expecting to see. Nothing.

"You still stink at sneaking up on me, bloody spook", remarked the Spy using his Aussie accent. It was weird trying to insult himself but of course, he couldn't tell how much the Sniper sucked at his job right in front of the Engineer.

Sniper, on the other hand, admitted defeat by uncloaking. "I wos just testin' it out, crouton. You're lucky that you now have my extreme sense of hearin'."

"Woah, I had no idea that you were standin' over there! How long have you been cloaked, Campground?"

Spy's eyebrow shot upward. "Campground?"

Demoman suddenly shot up and mumbled a few words. After a while, he resumed sleeping with his head on the table.

The Sniper shrugged and sat beside the Spy. "Ever since that bomb lobbin' wanker was not yet drunk."

"Damn, that long?"

"Yep", nodded the Sniper. "Just came tah see how my mate here could handle a drunk Scot." He patted the French on his back but the man dodged his arm and glared at him angrily.

He was trying to mentally tell him to 'shut up or else the labourer will find out about our little situation'.

Sniper shot him a 'he-has-already-found-out' look.

Spy's eyes grew wide, and gave him a 'ow-in-the-world-did-he-know?' expression.

The Aussie shrugged and his face read, 'it-was-a-bloody-long-story'.

Engineer looked at them both with a 'why-the-hell-are-you-guys-making-weird-faces-at-each-other' face. He decided to translate it to audible speech.

"Why the hell are you guys making weird faces at each other?"

Sure, the Frenchman and the Aussie were the most dangerous enemies in their team, but both of them had no idea how much they knew each other. Being able to read facial expressions of each one is concrete evidence of how 'close' they are.

"Me mom's China pots were made in India!" shouted the Demoman. After a few seconds, he dozed off once more.

"Anyway", said the former sharp shooter in attempt to change the subject, "I want to tell yah something Spook."

The Spy gave him a look of doubt and whispered close to him so that the Engineer would not be able to hear a word he said. "If you named my Sapper or my Revolver with your stupid low class cow names then I swear I will - "

"No, it's not that. This is something important."

Sniper looked at the Engineer. "Tex, the wanker and I have some important matters to discuss… so if you'll excuse us, we'll be on our way to the weapons room."

The Texan nodded and stood up. "I'll have tah get going too. Those buildings ain't gonna build themselves!"

And with that, he went away while whistling a Texan tune.

That left Sniper, Spy and a sleeping Cyclops in their living room.

"Now", said Spy, "what is it you wanted to tell me?"

"Not here", answered Sniper. He stood up and gestured his rival to do the same. "In the weapons room."

The two left Demoman sprawled all over the couch.

"I'm out of jarate."

The Frenchman and the Aussie were now inside their weapons room. It looked exactly like any resupply room, except it was located in their humble weekend abode, not in their military base. Sniper pointed at his locker, showing the Spy an empty spot where he should have plenty of piss jars.

Spy sighed heavily. "So?"

This conversation is starting to get boring. Why did he have to care for the filthy Bushman's piss jars anyway?

"Yah have to refill them, mate."

Okay, now that was unexpectedly expected.

The Frenchman chuckled. "'ahahaha, what a good joker you are, mon cher. 'ehe, who could imagine me, a 'ighly dignified French citizen, urinate in one of these filthy jars…"

He was shocked to see the Aussie reach out a jar to him. His face made a very serious 'i-ain't-joking' look.

Spy's smile disappeared right away. "Are you serious?"

"As serious as a married couple."

A look of disgust formed on Spy's face. Where in the hell did this man get his figures of speech?

"Well, I am extremely sorry Bushman, but you would 'ave to do that yourself. There is no way I would piss on that jar. It's unsanitary."

"You're the Sniper now, yah bloody Spook! Yah need tah fill these jars with piss! It's an extremely important weapon especially when fighting those bloody robots! Also, you need the piss for my… your Sidney Sleeper!"

"Non. I will not piss into a jar."

"Stop bein' a stubborn baby and PISS!"

"Non! Merdé, I will never do it!"

Sniper sighed in frustration. "Those kidneys inside my… your body were upgraded for this particular weapon! It's three times bloody bigger that yours! It was made tah PISS!"

He pushed the jar into the Spook's chest.

"Ow! Filthy jar man! Why won't you piss in it?!"

"You're bloody kidneys are too small! I haven't pissed since we switched!"

"You are insane!"

But it was true… since the switch, the Sniper wasn't able to feel a single tug… the Spy, on the other hand, kept on fighting the urge to urinate almost every hour.

He felt the tug of his sphincter muscle… oh, what bad timing.

"Like I said…", remarked the Spy, "Urinating into a piece of glassware is unheard of! Unspeakable! Downright unsanitary! Disgusting! It stains my reputation!"

"Well, I sure would loike to stain your reputation by pissing into it in front of the bloody team!"

That made Spy jump back a bit. "You wouldn't."

Sniper smirked. "What makes yah think that I wouldn't?"

The door to their weapons room opened and in came a rather happy Pyro. It greeted the two men and immediately went to its own locker.

The men then argued in whispers.

"I. Will. Not. Urinate. Into. A. Jar."

"Fine."

Sniper looked at the direction of the Pyro. The firebug was busy sorting out his weapons, and it looked like it was looking for something.

Suddenly, he thought of a wonderful idea.

"Oi, mute li'l bugger! Do yah want tah see something jaw-stoppin', eye-poppin', show-stoppin', amazin'?"

The arsonist tilted its head like a cat. "Hurrr?"

People don't know much about this creature, but it is smart and can easily fit puzzles together the way Engie would do it. IT knew right away that something was definitely WRONG with his teammates. First, he remembered how the 'Medic' stared at him this morning, how the 'Spy' greeted it without his mask, how angry the 'Scout' was with the 'Medic', making the older man shrink in guilt… and now this… a creepy 'Spy' with an Australian accent. Oh how it wished balloonicorn could help it sort out this trouble, but it knew that his trusted companion is only present during cute little games with the other team.

Pyro stopped thinking and tried to observe this weird 'Spy'.

"Do yah want to see me piss into this jar right in front of you?"

After Sniper said the last word, the Spy tackled him to the floor with a red face.

And like a little kid who witnessed a dangerous fight between his parents, Pyro skedaddled the way he did back at the Medical bay.

Spy choked the Sniper with both hands. "I will kill you!"

"Ugh… Piss in the damn jar first!"

"Never!"

Sniper punched the Spy in the throat, which made the man stumble away and clutch his neck. "Augh, my neck! Cough cough cough!"

Spy's eyes were welling up with tears as the pain remained. It would be very difficult for him to speak loudly.

He quickly stood up and punched the recovering Sniper on the other non-black-eyed eye.

"OOW! CRICKEY!"

Now he has two black eyes. The Sniper looked like a red panda.

Spy held him down with both hands and tried to shout at him, but his throat was too stressed and what came out of the Frenchman's mouth were mere whispers.

"Argh… yah… bloody spook!" cried the former marksman. He saw struggling to get away from his own body's grip, but dang he was a bit stronger than he thought he was.

Without his voice, Spy shouted a loud whisper… more like mouthed the words, 'I-will-not-piss-in-a-jar!"

"Oh yes you will, wanker!"

Since Sniper was physically fighting 'himself', he knew all the weaknesses of his own body. Using the Spy's gloved fingers, he tickled the Spy in his most ticklish spot; to the upper sides of his pelvic bone. Since it was his body he as fighting against, Sniper knew exactly when he'd start urinating after a good tickle.

"Wait, whahahahAHAHA! Stop! Stop it this instahahahaHAHAHA!"

Spy's laugh came out in weird whispers, making him sound like a giraffe. The Frenchman suddenly felt that the tug was getting stronger, and that he could no longer hold his urine.

Good thing (or bad, depending on the situation) Sniper was there to help him expel that liquid body waste and turn it into a weapon that slows down robots.

Sniper quickly unzipped his… or Spy's pants while continually tickling him. Once the upper portion of the pants were down, he paled when he stared at his own briefs.

"Suddenly this has become a bad oidea…", he whispered to himself, still not ceasing his tickling hands.

"Merdé! What are you doihahahahaHAHA STAHP IT RIGHAHAHAHAHA!"

Sniper closed his eyes and regretted what he has done.

But he begun it, and now it was time for him to put an end to this.

"It is time for yah to PEE YOU WANKER!"

He removed his own brief and with all the timing and precision in the world, was able to fill one jar with Spy's piss within 10 seconds.

Spy, finally free from the clutches of evil tickling, breathed heavily.

"'ow…. 'ow… 'ow dare… 'ow dare… wait let me… let me catch my breath… hooo…"

Both of them just sat there in the weapons room, trying to regain strength after an unusual battle for piss.

Sniper closed the jar and stared wearily at the Spy, panting and gasping as if he ran a marathon around the desert. "Okay… one down… 20 more to go…"

The Frenchman's eyes nearly popped out of their eye sockets.

"Herrr merh gerhd…" said a voice that came from behind. Both of them turned to see Pyro, which could have been looking at them with disgust.

"Oh hello mate…", started the Sniper. But when he studied his position with the Spy and how the door's angle perceived their situation, the Aussie nearly stopped breathing.

So did the Spy. He immediately put on both his brief and his pants.

The firebug continued to stare… "Herrr merh gerhd…"

Sniper stood up quickly and looked at the Pyro, eye to optical mask lens. "This is not what you think it is!"

Spy slapped his forehead.

The Aussie tried to approach Pyro, but Mumbles ran away from him as fast as he could.

"Derhh nrrt turch murr!"

Fearing that the organism might 'tell' on them for something they didn't do, Sniper ran after it.

"Pyro, yah mumblin' mutant! Come back here!"

Once out of the view, Spy stood up and dusted his clothes. He looked sympathetically at Sniper from a distance, bowed solemnly and shook his head.

Then he saw the jar full of piss.

"Merdé, I went through too much nonsense just for the sake of creating you…", he told the jar as he carefully picked it up. He turned towards the Snipers locker and found the other 20 jars.

Suddenly, filling up these jars with piss isn't as bad as having the Aussie harass and force him into peeing for the weapon.

The Spy sighed and took pity at himself. When was this will this switch ever end?"

"Anyway", he told himself as he reached for another empty jar, "time to get to work."

Okay guys if ever you see wrong spellings here and there blame it on the 6 hour break i have. Mind you, i write crap within only 6 hours (normally writing takes me a DAY.)

(Again, thank you Jinny the kisaragi and all reviewers who have reviewed my story so far! You guys make me smile despite the 2nd place we got on our quizbowl! :D)

OKAY! Tell me what you guys think about the story so far! (I had so much one writing this chapter XD)

I need more break time in my life. Now, time to play TF2...

all alone...

offline mode...

with bots named 'totally not a bot'...

*sob*